Episodes

1d ago

Text fights hit different. There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the rails long before anyone realized they were “arguing.” This episode is packed with practical communication tips, emotional insight, and a few spicy takes you’ll probably want to steal for your own relationship. Including one we know will ruffle feathers… 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why text fights escalate faster than in-person conversations. What “having the receipts” actually teaches us about communication patterns. How sexual disconnect shows up in everyday arguments (even when sex isn’t mentioned 👀). The hidden expectations partners bring into conflict without realizing it. Why “warming up” emotionally matters more than being technically right. Our hot take on love languages — and how they’ve accidentally made some of us less than loving. We also talk about how couples can reset these patterns without starting from scratch or turning every disagreement into a therapy-level conversation. If you’ve ever reread a text exchange and thought, How did this blow up so fast? — this one’s for you. 🔥 NEW! The New Year, New Us: 21 Day Relationship Refresh January tends to come with a lot of pressure to “fix” yourself. But what if the thing that made everything else feel better… was your relationship? New Year, New Us is a Deeper-member-only 21-day relationship refresh designed to help you reconnect without overthinking it. Three weeks. Five minutes a day. Simple, sexy, and totally doable. This is the gift you give each other when you want more “oh wow… we actually like each other again.” Because when your relationship is better… everything else is too. ❤️ Join the Deeper membership now for $99/quarter (normally $129) or $247/year (normally $299) and unlock the entire New Year, New Us challenge, plus everything else inside Deeper. 👉 Join us at https://vmtherapy.com/newyear 🔗 Links + Resources Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Laundry Sauce. Make laundry day the best day of the week! Get 20% off your entire order with code PILLOW ➡︎https://laundrysauce.com/pillow 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 55% off a new night guard plus a FREE foam gift that whitens your teeth and cleans your nightguard. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks HungryRoot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.. ➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 11

Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories. So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got in health class. This episode is a true mixed bag: libido, orgasm, aging, menstrual phases, mismatched styles, swelling, simultaneous orgasms… the works. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this normal?” the answer is probably in here. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why so many women have to learn how to orgasm with a partner — and why it’s not a flaw, it’s physiology How to reframe partnered orgasm so it doesn’t feel like a chore, obligation, or “teaching job” What to do if your sex styles don’t match (vanilla vs. rough, gentle vs. intense) How libido changes throughout your menstrual cycle — and what to expect in each phase Whether swelling of the labia or clitoris after sex is normal Why “finishing at the same time” is so rare — and how to create more synced-up moments Practical ideas for bringing your partner into growth without pressure, shame, or lectures If you’ve ever felt confused, insecure, or alone with your questions, we hope this episode feels like a deep exhale. You deserve answers that make you feel seen, understood, and empowered in your sex life. ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Intro 02:15 — Why do women often have to learn how to 0 with a partner? 20:03 — “My husband stopped initiating… how do we repair that?” 28:03 — Resentment in relationships (and what to do about it) 29:38 — Different secs styles: vanilla vs. rough — how to navigate the mismatch 42:05 — Desire + your menstrual phase (what’s actually normal) 46:42 — Is it normal to get swollen “down there”? 48:19 — How to finish at the same time 53:43 — Is it normal to feel uninterested after an 0? 56:15 — Can men feel when women 0 inside them? ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Chewy. Every pet deserves a wish come true. Send your pet's wish and it might become a reality ➡︎http://Chewy.com/ChewyClaus 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use the code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎http://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks StoryWorth. Give your loved ones a unique keepsake you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth Memoirs! Right now, save $10 or more during their Holiday sale. ➡︎http://STORYWORTH.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 4

Having more sex isn’t actually about libido. (We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.) In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around making connection feel easier, pleasure feel better, and intimacy feel more accessible in your day-to-day life. Whether you’re feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, “too tired,” or stuck in a rut… there are clear, compassionate explanations for why sex feels harder right now — and genuinely doable steps to change that. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why communication is the foundation for great sex How mental load obliterates desire (and what to do instead) The connection between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy How desire actually works — and why spontaneous desire is not the gold standard The pleasure–desire link (and why better sex = wanting more sex) What to try this week to create more connection and more turn-on If you’re in a tough season, we hope this episode reminds you there’s nothing wrong with you or your relationship. There’s always a path back to connection, closeness, and pleasure. Links & Resources 🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides It’s time to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique! These guides show you exactly how to use your hands and mouth on your partner in ways that will BLOW. THEIR. MIND. 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay ✨ The Ultimate Sex Guide Over forty tastefully illustrated sex positions with detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to get into, out of, and move in each position. Get ready for toe-curling, bedsheet-gripping, heart-opening experiences for BOTH of you! 👉 http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex ❤️ Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW. ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/pillow 👏Thanks MasterClass. MasterClass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. ➡︎http://masterclass.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cure Hydration. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why I love Cure. It's clean, tastes great, and actually works. ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Give the gift of everyday luxury this holiday season. Use my code PILLOWTALKS for up to 40% off — just be sure to place your order by December 12th for guaranteed Christmas delivery. Listening after the 12th? Don’t worry — my code still works year-round for 20% off. ➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 27

It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to have sex quietly. 😅 This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this one’s for you. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Whether it’s actually okay to have sex when you have guests (or you’re the guest). Our best stealth-mode tips for keeping things quiet and respectful. The most common mistakes couples make when trying to sneak one in. How to manage the stress and guilt that come with “guest sex.” Bonus: hilarious, cringe-worthy stories from our Instagram community that prove you are definitely not alone. If you’ve ever had to choose between your sex life and your sanity during the holidays… consider this your survival guide. 🦃 Go deeper 💞 Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper . 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of wild-caught, sustainable seafood—delivered right to your door. ➡︎https://www.wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Protect your eyes and skin against harmful blue light effects with Marine Glo. Get 20% off your first order and free shipping by using checkout code PILLOW ➡︎https://naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Give the gift of comfort that lasts beyond the holidays. “This weekend only! From Thanksgiving Day through Cyber Monday, get 40% off with code PILLOWTALKS. It’s the best deal of the year! ➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 20

What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone ? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The surprising ways phone use impacts intimacy (and resentment) What couples told us about their biggest “phone fights” Our rules for a 7-day tech detox (and how to adapt if you have kids) What happened when we actually followed them How to create healthier phone boundaries — without starting a fight If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling mid-conversation or noticed your partner reaching for their phone after sex, this one’s for you. Because here’s the truth: your relationship with your phone might be hurting your relationship with each other way more than you think. Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 13

This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The difference between boundaries and control especially when it comes to what your partner wears. Why couples fight about tiny habits (like dishes or unpacking) and what those arguments really mean. How to handle when one partner wants more privacy and the other wants full transparency. What your “clean-up style” says about how you handle responsibility in bed and in life. The psychology behind “small stuff” fights and how to stop them from snowballing. Plus, the ultimate showdown on period sex, post-oral kissing, and who should drive. 😏 If you and your partner love to debate, this one’s for you — equal parts funny, spicy, and “oh my god, that’s us.” Go deeper Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper . 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys 💞 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Chewy. Send your pet’s wish to and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate 5 meals to pets in need. ➡︎https://Chewy.com/ChewyClaus 👏Thanks HungryRoot. For a limited time, use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. ➡︎http://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 6

Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the simplest way to rekindle connection. What the Bristle Reaction really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again. How to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve your mismatched libido issue). The sneaky reason your sex life might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again. Honorable mentions like the First Pancake Rule , scheduling sex, and other hot takes we might just turn into full episodes soon. 👀 If you’ve ever thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your sex life… start here. Go deeper 💞 Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper . 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Intro 04:05 F*ck First Rule 18:42 Bristle Reaction 26:03 We make out every night 32:42 Two Types of Desire 40:15 Emotional Physical Conundrum 50:00 Mushy Broccoli Problem ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off.And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https://blissy.com/pillowpod 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://oneskin.co/HAIR Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 30

This week’s episode is a little spooky , a little silly , and a whole lot of sexy. Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not). From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT workout… nothing is off-limits in this one. Some ideas are pure gold, some are questionable at best , and a few? Let’s just say they’re better left in the graveyard of “good intentions.” 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The spookiest sex trends we’ve ever been dared to try Which ones are worth a “smash” and which deserve a hard “pass” Why experimentation keeps things exciting — even if it’s a total fail How to decide what’s a hard pass vs. worth a try Why laughter and curiosity are the sexiest ingredients of all A few ideas that might just become your new Halloween tradition If your sex life could use a little more fun (and a few more giggles), this one’s your invitation to play. 🔥 Ready to learn new moves that actually work? Skip the spooky stuff and get straight to the good stuff inside The Ultimate Sex Guide, our fan-favorite resource that’ll help you feel confident, connected, and completely in control in the bedroom. You’ll get: Expert-backed techniques for better pleasure (solo and together) Real-life tips to improve communication and confidence Step-by-step guides to explore what really turns you on 👉 Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide and unlock your hottest tricks yet! http://vmtherapy.com/ultimate 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎ https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Masterclass. Our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership. ➡︎ https://masterclass.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 23

We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between. And lately… life has been life-ing . In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple. We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief while still finding moments of joy, and what it looks like to prioritize self-care, connection, and even intimacy when life feels really heavy. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: An honest update on Vanessa’s dad’s health and how our family is handling it The self-care practices helping me stay grounded (and sometimes just get through the day) What’s been helping us stay connected as a couple during stressful times The reality of sex and intimacy when you’re grieving or emotionally exhausted Why joy still matters, even when things are hard If you’re in a tough season too, this one’s for you. You’re not alone. 💛 🔥 Ready to feel more connected, supported, and understood in your relationship? Inside Deeper , our membership for couples, we help you keep growing together — even when life gets complicated. You’ll get access to expert-led guides, monthly live calls, and our favorite prompts and challenges to help you communicate, connect, and feel close again. 👉 Join Deeper today and start building the kind of relationship that can handle anything. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https://blissy.com/pillowpod 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks SKIMS. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. ➡︎https://www.skims.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 16

Let’s talk about oral. We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over? Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and enjoy oral. We asked our community to spill their biggest insecurities, and let’s just say… you all delivered . From “I can’t stay present” to “I feel bad making him do it when I haven’t shaved,” nothing’s off-limits today. We’ll break down what’s actually going on behind those thoughts, and share practical, shame-free ways to feel more confident, connected, and turned on. 💋 Here’s what we’re diving into: The top 3 reasons people can’t relax during oral (and how to fix them). Why it’s okay if you don’t orgasm every time — seriously. How to ask for what you like without killing the vibe. What to do when your brain won’t stop screaming, “am I doing this right?!” And a few of our favorite “oral attitude adjustments.” Part real talk, part sex-ed, and part pep talk from your favorite couple who’s been there, done that… and yes, talked about it on a podcast. If you’ve ever been stuck in your head, overthinking, or trying to do it “right”… listen in… because you deserve oral to feel good. Like really good. 😘 🔥 Wanna take this week’s episode to the next level? Then it’s time to join The Ultimate Foreplay Experience. Our brand-new 4-week challenge that turns the Ultimate Foreplay Guides into a spicy, step-by-step adventure. Each week, you’ll tackle a new theme — fingering, hand jobs, oral, and blow jobs — with flirty assignments, trackable checklists, and a “Heat Map” to rate your favorite moves. It’s everything you need to turn “eh, same old routine” into “holy sh t, that was incredible.”* Get in on the challenge by grabbing the Ultimate Foreplay Guides before October 23rd → https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — full of behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and way too many sex puns → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks HungryRoot. For a limited time, use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. ➡︎http://hungryroot.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 9

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories. So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for. Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships. 💛 Here’s what we’re getting into: Why some guys are so into swallowing (and what it really means). When “lasting too long” in bed becomes its own problem. How to tell your new partner about things you liked with an ex. What to do when you can’t seem to drop a fetish. Healing steps for survivors of sexual trauma who want a healthy sex life. What happens when you both want the other person to initiate. And that’s just the beginning — this episode is packed with your real questions and our no-BS answers. 🔗 Links & Resources Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Treat your partner to the best foreplay they’ve ever had 👉🏻 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Learn how to initiate with confidence 👉🏻The Art of Initiation https://vmtherapy.com/initiation Unlock expert tools, our core course library, and more inside our membership 👉🏻 Deeper https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ** https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of flirty fun. Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 03:00 – Why are guys so into swallowing? 11:04 – My partner lasts too long in bed 22:47 – How do I bring up things an ex used to do to me with my partner? 30:54 – Scheduling sex feels awkward—how do I get over that? 39:52 – How to get over a fetish 47:30 – How to reassure your partner with ED 56:19 – How SA survivors can have a great sex life 58:31 – What to do if we both want the other partner to initiate ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for up to 20% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!. ➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://oneskin.co/HAIR Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 2

You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight. One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking. In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: Why so many couples end up fighting about sex over text (and why it almost never goes well). Why text is the worst place to argue (and how to get out of the spiral). The hidden emotional needs behind “yes” and “no.” How to express hurt feelings without slipping into blame. How to validate your partner without abandoning your own boundaries. Communication tips that will help you feel heard and understood — even in the heat of the moment. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a text fight with your partner, this one’s for you. 👉 Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ @vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of sex puns. Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of wild-caught, sustainable seafood—delivered right to your door. ➡︎https://www.wildalaskan.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping. ➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/vanessandxander 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 25

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up. Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting. We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the biggest challenges couples face. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: The biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to initiation (and what to do instead). Why one partner often feels all the pressure, and how to change it up and share the spark. How to shift from frustration and rejection to connection and desire. Practical strategies to make initiation feel exciting, flirty, fun, and hot again. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, annoyed, or even rejected by your partner’s initiation attempts (or lack of them), this conversation will help you see both sides of the equation and give you totally do-able techniques you can try tonight. 🔥 $40 FLASH SALE : Art Of Initiation 🔥 We’re doing something we’ve never done before. For this weekend only, get our top-selling course, Art of Initiation , for just $40 (normally $89). That’s more than 50% off! Now through Sunday, September 28, 2025 Inside, you’ll learn how to initiate in ways that actually feel amazing for both of you. Trust us, it’s a total game-changer. 👉 Grab AOI here: vmtherapy.com/initiation and use code FLASH40 at checkout. Links & Resources 👉 E73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode73 👉 What’s Your Sex Drive Type? Free Download: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type 👉 E38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode38 👉 E183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner https://vmtherapy.com/episode183 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Skims. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. ➡︎ https://www.skims.com/pillow 👏Thanks goPure. Use the code PILLOW to get 25% off ➡︎ https://gopure.com 👏Thanks Cowboy Colostrum. Get 25% off when you use the code PILLOW. ➡︎ https://www.cowboycolostrum.com 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎ https://Hungryroot.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 18

Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get ? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.” The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone). 💛 In this episode, we cover: Does foreplay actually count as sex? How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings. Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.” What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less. How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward. Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful. What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off. And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all. Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you. ✨ Want more foreplay inspiration? Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides . Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason! ⁠ Links & Resources 👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 10:54 – When your partner won’t give foreplay 18:25 – Tips for talking about foreplay 23:25 – Exploring different types of foreplay 31:00 – I want more foreplay, my partner wants less: finding middle ground 37:55 – How to start the conversation about foreplay 40:47 – How to mix things up in the bedroom 45:49 – I don’t want to give blowjobs, but my partner loves them 55:54 – Women who don’t like foreplay ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 11

Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever : sex and aging. We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot. 💛 In this episode, we cover: How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never) What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20 How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all” And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had. You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age. Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional. ✨ Ready to spice things up at any age? Our Ultimate Sex Guide is your roadmap to better intimacy. Inside, you’ll find: 42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting) Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get! Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate Links & Resources Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate E215 Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215 E121 When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode121 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 03:38 – How old is too old to have se x? 11:12 – How does libido change with age? 16:22 – When does a drop in libido become a health concern? 19:18 – Navigating perimenopause with your partner 33:31 – Body image and aging 39:34 – Best se x positions for older couples 44:34 – Vaginal dryness and aging 46:18 – Does your labia shrink or change with age? 49:52 – How to keep your sex life exciting as you get older 54:03 – Trouble staying hard as you age ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. You can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping!➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/@vanessandxander 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order! ➡︎https://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks MasterClass. Get an additional 15% off any annual membership ➡︎https://masterclass.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 4

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone. 💛 Here’s what we’re diving into: The best starter toy for women How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings) Whether orgasms feel different with a toy Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing Talking to men about male sex toys Using toys solo vs. with a partner How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one) The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you. Resources & Links: Our sex toy recommendations ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode172 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , you’ll get: Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy) Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again. 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means 11:11 – Best beginner toy for women 19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings) 26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy? 29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys? 30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them? 37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time 43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)? 48:44 – Should you use toys every time? 53:50 – How to store toys discreetly 55:43 – Funny toy stories ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/ 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 28

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 24/7 Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other. 👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to. From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic. A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok. Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Lola Blankets. Use code PILLOW and get 35% off your entire order. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets.➡︎https://lolablankets.com/ 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. ➡︎https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here! ➡︎https://cozyearth.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 21

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion . Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways. Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have. Here’s what we’re getting into: The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳) Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it) Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond 🔗 Links + Resources How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship. Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai 💬 Want even more support? Inside Deeper , our monthly membership, you get access to: Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉) 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎https://audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Blissy. Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop. ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 14

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Splash Blanket. Use code PILLOWTALK for 15% off. ➡︎ https://splashblanket.com 👏Thank you goPure. Get 25% Off with code PILLOW ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/pillow 👏Thank you Cozy Earth. Use my code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎ https://cozyearth.com /PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 7

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar. Here’s what we’re getting into: Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it) What to say if your partner has never had one before How to know if she’s really having an orgasm The truth about female performance anxiety Which positions are best for helping her O How to help her experience multiple orgasms G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen? What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!) How to make it last longer + aftercare 🎓 Check out Finishing School™ 💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School! It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms. Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are. Here’s what’s inside: A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide 3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI 2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us! Lifetime access to go at your own pace And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise 💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had. 👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get. 👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 04:00 – Why do women fake it? 12:50 – How to be a supportive partner 25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming? 26:25 – Do some women not need to finish? 31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms? 33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure 38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent? 42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0? 46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting 47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming? 49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Quince. Free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎ https://quince.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order with free shipping.➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thank you Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for LIFE. ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thank you Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎ https://audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 31

You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm . Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦 We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like: “How do I know if it was an orgasm ?” “It felt good… but it was short — does that count?” “Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.” “I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?” “What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?” “Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?” “What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?” Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward. ✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more. 💛 What You'll Hear: The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body) Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ============================ THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ============================ 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 24

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything. Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is. These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing. We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound ), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that leave you wondering if love really can survive it all. 💛 Here’s what we’re serving up for you: The hygiene ick that made one woman reconsider everything Why flopping a penis around is not a valid form of initiation (seriously, stop) Oral after sex: hot or gross? Postpartum icks that no one warns you about Peeing, poor aim, and other bathroom-related turn-offs The financial icks that hit harder than expected 🎧 Basically, if you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought “ew”… this one’s for you. ‘Cause you know what? Sometimes laughing really is the best medicine. 🔗 Links & Resources EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 17

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe . You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?! This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮 We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire. Whether you’re currently dry heaving on the inside… or worrying that you’re the one giving them the ick… this episode is full of perspective, permission, and practical advice. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real definition of an ick (and how it’s different from a red flag) What to do when your partner’s behavior starts killing your attraction The most common icks (bad breath, loud chewing, weird toenail habits…) Your funniest icks from Instagram (you did NOT hold back) 🎧 And don’t worry—we’ve got even more ick stories and questions coming next week in Part 2. 🔗 Links & Resources: EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 10

Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do . If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone. In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting s x happen to you… or are you a active participant during it? We’re also talking about this from a male perspective: What does it feel like to be the only one initiating or guiding? Do men want their partners more engaged—and what does that even look like? Whether you’ve never taken the lead before, or you’re just looking to feel more empowered and participatory, this episode is your permission slip—and your how-to guide. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why so many women default to passivity in the bedroom What men actually think about women taking the lead Questions to ask your partner to open up this convo What “taking control” can look like—without the pressure Simple ways to be more confident and engaged in the moment 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥 The Art of Initiation — our most-loved guide for learning how to confidently initiate intimacy → http://vmtherapy.com/initiation ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Splash Blanket. Use code PILLOWTALK to get 15% off. Your peace of mind in the bedroom.➡︎https://www.splashblanket.com 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Skims. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com ➡︎ https://www.skims.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 3

Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right . One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive types. If you’ve ever felt like your desire is broken—or that your partner just doesn’t “get” you—this conversation is about to change everything. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real difference between mental desire and physical arousal What it means to be a Spontaneous vs. Responsive type Why you’re not low desire… you just need a different kind of start How to navigate mismatched sex drives without resentment Why your type has nothing to do with gender (but the stats may surprise you) How to initiate sex in a way that works for both of you You’ll also hear a game-changing mindset shift that can help you stop taking it personally—and start working with your differences instead of against them. Links & Resources ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → https://vmtherapy.com/touch ✨ What’s your sex drive type? → https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cash App. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real - there's no catch. Just download Cash App & sign up! Use our exclusive referral code PILLOW in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14-days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's Money. That's Cash App. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 27

This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and: 47% said they want more touch 37% said they want better touch In this episode, we’re breaking down why touch is so essential — and why so many couples stop doing it. (Spoiler: it's not just about sex.) Plus, we’re giving you practical tools and one super simple free exercise (takes 5 minutes) to start reconnecting through touch today. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The emotional and physical benefits of touch (for both of you) Why “touch starvation” is real — even in long-term relationships The surprising ways you may be unintentionally avoiding touch The difference between sexual and non-sexual touch — and why both matter What to do if your partner says “touch just isn’t my love language” Quick, everyday ways to bring more affection into your relationship (no grand gestures required) ✨ Ready to explore all the ways to touch? We created The Secret Touch Blueprint to help you and your partner reflect on what kinds of touch feel best to you — and how to talk about it together. Grab it here → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint And if doing that exercise leaves you thinking, “Wait… I want more of this,” you’ll love what’s coming next. This July, we’re launching a 4-week Sensual Touch Challenge exclusively inside our Deeper membership. It’ll walk you through 8 specific types of touch — from relaxing to arousing — with fun prompts, step-by-step videos, and guided exercises to try with your partner. It’s designed to bring back the playfulness, the exploration, and the kind of touch that makes you feel again. 💥 Pillow Talks listeners get 25% off their first month of Deeper with code PILLOW → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Links & resources: 👋🏻 The Secret Touch Blueprint → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint 💥 Join the Sensual Touch Challenge (starting July 7 inside Deeper) → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 20

Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal. 🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into: What are men actually looking at during doggy style? What do they think when they see a woman who’s prettier than their partner? Is it true they can literally… think about nothing ? How do they feel about things like… Women aging, messy buns, leg hair, and more How do they stay so chill about daily life stuff (kid schedules, groceries, appointments)? What really keeps them engaged in a relationship? This one is honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable. And of course, Xander’s not holding back. 🔗 Links & Resources: 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode56 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode69 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ** https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 12

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction ? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched . (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en ) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think. We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?” In this episode, we break down: The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens 6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope. 🔗 Links & Resources: 📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life 📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 5

Ask a sex therapist is back! Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵 In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between. Here’s what we’re diving into: Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?) What exactly is pegging? Is it normal for other things to be “better than sex”? Can using a penis pump have consequences? Should you get a vasectomy? (Xander’s in the club!) Postpartum sex — what are men really thinking? Can responsive/spontaneous desire be taught? Like can you switch your type? ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper , we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Resources Mentioned: Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Ultimate Sex Guides 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-sex-guide?ref=podcast-211&utm_term=podcast-211 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ⁠ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander ⁠ 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 ⁠ vmtherapy.com/subscribe ⁠ 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 29

Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected… This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship? Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal. We’re walking through real stories submitted by our audience and sharing tools to help you: Tune into your own boundaries. Get clear on what’s worth working through. Speak your truth without blowing things up. The difference between patience and people-pleasing. When to accept a quirk vs. when to draw a hard line. How to handle dead bedrooms, defensiveness, and money fights. What to do if your partner’s gross habits are killing your vibe. The truth about “sticking it out” vs. knowing when you’ve had enough. 🎧 Whether you're questioning the little things (like nose-picking 😬) or the big things (like being completely ignored emotionally or sexually), this episode is here to help you figure out your next move. Ready to go Deeper with us? Inside our Deeper membership, you’ll get access to our full library of expert-created resources, including the guides, courses, and coaching tools we wish every couple had. PLUS — instant answers to your most intimate questions via Vanessa AI, your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach (and new bestie). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🔥Treat your partner to the best f0repl@y they’ve ever had with The Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ======================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ======================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Flure. Being you is sexy! Explore what you like on Flure Dating App ➡︎https://www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 22

Does sex feel like a chore to you? According to 86% of our audience? Yes. Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list. But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all. Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every single thing it takes to adult… It’s not that sex is a chore: it’s that chores are sabotaging your sex life! In this episode, we’re breaking down how mental load affects desire, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction (spoiler alert: a lot more than you think). And of course, we’re sharing practical tools to help lighten the load and bring the connection back. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: What mental load actually is Why resentment and “keeping score” kill intimacy What happens when your partner starts to feel more like your kid than your teammate How to have more conversations about sharing the load What you can do today to start shifting the dynamic Whether you’re feeling unseen, exhausted, or just plain over it—this episode is here to help you feel more supported, connected, and so much less alone. ⏰ Last chance to snag 2 of our most supportive tools in the shop! ⏰ The Mental Load Workbook and Your Best Week Ever are officially retiring on May 25th. These are the last few days to grab these super affordable and potentially life-changing products. We designed them to help you: Rebalance the invisible labor in your relationship Get on the same page with your partner (without nagging or blowing up) Reconnect emotionally and physically—even when life is busy These are the strategies that helped us transform our own dynamic — and we want that for you too! 🗓 Sunday, May 25th is the final day to buy them a la carte. 🧠 Mental Load Workbook: 👉🏻 https://shop.vmtherapy.com/mental-load-workbook?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209 💓 Your Best Week Ever 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209 STAY CONNECTED: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏 Thanks StoryWorth. Save $15 during their Father's Day sale ➡︎ https://storyworht.com/pillow. 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 15

In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected. No grand gestures. No impossible checklists. Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically. Here’s what we’re covering: The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩 How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth) A step-by-step, week-by-week game plan you can follow Specific daily, midweek, and weekend actions to help you reconnect Why it’s okay to not feel fireworks right away — and what to focus on instead A challenge to get started right now 👀 Whether you’ve been together 2 years or 20, this plan can help you feel like a team again — without adding more stress to your plate. LINKS & RESOURCES 📝 4-Week Relationship Reset PDF — Your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset 👋 The Art of Initiation — your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-208&utm_term=-podcast-208 💖 Deeper Membership — full access to our relationship toolkit, core courses, live monthly sessions, and more ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide — a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here! 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================= 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 8

Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy? We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here). Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the whole damn vibe . In this episode, we’re breaking down the 5 biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to foreplay — and how to turn things around so it actually feels good (for both of you). Here’s what we’re diving into: Why “just get to the point” is killing the vibe What makes receiving foreplay so hard (especially for women — hi, it’s not your fault) The most common foreplay ruts we all fall into How to make foreplay fun again — not forced, awkward, or performative A mindset shift that will change how you think about sex forever Whether you’re feeling stuck, unsure what your partner wants, or just ready for a heck of a lot more pleasure… this episode is your permission slip. Links & Resources: 🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides?ref=podcast-207&utm_term=podcast-207 Stay Connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here! 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 1

We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there. Butt stuff. 🍑 Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for the first time ever, we’re re-airing one of our top episodes. Whether you’re a little butt-curious or already a full-blown booty enthusiast, there’s something in this one for you. Because here’s the deal: 👉 72% of our Instagram fam said they were intimidated by anal play. 👉 But 67% also said they were curious about trying it. That means even if you’re nervous… you’re still open. And we love that. In this episode, we cover: Why butt stuff might be worth a try (even if you’re scared) The biggest myths and misconceptions (hint: it’s not just anal sex) How to keep things safe, hygienic, and pain-free Why more straight men are embracing the backdoor (and loving it) Your most vulnerable Qs — from hairy buttholes to hemorrhoids to the “what if vaginal sex doesn’t feel like enough after?” convo Oh — and if you’ve listened before? It’s still worth a re-listen. You might hear something new, have a totally different take four years later, or finally feel ready to give it a try. 😉 Last call for two spicy fan favorites 🔥 We just launched our brand-new membership, ** Deeper ** — which gives you instant access to all of our core courses, monthly double dates with us, VanessaAI, and more. With that, we’re officially retiring a few of our a la carte guides—including two of our best sellers: 👉 Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) 👉 Dirty Talk 101 (only available inside of DEEPER) 🍑 What's so great about butt stuff? (Our FREE Guide) Stay Connected 💌 Get our best tips, stories, and sex & relationship advice: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🛋️ Come hang with us on Instagram 🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes drop every Thursday ! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 24

We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking: “Is this it?” “Why don’t I want sex more?” “How do I even bring this up with my partner?” You’re not alone — and this episode is for you. We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again. 💬 What we’re going deep on: - When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh - Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out - How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings) - What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!) - When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else - How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do 🔥 Resources mentioned in this episode: 💖 Deeper Membership - https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie. 💋 Ultimate Foreplay Guides - https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you. 🌸 Finishing School - https://vmtherapy.com/finishing-school?ref=podcast&utm_term=podcast Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure. 💦 How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm A gentle, shame-free introduction to learning what feels good — and how to actually enjoy it. 🧠 Sex Drive Types Guide (Free) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type Are you responsive or spontaneous? This guide will help you understand your own desire type — and why it’s been causing friction in your relationship (spoiler: it’s not your fault). 🛠️ Performance Issues? We’ve got you. If you or your partner are struggling with performance anxiety or feeling pressure to “last longer,” check out these resources: - How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Performance Issues - https://vmtherapy.com/youtube-video/how-to-talk-to-your-male-partner-about-his-performance-issues/ - Ep. 149: Partner Performance Problems? Here's What To Do And What NOT To Do - https://vmtherapy.com/episode149 - Ep. 47: What Penis Performance Problems Really Mean - https://vmtherapy.com/episode47 - What to Do If You Have Performance Anxiety About Your Orgasm - https://vmtherapy.com/vanessa-marin-sex-therapy/what-to-do-if-you-have-performance-anxiety-about-your-orgasm/ 📲 Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 💬 Follow us on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxande r for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes drop **every Thursday**! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 17

If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues : how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped. We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes . So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear a side of health and intimacy we’ve never talked about before, tune in. This episode might just be a game changer for you. Here’s a peek at what we cover: That awkward moment when you realize… something’s off The role of pelvic floor physical therapy (and who V followed to learn more) Bad habits no one tells you are actually bad The urologist visit from hell (you won’t believe what they said) How Vanessa trained her bladder like a dog (yes, really) Small changes that made a HUGE difference — and why Vanessa finally sleeps through the night Disclaimer: This episode is based on personal experience and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your doctor about your individual health needs. Links & resources in the episode: Expecting and Empowered The Vagina Whisperer 👉 Ready to level up your skills in (and out of) the bedroom? Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide for sex therapist-backed tips that’ll have you saying “ oh my GOD… I didn’t know it could be this good? ” — or get that AND everything we offer inside Deeper , our super affordable membership packed with steamy tools, date night ideas, live coaching, and more. Think of it as your all-access pass to better sex, connection that lasts, and WAY more fun together! Stay connected: 💌 Get our best tips and resources straight to your inbox: vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📸 Follow us on Instagram: @vanessaandxander 🎧 Never miss an episode — make sure to follow Pillow Talks wherever you listen to podcasts! Thanks to our sponsors: 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 10

Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch ? What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex? A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀 This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?” And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD. Here’s what we’re dishing on in this episode: Is emotional intimacy outside your relationship OK? When fantasies, DMs, or even Reddit lurking crosses the line. Are AI-generated nudes of your partner’s family the point of no return? Why intention and secrecy matter more than the act itself. The emotional toll “nothing happened” takes on a relationship. The difference between curiosity and disrespect when exploring sexually. No matter how you define cheating, one thing’s clear: these kinds of conversations are hard, and they don’t get easier without the right tools. Join the Deeper membership Want hotter sex, deeper convos, and fewer fights? For less than the cost of a date night, get on-demand access to our expert-led courses, live sessions with us, and interactive tools designed to fit into your busy life. Start your journey inside Deeper here. Links & Resources 🔥 The Art Of Initiation 🤖 Meet Vanessa AI (included with Deeper membership) Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📲 Follow us on Instagram — @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & Review — New episodes drop every Thursday ! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Dipsea. Right now, listeners of this show can get a 30-day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 3

We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness . And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you . From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories highlight how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of feeling blamed, getting reactive, and shutting down. But we’re also sharing tips to break out of that cycle — with more compassion, more understanding, and way fewer spirals. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: ✅ What defensiveness actually looks like (and why it shows up so fast) ✅ The difference between explaining yourself and shutting down ✅ Real-life listener stories around parenting, mental load, and misunderstandings ✅ What it really means to validate your partner (without agreeing) ✅ How to talk to your partner without triggering defensiveness ✅Practical ways to pause, reflect, and repair (without spiraling) Links & Resources: Check out DEEPER — our new membership with full access to VanessaAI, monthly date night ideas, live calls with us, and more Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides to level-up your pleasure skills Follow us on Instagram for more relationship tips and convos Want us to cover your story next? Keep an eye on our IG Stories for callouts Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: vmtherapy.com/subscribe ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 27

🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode! Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is. In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life. We break down: 💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitation? ⚖️ Balancing work, kids & intimacy – Why stress kills desire (and what to do about it). 🔄 Breaking out of a relationship rut – Feeling stuck? Here’s how to start making real changes. 🔥 What happens when the woman has the higher sex drive – And how to navigate it without resentment. ✨ How to actually change your sex life – Small, doable steps that make a big difference. If you’ve ever felt like you and your partner keep missing each other when it comes to intimacy — this episode is for you. And stick around until the end because we have a special announcement you won’t want to miss! Links & Resources 💖 Join Deeper – our new relationship membership! Want more expert-backed support for your love life? Get access to our entire library of courses and guides, exclusive monthly live events with us, and Vanessa AI — your personal, on-demand relationship coach. 👉 vmtherapy.com/deeper 🔑 Take The Intimacy Quiz: Your Key To Love That Lasts Not sure where to start? Take our quiz to find out exactly what your relationship needs most right now. 👉 vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe . 📲 Follow us on Instagram – @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review – New episodes drop every Thursday ! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review—it helps us keep creating content you love. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW ) 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 20

🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉 It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us… …absolutely ANYTHING. And you didn’t disappoint. From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits. Tune in for an unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation where we tackle: 💬 Personal Qs – Would Vanessa ever let Xander shave his beard? ❤️ Relationship Qs – Are we still in couples therapy? 💼 Business Qs – Have we ever recorded a podcast while totally annoyed with each other? And SO much more! Stick around to the end because we’re teasing something big we’ve been working on behind the scenes… you’re going to want to be on our email list for this one. 👀 Links & Resources: 🔑 Take The Intimacy Quiz: Your Key To Love That Lasts – Find out exactly what your relationship needs most right now and get personalized guidance to start making real changes today! 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys 🏆 March Matchups: The Ultimate Bedroom Bracket – Cast your votes as we put 8 bedroom positions head-to-head, and help us pick the winning position for a brand-new free step-by-step guide! Follow along on Instagram @vanessaandxander and make sure you’re on our email list to get the final results! Stay Connected: 📩 Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📲 Follow us on Instagram – @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & Review – New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 13

We’re back with a fan-favorite series—Am I The Asshole? 🎉 You know we love diving into the wildest relationship dilemmas, and today’s lineup is extra spicy. We’re tackling situations that might hit way too close to home, like: 🚨 Masturbating - do you have to tell your partner every time? 🚨 Journaling about a past relationship—cheating or harmless? 🚨 Going through a partner’s phone (they found what?? 👀) 🚨 A partner picking up an annoying new voice… and refusing to drop it Sounds messy, right? We’re breaking it ALL down, sharing our takes on who’s the asshole, and of course—we want to hear yours too! Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe rethink your own opinions on these situations! 🎧 Want More AITA? If you love these episodes, don’t miss our past Am I The Asshole? deep dives: 🎧 EP 187 , EP 155 , EP 135 , EP 125 📲 Stay Connected with Us! 💌 Join our email list for exclusive BTS + first access to everything we create 📸 Follow us on Instagram and tell us—who do YOU think is the asshole in these stories? 🎥 Subscribe on YouTube to watch this episode & more 💖 Links & Resources – Take Your Intimacy to the Next Level 💋 Give your partner the best foreplay they’ve ever had! → Ultimate Foreplay Guides Transform your sex life with expert-backed techniques designed to maximize pleasure for both of you. 📖 Want to talk about sex in a way that actually works? → Sex Talks: The NYT Best-Selling Book Discover the 5 key conversations that will unlock deeper connection, better communication, and hotter intimacy in your relationship. Which one are you diving into first? Let us know! 💬 ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code **PILLOW** ➡︎ https://oneskin.co. 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏 Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time when you go to ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 6

Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with: 🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does 🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment 🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted 🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts ( boob honks, anyone? ) 🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want something Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex. =============================== 🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: =============================== ✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation ✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate ✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz—and what to do instead ✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex ✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressured And of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate—so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex! ========================== 🔗 Links & Resources: ========================== 👋 Art of Initiation – Get $20 Off Until March 9 → https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation-special?ref=podcast-198&utm_term=podcast-198 📚 Other Resources Mentioned: ✨ Figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can find what actually works for you → https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide ✨ Foreplay Guides, Ultimate Sex Guide, & More! → https://vmtherapy.com/courses?ref=podcast-198&utm_term=podcast-198 ========================== 📲 Stay Connected with Us! ========================== 💌 Join our email list for exclusive tips & discounts ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📸 Follow us on Instagram for daily relationship inspo ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander New episodes drop every Thursday! Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss an episode. And if this episode made you rethink how you and your partner initiate (or if you saw yourself in some of these mistakes 😅), send it to them and start the conversation! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 27

Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas. From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice. In This Episode, We Cover: 💬 How to address it when your partner gropes you in their sleep 🧼 Balancing household chores with a partner who wants affection right now 😩 What to do if your partner struggles with death grip 😔 Bouncing back after a disappointing sexual experience 😤 Is “sexual frustration” really a thing? 🔄 How to stop being defensive in your marriage 🚨 NEW FREE Guide! 🚨 Ever struggle with how to start intimacy? We joke a lot about bad initiation styles (hello, awkward boob grabs) but we want to help you find what actually works. That’s why we created a brand-new FREE guide to help you figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can create a spark your way . ✨ Download it for FREE here: vmtherapy.com/styles 🔗 Links & Resources: ✨ Listen to EPISODE 158: Maybe It’s Not Low Libido… https://vmtherapy.com/episode158 ✨ Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Treat Your Partner to the Best F0repl@y they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ✨ Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . ✨ Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Goodwipes is naturally scented and hypoallergenic. Free from harsh chemicals, parabens, and dyes. Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 20

🔥 Let’s talk about sex—but let’s make it fun, flirty, and way less awkward. In this episode, we’re telling you about 90 spicy prompts designed to get you talking, laughing, and maybe even blushing with your partner. We’ll be pulling cards from our brand-spankin-new Sex Talks Card Deck and answering them live, sharing our hottest takes, and reading some intriguing responses from our Instagram community. Some of these questions will have you reminiscing, some will have you dreaming up new adventures, and others might just be the push you need to turn up the heat in your love life! In this episode, we explore: ✔️ Why talking about sex is the key to having more (and better) sex ✔️ The five essential conversations that will take your intimacy to the next level ✔️ Real, unfiltered responses from our listeners on what turns them on ✔️ Our own candid answers to some of most revealing prompts 📩 Love what you hear? Leave us a review and tell us which prompt got you hot and bothered! 🔥 💫 Ready to take your conversations to the next level? Grab your own Sex Talks Card Deck now at sextalksbook.com and start exploring with your partner! --------------------------------- 🔗 Links & Resources: --------------------------------- 💫 Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196 💫 Treat Your Partner to the best foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196 💫 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196 --------------------------- Connect with us! 👋 --------------------------- Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Watch Us on YouTube ➡︎ https://www.youtube.com/c/VanessaMarin Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 13

Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you! We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in a way that feels amazing (and doesn’t leave your thighs burning after 30 seconds). Get ready for expert-backed tips, tricks, and techniques that’ll help you feel like a total badass on top. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: ✅ Why Cowgirl is the #1 position for female pleasure ✅ How to actually move (hint: forget what you’ve seen in porn) ✅ Confidence-boosting tricks if you feel awkward or self-conscious ✅ How to last longer without getting tired ✅ Fun variations like Captain Morgan Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, and more ✅ How to transition in and out of the position seamlessly If you've ever wanted to feel sexy, confident, and in control while on top, this episode is a must-listen! Links & Resources: Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195 Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Thanks Cure. Stay hydrated and feel your best! Visit curehydration.com/PILLOW to get 20% off your first order. Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Thanks Hungryroot. That’s Hungryroot.com/pillow , to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 6

Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone. A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2! In today’s episode, we’re diving into the most common complaints from partners about what they wish their significant other would stop doing in the bedroom. We’re covering everything from awkward communication habits to frustrating foreplay, plus some surprising grievances about kissing, initiation, and even what happens after the fun is over. And don’t worry—this isn’t just about calling out the bad. We’re also giving you practical tips on how to improve your sex life by doing more of what your partner actually loves. What We’re Covering in This Episode: 💬 Communication blunders 💋 Kissing complaints 🔥 Initiation mistakes 💨 Foreplay fumbles 🍑 Intercourse issues ❌ Anal annoyances 💦 Finishing & aftercare faux pas This episode is all about getting real and helping you and your partner have a more satisfying, connected, and frustration-free sex life. 🎧 Listen now and find out if you’re guilty of any of these common mistakes! Links & Resources: Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194 Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Remi. Head to shopremi.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW to save up to 50%. Thanks Naturesage. Head to NatureSageOmega3.com/PILLOW to get 40% off. Thanks Chewy. Head to Chewy.com/PILLOWS and save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 30

Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat. Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback. In this episode, we’re diving into the comment sections of our most viral posts. From debates about quickie intimacy to whether or not you should “fuck first,” we’re breaking down the conversations, sharing what we wish we could’ve said, and offering our advice to help you create a happier, healthier love life—trolls not included. Links & Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Thanks Hungryroot. That’s Hungryroot.com/pillow , to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life . Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow Thanks Cure. Stay hydrated and feel your best! Visit curehydration.com/PILLOW to get 20% off your first order. Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Goodwipes is naturally scented and hypoallergenic. Free from harsh chemicals, parabens, and dyes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 23

We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?” We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions! This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to help you navigate these tricky (and sometimes awkward!) situations. Links & Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Treat Your Partner to the Best Foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Thanks Orgain. Head to Orgain.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 30% off your order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 16

If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow. In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for overcoming shame. Links and Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! This episode is brought to you by… Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 9

Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you? We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s simply part of being in a relationship. Links & Resources: Your Best Week Ever is designed to give the maximum impact for minimum effort. ****Ready to reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Remi. Head to shopremi.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW to save up to 50%. Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Thanks Orgain. Head to Orgain.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 30% off your order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 2

It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start. We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner. Whether you’re dealing with intimacy, post-pregnancy, or even income issues, we’ve got you covered with tips to help you and your partner move forward and rekindle that spark. Links & Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Hungryroot . That’s Hungryroot.com/pillow , to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 26, 2024

We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked! In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curious about the ones other people have issued - this is a must-listen! Links & Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188 Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 19, 2024

Tis the Season for DRAMA! We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition. We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of our favorite series! Links & Resources: Join our VIP email list Follow us on Instagram If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 12, 2024

There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode! Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal versus external processors. Think of this episode like a podcast tossed salad and get ready to dive in. Links & Resources: Join our VIP email list Follow us on Instagram If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow Thanks Miracle. Go to trymiracle.com/PILLOW and use the code PILLOW to claim your FREE 3-PIECE TOWEL SET and SAVE over 40% OFF. Thanks Unbound Merino. Head over to their website unboundmerino.com where new customers can use our code PILLOW for 15% off of their order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 5, 2024

Today we’re tackling one of the trickiest and most controversial topics we get asked about - porn. Is it OK to watch porn even if you’re in a relationship? Can it become addicting? Can you forbid your partner from watching it? In this episode we cover how porn affects you personally, pros and cons to bringing porn into your relationship, and what to do if you and your partner disagree. This is a topic that every couple needs to talk about in their relationship, so use this episode to open up a conversation! Links & Resources: Join our email list! Instagram: @vanessaandxander If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites at Chewy.com/pillows . Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co Thanks Unbound Merino. Head over to their website unboundmerino.com where new customers can use our code PILLOW for 15% off of their order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 27, 2024

Do you want more physical intimacy in your relationship? In this episode, we’re talking about different kinds of physical intimacy, why it’s so important, how to ask your partner for more, and what to do if you’re worried they won’t understand. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Jack Black. Go to GetJackBlack.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 10% off your order. Thanks MarleySpoon. Experience the most personalized meal kit today with Marley Spoon. Head to MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for up to 25 FREE meals! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 21, 2024

Do you want more emotional intimacy in your relationship? In today’s episode, we’re covering what emotional intimacy actually is, how to get more of it in your relationship, and even what to do if your partner doesn’t understand what you want. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 14, 2024

What happens when you have a fantasy that your partner is just not into? When your “yum” is their “yuck” if you will. We asked our IG community for stories about times when their partner wanted to try something they weren’t into, or vice versa. Now, we’re sharing our best advice on how to handle the differences. Links & Resources: Sign up for our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Thanks Jack Black. Go to GetJackBlack.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 10% off your order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 7, 2024

How are we really doing? We had a plan to talk about a different topic, but once we sat down in front of the mics, we decided to go rogue and talk about what life has really been like recently. In today’s episode, we’re getting extra personal and sharing some of our ups and downs from the year so far. We’ve got details about all the tough decisions we’ve been making about the future of our company, personal updates about the state of our relationship, and even a behind-the-scenes look at the state of this podcast… Links & Resources: Our Courses & Guides Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites at Chewy.com/pillows. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 31, 2024

It’s time for another edition of one of our most popular series, Smash or Pass! This is where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips, so you don’t have to! (We even recorded audio of ourselves trying out a lot of the tips…) Today’s theme is sex tips from 90’s and 00’s women’s magazines. Do these tips about “driving your man wild” actually work? Tune in to find out! Links & Resources: Guide: The Sexual Mastery Package Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Jack Black. Go to GetJackBlack.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 10% off your order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 24, 2024

What’s the difference between a clitoral orgasm, g-spot orgasm, and cervical orgasm? What’s squirting? How common is it for women to orgasm multiple times in 1 session? Today we’re taking it back to the very first topic Vanessa became known for - female orgasm (Buzzfeed even called her The Orgasm Whisperer)! In this episode, Vanessa is answering some of the most commonly asked questions about female pleasure and giving you top-tier advice on how to start having the best orgasms of your life. Links & Resources: Course: Finishing School Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 17, 2024

We’re bringing one of our favorite Instagram games to the podcast, Tie-Breakers! We asked our community to share some of the things that they just can’t agree on with their partner. We break the tie for them! We’ve got some interesting relationship stand-offs to dig into for this episode, like who is responsible for chores if only one of you works, if you should charge rent to in-laws, who are living with you, and are you too old for hand jobs? Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides Guide: Mental Load Workbook Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 10, 2024

Mutual masturbation is one of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom! But when we asked our audience if they had ever mutually masturbated with their partner, only 36% said yes. in today’s episode, we break down what mutual masturbation is, how to get comfortable and confident doing it, and how to take it to the next level! Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 3, 2024

Is it cheating to keep nudes from past relationships? Have an Only Fans account? Have a “work wife”? For this episode, we asked our community to tell us about a situation they’re in that has left them wondering, “Does this count as cheating?” The answers were fascinating, and we had a blast giving our hot takes. This is a great episode to listen to with your partner, to make sure you’re on the same page about what counts as cheating in your relationship. Links & Resources: Check out our courses Instagram: @vanessaandxander Tiktok: @vanessaandxander Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Flure. Check out the Flure Dating App at www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 26, 2024

Is there something your partner does in the bedroom that you’re not sure you should put up with? This episode was inspired by a message we got from a woman whose husband wears headphones and listens to podcasts while they have sex. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to be upset by this behavior. Minds blown, we turned to Instagram to ask people what other confusing or unusual behaviors they were putting up with. In this shocking (and honestly pretty unhinged) episode, we’ll give you our hot takes on what you should and shouldn’t put up with. Links & Resources: Guide: Dirty Talk 101 Thanks Zocdoc.Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Horoscope Weekly. New episodes release every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Just search for “Horoscope Weekly with Aliza Kelly”. Thanks Flure. Check out the Flure Dating App at www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 19, 2024

Does Vanessa wear the pants in the relationship? Are we skipping out on meetings to have sex in the middle of the day? Are we rich?? It’s time for another round of Ask Us Anything, and we’re answering all your nosiest assumptions. We’re covering the most personal topics involving our relationship, our business, and even our sex lives. Links & Resources: Course: Your Best Week Ever If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com/PILLOWS Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 12, 2024

Ever found yourself feeling attracted to someone else despite being in a committed monogamous relationship? Maybe someone cute you saw at the gym. Or a college. Or even your partner’s best friend?? Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one. Today we’re digging into real stories from our community about times they were attracted to someone else, and giving our best advice on how to handle attraction to other people while in a relationship. Links & Resources: Free Guide: 20 Great Compliments To Give Your Partner Subscribe here Instagram: @vanessaandxander Thanks MarleySpoon. Experience the most personalized meal kit today with Marley Spoon. Head to MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for up to 25 FREE meals! Thanks Marimur. Visit MARIEMUR.com and use the promo code ‘PILLOW’ for 15% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 5, 2024

Have you wanted to bring a sex toy into the bedroom but been worried about your partner’s response? It can be a scary ask! Maybe you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings, maybe you don’t even own one yet. Well, we think sex toys can be an incredibly useful way to balance the orgasm gap and increase pleasure! So in this episode, we’re going to help you introduce sex toys into the bedroom (but without making it weird)! Links & Resources: Recommended Products Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Guide: Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks HelloFresh. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh dot com slash freepillow. Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 29, 2024

“When mommy and daddy lock the bedroom door…” We’ve all been there at some point in our childhood when someone sat us down and talked to us for the first time about sex. Odds are it was probably awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe left you with more questions than before. In this episode, we’re digging into all of your true stories about how “The Talk” was given to you, and we’re sharing our stories too. So if you’ve ever wondered how similar your first conversation about sex is to someone else, this is an episode you can’t miss. Links & Resources: Course: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 22, 2024

We’re back with Part 2 of our “What Do Women Really Think About…?” series. We turned to our instagram community again and asked for a new batch of topics. We’re diving into women’s real thoughts about spitting vs swallowing, their partners watching porn, and some (pretty crazy) wild cards. Links & Resources: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks MarleySpoon. Experience the most personalized meal kit today with Marley Spoon. Head to MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for up to 25 FREE meals! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 15, 2024

Ever had a frustrating situation with a partner that left you wondering, “Is this your problem to fix? Or mine?” Whether it’s disagreeing on parenting choices or your partner having a fetish that you’re not into yourself, it’s completely normal to be confused about who needs to make a change. Today we’re bringing back “Is This Your Shit Or Mine?” for part 2. Get ready for some fascinating stories from other couples and our best advice for how to move forward! Links & Resources: Our Courses & Guides Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com/PILLOWS Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 8, 2024

Long distance relationships are hard! About 14 million people are in long distance relationships in the US alone, and most of them report struggling to keep the spark alive. In this episode, we’re going to help you stay connected and keep it spicy with hacks, techniques, tips, and tricks. Links & Resources: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Dirty Talk 101 Ultimate Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 1, 2024

Have you ever considered opening your relationship? Or just ever felt nosy about why other people open theirs? For today’s episode, we asked our Instagram audience to let us know if they were considering opening their relationship. We weigh in on what they should do and give them (and you!) our best advice. Links & Resources: Art Of Initiation If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 25, 2024

Does a lack of privacy get in the way of your sex life? You’re not alone. 62% of our audience say they wish they had more privacy, and 92% of them say they’d be having more and better sex if they had more privacy. If you don’t have privacy, you may find it difficult to get in the mood, relax in the moment, make any noise, or even allow yourself to have sex in the first place. In this episode, you’ll get access to practical tips taken straight from one of our paid courses, Rediscovering Us! Links & Resources: Rediscovering Us: Intimacy And Sex for Parents If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 18, 2024

Did you know that only 24% of people said they’re happy with the level of vulnerability in their relationship? We asked our community why they struggle to be vulnerable, and heard things like: -I didn’t grow up being vulnerable, so I don’t know how to do it -We’ve been together for so long without being vulnerable; it would feel weird to try to start now -What’s the point of vulnerability? Our hot take is that without vulnerability, you don’t have a real relationship. So in this episode, we’re breaking down your barriers and helping you and your partner get more vulnerable! Links & Resources: Simple Daily Check-In If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 11, 2024

Your partner wants you to flirt with them more! But the majority of us feel like we don’t know HOW to flirt. It feels awkward or cheesy... Or we don’t know what our partner will actually like. Get your notebooks out because today we’re going to teach you how to flirt with your partner! We’ll cover why flirting is so important in long-term relationships, how to get over your resistance to it, and dozens of specific examples of how to flirt. Pro-tip: this is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner! Links & Resources: Art Of Initiation Dirty Talk 101 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 4, 2024

Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies, but most of us feel completely clueless about how to actually make them happen! In today’s episode, we walk you through how to have your first one, and share some hot, hilarious, awkward, and horrible stories about other peoples’ threesomes. If you’ve ever wanted to have a threesome or just want to hear about others’ experiences, you’re in for a treat! Links & Resources: Courses & Guides If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 27, 2024

Get ready for the highly anticipated third act to one of our most popular episodes yet - Is This Normal? You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal that my husband isn’t instantly turned on when he sees me naked? Is it normal to never have masturbated? Is it normal to get the ick from my husband whom I truly love? And so much more! Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod your head in recognition as we address your questions head-on! Links & Resources: Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks HelloFresh. Go to hellofresh.com/pillowapps for FREE appetizers for life! Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 20, 2024

Today we’re getting ULTRA personal, and answering all your questions about our recent experience in couples therapy. Do we think therapy sometimes digs up stuff that wasn’t a problem? Do we ever hope our therapist takes our side? And of course, the big question that everyone wanted to know… WHY are we in couples therapy in the first place? (We got really vulnerable and emotional with this one…) We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have! Links & Resources: Our Courses & Guides Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Helix. helixsleep.com/pillow and get 30% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 13, 2024

Are these four communication mistakes ruining your relationship? In today’s episode we’re revealing the Four Horsemen. Researcher John Gottman discovered that these specific communication pitfalls could predict divorce with over 90% accuracy! We’re breaking down what they are, how to know if you’re doing them, and what to do to have better communication going forward. Links & Resources: Our Courses & Guides Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 6, 2024

Xander’s back in the hot seat answering all your burning questions about male behavior! Why do guys mansplain? Why do they struggle to find things that are right in front of their faces? Why are men always initiating when we’re right in the middle of something like doing the dishes? Why can’t they ever be vulnerable? And what’s with the obsession over the volume of their cum?? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights. Links & Resources: Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” Xander Explains Male Behavior If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 30, 2024

When the spark dies off in a relationship, it’s really easy to blame it on libido. But is libido actually the problem? In this episode, we reveal the truth about sex drive and ask a big question, “does libido even matter?” Links & Resources: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Art of Initiation Go to Zocdoc.com/ pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 23, 2024

Welcome to our 2nd round of “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). Grab your partner, pull up a chair, pour your favorite cocktail or mocktail, and come on a double date with us! You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. Afterwards, you can play your own version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 16, 2024

What do you do when it’s been a while… When you don’t remember the last time you had sex. When the idea of initiating feels even more awkward than usual. When you’re not sure if your partner is missing it the same way you are. In this episode, we’re breaking down why dry spells happen in the first place and telling you exactly how to get back on the horse. We’ll even answer the big question… do we NEED to have sex? Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 9, 2024

We’re back again with another edition of Am I The Asshole. This time around we’re talking about your trickiest in-law related situations. We’re covering stories about dietary preferences, back-handed compliments, dinner table mishaps, and so much more. If you’ve ever wondered if you’re the asshole when it comes to your in-laws, our unfiltered takes are here to help you decide. Links & Resources: Visit our Homepage If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 2, 2024

A few weeks ago we asked our community if they felt resentment in their relationship and only 29% said no! Resentment doesn’t feel good for either partner, and it can lead to things like more stress, less sex, and lots of other serious consequences in your relationship. We decided it was time to create an episode breaking down what resentment is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it in your relationship. Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook ( https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/ ) Visit our Homepage ( http://vmtherapy.com/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 25, 2024

Imagine this… you’re crawling into bed at the end of the night, thinking, “Hmmm sex sounds nice.” We hate to break it to you, but you’re too late! You needed to have been planning for this much earlier in the day. You needed to be using our unique approach to foreplay. Most of us think of foreplay as the stuff we do for 30 seconds before we move on to intercourse, but it’s so much more than that. Today we’re telling you about the magic of all-day, non-sexual foreplay. Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation Challenge: The Connection Challenge If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 18, 2024

You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well… Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the things they did right, and the ways things went oh so wrong. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into another couple’s conflict, plus tons of communication tips along the way. Links & Resources: Our Instagram: @vanessandxander ( https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 11, 2024

If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant? In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex. Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life ( https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com ( http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 4, 2024

We really went there… It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details. We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction! The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new tips Pillow Talks Approved? You’ll just have to tune in and find out! Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/ ) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 28, 2024

“This, uh, isn’t working…” Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say? And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??” Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also helping us non-penis owners understand what’s really going on inside men’s heads, and the pressures men feel around sex. Links & Resources: Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow ( https://www.zocdoc.com/) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 21, 2024

“I just don’t understand where you’re coming from.” Have you ever been in the heat of an argument with your partner, and felt totally unable see their perspective on the issue? We put up a question box on Instagram and asked people to tell us about a conflict where they’re experiencing that kind of genuine confusion. Now, we’re breaking down the trickiest situations to help you see your partner’s point of view in a brand new light. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into what other couples fight about, and tons of useful relationship advice you haven’t heard before! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks EarthBreeze! EarthBreeze.com/pillow ( https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 14, 2024

Have you ever wondered what everyone secretly fantasizes about? We anonymously polled our audience, and we’re spilling all the secrets today! We’re also doing a deep dive on all your fantasy questions. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Is there something wrong with you if you don’t have any? Links & Resources: Guide: Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list-29/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( https://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 7, 2024

75% of people say that nagging is an issue in their relationship. So we thought it was time we gave our take on this controversial topic. We’re talking about the differences between nagging, reminding, and micromanaging. When is it nagging versus your partner not carrying their share of the mental load? What do you do when you can’t trust your partner to get something done without nagging? We also got into a pretty vulnerable conversation about the role nagging has in our day-to-day relationship. Plus, we’re walking you through specific steps to help stop nagging because the reality is, no one likes to nag and no one likes to receive nagging… Links & Resources: Workbook: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW at www.oneskin.co (https://www.oneskin.co/ ) Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 29, 2024

Have you ever wondered what your partner REALLY thinks about your performance in the bedroom? Well, it turns out there are a few things they secretly wish you’d stop doing… We turned to Instagram and asked people to anonymously share all of their bedroom pet peeves and red flags. The responses were fascinating. We’re breaking down the most common answers and giving you tips to start the conversation with your partner about what you actually want and like from each other during sex. Links & Resources: Course: Art of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) Course: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Course: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/ ) Guide: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠Dirty Talk 101 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠⁠ Guide: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠⁠ If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow ) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 22, 2024

Surprise! We’re in couples therapy. We sat down and recorded one of our most vulnerable episodes yet all about why we’re in therapy and how it’s going. We talked about what to look for in a potential therapist (and where to look) and gave some tips on how to ask your partner to go to therapy with you. We also got surprisingly deep about the resistance one of us had to going to therapy in the first place… Links & Resources: Visit our Homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow ). Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://www.babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 15, 2024

Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life. Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues. If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying about your body and start having amazing sex, this is the episode for you! Links & Resources: Visit our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks EarthBreeze! EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://www.earthbreeze.com/pillow ) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 8, 2024

Today we’re asking a tough question… Are you lazy in bed? And an even harder one… Would your partner say you’re lazy during sex? In this episode, we’re breaking down the specific things you’re doing that your partner thinks are lazy, the consequences of bedroom laziness, and the surprising reasons why you’re not putting in more effort. Most importantly, we’ll walk you through our step-by-step process to stop being lazy and start having more fun in the bedroom! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 1, 2024

79% of our community members want their partners to be more romantic. Romance seems to come so easy at the beginning of a relationship, but feels so much harder to sustain long-term! In this episode, we’ll walk you through specific steps to get your partner to be more romantic. You’ll discover your toxic beliefs about romance, the ways you’re actually missing romantic gestures, and tons of specific romantic suggestions. We also asked men to tell us why they’re not more romantic, and what their partners could do to encourage more romance. You’re definitely going to want to tune in for the answers! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 25, 2024

You might already know that you’re a 3 on the Enneagram, a generator in human design, or an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom? Today we’re breaking down our Sex Personality Types model. Our 11 types help you understand what great sex means to you, and what you’re really looking to experience. We’ll help you figure out your type - and your partner’s! We’ll also tell you what to do if your types are different, because - spoiler alert - you probably are! Links & Resources: Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow ( https://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 18, 2024

Snip snap! We’re back with part 2 of Xander’s vasectomy journey. (Start with part 1 if you want to hear his story.) This time we’re answering all your questions about the process from start to finish (literally, all 30 “finishes”). Did Xander have any pain during sex after the procedure? Did his sex drive change? Do his balls hang lower? Is his semen a different color, texture, or volume, and does it smell funny now? Did his vasectomy make him feel less masculine? Plus, we share tons of advice about how to talk to your male partner about getting a vasectomy! Links & Resources: Check out our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com ( https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks EarthBreeze! EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 11, 2024

We asked you to share your funniest foreplay fails, and you REALLY delivered! Today we’re sharing the dangers of jalapeños, why you shouldn’t chew gum during oral, and some bad Cosmo advice about armpits! But we couldn’t leave it at just your stories; we had to include some of our funniest fails as well. Trust us, you definitely want to hear what happened the very first time Vanessa ever gave someone a blowjob, and the time Xander didn’t really make it to foreplay… If you want to avoid your own foreplay fail, we’re also sharing our #1 resource for having the best foreplay experience of your life! Links & Resources: Guide: The Foreplay Guides (https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 4, 2024

Xander got a vasectomy! By popular demand, we’re walking you through the entire process - how and why we decided to go this route, finding the right doctor, the procedure itself (including the truth about how painful it really was…), aftercare, and so much more. We also share some hilarious details about preparing for the procedure (including some truly bizarre pictures), Xander’s rant for the haters, and the post-procedure test that had Xander PANICKING! If you’ve ever wanted the inside scoop on vasectomies, this is an episode you won't want to miss. And stay tuned for part 2, where we’ll answer all of your burning questions about the procedure. Links & Resources: Check out our website (https://vmtherapy.com ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 28, 2023

2023 has been one wild ride! This podcast - all 136 episodes so far - has been a major part of our year, so what better way to celebrate than counting down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks in 2023? Take a stroll down memory lane to the moments when we couldn't stop laughing or could barely believe the words coming out of our mouths. Your support means the world to us and we can’t wait to keep growing this community. Happy New Year from all of us to all of you! Links & Resources: Check out our podcast page here! vmtherapy.com/podcast (https://vmtherapy.com/podcast/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 21, 2023

The first time we did Am I The Asshole it was a major success, so we knew we had to bring it back for a part two! In this special holiday edition, we’ve got more fiery takes on your craziest seasonal stories. We’re talking about in-laws, gift exchanges gone wrong, and a workplace Christmas party with a very important side note. Plus, a special guest joins us to weigh in on whether or not Vanessa is actually the holiday asshole… This is an episode you’ll definitely want to put on in the car on the way to your family dinner. Or play at your family celebration and start some conversations! Once you’ve listened to the episode, come back and let us know which story was your favorite and whether or not you agree with our opinions. Links & Resources: Podcast episodes: Episode 37: The Truth About Why We’re Child Free (https://vmtherapy.com/episode37) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow (https://storyworth.com/pillow) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 14, 2023

We all feel like we’re supposed to just be naturally good at intercourse, but there are so many dynamics that can trip us up! What positions are best? How do you MOVE during it? What do you do if one of you can easily orgasm from intercourse, but the other can’t?! We asked our audience what their biggest frustrations are when it comes to intercourse, and we got back some surprising, and some not-so-surprising, answers. We struggled with intercourse early in our own relationship, so we related to a lot of responses. In this episode, we’re sharing exactly what to do to fix these common challenges. And Xander even gives us the inside scoop on the male perspective when it comes to the challenges and pressures of intercourse. Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus 20% off your next 2 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 7, 2023

“We’re just not having sex anymore...” If you’ve found yourself uttering (or even just thinking) this line, you’re not alone. So many couples will experience a loss of not just their sex life but intimacy altogether. When we released Dead Bedrooms Part One earlier this year, it instantly became one of our top episodes of all time. So we decided to bring it back for a Part Two with a brand new couple. In this episode, you get to take a peek into another couple’s bedroom as we help them navigate how to resuscitate their sex life. We’re giving our top pointers for reconnecting inside the bedroom and out, tips on how to move through the difficult conversations, and a few suggestions for resources that can help the process along. A dead bedroom can feel draining and never-ending but we promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re willing to keep going! Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/ ) Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) Course: Rediscovering Us (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/ ) Website: Home Page (https://vmtherapy.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( https://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW (https://uncommongoods.com/PILLOW ) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 30, 2023

This episode is all about the most viral piece of content we’ve ever made - why we make out every single night before bed. Our two-minute video has amassed almost 20 million views on social, was talked about on daytime TV shows, and even landed us an interview with the New York Times. We had no idea that this topic would be so popular, but it clearly struck a nerve! So we decided to break our nightly ritual down for you in more detail and answer the most common questions we get asked. We’re spilling the beans on: Why we decided to do it in the first place If it’s awkward getting it started every night If we still do it even when we’re angry with each other If it makes intimacy feel like an obligation or a chore Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) Guide: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/ ) Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow)for 55% off your subscription. Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow ( http://StoryWorth.com/pillow) Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com (https://bit.ly/45MJ2Ki) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 22, 2023

“What? I was just being honest!” This is one of the most common phrases that gets uttered during conflicts between couples. We’ve all been taught to believe that honesty is a virtue, but let's be real, some of us are crossing the line between honesty into cruelty. In this episode, we asked you to tell us about the situations where your partner said something that felt cruel to you, or you said something to your partner that felt cruel to them. We’re giving you our hot takes on if it was honest or just plain mean. We’re even sharing some of our very personal (and very embarrassing) moments when we were way too honest with each other! Links & Resources: Our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe (http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe) Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com https://CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW ( https://uncommongoods.com/PILLOW) Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com (https://bit.ly/45MJ2Ki) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30! Products we love from Je Joue: The Couples Collection Gift Set (https://www.jejoue.com/products/the-couples-collection-gift-set) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 16, 2023

In February, we released our book, Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. It was an instant New York Times bestseller! Now that the book has been out for close to a year, we thought it was about time to sit down and share the feedback we’ve gotten from thousands of readers. In this episode, we’re giving you the five biggest takeaways from the book, including the shocking assumptions that you don’t realize are impacting your sex life, the dynamics that are ruining emotional intimacy, and the topic that got us almost 20 million views on social media and an interview with the New York Times. Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/ ) Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) Workbook: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( https://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com (https://JeJoue.com) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 9, 2023

Today we’re talking about something we’ve never heard talked about openly… silent sex. Did you know that more than 50% of people regularly have sex where at least one partner is completely silent? This might not initially seem like a huge deal, but there are actually a number of drawbacks to having totally quiet sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down for you why you’re having silent sex, the benefits of making some noise in the bedroom, and some simple steps to help you get more comfortable with it! You’ll also learn the surprising truth about which gender in a male/female relationship is the quiet one… Links & Resources: Guide: Dirty Talk 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/dt-101/) Guide: Modern Man’s Guide (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/modern-mans-guide/ ) Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 2, 2023

Do you wish your partner was more invested in your relationship? Do you find yourself wishing they would plan more date nights, spend less time on their phone and more time with you, or show you that they’re actively working on being a better partner? If so, you’re not alone. 70% of people are longing for a more involved partnership. We know — from personal experience — that getting your partner to be more active can feel challenging. Maybe you just don’t know how to start the conversation or how to phrase your request. Or maybe you asked, but your partner never followed through. Or maybe they even said “no”. Whatever the case may be, we’ll give you some sneaky yet effective ways to get your partner more invested in your relationship. Links & Resources: Challenge: The Connection Challenge (https://vmtherapy.com/connection/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 26, 2023

This week we’re bringing back one of your favorite series - Ask Us Anything. This time we’re doing the sex therapy business secrets edition! Let’s be real… business can sometimes be boring. So we asked our community to send in their nosiest questions. The questions they didn’t think we’d have the nerve to answer. We're pushing out of our comfort zone and answering questions like, do we ever get turned on while working? Have we ever regretted talking about something publicly? And do we ever have imposter syndrome? Tune in to hear us spill all our secrets! Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/ ) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/ ) Subscribe to our email list at vmtherapy.com/subscribe (https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow ). Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 19, 2023

Is it normal to notice a bad odor after intercourse? What about queefing? How the heck does everyone else manage clean-up after sex? In this episode, we’re talking about all the unexpected things we experience during sex, but that no one ever talks about openly! We’re giving you the run-down on the most embarrassing bodily functions, how to avoid them, what to do in the moment when they happen, and reassurance that these things are perfectly normal. And we even round it out with some hilarious stories from our listeners, so we can all stop feeling so embarrassed and alone! Links & Resources: Previous Episode: Episode 99: The Bristle Reaction: What It Is, How It Happens, And What You Can Do To Fix It (https://vmtherapy.com/episode99 ) Previous Episode: Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) (https://vmtherapy.com/episode49 ) Previous Episode: Episode 68: The Ultimate Butt Stuff Episode (https://vmtherapy.com/episode68 ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 12, 2023

Today’s episode is inspired by the popular Reddit thread, Am I The Asshole? We’re giving you our hot takes on some of the trickiest situations submitted by our audience. Tune in for stories about faking orgasms for 24 years, forgetting your partner's birthday, and even unknowingly being someone's first time! Grab your partner and join us for this entertaining episode that’s sure to get you debating right alongside us. Once you’re done listening, let us know your favorite story and whether or not you agree with our stance! Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/ ) Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/ ) Guide: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠⁠ If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode125 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 5, 2023

Did you know that 86% of people worry that their sex life is too boring? It’s so easy to get caught up in anxiety about your sex life. You can’t help but wonder if everyone else is doing it more often than you are, or if they’re enjoying it more. And let’s be honest - it’s hard to get excited about doing the same thing, in the same place, at the same time, every time… In today’s episode, we’re sharing 5 secrets to shift sex with your partner from ho-hum to mind-blowing! Get ready for some simple but powerful changes you can implement tonight. Links & Resources: Course: The Sex Challenge (http://vmtherapy.com/challenge/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( http://DipseaStories.com/pillow ). Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode124 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 28, 2023

Whenever we ask parents what gets in the way of intimacy after kids, the most frequent answer we hear is time. As a parent, everything becomes about the kids, and it feels like there’s no space or energy for intimacy. But your partner and the love you share are special, and deserve your time. So let’s talk about how to create that. We asked the parents in our audience to share their best advice for other parents, and we've prepared a buffet of tips to support you on your journey to reconnect! Tune in and get ready to reignite the spark in your relationship, even amidst the beautiful chaos of parenthood. Links & Resources: Course: The Sex Challenge (http://vmtherapy.com/love/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com ( http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode123 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 21, 2023

Does your partner ever touch you in ways, times, or places that you don't feel comfortable with? A staggering 78% of people have experienced unwanted touch in their relationships. We’re talking things like boob honks, humping from behind, and ass smacks. So what are you supposed to do when the person you love and trust is touching your body in ways that you don’t like? There’s one thing we’re clear on: it’s your body, and you get to decide how it gets touched. That being said, there can be nuances in these kinds of situations. What if you’ve never told your partner you don’t like that kind of touch? What if you know your partner has good intentions, but just isn’t understanding your boundaries? In this episode, we're not just highlighting the problem; we're providing solutions. We'll walk you through the three most common scenarios when it comes to unwanted touch in relationships, and provide practical guidance on how to tackle them. Whether you're seeking advice on communication, setting boundaries, or understanding consent, we've got you covered. Links & Resources: Guide: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) Guide: Survivor’s Guide (https://free.vmtherapy.com/survivors-guide-opt-in/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com ( http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode122 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 14, 2023

Are you a woman who wants sex more than your male partner? All we see on TV, movies, and social media is men wanting it more, so if that’s not the case in your relationship, you may feel like something is horribly wrong. But after polling our community, we found that almost half of male-female relationships have this dynamic! That has even been the case for us in seasons of our relationship. We’re here to remove the shame, show you how normal it is for the woman to want sex more often, and tell you what to do to balance your libidos. Because mismatched sex drives - regardless of who has the higher drive - don’t need to be a dealbreaker. In this episode you’ll learn: Real life responses from men and women about how higher female libido affects them The 4 ways couples accidentally make things worse The single most overlooked step that could make a world of difference Links & Resources: Guide: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow ). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode121 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 7, 2023

Today we’re putting Xander in the hot seat and making him answer all your burning questions about male behavior. Why do they hook boobs? Why are they such big babies when they’re sick? And of course, the age-old question: what's the deal with their marathon bathroom visits? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights. Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode120 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 31, 2023

Jealousy is one of the most difficult emotions to face, and it feels even trickier when it comes up in your romantic relationship. It’s such a common feeling to have, but it’s also so challenging to even acknowledge. We asked our community to share what stirs up jealousy in their relationship. Four core themes emerged: work, friendships, sex, and attraction to others. We work through these real-life examples and give you a powerful toolkit for grappling with jealousy in your relationship. Most importantly, you’ll learn to pay attention to what jealousy is really trying to tell you. After listening to this episode, you’ll feel empowered to face your feelings head on. And you might be surprised by what you learn when you do... Links & Resources: Challenge: The Sex Challenge (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/30-day-sex-challenge-evergreen/ ) Challenge: The Connection Challenge (http://vmtherapy.com/connection/ ) Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode119 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 24, 2023

Foreplay? More like the BEST way! Today we’re talking about the part of sex that never gets the credit it deserves - foreplay! Foreplay is the number one way to get your partner to orgasm, and one of the best ways to create more intimacy, connection, and excitement. With all those benefits, why aren’t we doing it more often? 88% of men and 59% of women say they want more! But 67% of women feel like they’re “too needy” for wanting foreplay, 56% say they struggle to receive it, and 62% say foreplay feels boring or awkward. With numbers like that, we know you can relate! In today’s episode, we lay out the 5 things we’re all getting wrong about foreplay, how to have more, and how to make it better than ever. Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides ( http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow ( http://DipseaStories.com/pillow ). Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode118 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 17, 2023

What do you assume or secretly suspect about us? Or what have you simply been curious about? In this episode, we’re diving headfirst into the assumptions you sent our way after we posted those questions on Instagram. From light-hearted and sexy to profoundly personal, your submissions held nothing back, and we’re sharing our vulnerable and honest truths! Our goal? To make you chuckle, perhaps catch you off guard (like we were when reading some of these), and give you a peek behind the curtain. Join us for a hilarious episode that will challenge your assumptions and have you shouting, "I did not see that coming!” Links & Resources: Our NYT Bestselling Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life ( https://sextalksbook.com/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode117 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 10, 2023

Do you ever find yourself mid-sentence with your partner and realize that they’re not even remotely paying attention to you? No one wants to feel like they’re competing with a device for their partner's attention, but it’s not like you can just toss the damn thing out. If you’re frustrated with your partner’s phone usage, tune in to learn practical ways to establish better phone routines and deepen your connection irl with your partner. Links & Resources: Guide: The Connection Challenge ( https://shop.vmtherapy.com/30-day-connection-challenge-cs/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode116 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 3, 2023

How do you maintain intimacy while grieving? We’ve had many requests to create this podcast episode, and to be honest, we resisted because the topic felt so heavy. But then we experienced our own loss - our beloved companion, Winston the pug. Suddenly, we were trying to figure out how to navigate sex and grief in our own relationship. In this incredibly vulnerable episode, we share our experience of mourning. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but we hope our story can help others on the same path. With insights from our community, we explore various approaches to intimacy, recognizing the complexities and intensity of this experience. Tune in to discover how to honor individual grieving processes while finding solace and connection amidst the sorrow. We may be tearful and still in the healing process, but there is still joy to be had, and we’re here to help you find it. Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode115 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 27, 2023

Has your partner ever done or said something painful, leaving you wondering, “Can we come back from this?” Sometimes you need an outside party to either guide you and your partner through moving past the hurt, or to validate that the relationship can’t survive the blow. Prepare yourself to hear some pretty spicy takes as we examine each situation and get real about when to talk it out, when to just plain walk, and how to know the difference. Because while we fully support communication and forgiveness, we also advocate the enforcement of boundaries, intention, and respect. Tune in to the episode, then meet us over on IG and let us know if you agree with our advice or have your own hot take! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription. Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode114 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 20, 2023

Want to unlock the secrets to great pregnancy sex? We know, your body feels alien to you, your hormones are all over the place, and somehow all the things that used to work in the bedroom just don’t feel the same anymore. But don’t worry, it’s still possible to keep the fires burning while pregnant. We’re here to guide you through the most common challenges couples face during this extraordinary journey. We’re talking about things like body image issues, fears of hurting the baby, and libido changes. Grab your partner and tune in together, because this episode will leave you feeling ready to reconnect! Links & Resources: Challenge: The Sex Challenge (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/30-day-sex-challenge-vol-2-cs/) Course: Art Of initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Course: Next level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Masterclass: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/byslbtl-2/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to drinkAG1.com/PILLOW (http://drinkAG1.com/PILLOW ) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode113 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 13, 2023

Compliments. They sound like such a small act but they can make such a huge difference in the intimacy of your relationship. But for most couples, compliments are surprisingly hard to come by! Maybe you’ve never been good at receiving them, so now your partner doesn’t feel it’s worth the effort. Maybe your family never gave compliments when you were growing up, so you’re uncomfortable with them. Or maybe you’ve simply forgotten how sweet they can be! We’re here to help you figure out what your partner wants to hear, and how to move past the blockages that leave you tongue tied. Our tips will create little moments of happiness and gratitude in your relationship, and remind you what you love about each other. This compliment roadmap is also the perfect soundtrack to play in the background, allowing your partner to "accidentally" overhear our tips. Warning: this episode can cause butterflies, excessive kisses, and possible trips to the nearest bedroom. Links & Resources: Course: The Connection Challenge (http://vmtherapy.com/connection/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow50 and use code pillow50 to get 50% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode112 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 6, 2023

Why is it so hard to talk to your partner about sex? You talk about everything else, but the minute it becomes about your sex life, they shut down. It’s not just you! In our recent Instagram poll, 52% of people reported having this issue with a partner. In this episode, we dissect the four most common reasons why partners refuse to talk about sex, and help you understand the reasons your partner may behave this way. We give you specific examples of what to say (and not say) so you can get past the stonewalling and dismissal and have open and real conversations about your sex life. So if you’re ready to break down some walls and create the intimacy you desire, then tune in! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) Free Guide: The Survivor’s Guide (http://vmtherapy.com/survivor/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Go to drinkAG1.com/PILLOW (http://drinkAG1.com/PILLOW) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode111 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 29, 2023

Want to hear some of the craziest things that have ever happened to our community in the middle of sex? We asked you guys to share your most hysterical and mortifying stories, and wow did you deliver! We may be serious about sex education, but we also think there’s a lot of humor to find in all the awkward mishaps! We choose not to shrink in shame, especially if it makes for a great story! So if you’re looking for a good belly laugh or just want to delight in some cautionary tales, buckle up, because these are the cream of the crop. If you love these as much as we do, let us know. And maybe you’ve got one good enough to make the cut for part 2? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode110 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 22, 2023

Are you frustrated by how sex gets initiated in your relationship? Does the way your partner initiates feel boring, frustrating, or annoying? Do you find yourself feeling too self-conscious or awkward to initiate? If so, you’re not alone! We polled our audience, and only 17% of people were happy with the state of initiation with their partners. Shocked by those initial findings, we decided to dig even deeper with an in-depth survey. Over 10,000 people responded! In this episode, we break down the fascinating results. Who initiates most often? Who gets turned down most often? Does having kids affect initiation? Bad initiation sucks in the moment, but it goes even deeper than that. You might find yourself asking, “Is it me? Does my partner still find me attractive? Do they not think I’m worth the effort anymore?” You may find yourself losing attraction for your partner, or desiring sex less. You might wind up arguing, going cold, or questioning your compatibility. This is a big issue in relationships, and it’s crucial that we solve it! Links & Resources: Guide: The Art Of Initiation (http://vmtherapy.com/initiation/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode109 . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 15, 2023

Real talk - are you faking orgasms? There are so many understandable reasons why you may have started faking. Maybe you were trying to protect your partner’s ego, or trying to make it seem like there was good chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you were worried about taking too long to orgasm, or maybe you‘d never had one so you didn’t even know how you were supposed to get there with your partner. But what do you do if you’re now in the situation where you’ve been faking for so long that you don’t know how to get yourself out of the hole? We have good news and better news. First, you’re not broken and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. And we have three options for how to stop faking and start having the orgasms that you deserve! Because life’s too short to fake your way through sex. Links & Resources: Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/ ) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Athletic Greens. Go to athleticgreens.com/pillow (http://athleticgreens.com/pillow) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode108 . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 8, 2023

This week, we’re dedicating an entire episode to our queer community! Inclusivity is one of our core company values, and while we try to make all of our content as inclusive as possible, we wanted to highlight and celebrate our queer community in this special episode. It was important to us to center the queer experience, so we asked our queer community members to share questions they would love to ask to other queer people. We got questions like: Best tips for navigating the coming out process? How do I honor my bisexuality in a straight-facing relationship? How do I navigate being queer but not feeling "queer enough"? It was beautiful to witness our audience spread love and compassion to one another. (And to be honest, most of it’s good advice for ANY relationship, because love is love, no matter the gender or orientation.) So this episode is really a love letter from us, giving a voice to a group of people so often overlooked when it comes to content about love and relationships. We see you, we honor you, and we hope you leave this episode knowing you deserve happiness, you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin, and you are enough. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode107 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 1, 2023

In over 100 episodes of Pillow Talks, we’ve never had a guest. But we broke the mold to bring on Tracy O’Malley, and after hearing this episode, we think you’ll understand why. Tracy is a phenomenal Enneagram expert who helps you understand how your personality type affects how you show up in life and love. We thought it would be fun to do a couples session with Tracy, and we gave her full permission to share our strengths and challenges with you. We were absolutely blown away - like jaws on the floor - by how accurately she described our relationship. She explained how our Enneagram types (5 and 7) work in a relationship, the ways we’re accidentally driving each other nuts, and how we can show each other more grace. And she even provided tons of guidance for how people of any type can use the Enneagram to improve their relationships. (Just wait until you hear her tip about our younger selves...) Whether you’re an Enneagram newbie or pro, or if you just want an intimate peek into the inner workings of our relationship, this episode is a must-listen! Click here (https://www.tracyomalley.com/) and use code PILLOW to access Tracy O’Malley’s Enneagram Type Blueprint for 5% off! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode106 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 25, 2023

Get ready for the highly anticipated sequel to one of our most popular episodes yet! Back in Episode 91 we asked the age-old question, “Is This Normal?” We're back to deliver another round of jaw-dropping, mind-boggling, and side-splitting revelations in our second installment. You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal to resent my husband after having a baby? Is it normal that I started masturbating at age five? Is it normal for a man to need assistance to get hard? Is it normal being bored AF with partnered sex? And so much more! Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod your head in recognition as we address your questions head-on! Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Rediscovering Desire ( https://shop.vmtherapy.com/rediscovering-desire/) Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com ( http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/PILLOW (http://StoryWorth.com/PILLOW) . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode105 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 18, 2023

Friends, followers, and first-time listeners, gather 'round for a podcast episode like no other! Get ready to dive into our New York Times instant best-selling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life . With special permission from our publisher Simon & Schuster, we’re able to share the entire first chapter of the audiobook with you! The first chapter is a special one. After listening, you’ll understand why sex starts to feel so complicated in long-term relationships. You’ll no longer feel alone or scared about the future of your relationship. (So many people have told us they were in tears in the first few pages.) And you’ll feel inspired and excited to have these five Sex Talks with your partner! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Athletic Greens. Go to athleticgreens.com/pillow (http://athleticgreens.com/pillow) to get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode104 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 11, 2023

Our “What Do Men Really Think About” episodes were so popular that we knew we just had to do an episode about what women are really thinking! So we asked our Instagram community to give us topics they’ve always been curious about, and we turned those questions into polls that we asked women to answer. This week, we’re sharing what women really think about topics like penis performance issues, masturbation, penis size, period sex (wait until you hear Xander’s story about his college girlfriend), and so much more! Links & Resources: Guide: Modern Man’s Guide (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/modern-mans-guide/) Guide: Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: 👉 ⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) Bundle: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/) (Foreplay Guides — Vulva and Penis Editions, Next Level Intercourse, Butt Stuff, Dirty Talk 101) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode103 . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 4, 2023

You wanna go another round? Because we DEFINITELY do! It’s time for part 2 of Smash Or Pass, our series where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips. This time it’s all about intercourse. If you haven’t listened to the first one (episode 97), make sure you head over there after this episode. We thought we went as far out of the box as we’d ever go in that first episode, but we were wrong. Let’s just say that in this episode, we go to new heights of what we’re willing to do on air for you! Tune in to hear our hot takes on these intercourse tips, the most disastrous tip we’ve ever heard, and which ones were actually Pillow Talks Approved. Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com ) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode102 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 27, 2023

Have you ever looked at your partner and thought to yourself, “I love you, but I don’t like you right now”? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! We’ve been dying to do an episode about the topic, but when we polled our audience on IG, it quickly became obvious that this needed to be a series, not just a single episode. So this week, we’re focusing on one of the most frequent complaints - gaming. 40% of our Instagram community said gaming is hurting their relationship. The gamers are feeling dismissed and misunderstood, and the partners are feeling lonely and unprioritized. In this episode, we’ll teach you how to both be accountable for your wants and needs, how to avoid common pitfalls, and even reveal the 3 things that gamers wish you knew as a non-gamer. Whether you’re listening together or solo, we hope you take some notes to help you get on the same page, because no hobby should come in between you and your partner. Head on over to our Instagram afterwards and tell us what you found most helpful, and also, let us know what you’d like to see as the next topic in the series! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook ( https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/PILLOW (http://StoryWorth.com/PILLOW) Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode101 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 20, 2023

Can you believe this is our 100th episode??? We knew we had to do something super special to commemorate the occasion, so we decided to play “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. There’s even one answer that we had to censor. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. (Let’s just say Vanessa got a little too excited to turn it into a competition!) Afterwards, you can play our version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores! In all seriousness though, doing 100 episode of Pillow Talks has been an honor and a joy. Thank you for coming along for the ride with us! Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide: Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode100 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 13, 2023

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? We recently made a TikTok about this term that Vanessa created, and 8 million people watched! The Bristle Reaction is when your partner comes in for a hug or a kiss, and you feel yourself recoil. No matter how much you love your partner, there are times when their touch can immediately create a sense of tension. We polled our Instagram audience and found out 84% of people have experienced The Bristle Reaction. Even though it’s so common, most people have no idea what to do about it. In fact, that’s been the main comment on our viral TikTok: “How do we fix it?” So strap in, because we’ve got what you need! We go through the 3 major reasons why The Bristle Reaction happens, and 6 ways to overcome it. If you’re ready to start enjoying your partner’s touch again, this episode is a must-listen! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) Guide: Initiation 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/initiation101/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60 ) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode99 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 6, 2023

It’s time to talk about Dead Bedrooms. Does your sex life feel like a ghost of what it used to be? Has it felt that way so long that you don’t know if it will ever recover? Are you grappling with feelings of isolation, loneliness, shame, and/or hopeless? First of all, please know that you’re not alone. When we reached out to our Instagram audience asking people to share their stories of Dead Bedrooms, we were completely overwhelmed by the number of responses. There are so many couples feeling weighed down by not just the loss of their sex life, but their intimacy altogether. Their stories were so layered that “it’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s been going on. So let’s talk about what it’s like to live with a Dead Bedroom and what you can do about it. We sifted through all the stories our community members sent in, and picked one to dissect live in this episode. You’ll get an intimate peek at what’s really going on in another couple’s bedroom. We’ll give you plenty of resources for navigating the pain and frustration, tips for getting the conversation going, and advice on navigating common pitfalls. A Dead Bedroom only stays that way if you let it; we’re here to help you resuscitate it! Links & Resources: Guide: Milfs, Dilfs, Pilfs (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/) Guide: Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to zocdoc.com/pillow (http://zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode98 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 30, 2023

We’ve all seen the articles from cheesy women’s magazines (and TikTok)…“10 foolproof ways to drive your man wild in bed!” But so many of the tips just sound weird. (Slipping a donut over his penis? Really?) There’s a never-ending supply of suggestions to supposedly turn up the heat in the bedroom, but do any of them actually work?? We asked our Instagram audience to share the sex tips they’ve always been curious about, and decided to be the guinea pigs for you! Along with some hilarious sex mishaps and admitting which ones made us run screaming, you’re gonna get the scoop on which sex tips are worth a try and which ones were truly just doomed from the start. You’ll even get to hear our actual voice memos from our experiments. Gulp. It was truly a wild ride, but since we’re doing this in the name of science, we also give you a cheat code or two on how to turn what sounds like a click-bait nightmare into a little trick to keep up your sleeve when you’re feeling like mixing it up. Links & Resources: Guide: The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://dipseastories.com/pillow) . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode97 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 23, 2023

Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM? It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices we’ve made about bed times, bed arrangements, to cuddle or not to cuddle, and what to do with the dogs when it’s time for lights out. Now, we couldn’t talk about sleep habits without talking about the ever-popular subject of sex dreams, so don’t miss out on the hilarious revelations of what really gets our subconscious motors running and how we feel about not always co-starring in each other’s fantasies. (Heads up: At the very end of the episode, we define sexsomnia, how it can be a game-changer, and how it can bring up tricky issues around consent.) Links & Resources: YouTube Video: What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Ux8UMSiMg/) Our Instagram: Vanessa + Xander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode96 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 16, 2023

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder? We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load. Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment. Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership. Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) Podcast Episode Callback: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship (https://vmtherapy.com/episode4/) Podcast Episode Callback: Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence (https://vmtherapy.com/episode35) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode95 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 9, 2023

Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do! It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex therapist and a regular dude partnered up to change to world one orgasm at a time? We’ll go into all of that and more in this episode, as we talk about building our brand on IG, spilling our secrets on the podcast, and changing as many relationships as possible with our classes and guides. So whether it’s your first time or your 50th, take a listen as we stroll down memory lane and share some great advice from the OG’s that have been here with us from the beginning. We promise, it’s gonna get weird! Links & Resources: Our #1 recommended guide : The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Our most comprehensive course: Better, Hotter, More (https://bhm.vmtherapy.com/) All our courses: The Courses Page (https://vmtherapy.com/courses/) Our book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow) . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode94 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 2, 2023

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather? We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge. Spoiler alert: Would You Rather is a silly game, but it’s also a sneaky and effective way to start genuinely useful conversations with your partner! Would you rather listen to a sex therapist and a regular dude dig into some thought (and laughter) provoking questions, OR miss out on the funniest hour of your life? Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/ ) Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/ ) Past Episode: Episode 83 How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument (https://vmtherapy.com/episode83) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow . (http://RocketMoney.com/pillow) Rocket Money could save you hundreds a year! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode93 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 23, 2023

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller! But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks. So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able and ready to reveal. So pull up a seat and sip your tea while we spill all of ours! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode92 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 16, 2023

Have you ever had a question that you were too embarrassed to even Google? You know, the kinda stuff that you don’t even talk about with your best friend. The stuff that makes you ask, “Is this normal?” Well we have, and that’s why we decided to make an episode covering all the topics you can’t ask anywhere else. We asked you for your most embarrassing questions, then polled them all on Instagram. We collected enough evidence to prove, definitively, that no matter how you feel about any of these topics, you are certainly not alone! Tune in to hear us reveal some surprising outcomes, some hysterical hot takes, and the truth about what it means to be “normal”. Links & Resources: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠⁠ Guide: A Year of Creative Dates Masterclass: How To Know What You Want In the Bedroom YouTube: Is Your Vulva Normal Podcast Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells Podcast Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Podcast Episode 43: How to STOP Getting Distracted During Sex! Podcast Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode91 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 9, 2023

Is it OK if you and your partner keep finding yourselves coming back to the missionary position during sex? Does that make your relationship - gasp! - vanilla? Missionary often gets judged as being boring, predictable, or beginner, and a lot of us feel embarrassed to admit that we like it. Well, take it from a sex therapist… vanilla is popular for a reason. Missionary can be wildly intimate, erotic, and even kinky when it’s done right. In this episode, we show you all the different ways to spice up Missionary. You don’t have to step outside of the box every night to have a smoking hot sex life; just a few tweaks can majorly turn up the heat! Links & Resources: Next Level Intercourse Dirty Talk Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow . RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode90 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 2, 2023

Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation. Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code! Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you covered. This episode is jam packed with tips for rekindling the connection, how to get your partner on board with creating more intimacy, and even some real-life feedback from couples who have used our advice to find their way back to each other. Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (available for preorder until Feb 7th) Challenge: Intimate or Nasty (Preorders get $30 off this challenge) Free Guide: How To Get Your Partner On Board For Intimate Or Nasty If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode89 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 26, 2023

When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now. After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode88 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 19, 2023

If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book? In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder! Links & Resources: Sex Talks If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow . RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode87 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 12, 2023

It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal. We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Dirty Talk Initiation 101 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow . RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode86 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 5, 2023

What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet. Links & Resources: Sex Talks The Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode85 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 29, 2022

What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it! So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything. We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book Preorder If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode84 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 22, 2022

Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection. Links & Resources: Mental Load Workbook If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 15, 2022

On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at vmtherapy.com/episode82 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 8, 2022

It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit. Links & Resources: Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide Episode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around Mental Load Workbook A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode81 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 1, 2022

Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes. In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one! Links & Resources: Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode80 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 23, 2022

Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know. So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time. Links & Resources: Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode79 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 17, 2022

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day. In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around! Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 10, 2022

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”. Links & Resources: Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business! Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Finishing School If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 3, 2022

Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!) So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there. Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Sex Drive Types Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Butt Stuff Better, Hotter, More Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner Survivor’s Guide If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode76 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 27, 2022

You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties. Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?” We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think! Links & Resources: Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves Mental Load Workbook If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode75 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 20, 2022

You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…” Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now. Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode. Links and Resources: Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 13, 2022

Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often. Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries? Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject. Links & Resources: Sex Drive Type Initiation 101 Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode73 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 6, 2022

Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence. Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure. Links & Resources: Be sure to pre-order our new book, Sex Talks, by going to sextalksbook.com Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides Guide: Next Level Intercourse If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode72 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 29, 2022

You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥 On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first. We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite positions, fantasies, burst ear drums, and more. It’s a roller coaster of emotions as we get vulnerable, admit some hard truths, and reveal some things we have never said to each other, much less on air. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode71 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 22, 2022

Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive. Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll try to make you laugh along the way. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at birchliving.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode70 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 15, 2022

Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color? We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche. And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship. Don’t miss the laughter, the deep dives, and return of Xander’s dulcet tones serenading the podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode69 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 9, 2022

No, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back! We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣 In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the one big fear that so many of us have… will there be poop?! We know there’s some fear and anxiety surrounding the back door, because 72% of our Instagram audience said they’re intimidated by butt stuff. But with 67% admitting to still being curious, we decided to bust those myths and give you the facts so you can decide if anal play is worth a try. (Pssst! It is!) Links & Resources: 👉 ⁠⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠ If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode68 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 1, 2022

Definition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode! We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all of them!) Some of our answers may surprise you, but we promise you will be entertained. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode67 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 25, 2022

You’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now. You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business “fails.” We get vulnerable about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the journey that took us from corporate hell to living out our dreams together. And stick around to the end to be the first to hear what’s coming next! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at BirchLiving.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode66 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 18, 2022

Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest. Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex. Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts, sexual identities, doing things “the right way”, doing something too much or not enough or not at all. It’s EXHAUSTING, but it doesn’t have to be! Sex should be about pleasure and joy, freedom and exploration, certainly not about worry and regret. In this episode, we walk you through reprogramming the way you approach sex in your life, in 7 steps. Links & Resources: PDF Guide: 7 Steps to Deconstructing Sexual Shame If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode65 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 11, 2022

Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now. So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase? In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ feelin’! (Psst - Xander even sings about it within the first four minutes of this episode…) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow . Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode64 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 4, 2022

Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner? Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”? Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed. This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should. There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge orgasm gap in male-female sex, so we break it down into 3 main categories, complete with real-life examples. (Including an example from our own relationship!) We firmly believe that everyone who wants an orgasm, gets an orgasm. This episode will take you through, step-by-step, exactly to make sure that happens! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode63 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 28, 2022

Are you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone! This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build. Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column style — with real life stories and questions from our audience. As we help them troubleshoot, we’ll be giving easy to implement tips on approaching money issues in relationships. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode62 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 21, 2022

Are you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom? As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another? A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m just EXHAUSTED!” In this episode, we’re here to give you practical tips to creating the sex life you deserve! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode61 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 14, 2022

You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption! What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered - or even flat-out refuses? In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode60 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 7, 2022

In today’s episode we’re diving into something that 74% of our audience have never done - roleplay! Most people think that roleplaying feels awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about not knowing who to roleplay, not being able to get or stay in character, and generally embarrassing themselves. But we think that roleplaying can be a whole lot of fun - and can even be a great way to feel more present in the bedroom! So in today’s episode, we’re going to give you our step-by-step roadmap for easing into roleplaying, and discovering your confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode59 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 30, 2022

Today’s episode is about one of the most underrated sex acts that you’re probably not doing… mutual masturbation! Even if your face is already beet red, we’re going to do our best to convince you why masturbation isn’t something you should do alone or in secret. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode58 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 23, 2022

“Should I have to stop hanging out with my ex because my girlfriend said so?” “Is it my husband’s job to say something to my rude in-laws?” We’re answering these spicy questions and many more in today’s episode of Pillow Talks! Most of us get annoyed by things our partner says or does — but is it their problem, or ours ? Is it their responsibility to fix, or is it something we need to learn how to live with? Today we’re answering the question, “Is this your shit or mine?” If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode57 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 16, 2022

Every day we get DMs from women asking Xander what men REALLY think about everything from pubic hair to emotional intimacy. We decided we had to devote an entire podcast episode to this topic, so we gathered your most common questions and concerns, and put Xander in the hot seat. We also asked the men in our Instagram audience for their feedback. We’re giving you an invaluable peek inside the hearts and minds of men all over the world. Topics include: Cellulite How many sexual partners a woman has had Do men compare their partner to others? Vulvas (smell, look, taste) Giving oral sex If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode56 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 9, 2022

Love it or hate it, 69 is one of the most infamous sex acts. We just had to give it it’s own episode, especially since today is also 6/9. We’re sharing how we really feel about 69, plus 6.9 amazing tips for having the most fun in this position. You also do not want to miss the hilarious stories our audience shared with us! But that’s not all! It’s also the 1 year anniversary of the Pillow Talks Podcast! We asked you for your favorite moments and jokes from the year, and we’re sharing some of your answers. It’s a really fun walk down memory lane! Links & Resources: Online Courses & Guides If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode55 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 2, 2022

We were WRONG. Well, Vanessa was. She thought there was no way our last Ask Us Anything episode would be popular, but it ended up being one of our most listened-to episodes! So we decided to do a Part 2 with more of the most asked and most interesting personal questions we’ve gotten. We’re talking about: What we fight about What we won’t do sexually Vanessa’s ultra-personal therapy update What our families think about us being in the sex therapy business What we keep private from our Instagram audience And so much more! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode54 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 26, 2022

Have you ever read a romance novel or watched a sex scene and felt turned on by reading or seeing something kinda kinky that you’ve never even thought of doing in the bedroom before? Maybe you like the sex you’re having now, but you’ve heard of some naughty things that make you a little…curious. This episode is your introduction to kink: what it is, why you might want to experiment with it, and how to actually go about trying it in a safe, healthy way! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode53 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 19, 2022

You’re innocently folding the laundry, just minding your own business, when your partner comes up behind you, brushes your hair away from your ear and whispers “I want you. NOW.” They order you to take off your clothes. They push you down onto the bed, and ravage you from head to toe. We’ve all had this fantasy, right? It’s SO sexy to think about your partner taking control. But what is it about this control fantasy that’s so appealing? You might be surprised to find out... If you’ve ever wanted your (male) partner to take control in the bedroom, this episode is a must-listen! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode52 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 12, 2022

“Why should I have to flirt with my partner? We’ve been together forever!” A lot of us in long-term relationships feel hesitant to flirt with our partner. It feels awkward, clunky, or just plain unnecessary. But flirting is an amazing way to ignite that spark you once had and remind you of those exciting early days of your relationship. Most importantly: flirting can make both of you feel SO good about the way you see each other. We know it can feel daunting to flirt with your partner, especially if you’re out of practice or don’t consider yourself good at it, so we’re doing a whole episode on exactly how to flirt. Even if you feel like flirting “isn’t for me” or doesn’t come naturally to you, we promise that this episode will boost your confidence and have you trying out some new techniques ASAP — and don’t blame us if things get a little sweeter (and spicier)! 😉 If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode51 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 5, 2022

You know that thing you really want to tell your partner but you just... don’t know how? Maybe you’re nervous, you really don’t want to hurt their feelings, or it feels like the time is never right. Well, you’re not alone! Our Instagram audience hit us with alllll the things they wish they could tell their partner, and we’re giving them our best advice for how to keep it real while avoiding the dreaded “we need to talk” opener. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode50 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 28, 2022

Squirting: is it real? Where does it come from? IS IT PEE?! In this episode, we are doing a deep dive on the mystery of squirting: specifically what it is, why it happens, and how we all became so obsessed with it. Join us for a very educational episode and learn why this topic gets Vanessa so fired up! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode49 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 21, 2022

Can’t remember the last time you had sex? Or maybe you remember the exact day and it’s been... too long. It’s time to talk about one of the most-dreaded issues that comes up in relationships... DRY SPELLS! You might find yourself wondering if there’s an end in sight. Has your relationship cooled off for good? When you do have sex again, is it going to be awkward or bad, leading to yet another dry spell? Or maybe you’re scaring yourself because you don’t even miss having sex at all! Dry spells can send you to some really dark places, but we’re here to tell you: there is hope! In this episode, we’re giving you five tips for combatting dry spells, no matter your circumstance. We’re also talking about preventing this issue, so even if you’re not in a dry spell right now, you don’t want to miss this episode! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode48 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 14, 2022

You’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.) What does it mean?? For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs. What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean are two very different animals, so in today’s episode, we are going there. Whether your partner has trouble getting and staying hard, orgasming too quickly/taking too long to orgasm, we’re talking about how these issues have affected us in our relationship and giving you all of our best tips for navigating them in (and out) of the moment. And, spoiler alert, this episode turned into a mini therapy session for us! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode47 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Apr 7, 2022

If you’re like many people, hygiene seems pretty basic. Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, what’s so hard about that? So you may find yourself confused about why your partner can’t seem to take good care of themselves. How can your partner expect you to want to kiss them, have sex with them, or even be attracted to them in the first place if they haven’t kept up basic hygiene habits? In today’s episode, we’re tackling the topic you’ve been dying for us to address: your partner’s hygiene - or lack thereof. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode46 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 31, 2022

Is squirting really just pee? Can pineapple make your vulva taste and smell sweet? What the heck is the deal with belly button sex?? We turned to Instagram to ask, “What’s something you’ve heard about sex and aren’t sure if it’s true?” Some of these urban legends are funny, some of them are damaging and harmful, and some of them are actually true! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode45 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 24, 2022

Do you find yourself wishing your partner would share more about their emotions, or at least just more details about how their day went? If your partner never opens up to you, it can leave you feeling pretty damn lonely. You may even find yourself feeling suspicious about why they won’t share more with you. In this episode, we’re giving you practical tips on how to get your partner to “open up”, once and for all. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode44 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 17, 2022

Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss. Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame that you’re not able to stay focused during sex. In this episode we’re giving you lots of practical tools for how you (and your partner) can navigate distractions and stay more present during sex. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode43 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 10, 2022

“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed? The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rankings” for how compatible (and incompatible) we are. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode42 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 3, 2022

So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode41 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 24, 2022

What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood? This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place. In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode40 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 17, 2022

You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?! This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode39 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 10, 2022

There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex. In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) answer to what comes first — emotional or physical connection, and talk about how to end the ‘stand-off’ once and for all. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode38 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 3, 2022

One of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there! We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions and discussing how we decided to be child-free, the way we told our families and how they reacted, and the feelings that come up around knowing we won’t have children. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode37 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 27, 2022

What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker? This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode36 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 20, 2022

Has your partner ever done a task so poorly or asked you so many questions that you finally just said “fine, I’ll do it myself!”? This is called weaponized incompetence, and while your partner may not mean for it to be, it can be harmful in a relationship. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to identify weaponized incompetence, how it shows up in OUR relationship, and what to do if you or your partner are doing this. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode35 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 13, 2022

We all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more. If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear of being turned down! If you’re the lower desire partner, you might be feeling ashamed, like there’s something wrong with you. You may even be tempted to start giving your partner half-hearted sex or intimacy in an attempt to appease them. Unfortunately, none of these techniques end up being very successful, and in fact tend to only reinforce the feeling of imbalance. In this week's podcast episode, we show you how to unravel these painful dynamics. Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Mental Load Workbook Initiation 101 Masterclass Check out our YouTube channel If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode34 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jan 6, 2022

Full transparency: we didn’t know if we were going to release this episode. We’re talking about everything from how we processed the chaos that is the holidays to whether we upheld our “Holiday Classic” sex pact. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode33 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 30, 2021

This episode is all about making 2022 the best year of your relationship yet! Get our five favorite sustainable and actionable tips for making your relationship a priority next year. Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge Ultimate Foreplay Guides Sex Position Playbook Mental Load Workbook Follow us on Instagram Get on our email list If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode32 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 23, 2021

Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? Have WE ever thought about opening up our relationship? Some see it as a necessity to fully express their sexuality while others think it might be the perfect salve for a hurting relationship. One thing’s for sure, open relationships are subject to a lot of misconceptions. Tune in to find out what open relationships are all about, and find out if WE are taking the steps toward this relationship structure. Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode31 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 16, 2021

Having sex when there are guests around (or when you are a guest in someone's home) can be a major source of anxiety — but sometimes you just HAVE to do it! Today, we're going to walk you through how to respectfully, discreetly get down wherever you're spending the holidays. Links & Resources: Follow us on Instagram ! We share so much behind the scenes content and you can participate in our Instagram polls for the podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode30 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 9, 2021

Attachment Style Theory looks at the ways we respond to other people based on the way we responded to our earliest relationships: our relationships with our parents. In this episode we're talking about what each style means for the people who have it, plus how the styles relate to each other. Links & Resources: Golden Rules of Communication If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode29 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dec 2, 2021

Do you have a fantasy you've always wanted to explore? Maybe your partner does as well, but it doesn't 'match up' with yours. In this episode we're diving into a five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships. Links & Resources: Top 7 Fantasies PDF If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode28 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 24, 2021

In-laws are tricky. Holidays are tricky. Put them together and you've got some truly stressful situations. In this episode we are once again going 'advice column-style' to help some of our audience members sort out their frustrations. We're talking a lot about boundaries and communication, and even if you have typically stress-free holidays, this episode is definitely entertaining. Links & Resources: Love Languages Videos If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode27 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 18, 2021

We turned to our Instagram audience @vanessamarintherapy to ask them "what makes someone good in bed?" and they DELIVERED. They also opened up on telling us what makes someone bad in bed. Do you really know what actually makes sex good? Listen to find out some major themes we noticed. We'll unpack our findings and give you practical advice to sharpen your skills in the bedroom. Links & Resources: Confidence in the Bedroom Masterclass PDF of our findings for this episode! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the Show Notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode26 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nov 11, 2021

When you hear the word 'needy', it's probably the last thing you would ever want to be described as; being needy is so steeped in shame! Today we're going to talk about what neediness is - and what it isn't - and some genuinely helpful tools for addressing neediness. Links & Resources: Simple Daily Check In (Free Guide) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes here: vmtherapy.com/episode25 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 28, 2021

What makes anal play so great anyway and why are people so intimidated by it? Well, we're answering those questions and talking about how to break through some of the objections surrounding this topic. 👉 ⁠⁠⁠ Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER) ⁠⁠ Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode23 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 21, 2021

In this episode, we're talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we've been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids. Links & Resources: Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame YouTube — The Ultimate Guide to Talk to Your Kids About Sex If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode22 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 14, 2021

Trying new sex positions is a really fun way to spice up your sex life, but it can feel super intimidating to even get started when you're already in a comfortable routine. In today's episode, we are addressing your concerns and helping you gain the confidence to dive right in and add to your repertoire! LInks & Resource: Pick up your copy of the Sex Position Playbook ! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode21 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oct 7, 2021

How do you know if or when to end a relationship? To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. These submissions cover everything from not getting 'butterflies' anymore to feeling "emotionally starved". Today, we'll be sharing some of the stories we received, walking you through these nuanced and complex situations, and offering our best advice for how to move forward. Links and Resources: Free Guide: The Golden Rules of Communication Podcast: How To Navigate Different Political, Social, and Religious Beliefs In Dating And Relationships If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode20 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 30, 2021

Awkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we're going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new. Even if you're in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner about sex. And of course, we had to share the embarrassing details about our first time! Links & Resources: Podcast Episode: No Your Partner Didn't Make You Feel That Way — Your Feelings Are Your Responsibility Free Guide: Are You Sexually Compatible? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode121 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 23, 2021

We all want to feel wanted . That's why we're talking about something that can totally change your relationship for the better, and it's something you've already done..."dating" your partner! We've heard from our community (and this is something we as a couple have gone through as well) that when you've been together for years, even decades, you can go through phases where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Maybe you have kids and you know you're on the same team, but romance has taken a back seat to parenting and just life in general. Whatever the case may be, we're excited to talk about the role desire can play in your relationship and how - yes - you can reignite that spark from the 'old days'. Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge Mental Load: What it is and how to stop it from destroying your relationship If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode18 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 16, 2021

In order to enjoy sex, we have to receive. Whether it's time, attention, love, or energy, there are so many aspects of great sex are tied into receiving. Your ability to receive can affect many things, like your ability to be present in the moment, feel pleasure, be emotionally connected to a partner, and especially to orgasm! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander talk about how you can get more comfortable with the idea of receiving in the bedroom. Links & Resources: Free Guide: 10 Ways to Feel More During Sex Video: Female Orgasm - How to Know If You've Had An Orgasm Course: Finishing School Live If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode17 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 9, 2021

Feelings. Is there anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable? It's hard enough to process your own feelings, so when your partner does something that brings up big feelings for you, it's so easy to blame them for the way you feel. But the unfortunate reality is we can't actually blame other people for how we're feeling! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss why our feelings are our own responsibility, and give their best tips for navigating challenging emotions. Links & Resources: Free Guide: The Simple Daily Check-In Every Couple Needs To Be Doing Right Now Video: Improve Your Relationship - How To Follow GOOD Relationship Advice Course: The Relationship Care Package If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode16 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sep 2, 2021

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Sex just feels so blah. I don't get what the fuss is all about"? This is one of the most common complaints we hear from women! So many women want to FEEL MORE in the bedroom, but they just don't know how. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander unpack why the key to feeling more pleasure in the bedroom is to start with masturbation. Links & Resources: Free Guide: Best Way To Have Your First Orgasm Video: Masturbation In Relationships? - A SEX Therapist's Guidelines for Self Pleasure If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode15 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 26, 2021

Politics, religion and social issues are already such divisive topics, so what happens when you disagree about them in a relationship? Should differing beliefs be deal breakers? Are they enough to end a relationship over? In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander tackle these thorny questions! Links & Resources: Video: How To Make Up After A Fight Free Guide: Simply Daily Check-In For Couples Course: The Relationship Care Package ! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode14 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 19, 2021

Anytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You're putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships. In today's episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another. Links & Resources: The Art Of Initiation If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode13 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 12, 2021

Body confidence is something that affects everyone, whether it's an occasional thing or a daily struggle. Usually we think of it as a personal issue - feeling self conscious, or having critical and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves. But there's another aspect to body confidence that actually has a huge impact on how we show up in our sex lives and relationships: our ability to let our partner love our body. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss how to let your partner love your body and share their best tips for receiving and accepting compliments from your partner. Links & Resources: Video: How To IMPROVE Body Confidence - The Ultimate Guide Guide: 3 Simple Daily Habits To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Relationship! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode12 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aug 5, 2021

When you hear the words “Sex Therapist”, you probably think of someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get it in the bedroom, right? So what happens when an aspiring sex therapist is struggling with her orgasm? In this interview-style podcast, Vanessa tells her own personal orgasm journey, and how it inspired her to start a business teaching thousands of women how to orgasm. For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode11 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 29, 2021

Good communication is really hard. We'll be the first to admit that in the heat of the moment it can be really tough to validate your partner's experience, use clear and empathic language, and also ask for your needs to be met. We make a living teaching couples how to have good communication and we STILL struggle with this. So in this episode, we're roleplaying some of our listener-submitted arguments, and breaking down their communication breakdowns. Links & Resources: Video: 5 Communication Tips For Couples Guide: Golden Rules Of Communication Masterclass: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 22, 2021

Everyone wants to know what the magic amount of sex is to keep their relationship healthy. So many of us think that if we hit a certain quota, it means out relationship is successful. So we decided to do a little experiment to see what the sex lives of our followers really look like. We created a sexual frequency and satisfaction survey, and we've now had 12,000 people respond! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode9 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 15, 2021

Did you grow up in Purity Culture? Purity Culture teaches that it's important to wait until marriage to have sex, because people who wait are more pure, wholesome, and desirable. It also has a lot to say about dressing modestly (especially for girls), pleasure being sinful, & masturbation being evil. In this week's episode, we're breaking down the effects Purity Culture can have on your sex life- and what you can do to counteract it. Links & Resources: Video: Religion And SEX - Navigating Sex, Shame, and Religion Masterclass: Masturbation Masturclass If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 8, 2021

When was the last time you had a truly amazing kiss? The sad reality is that most couples just don't really kiss anymore! A lot of us, if we're really honest with ourselves, feel a little insecure about our kissing technique. And if we're even more brutally honest, a lot of us don't really like the way our partner kisses. There's a lot of sex advice out there about oral sex technique and sex positions, but you rarely hear discussions of kissing technique. In this episode we're back to basics and talking all things kissing. Links & Resources: Video: How To Initiate - 7 Ways To Initiate Sex That Will Make Your Partner Say "HELL YES!" Guide: Foreplay Guides Masterclass: Initiate Sex So Your Partner Will Want To Say "Yes" If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode7 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jul 1, 2021

Do you think that relationships should be effortless? Or that having to work on your relationship means there's something wrong? Or does your partner think these things? A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are bad to start putting in effort. But your relationship CAN NOT survive without effort. In this episode, we reframe work in a completely different - and much more helpful, effective, and fun! - way. Links & Resources: Video: Improve Your Relationship - How To Follow GOOD Relationship Advice Guide: The Simple Daily Check-In Every Couple Needs To Be Doing Right Now Masterclass: Bring Your Sex Life Back to Life If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode6 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 24, 2021

What’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom? People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex. People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds! In this episode, we talk about what “letting go” during sex could look like, and whether that’s actually something we should be striving for in the bedroom. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode5 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 17, 2021

Do you secretly keep score of who does what in your relationship? Do you feel like your partner gets to be carefree and happy while you’re stressed out trying to hold it all together? In today's episode, we talk about one of the most popular topics we’ve ever talked about: mental load. If you’ve never heard the term before, mental load refers to the invisible mental burden of keeping track of household and family needs. Seriously, people go bananas whenever we talk about mental load, so this is an episode you don’t want to miss! Get full show notes and resources mentioned in this episode here: www.vmtherapy.com/episode4 GIVEAWAY ALERT! If you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts before June 20, we'll enter your name into a drawing to win any one of our courses for free! That’s up to a $1,000 value! (Just make sure to take a screenshot of your review and DM it to us at @vanessamarintherapy . Apple doesn’t like to show every review, so we want to make sure you get added to the giveaway.) Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave us a quick review! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 10, 2021

Should sex happen naturally? This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and it can cause some serious tension in relationships. You may want to work on improving your sex life or making changes, but your partner refuses because they think it should just happen naturally. In this episode, we're going to uncover the truth about how sex really works in a long-term relationship. We think you’re going to be pretty surprised... Get full show notes and resources mentioned in this episode here: www.vmtherapy.com/episode3 GIVEAWAY ALERT! If you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts before June 20 and we'll enter your name into a drawing to win any one of our courses for free! That’s up to a $1,000 value! (Just make sure to take a screenshot of your review and DM it to us at @vanessamarintherapy . Apple doesn’t like to show every review, so we want to make sure you get added to the giveaway.) Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave us a quick review! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 10, 2021

Has this phrase ever been uttered in your home: “We’ve talked about this a million times before”? So many of the arguments we get into with our partners are different versions of the same argument we've already had. And it can feel exhausting and demoralizing to keep having the same conflict over and over. In today’s episode, we’re introducing you to the concept of unresolvable conflict. According to research, 69% of conflicts in long-term relationships are unresolvable. What does that even mean? And what are you supposed to do if you can’t resolve a conflict? Tune in to find out! Get full show notes and resources mentioned in this episode here: www.vmtherapy.com/episode2 GIVEAWAY ALERT! If you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts before June 20 and we'll enter your name into a drawing to win any one of our courses for free! That’s up to a $1,000 value! (Just make sure to take a screenshot of your review and DM it to us at @vanessamarintherapy . Apple doesn’t like to show every review, so we want to make sure you get added to the giveaway.) Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave us a quick review! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 10, 2021

How comfortable are you talking about sex with your partner? If you’re like most people, your face is already bright red! You need to be able to talk about sex if you want to have an extraordinary sex life. So to kick off the Pillow Talks podcast, we’ve got your back with a step-by-step process for talking about sex in your relationship - even if you never have before. In this episode, we’ll walk you through five steps you need to take to get comfortable talking about sex. We’ll share funny stories of our own communication mishaps, and give you the courage to open up! Get full show notes and resources mentioned in this episode here: www.vmtherapy.com/episode1 GIVEAWAY ALERT! If you leave us a review on Apple Podcasts before June 20 and we'll enter your name into a drawing to win any one of our courses for free! That’s up to a $1,000 value! (Just make sure to take a screenshot of your review and DM it to us at @vanessamarintherapy . Apple doesn’t like to show every review, so we want to make sure you get added to the giveaway.) Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave us a quick review! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 25, 2021

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had! Whether you’re looking to learn how to orgasm, skyrocket your confidence, or rekindle the spark with your partner, Vanessa & Xander can help you identify and overcome your blockages around, and learn how to have more fun in the bedroom. Head over to vmtherapy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices