Episodes

2d ago

Great sangha friend Beth Kaiserman brings us the story of what she’s doing and why she’s here; a story about spirituality for the irreligious and making a practice out of expressing yourself from the cushion to the page to the stage, even when deep down we might get the sneaking suspicion there’s nothing to explain. Who did we learn our resistance to authority from? Is it ever possible to truly do nothing? Can we, or should we even try to, make ourselves legible?? Find out here!

Dec 12

In a rousing exhortation for retreat, Sara takes on the impossible question of what exactly happened to Buddha the night he sat too long under a tree and apparently fixed everything. Is Buddha’s enlightenment for everybody, or is that just an ego’s fantasy? Why is a sense of belonging often such a foreign concept? What are we bursting to say after days of learning to silently communicate?? Find out here!

Dec 5

“ The revolution is in the individual spirit, or it is nowhere. It is for all or it is nothing. If it is seen as having an end, it will never truly begin.” Ursula Le Guin Dave passes the caretaker torch and talks about dharma transmission, continuous practice, and never ending revolutions. Can we honor the past without being doomed to repeat it? Were the great masters of the past ever supposed to be role models? Are our charismatic teachers what’s holding us back? Find out here!

Nov 28

ACZC’s favorite poet in residence Matthew gives us a talk on Zen, creativity, and art and the many frictions and harmonies between them. Can we train spontaneity? Does Zen’s famous skepticism of the written word discourage or liberate our writing? If we’re so focused on letting our thoughts go, will we still be able to grab the good ones and get them on the page?? Find out here!

Nov 21

“You can go home again, so long as you understand that home is a place where you have never been.” - Ursula Le Guin Sara kicks off the holiday season with a Zen look at nostalgia, going home, and living the past right here in the present moment. How do we honor where we’ve been without missing where we are? Does trying to live in the present mean we’re avoiding the past? Is the past a place never to be met again, or does it always exist everywhere?? Find out here!!

Nov 14

“She said, ‘This isn’t the koan you wanted.’ And I thought about that. What do you do with a koan you don't want? Usually, if it's a koan, you didn't want it.” - Resa Alboher Long time sangha stalwart and dear friend Resa Alboher brings us the epic adventure of what brought her to ACZC across continents, decades of earth shaking world events, and moments of life altering personal ones as well. What do we with the koan we didn’t want? How do we sit still when lying down is all we can actually manage? And just what was the Buddhist scene in Moscow like at the fall of the USSR?? Find out here!

Nov 7

“What are you doing if you're not trying, or trying not to be doing something? Everything you're doing.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gives us an exhortation to hopeless faith for the hopelessly secular who might still be in the market for meaning and purpose. Can we really base a strong and sincere faith on literally nothing? Can skepticism and doubt be both the prison and the way out? Is it possible to believe in something you don’t already believe in? Is any of this up to us if the truth is it was never actually about us?? Find out here!!

Oct 31

Sara explores the trend of abundance mentalities and the uncertain economics of trying to do what you want with your life. Do we already always have what we need? Is manifesting actually a Zen thing? How much work does it take to have pulled your weight, and what’s a fair price for staring at a wall these days?? Find out here!

Oct 24

Heather makes some big life changes and takes the opportunity to explore the intimacy of not knowing. Do we need to find clarity before making a leap? Is the easiest way to steer to now know where you going? Can awkward silence be the sweetest of intimacies?? Find out here!

Oct 17

Dave brings us stories of famous Zen couples and pairings from throughout Zen history and his own life to see what we can learn about intimacy, leadership, followership, service & servitude, friendship, community, family, commitment, and our possible fears of any or all of those things. When do our loyalties become a liability? Does looking up to our bosses have to be a recipe for getting let down? Does this famously asexual tradition have a few things to teach us about intimacy?? Find out here!

Oct 10

Gyokei explores what it means to seek and find a true teacher through the story of his own yearning and search for one. Is the idea of a true teacher just one more delusion, will reality always betray our expectations? Should we practice with those we feel comfortable with or those who challenge us? Is giving up on people the best way to show your faith in them? Find out here!

Oct 3

Dave takes a historical and personal look at getting along with others and the magic sauce to finding a teacher and community you click with. Do we get to pick our sanghas any more than we get to pick our family? Is self reliance actually a Zen goal? And how do we get along in places where we’d definitely rather not belong?? Find out here!

Sep 26

Jordan walks us through a wonderfully complicated talk on being a compassionate person in our complex modern world - what we think it means, what we might wish for it to mean, and what honestly brings out the best in you and me. Can we be the kind person we long to be? How do we avoid just becoming a doormat in our kindness, and do the old teachings even want us to avoid being doormats (and are we ok with that)? Are we qualified to wield Zen’s famous so called fierce compassion, or are we kidding ourselves about that whole idea? Find out here!

Sep 19

Bryan brings us the story of growing up in a Zen that was not his own, going off to look for meaning everywhere else, only to find himself right back maybe where he started, and maybe not at all. What does it take to find ourselves enough to know when we’ve found our people? What lies underneath our ethics, and can finding it help bring us together? Is the problem actually me, or is it maybe you? Find out here!

Sep 12

Sara takes a Zen look at loneliness and the isolations we so often lament and long for. What’s the difference between loneliness and being alone? Do we get to pick our friends and community? Why do they make it sound like the goal of practice is to not need to rely on others at all, while also telling us there’s no such thing as ever truly being alone?? Find out here!

Sep 5

Dave brings us a talk on how to make peace with ourselves, guaranteed, after a difficult retreat when he’s feeling anything but peaceful. Whats the fool proof recipe to make peace with yourself and the world around you? Is it healthy to get people together in a room and convince them there's a good reason (we won’t tell you) to be uncomfortable and likely unhappy for extended lengths of time, and that your reward will be nothing? What was the final sign Dave had completely and totally given up on Zen?? Find out here!

Aug 29

Matthew takes us on a spiritual journey through his curious resistance to Zen’s boundless acceptance. Is acceptance a hindrance to growth and change? Do we ultimately fear the contentment we seek? Does our Zen have room for both aimlessness and agency?? Find out here!

Aug 22

Samm takes us on a lyrical and lucid walk through what it means to be at home wherever you are, with some infotaining side quests into the relationship between polyvagal theory and zazen along the way. Why don’t we feel safe even when we apparently are? What (if any!) control do we have over our nervous system? Is too much discipline just another distraction or is an inconsistent regimen the most disciplined kind?? Find out here!

Aug 15

Good teachers go bad - which is confusing and upsetting. Dave does his best to walk us through best practices for managing boundaries, roles, and scandals in Zen as a balanced part of this complete practice. Is there something about Zen that makes it particularly prone to scandal? Are there things about Soto Zen that make it peculiarly well setup for healthy sanghas relationships? Were our teachers ever worthy of the roles we put them in, and do we even need such teachers at all?? Find out here!

Aug 8

Sara takes an honest look at desire to see if she can afford a fulfilling life with less filling pay. How can desires lead to fulfillment? Is too little ambition just as dangerous as too much? If we really followed Buddha’s prescriptions could the internet even exist?? Find out here!

Aug 1

Our great ancestor friend Keizan takes us on a wild ride of epically thorough zazen instruction, warnings, epiphanies, inspirations, cosmic descriptions and everything in between in ACZC’s fresh new translation of his classic “Points to Keep in Mind for Zazen” (Zazen Yojinki). What is the mind and what should we do with it? What should we do with tip of our nose and our belly button during zazen? If we feel sleepy, learned, scattered, or enlightened, does Keizan have the remedy?? (Yes!) Find out here!

Jul 25

Dave gets topical with a talk on AI from the Zen perspective to see if we can shed any light on what it is, what we should do with it, and whether or not we’re getting that right. Do the robots have any more or less of a self than we do? Is Zen a moral (or amoral…) philosophy? Are we all out of a job, and if so, are we really going to miss it?? Find out here!

Jul 18

Gyokei gives us stories of friendly (and hungry!) ghosts as he explains the meaning and history of Obon, the summer festival of spirits in Japanese Zen. Is it possible to keep dying traditions and communities alive while also letting them go? Has a fish ever remembered to be grateful for water? Do ghosts count as living beings?? Find out here!

Jul 11

Dave loses a good dog friend and gets curious about the sweet and silly human feelings that come up in a week of sweet sorrow. Should monks be having more sex? Is Buddhism trying to cut us off from the most beautiful parts of life? Was Buddha (and California) wrong about the benefits of anger?? Find out here!

Jul 4

Mota gets an unexpected phone call and takes the opportunity to dig into some tough love teachings on change and transiency, and how they might even open us up to something warm and maybe even a little fuzzy. Have we forgotten how to die in this country? Why is Zen oddly good at the idea? Can it help us deal with the odd role reversals that come with parents getting older? Find out here!

Jun 27

Jordan takes a critical look at the benefits of zazen and questions whether that was ever really the point, or even something we should rely on. Can meditation become a form of avoidance? Is the need to feel better just one more attempt to control the world? And if Buddhism is really working why do we still wake up with a brain full of a-hole thoughts and feelings? Find out here!

Jun 20

Sara goes looking for healthy ambitions in certain impermanence as she rests her case on training with a deeply personal breakdown and exegesis of her story/koan of the season - Dasui’s Kalpa Fire. How do we live a life worth living when society, and our own standards, aren’t aligned with our values? Does Zen offer alternative ambitions to aspire to? Is it possible to diagnose our own distress while sitting smack dab in the middle of it?? Find out here!

Jun 13

Dave tells us the full creation myth of how Buddhism says this world came to be, how it’s going to end, and all the mishaps and miracles in between. Has all of this happened before? Is everything we love just a lament for what we lost? Was this whole existence thing really a good idea and is there even such a thing as a true story?? Find out here!!

Jun 6

Sara Campbell closes out our first official training ango with a flash fiction final - a brief loving study of our favorite Buddha and Bodhisattva archetypes.

May 30

Dave tackles the big Buddhist question of the hour - are we really learning traditional Buddhism over here or are we making up our own thing and covering it up with a set of appropriated robes? Is it actually a problem if we are (and would it be possible not to)? Are lay people even supposed to be meditating? Is the East/West cultural divide too wide to bridge, or too fascinating not to try?? Find out here!!

May 23

Poet in residence and long time ACZC collaborator, Matt, generously boils down 14 billion years of carefully cultivated circumstances into one lucid and spiritually eclectic tale of what he’s doing and why he’s here - from the Zen prone slowness of the South, to the urban chaos of LA, to the sacred solitude of getting lost in foreign lands. Is restlessness a hindrance or a catalyst to personal progress? Can we go off recipe and create our own practice from whatever ingredients intrigue us? What creative fruits lie waiting for us in the gaps between what we think and what we see?? Find out here!

May 16

Dave unpacks the Ryogone, that monster of a magical incantation we’ve recently incorporated into our laid back secular practice here, and along the way explains how to work with magical traditions in the modern age, the use of chanting and daranis in Zen practice, and a whole a host of legends and lore complete with a battle of five armies. Can the secular among us pray so that it works and what does that actually mean?? What keeps us coming back to our Zen Centers after the honeymoon glow wears off? If we don’t believe in ghosts, can we still ask them for help?? Find out here!

May 9

Sara hits a roadblock in love and zazen and takes the opportunity to teach us how to turn the worms that turn us sideways into features not bugs. How can insecurity be a source of confidence? What do we do when the “you” who is actually the ultimate “it” is also what’s getting in the way of us getting it? Can the teachers who shut us down be the perfect tool for opening ourselves up? And can Mark Zuckerberg handle the depths of our Metta?? Find out here!

May 2

In his eagerly anticipated ‘What Am I Doing Here??’ talk, morning stalwart and life of the party, Tip, takes us to the pivotal personal moments that turn life around and upside down and led him to become a fixture here at ACZC. What hope does a better tomorrow offer us for today? Is volunteering at your local Zen center selfish if it helps keep you from falling apart? And is paying 15 bucks to stare at a wall way too much or not nearly enough?? Find out here!

Apr 25

Dave takes a critical look at modern Zen’s emphasis on daily zazen, going deep on what “practice” means and what’s it really for. Is skipping zazen self-care or self-delusion? If we’re really meditating all the time, do we still need to sit down and meditate? Do the sun, moon, and stars really depend on our zazen to shine?? Find out here!

Apr 18

Very special guest Kiyo Tezuka joins us all the way from Hikone, Japan to share an epic tale of wayward youth spent as a globe wandering hippie looking for truth before accidentally settling down to the responsible(?) life of a temple monk. What do we become when we’re all grown up and still don’t know what we want to be when we grow up? Does Western Zen have something unique to teach Japanese Zen in return? Is parallel parking one of those secret magical powers Buddha hinted we might one day attain?? Find out here!

Apr 11

Dave’s History of Zen series returns to visit a war-torn China and the calamities that led to Zen’s initial explosion on to the scene. Is Zen uncannily tailor made for upheaval and uncertain times? Were some dubious PR and a sketchy teacher exactly what a plucky young upstart tradition needed? Is jumping on a stage and claiming to be a 10th level Bodhisattva the height of delusion or something we wish we’d thought of first??? Find out here!

Apr 4

After going many rounds mano y mano with the relentless critical voice in his head, Chris reports back on how Zen teachings on false suffering and conceptual thought offer us help with the wars we wage with ourselves. Is it possible to stop having an adversarial relationship with yourself or is it just something we have to live with? Is facing the wall in zazen doing anything to dispel our fantasies? And is it possible to mute yourself both on Zoom AND in your brain?? Find out here!

Mar 28

In part 2 of our “2 Truths” series, Sara puts both of those truths into practice to find out if there’s a middle way between selfishness and martyrdom. How do we work on behalf of all living beings without burning ourselves out? Can we really write off our private little luxuries as somehow good for everyone? Who ultimately deserves the best cut of fish, the babies in the nest or the mom up there keeping them alive?? Find out here!

Mar 21

In this behind the scenes special from our first ever training ango, Dave puts on his sensei hat to give a lecture on the fundamental Buddhist teaching of the Two Truths. Part 1 of a two part series! Next week Sara will show and tell her homework as she puts the philosophy into practice with a personal talk on where the rubber of theory meets the road of reality. If the world really is empty why are other people always getting in our way? Why should we care about theory when the ultimate truth is unknowable? And what are we supposed to do when our Zen teachers just stare at us instead of giving us a straight answer?? Find out here!

Mar 14

Dave dives into the Zen of zero sum thinking and the truth of an "us vs. them" mindset through scenes from his wayward youth. Is there such a thing as being a good guy? How do we practice discernment in a world where no one is separate from anyone else? And can or should we really wish happiness for people when their joy is making the rest of us miserable?? Find out here!

Mar 7

Sara takes a trip down the memory lane of dating and old anxieties around marriage to explore the 12 fold chain of dependent origination - the cycle that creates and perpetuates all our suffering (nbd). How often are we chasing after happiness based on societal expectations rather than personal truth? Why is breaking free from our desires so challenging, even when we're aware of them? And why is LA so disaster prone even (and especially) when it comes to dating?? Find out here!

Feb 28

Pedro wrestles with the wasting of time and how to know whether we’re on the right path. Is the way in front of us a confusing multitude of branching streams we need to choose, a bright freedom of present possibility, or a blank void of ‘why bother’? Are we trying to repress our inclinations to conform to a prescribed practice, or finding our own freestyle? Is goofing off a waste of time, or is working hard not appreciating it?? Find out here!

Feb 21

Dave gives us an intro to Zen talk for beginners of all experience levels, including instruction on how to not meditate while meditating, some light (uncannily relevant) history, and advice and encouragements for whole heartedly engaging in the modern day. How do we learn what no one can teach us? Is Zen the avoidant lover of spiritual practices? And does Dave’s attachment to it make him the worst kind of ambassador? Find out here!

Feb 14

Gyokei takes an honest historical look at the tough love of monastic training, and the rebels and reformers who tried to improve it along the way. What kind of people are we trying to cultivate, and what kind of monks are we actually making? What does it take for a monk to be so bad even Dogen won’t sit with them? And does meeting the great matter of life and death actually require risking your life? Find out here!

Feb 7

Dave looks into Zen’s famous wariness towards teachers and teaching, while delving into his own hang ups around the role as he prepares to formally play it. Are we all doomed to unwittingly adopt our teachers hang ups and issues? Is obedience just a matter of finding someone to tell you to do what you want? Is liberation just telling ourselves that whatever we’re doing is what we really want?? Find out here!

Jan 31

Dave tries to find some harmony between the power of rigid forms and the chaos of personal liberation, with mixed results, and offers up a practical guide to finding fundamental self worth along the way. Is conforming to tradition a process of maturity, or a great way to stamp out the precious life and humanity from the things we love? Can Zen be an antidote to our corporate consumer culture? Can Dave properly use the word “noumenon” in a sentence without sounding pretentious? Find out here!

Jan 24

Henry eloquently confronts an all too relatable existential crisis of accomplishment as he graduates college and tries to figure out who he is when the stress he knew himself by suddenly falls away. Who are we when our burdens of purpose have run their course? Is setting aside 30 minutes a day to feel panicked the remedy we really need? Are a humble plate rice and beans the best recipe for a hot Buddha Body?? Find out here!

Jan 10

Andy generously shares his personal practice story (don’t call it a spiritual journey…) from young Catholic doubts to a midlife crisis that sent him exploring the wilds of the mind in Tibetan Buddhism, and why he turned his back on it to face the wall with us. Can Tibetan Buddhism teach us a few things we lack? Can Zen find a way to help Vajrayana relax? Is anxiety and crisis the best thing that can happen to your meditation?? Find out here!

Jan 3

Henry gets us out of our heads and into our bodies with encouragements for a more embodied understanding of what zazen is really doing with us. How can we convince our minds to let the body take the wheel for awhile? How do we translate a stillness that doesn’t speak in sense? Can Henry quote the late great Jacques Lecoq without giggling?? Find out here!!

Dec 20, 2024

Dave brings us a clear and lucid roadmap to working through the mind and body in zazen, from distracted self to senseless samadhi through a recently unearthed recording of a foundational practice discussion with his old teacher, Michael Elliston. How can consciousness let go of its own consciousness? Is breath practice mortally dangerous actually? If the willful mind is an illusion, who put it up to that, who’s really calling the shots, and… can we have a word with them?

Dec 13, 2024

“Would it necessarily be so bad to call out other people, to call out ourselves? What if the fact that we’re all sometimes petty, selfish, thoughtless, and cruel doesn't negate us from being people worth caring about?” - Jordan Mylet Jordan bravely wades into the muddy waters of shi*t talk and judgements in Zen. Our vows tell us to not criticize, they also tell us to tell the truth… Is liberation always polite? How much self-regulation is healthy in a relationship? Can denigration be a trust building exercise? Are the kids becoming unreasonably nice?? Find out here!

Dec 6, 2024

“I don't want to fight things anymore. I’d rather just make them beautiful. If we have to do something, let's make it art.” - Dave Cuomo Dave tries to find a harmony between practiced embodiment and practical economics while sinking into the ocean of sound, being, and time. Is there an honest living waiting for us on the other side of our pretensions? Can we be sincere while still being savvy? Was monastery life awesome actually despite everything we may have said previously?? Find out here!

Nov 30, 2024

“You say you'd like to try to do zazen in order to become a better person. How ridiculous. How could a person ever become something better?” - Kodo Sawaki Patrick gives a passionate exhortation for Kodo Sawaki’s classic encouragement “Zazen is good for nothing.” What do we lose trying to shape our time to fit a purpose? What is the point of a profitless pursuit? Why don’t these zennies want to admit how good zazen really is for us?? Find out here!

Nov 22, 2024

“It's not that we’re trying to be better people by sticking around and helping others, it's that you’re kidding yourself if you think you can get off this wheel alone.” - Dave Cuomo Dave tries to find out if Zen is a wellness practice or a sincere spiritual practice and what the difference might or might not be. Is wellness good for you? Is Zen supposed to be good for you? Can meditation make you too powerful?? FInd out here!

Nov 15, 2024

“You are the universe experiencing itself. And you have to respect that… The way that I am is exactly the way I should be. It's not just about stripping you of the stuff that's getting in your way, but also building you up.” - Sara Campbell Sara raises some deep questions about femininity and masculinity in Zen while looking back on her own life of practice. Were our teachings and techniques really built for all who might attend? Is there a practice that can build us up as much as it breaks us down? Does a meditation of dropping off risk some voices disappearing entirely?? Find out here!

Nov 8, 2024

“Zen is not an established technique. It's sitting down and admitting that nobody can tell you what is right but you. No one knows the ground beneath your feet but you. Nobody can bear witness for you. And when something really shakes you, there can be a powerful moment where all of the sudden you just know one thing for certain. But it might be different than what you think.” - Dave Cuomo Dave goes looking for confidence in a world of certain uncertainty with the story of the time Buddha touched grass and knew one thing for certain. What can we know for certain when the whole world seems to disagree with what we see? Is there a non hubristic confidence that can’t be shaken despite all the slings, arrows, and earthquakes that come our way? Is there a non-dogmatic certainty so strong it can shake the earth right back?? Find out here.

Nov 1, 2024

“If there is just one person in the world, he will always be neutral. If someone is very angry, but is the only person in the world, he's a little crazy.“ - Kobun Chino Chris opens up the pandoras box of trying to productively deal with anger. We get angry, we vow not to indulge it, we know we can’t wish it away. Is it wisdom, skill, or spiritual bypassing to pretend not to be angry when we actually are? Can we be a jerk without being a jerk? And was driving ever a sane thing to do?? Find out here!

Oct 25, 2024

“The most destabilizing thing I know is trying to impose harmony on other people. Because it always finds a way to explode. Everything finds a way to come out.” - Dave Cuomo Dave looks into harmony and discord, and whether trying to all just get along means suppressing our unruly little individualities (as much of our teachings and training seem to suggest), weaving myths and legends from across continents and centuries along the way, and bonus! A fresh original translation of the Harmony of Difference and Equality. Is your success as dangerous to society as some might say? Is inconsistent practice a worthy practice of its own? Can we invite discord to the party without ruining the party? Find out here!

Oct 18, 2024

“Revenge fantasy #3: Live a satisfactory life. Rescue from the rubble what I still love about Buddhism…” - Samm Samm brings us the unvarnished story of what she’s doing and why she’s here as a second generation Zennie growing up in Buddhist America; a story of snake oil salesmen, tyrants, a revenge best served warm, and a Buddhism that somehow survives despite everything us humans try to throw at it. Should we trust the spiritually special? Is it possible to disidentify from your own narrative? Is it ok to wear shorts in the zendo?? Let’s find out!

Oct 11, 2024

“If you don't want a boss, don't need a boss. If you don't like your country, be a better one.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes us out to the odd intersection where the warm fuzzies of scrappy boot strap community organizing meet the wild and wonderful mysticisms of space, time, and being. Can all that trippy transcendent brain candy of Zen philosophy help ground us in the things that matter most, or are they just one more pretension waiting to be let go? Is it possible to live an authentic meaningful life in the 21st century? is it possible to afford to? is it even possible not to?? Find out here!

Oct 4, 2024

“Let it run. Let your mind go. Let it wear itself out like a kid running around going crazy while their parents say, ‘They’ll sleep good tonight.’”- Patrick Carroll Patrick draws on the full education of his bartending certificate and his sobriety chips to sort through our most intoxicating impulses with a deeply person talk on the 5th precept - no dealing in intoxicants. Can good Buddhists still enjoy a little beer? How can Zen help us control our addictive impulses? Is the desire for self control just one more addictive desire? And is that new fangled weed the kids are smoking getting them too damn high?? Find out here!

Sep 27, 2024

“I have no self. I'm fully responsible for everything. I can't control anything. Also I'll do better next time. Also we don't technically believe in time...” - Dave Cuomo Do we need to change the world, or do we need to change ourselves? Dave tries to figure out if Buddhism is advocating for supreme personal responsibility, or ultimate social accountability. How do we take responsibility for a world, self, and circumstances we don’t have any real control over and technically are all emptiness anyway? Is anything ever anyone’s fault? Does the universe being all one bright pearl mean we can’t actually get mad at it? Find out here!!

Sep 20, 2024

“If you dislike a sound, listen to it again. If you still dislike it, listen to it again. If you dislike that, listen to it again. And if you like something, listen to it again. If you still like it, listen to it again…” - Robert Holliday Robert demonstrates how creativity can lead to realization in an autobiography of deconstructing himself through sound and music, complete with all the bells and whistles (literally!) as he plays us a symphony of revealing irrationalities. Can we find spiritual security through sound? Is reveling in art just another attachment, or an opportunity for letting go? Are our favorite earworms a distraction or a revelation?? Find out here!

Sep 13, 2024

“Don't sell yourself short. It's been done by lesser people than you. It might've even been done by you when you weren't paying attention and didn't count it.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes a nitty gritty bare bones look at spiritual attainments in Buddhism while trying to find out where Zen gets it credibility from, whether we can trust them on that, and what we can aspire to ourselves. What are the stages of meditation that lead to awakening? What’s beyond them? Is the idea of dharma transmission just good PR? And if we do manage to drop off the cliffs of enlightenment, will anyone else be there to catch us?? Find out here!

Sep 6, 2024

“Just living my life has a very big effect on the planet, there's a cost to me living my life. And, I still belong here. I have just as much right to belong here as the crickets, and greedy politicians, or righteous beautiful people.” - Jitsujo Gauthier Jitsujo helps us find a way through the stuckness of the internalized hierarchies that can both hold us back from actual freedom, and propel us forward into the little awakenings that we can only ever come to on our own. How do we inspire ourselves when our role models and ideals lose their luster? Why should we follow forms and rituals once we’ve seen through them? If we see a fork in the road, do we really have to take it?? Find out here!

Aug 30, 2024

“We're not here to be martyrs, we’re not here to take care of others at our own expense. The more I respect myself, the more I can support and give to others.” - Sara Campbell Sara tries to find out what it takes to find contentment in any weather. Do we owe it to the world to be pleasant people, and if not can our bs be at least entertaining? Are we obligated to not inflict our negativity on others? Which coast has the better weather for aimless wandering? Is it the heat or is it the humidity?? Find out here!

Aug 23, 2024

“Shitsticks become dirty to clean us. If these are not Buddhas, what is?“ - Shundo Aoyama After a messy month of his own, Dave gives us a Zen (and personal) look at conflict in practice, how it happens, whether it’s a problem, and how to work with it in meditation and maybe even with other people. Can we meditate arguments away? Is there a healthy way to incorporate difficult relationships into our lives? For the sake of cleaning up all of our messes effortlessly, should ACZC invest in one of those fancy Japanese toilets?? Find out here!

Aug 16, 2024

“The dissidents, the ones who disagree, the most eccentric figures… in the world where Soto Zen teaching is alive, these figures become the leadership.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei has an unfortunate incident at his temple and takes the opportunity to contemplate his life choices, question entanglements, questions the tradition, and give us a little deep dive into everyone’s favorite poet monk, Ryokan, the patron saint of going reverently rogue. Are all rogues and rebels doomed to being respected? Do our teachers need to find their own teachers? Is it possible to leave behind the worlds that let us down?? Find out here!

Aug 2, 2024

“Roshi said, go outside and look at the moon and I promise you, you will be enlightened. but I looked tonight and there was no moon. What’s so wrong with us the way we are, Roshi? an angry cloud wants to know” - Angry Cloud Dave gives us a raw and honest report on his personal experience at the monastery over the Spring. Does Zen inherently breed cruelty and can we find a healthy place for the sociopaths in our lives? Does imagination and creativity have a place in a tradition of, well, strict tradition? Is having faith in your religion ultimately a help or a hindrance?? Find out here!

Jul 26, 2024

“If we want to be true to the tradition of Zen, what were the ancients doing? They were throwing away tradition and recreating it for their time and place. And it worked gangbusters.” - Dave Cuomo Dave returns home from his final round of monastery training with a few thoughts on this whole Zen thing (and a two parter of a talk). This week! The historical context of monks and how and why we train them (next week - personal stories…). Is what we call classical Zen practice actually just obedience training for unruly adolescents? Have we misunderstood Zen and Buddhism entirely? How did monasticism go from being a loose group of sincere seekers to a position of institutional prestige? Did the policies meant to cynically destroy Zen ironically save it? Or did they work and now we’re just sitting in the corpse of wisdom? Find out here!

Jul 19, 2024

"There's an very easy way to become a Buddha. Stop doing things wrong.” - Dogen Muhō, Former longtime abbot of Antaiji Monastery (home temple of Kodo Sawaki), treats us to a talk about best practices for farming students and the self, and why zazen alone might not be the answer to Zen. Do each of us really create the whole universe, and if so, how is our practice not about ourselves? Is just sitting enough? Can we teach a cucumber to grow itself? Why can’t pumpkins just get along?? Find out here! (Recorded live at Toshoji Monastery)

Jul 12, 2024

“One of the hardest things about being human is that you have to be with other human beings.” - Emily Eslami In a particularly divided year, in a particularly divisive culture, Emily tackles the uncomfortableness of living with other human beings, and how to manage argument and conflict as a practice all their own. When should we speak up and when should we just listen? Is hell other people, or is being truly alone? Has anyone ever convinced anyone of anything? Find out here!

Jul 5, 2024

“Illness vanishes. Stress vanishes. Depression vanishes. So where do they go? Don't worry. If you want, you can pull them back at any moment.“ - Gary Shinshin Wick Corey gets a bad diagnosis and gets inspired to give us some Zen teachings on sickness - how to deal with it, how to view it, and how to work with it as practice. Can we meditate the pain away? Do we take care of the sick, or do the sick take care of us? Does it only get worse? Find out here!

Jun 28, 2024

“It freaks me out to even think about ordaining someone whose goodness hasn't been shattered.” - Gyokei Yokoyama First, we learn to be good. Then we have that goodness shattered. And then, when we stop trying to do anything, the true goodness can shine through. Dave walks us through Baizhang’s three teachings to try to find out if we are inherently good or bad by nature and whether thinking like that does us any good. Did we really learn everything we need to know in kindergarten or have we just forgotten how cruel kids can be? Are dogs ever to blame (absolutely not)? Are cats (ok, maybe)? Has scolding someone every helped anyone?? Find out here!

Jun 21, 2024

“Be nice to yourself, include yourself in that ancient twisted karma, allow for the inevitability of people just being people and how irritating that is, but then also how beautiful it is too.“ - Jordan Mylet Jordan takes us on a guided tour of our ancient twisted karma - what it is, where it comes from, and what the hell we’re supposed to do with it. Are we better people when we’re not being good? Can we blame our parents for being our parents? Can we blame ourselves for being ourselves? Do we need more therapy or do we need more Zen? Find out here!

Jun 14, 2024

“Westerners like to conquer mountains. Easterners like to contemplate them. As for me, I like to taste them” - Santoka Taneda Henry brings us a highly entertaining poetry hour as we follow the the lives and words of two Buddhist poets; Miyazawa Kenji trying to help the masses one annoyed farmer at a time, and Santoka Kenji picking himself up from a life of tragedy to drink himself into a sutra steeped stupor. What does it take to live a free life, an honest life, and/or a helpful life? Does the world want to be changed or be accepted as it is? Is just being your self ultimately being selfish? Find out here!

May 31, 2024

“We are the lonely all together. All together, we’re all alone.” - John Prine Dave indulges us in a little story time while also indulging in some explananing of how koans work with a classic tale of dharma drama, jealous rivalries, and onomatopoetic poetry. What should we ask in practice discussion when we don’t know what to say? Can we find a safe place for our passions instead of practicing them away? Does every living creature really die alone, and wait… isn’t that something we all share?? Find out here!

May 24, 2024

“I've seen too much, man. I know what's out there. And it's not all bad. And it's also not all good.” - Sara Campbell Sara revels in the nightmare of a beautiful spring evening, the fragility of the daffodils, the darkness of the rain, and the five powers that can turn that nightmare into a perfectly present dream. How do we remember to notice the cool breeze of a deep blue twilight when all we feel is dark? Can we include fear and pessimism in our all inclusiveness, or are they the absence of all inclusiveness? And will anyone remember to bring light and laughter to the bodhisattva of light and laughter? Find out here!

May 17, 2024

“When the problem is a part of you, there is no problem, because you are the problem itself.” - Shunryu Suzuki Emily brings us a meditation on problems, problem solving, and all the machinations, rationalizations, and somersaults we do to try to prove that our problems are somewhere outside of ourselves, and then what happens when we start to point that finger right back where it came from. When is the problem actually other people? Have we earned that sense of superiority we get from meditating while our partners are sleeping in? Are our thoughts pulling us away from ourselves, and is that even possible?? Find out here!

May 10, 2024

“It’s not an attainment, it’s a lament.” - Dave Cuomo Dave tries to figure out his purpose and articulate what meaning in Zen is while trying to give a talk in a park with threatening geese and impending rain on a retreat not going entirely to plan. What are the stages of meaning making and how do we rate? Is Dave’s level as off the charts as he claims? And what are the secret criteria for trustworthy lay leaders and Zen teachers?? Find out here!

May 3, 2024

“The biggest change for me is to stop feeling like I should have it all figured out. And stop believing that anyone else does; and finding it a deep red flag if they claim to.” - Sara Campbell Sara marks her five year anniversary with ACZC by taking stock and admitting how maybe all this goalless practice has changed her for the better, while the sangha takes the opportunity to get personal and share what’s working, what’s not, and how those kind of assessments may or may not be working out for them. Will we ever be able to untangle the big ball of yarn that is ourselves? Will the sangha exhaust the limits of that metaphor? (absolutely... knot!) Find out here!

Apr 26, 2024

“If somebody is an a-hole, they must be going through something tough. And they’re making it as bad or worse for themselves as they are for anyone they're hurting. So they deserve just as much care as anybody else suffering from the what they're dealing out. That's a hard truth I want to wrestle with. Because I believe it, but I'm not always instinctively there yet.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes us on a historical, literary, and autobiographical tour of the Heart Sutra to see what exactly it has to say that’s so important we’ve been belting it out every morning for a couple thousand years. Is there a practical meaning behind the nonsense of it all? How do we wish love to the dead in a way that enlivens everyone? Are we ultimately existentially alone? Is emptiness a yawning chasm of despair or the gate of liberation standing wide open and just waiting for us to walk through? Find out here!

Apr 19, 2024

“The winning ticket, the unfortunate truth, is that you have to take a good look at your bullsh*t before you can get to the good stuff.” - Tanya Orlov Tanya brings us some wise warnings about our purported wisdoms with an in depth look at spiritual bypassing; what it is, how to know when we’re doing it, and how it might be holding us back from the real peace we’re trying to claim. Is our practice making us the cool, calm, collected people we always whished to be, or is that just another delusion we’re clinging to? What kind of grit does it take to get to the good sit? And how do we (or should we...) tell our noisy neighbors they’re being too loud? Find out here!

Apr 12, 2024

“There's no reason sound can't be appreciated wherever you're at. It's always there. We think something has to be dramatic or highly structured, but there's always structures to find in our minds. We have that freedom in our own being to be able to see with what's there, with what's here, with what's happening.” - Robert Holliday Robert explores the intersection of experimental music and zazen from Buddha to John Cage, in a fascinating real time experiment in music, mind, and sound. What’s the difference between music and being, composition and compassion? Where is the mind? What is the mind? What masterpieces have been waiting right here and now for us to find? Find out here!

Apr 5, 2024

“Can we keep the goofy light heartedness of being rebel antagonists, along side the sincerity of really caring? Can we care and be funny at the same time? And you know what I've seen us do? Exactly that. And that delights me. Thank you everybody.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gives us his “See Y’all Soon” address before hungry ghosting us for the Spring with a look at some favorite poetry about learning to see the nuances and subtleties and what it means to be self fulfilled. Are we enough for ourselves? Can we light up the world without ever shining? Are American Buddhists too conflict averse? Or is Zen too amoral and heavily meditated to concern itself? Find out here!

Mar 29, 2024

“First, there's ‘the thing that I want to do.’ They strip that away completely. Then when we’re hollow and empty they come back and ask, ‘So now, what do you really, really want?’” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei pulls back the curtain on the rituals and forms of Zen, the true koan of the Soto School, to find out if there's any meaning in the method or maybe even some practical value to our venerations. Who are we doing these rituals for anyway? Why don’t they want us to be good at our jobs? How do we move like a hummingbird and when should we move like a rhino? Find out here!!

Mar 22, 2024

“In order to learn something new, first you have to be confused about it. If you aren't confused about it, you already know what it is and then you're not learning anything.” - Jitsujo Gauthier Great sangha friend Jitusjo brings us hard won personal tips and tricks for navigating the confusion and fear of the inner world, and the discomfort we might find when we honestly shine the light inward. How can we read a room by listening to ourselves? Are we lonely, or is that just what the loneliness wants us to think? How do we let down our guard and be vulnerable when there are real things out there to guard against?? Find out here!

Mar 15, 2024

“Whatever goals you accomplish, you're still the same. There's still that same emptiness - there's still something missing. There's always going to be something missing. And that's okay.” - Pedro Peres Long time sangha friend Pedro Peres regales us with the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here - from early forays into beating koans at their own game, to communities built around the beauty of emptiness, and chasing that certain something missing that just might be the real liberation we were looking for all along. Why do we avoid the cushion when we know damn well how well it works? Are we better off without an answer to life, the universe, and everything? Do we need more zazen or do we need more sleep?? Find out here!!

Mar 8, 2024

“Think for yourselves. Be unruly. Challenge what we tell you, Challenge what I think I know about how this place should work. That’s what all the old teachings tell us to do - even if it is kind of inconvenient to have a room full of people thinking for themselves when you’re trying to run a Zen Center.” - Dave Cuomo In the final installment of his paramita series, Dave unravels the subtle mysteries of prajna, aka perfect wisdom, aka the great unknowable truth that’s supposedly the only truth you need to know. What is the ultimate truth in Zen, can we get access to it, and will it help us if we do?? Find out here!!

Mar 1, 2024

“You can't sit motionless for 30 minutes without learning something, and when that happens day after day, we learn and we learn. Like it or not, we learn.” - Heather Ross Heather opens up the Pandora’s Box of zazen and takes a hard and healing look at the hidden aspects of ourselves that inevitably unhide themselves through regular sitting. How do we cope when we start to see through our own coping mechanisms? What do we do in the messy middle when we start seeing our mistakes all too clearly, but before we’ve learned how not to make them? How are we supposed take personal responsibility for the faults of others without making it all about us??

Feb 23, 2024

“Liberation means being liberated from the inclination to ignore our flaws - to dismiss them, hide them, divert or disguise them.“ - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei unravels the deeper meaning of Dharma Combat on the eve of ACZC’s first ever attempt at such a ceremony. What qualifies someone to be a Zen teacher? Is a vow to liberate all beings actually good for us? Is it as arrogant as it sounds?? And at what point does healthy humility turn into les healthy self depreciation?? Find out here!

Feb 16, 2024

“There's a freedom, a pit, a dropping off into something you don't know and don't necessarily trust… It takes a strange kind of trust to let go of everything you’ve known as you.” - Dave Cuomo Dave celebrates the year of the wood dragon with evocative writings on dragons, frogs, and earthworms singing through the hollow trees of you and me. What can we hold onto when everything falls away? What’s the voice that speaks through you when you find nothing to say? Who’s the little person deep inside stoking the flames of our anxiety, and can we talk them into taking a well earned break? Can we find a word in English that means grief and liberation at the same time?? Let’s find out.

Feb 9, 2024

“There's some discomfort there, and there's some comfort there. And when you let that go… it's quite a revolution.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei gives us fully fleshed out, bare bones official Soto Zen explanations and instructions for zazen - body, breath, and mind. How does it work? How much should it hurt? Are Westerners doing it right? Is Japan doing it right?? Is Gyokei doing it enough? And did the monastery permanently screw up his zazen?? Find out here!

Feb 2, 2024

“Probably the best we can train for is to get a seat at the table where our decisions are made; which is not where we're usually hanging out. Usually we’re hanging out after the fact writing propaganda to justify what we just did.” - Dave Cuomo In the penultimate episode to our paramita series, Dave takes on the big one for Zen - meditation (aka Zen). We all know it’s what we do, but maybe it’s time to peel back the curtain on all Zen’s cagey double speak and reveal the method behind the madness. How did we arrive at the somewhat sly ironic style that we (don’t so much) teach here? What was it traditionally supposed to accomplish, how was it supposed to work, and are we still accomplishing that here? Can we really learn contentment and does that actually lead to wisdom? Will we get the five magical powers and will we want them if we do?? Find out here!

Jan 26, 2024

“There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer” - Gertrude Stein Patrick brings us the timeless tale of a Catholic kid trading his faith for the freedom of not quite knowing what the h*ll he’s doing. Along the way we get 30 years worth of ironic wisdom bombs, gleaned from a myriad of likable and unlikely teachers met across decades of practice. Can we lose our religion while still keeping the faith? How do we live up to being our own teacher, while not turning Zen into a self stunted choose your own adventure? After all these years of not living up to our name, has our So Cal Zen center finally given us a perfectly poetic surfing/zazen analogy? Find out here!!

Jan 19, 2024

“It includes everything, no matter what. Even being depressed is part of it. That's why I don’t backslide like I used to anymore; because even if I do, I now know for certain that has weight and that's important too.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes an honest look at energy, the much lauded and lamented fourth paramita, along with all the reasons such things might often feel out of reach. Is Buddhism trying to flatten us out or is there room for passion in our practice? How are we expected to lift ourselves up when all we feel is down? Do we need to have purpose to practice, and if so, where in all that goaless emptiness have they been hiding it?? Find out here!!

Jan 12, 2024

“It’s less, yes it must be this way, and more, let's go this way together.” - Sara Campbell Sara reflects on the holidays and turns the page on a new year with a simple but endless question, how do we live when we know we’re going to die? Also, what to do when you suddenly realize you’ve gone from wacky aunt to wacky family matriarch without even having applied for the promotion. Are hidden dark forces out there controlling the world, and if so, what are they to us? Is Buddhism a nihilistic philosophy? Is Sara a closet nihilist?? Find out here!

Jan 6, 2024

“All the philosophies I grew up on were always trying to take me toward the light - be a good person, know what's going on, know how to handle things… It was always about happiness and positivity. Thats what led me here. That was the problem.” - Dave Cuomo Dave rings in the New Year with an unflinching dive into darkness - what it means in Zen, why it’s nothing to be scared of, and why the light isn’t always as illuminating as we’ve been led to believe; including a bonus cameo from everyone’s favorite angry farmer poet, Wendell Berry, plus a fresh original translation of the Zazenshin (the point of zazen). Are we content with half truths or are we ready for the dark ones? Have we been lied to about the Point of Zazen? Can we procrastinate our way into productivity?? Find out here!

Dec 30, 2023

“Maybe we don’t need take everything as gospel, or maybe taking things as gospel doesn’t always mean what we want it to mean” - Dave Cuomo Dave brings us a special podcast exclusive Holiday Story Time, with a dramatic reading of a somewhat bananas Buddhist folktale about a young king and his flying elephant trying to get good at giving. It’s a story for the season about the spirit of generosity and the awkward joys of family. Can we be too supportive of our kids? Is there such a thing as being too generous? Should we trust our parents? And speaking of which, how much should we trust Buddhism?? Find out here!

Dec 22, 2023

“A person with cloudy eyes is a person of fundamental enlightenment, a person of subtle enlightenment.” - Dogen Jason dives into Dogen’s treatise on the flowery delights of delusion - ‘Space Flowers,’ while discussing the inspiration behind his recent benefit print for ACZC. Along the way we get a bonus peek behind the creative curtain and a constellation of poetic ponderings on the nature of what we see and whether or not we can accurately call that reality. Can we stop seeing delusions? Should we? And if not, what should we do with them? And will we ever wise up enough to be satisfied with unsatisfying Zen answers? Find out here!

Dec 15, 2023

“If you’re not at least a little uncomfortable, you probably haven’t found whatever it is you really need to make peace with yet.” - Dave Cuomo Dave dives back into the paramitas to learn about patience and finds out that Buddha apparently agrees with Sartre, hell is other people. Along the way we get some personal stories about the time Dave funded his monastic career by accidentally beating capitalism at its own game and learned to like other people by losing faith in himself. Should we blame society for the world’s ills, or ourselves? How are we supposed to accept circumstances that are unacceptable? Is the rational math of economics really just an exercise in wishful thinking?? Find out here!

Dec 8, 2023

“The spring has no particular shape, and yet spring manifests naturally. Or like the moon, it just emerges, versatile and free. When something happens, nobody can really say who did it. That's why we get frustrated. Nobody can know how it happened because everybody contributed.” - Gyokei Yokoyama In our final retreat wrap up, Gyokei gives us an on the spot translation of a Komazawa University hot take on Ungan and Dogo’s famous exchange about how exactly the Great Compassionate Mind might be working, along with juicy stories and hard won wisdoms Gyokei’s picked up along the way. Can we avoid being compassionate even if we wanted to? Are we always doing what we want whether we want to or not? Who do Buddhists pray to, and is it working? And why do some people turn out better or worse than others, and could Soto Shu use a little more education in that department?? Find out here!

Dec 1, 2023

"The more you start to learn about what you are, which is absolutely completely interdependent and just a fractal of what everyone else is, the more it starts to break down. I can't hate myself. It just doesn't make sense.” - Sara Campbell Following up on our retreat theme of compassion and the five skandas, Sara gives us a raw and revealing look at self compassion. Plus, she gives us the naked truth of what it was like to be Zen Center caretaker over the summer. What techniques and theories does Zen offer for cultivating self compassion and is there more to zen than zazen? Where does love and appreciation go when it can’t find its way back home? And how do we find time for self care when the problem is we’re stretched too thin in the first place?? Find out here!

Nov 24, 2023

“We don't downplay it. We don't sit here and say, ‘what I'm feeling isn't real and doesn't matter.’ It's this weird technique where it's like, no, no, go all in on it and take it very, very seriously with an enormous grain of salt.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gives a pep talk for the deep practice of retreat (and in general) while introducing our theme for the season - the Compassion Monster, aka a Carnage of Compassion, aka the truth that everything you do, in all of your inglorious incarnations, has great value for everyone whether you believe it or not. It’s a mashup of pie in the sky mystery along with brass tacks basic technique for how we might start to notice that undeniably. Can we be any better for the world if we tried? Can we grow up AND stay weird? How should we respond to the things that go bump in the night? Find out here!

Nov 17, 2023

“If Zen's teaching me that I have inherent value just for existing, part of that whole deal is that I'm going to be doing mantras or some other wacky sh*t that I come across in six months. And I'm okay with that.” - Sara Campbell After finding benefits in affirmative mantra practices, Sara looks back on Zen emptiness teachings to find out if there really is a contradiction between self empowerment and the enlightenment of letting go of that self entirely. What’s the difference between dropping off the self and willfully keeping it down? Is aimlessness an aspiration? Are you a bad MF and does god love you?? Find out here!

Nov 3, 2023

“You see the problems with the system, problems with teachers, and problems with yourself and realize, none of us can quite live up to what we're teaching here. But if I want do something actually good in the world, I can't think of anything more beneficial than providing a quiet empty room where everyone can do whatever they need to do to find some peace.“ - Dave Cuomo Dave looks at morality in part two of his series on the paramitas, and tries to figure out what makes a good person and if that’s actually something worth aspiring to, while indulging in a little salacious storytelling of monks behaving badly along the way. How can we be good if there’s no such thing as good and evil? Is Zen amoral? Can a hypocritical, highly flawed, and all too human tradition somehow still be a font of perfect virtue? Find out here!

Oct 27, 2023

“Zen isn't there to sugarcoat things and cuddle you. We're not talking about being mean, we're talking about, how do we slap someone's face in the most compassionate way? (…metaphorically of course)” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei talks us through the spirit (and specifics) of… ‘Dhaaarmaaa Commbaaat!’ from the lion’s roar, to the three foot long venomous viper of truth, to how to wield the swift and silent sword of compassion ourselves. Can we learn to intuitively be what the moment needs without having to satisfy our own emotional appetites? Is compassion always kind? Is it ok to feel good when we sit?? And wait, why does Zen always get up so early and is that a hard and fast rule??? Find out here!

Oct 20, 2023

“The benefit of you existing is you get to figure out what that means for yourself. And then you can come back and teach the rest of us about that. That is a generosity.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gifts us with a deep dive into generosity in the first on a new series on the paramitas, aka the six perfections, aka the six things that all good Buddhas have gotten really really good at to get them where they are. What is the spirit of giving in Buddhism? How can we do our part to keep the great river of resources flowing for everyone? And how do we handle greed and jerkiness in others without turning into the sort of person we were all up in arms about in the first place? Find out here!

Oct 13, 2023

“Joy is not a failing. It’s not irresponsible. It’s not deluded. True joy is the birthright of every being. It's a normal thing.” - Curtis Fabens Founding ACZC resident Curtis gives us an impassioned exhortation to the recipe for a life well lived - clarity, purpose, & joy. Is clarity really the path of least resistance and if so, why is it so often hard to see? Is it possible to not have purpose? Is there a fool proof trick to always hitting the payout on the slot machine of joy in every moment?? https://www.gofundme.com/f/young-cancer-warrior-loses-dad

Oct 6, 2023

“You burn the whole forest once. And what comes back is the same forest - the same aspiration, the same desires, the same dreams… But there's this indescribable difference. And that's what makes all the difference.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei discusses alignment, blockages, and the prickliness that comes from trying to put our own ideals on a world that might already have a few ideas of its own. Can we unblock ourselves from the limits of our own best intentions? Can we find a well adjusted place for our rebellious and independent spirits in the greater whole? Is it our job to go out there and spread the dharma or can we really just sit back and let the dharma come to us?? Find out here!!

Sep 29, 2023

“We don't need you to regurgitate our answers. We need you to go figure out who the hell you are. That's your contribution.” - Dave Cuomo Dave shares a favorite legend about a cocky young monk crossing a river and a moment of self confidence so powerful we’re still talking about it a thousand years later. In a practice that glorifies not knowing, how do we know when we know something for certain? What is self confidence in a tradition so obsessed with no-self? Can we look up to our teachers without getting let down, or is the goal of self actualization to not need other people at all? Find out here!

Sep 22, 2023

“She asked, ‘How are you?’ And I said, ‘…good.’ But it was like nothing, like plain rice, like oatmeal without sugar and you forgot to even put the dash of salt - like original flavor.” - Jitsujo Gauthier Jitsujo, University of the West Buddhist Chaplaincy department Chair, resident priest and preceptor at Zen Center of Los Angeles, and long time friend of the sangha, generously joins us for a raw and revealing talk about rage, compassion, wisdom, the limitations of each of those grand notions, and finding the balance in the baseline that underlines it all. What causes good teachers to go bad? What do we do with our rage and where does it go when it goes away? How do we ask for help from heavenly beings when we’re not fully sold on believing in them in the first place? Find out here!

Sep 15, 2023

“I never feel freer then when I realize I'm the schmuck I've been trying not to be this whole time. If I'm the asshole, I can't judge anybody else. And then I'm free of all of us.” - Dave Cuomo Dave returns with another practical probe into Buddhist basics - this week, the Five Skandhas, aka Buddha’s classic formulation of what makes us us and reality (seem) real that might even offer us a little bit of free will and agency in said reality (free will not guaranteed). Is holding onto blame ever an accurate and/or helpful view? Do our Zen teachers need therapy and/or do our therapists need a little zazen? Are leaf blowers part of the problem or as they the whole solution?? Find out here!

Sep 8, 2023

“Zazen is always kind of great, even when it's awful. When I don't understand what I'm doing, I can always sit Zazen.” - Ish Lipman Long time sangha friend Ish brings us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here while we just maybe learn something about those things for ourselves. From atheist upbringings as a skater kid in the city to becoming an artist and embracing the meaningful meaninglessness of Zen, Ish relatably reminds us how to keep faith in not being sure what’s left to believe in. Is feeling inspired a help or a hindrance for creativity? Can we be ok with not understanding without just giving up? Is ‘being present’ just one more spiritual ideal to shoot for or is there something here we can rely on even in the face of the most certain uncertainties?? Find out here!

Sep 1, 2023

“What was really liberating for me was finding out who I am when leaving or getting kicked out aren’t an option for anyone. When not I’m worried about my own survival or earning my place in the community, when you can't fire or cancel people or really even get away from them…. It was like, oh hey, we're actually family now.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gets down to brass tacks basics with a deep dive into the Triple Treasures, aka the Three Returns, aka Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Can we get meaning out of a religion that isn’t willing to give us anything to believe in? How much is too much practice for lay practitioners, and how little is too little? How do we handle troubling truths, tricky teachings, and problematic people in the sangha? Can we ever actually be alone, and can we ever truly meet anyone else?? Find out here!

Aug 25, 2023

“Really question what you perceive or know and don’t draw many conclusions from it. Also don't think you know nothing. You do know something, and if you abandon what you know to be true you've missed it altogether.” - Sara Campbell Sara sends us a dispatch from her post Zen Center exploits and dabbles in some serious storytelling with The Original Adventures of Herman the Worm Boy (as delightful as they sound) and the never ending quest for the One Mind with our old friend Huangbo. How do we take our practice out of the Zen Center and into to the real world? And what is this “real” world anyway? Is there such a thing as honest storytelling? And how DO we explain our Zen hobby to our friends and family if they ask?? Find out here!

Aug 18, 2023

“If you don't have the perception of a self, you’re probably not going to get angry. But… we can discuss whether maybe sometimes it's okay to get angry if someone chops off your arms and legs…” - Jason Dodge In a flash, Subhuti understands everything, and in a flash Buddha pulls the rug out from him (and us!) and frees him from his own enlightenment. Join us as Jason bravely (and expertly) takes us into an epic chapter of the Diamond Sutra where we learn what exactly holds us back, how to free ourselves from it, and how get over ourselves once we manage that. Plus! The Buddha regales us with tales of his past lives cavorting with concubines and tangling with kings and his own pesky feelings. Is it possible to free ourselves of our own perceptions? Is it advisable? Is anger a choice? And is it sometimes a necessary one? What is the prescribed antidote to the three poisons and where can we get ourselves some? Find out here!

Aug 11, 2023

“Learning to love the a-hole is the way you fix the problem, not getting rid of the a-hole.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes a practical look at desire and how to work with it in real world terms, while also trying to figure out why people started treating monks as ceremonial objects, whether or not they warranted it, and why group chanting is such great fun. Can you trust someone who doesn’t want anything from you? What do we do when the biggest enemy we face is ourselves? What is the fool proof way to get what we want 100% of the time? Find out here!

Aug 4, 2023

“If we do not have stress, we will not be healthy enough to survive. We have to be in this. We have to be with our enemies. Even enemies make us healthy.” - Shumyo Kojima Special guest Reverend Shumyo Kojima, Abbot of Zenshuji Temple (North America’s oldest Zen temple (100 years and counting!)) joins us for a talk about learning to love your stress and enjoy your enemies, with colorful stories (metaphors maybe?) of catfish, eels, outhouses, and bringing the stinky and sacred together in the singularity of a bow. Is stress really the key to health and happiness? Is being weak actually a benefit to all beings? Are good and bad any more real than Santa Claus? Is there a purpose to purpose?? Find out here!

Jul 28, 2023

“Conditions can be perfectly aligned for you to do the right thing, but you have to meet that with a strength of will that comes from failing over, and over, and over again. And that's not easy.” - Henry Zander Tasked with helming ACZC for the summer practice period, Henry boards a train and heads west for his date with destiny. Does Zen center life actually bestow us with its promised perfections? Is it possible to waste time when time is already everything? How can we uphold the great wisdom of this tradition when we’re not so sure we measure up to such a thing? Find out here!

Jul 21, 2023

“The world of Zen is so full of sh*t, something beautiful is bound to bloom.” - Anonymous Our long wandering resident priest returns from his stint in Japan with tales of monkly mayhem in the monastery. Did they really beat the self out of him, or just grind it deeper? Is traditional monastic training a test of enlightenment or merely endurance? Is there a method to this madness or has it all just been one continuous mistake lost in translation?? Find out here.

Jul 15, 2023

“I’ve definitely angrily swept the floor, definitely not been stoked. But I think the constraints are good for you, like in the way that creative constraints can be really helpful. On some level its a privilege and an honor to have a community relying on you. And on some level its like goddamn it, they’ve got me.” - Sara Campbell Sara bids farewell to her tenure as an ACZC resident and seasonal caretaker some reflections on her years as a live-in zennie and a reading from Norman Fischer on the stages of monastic life. Was it all worth it? Is residential practice the one way ticket to enlightenment? Or a convenient way to burst your bubble on all such notions? Can we have spring flowers without the cold dead winter? Find out here.

Jul 6, 2023

“Capitalism does suck, but you shouldn’t let that make you a bad worker” - Helena Harvilicz Helena tells stories of Zen, parenting, multitasking, and a history of being half assed at work until a job came along where failure was no longer an option. Along the way we get choice selections from Dogen about the Three Minds of a good cook. Does our work need purpose to be worthwhile? And what is that supposed to look like? Did these celibate monks have any wisdom for the busy parents among us? Find out here!

Jun 29, 2023

“Never think you’re better than the show. It’s not pleasant to work with, and it doesn’t make the work any easier.” - Emily Eslami Emily gets brass tacks practical with a walk through Dogen’s best advice for all the working stiffs out there on not only how to get through your work day, but maybe even finding the joyful, nurturing, magnanimous mind of everything by building temples from ordinary greens and working like your head is on fire. Why are bad days and bad bosses the best opportunity to end all suffering everywhere? Is it true that the only way to follow the Way is to stop getting our way? What are Dogen’s favorite ways to prepare mushrooms?? Find out here!!

Jun 22, 2023

“I came to this because I'm a disillusioned person, and they said that's okay. That's the point. But now they’re saying that there is something that doesn’t die, something that stays. And they’re teaching it through their own skepticism and doubt. And that is something I trust.” - Dave Cuomo Dave dives back in to Dogen’s enigmatic Mountains and Rivers Sutra while looking at what America might be looking for in a rational religion, and whether or not Zen could fit the bill. What is the half of the dharma that stays even when everything ends? Is it possible to appreciate what actually makes us awesome? Is it rational to think that the world is ultimately rational?? Find out here!

Jun 15, 2023

“When I found out that we're in the degenerate dharma ending age where nobody can get enlightened, I thought, ‘That sucks. Why am I even doing this then?’ And then I decided that's a great place to practice. If we don’t have to worry about getting anywhere with it, we can just sit.” - Jason Dodge Jason skillfully navigates us through the perfect paradoxes of the Diamond Sutra, and we all get a little nerdy on some fascinating (if a little odd) Buddhist Cosmology. What exactly are the 32 marks of a buddha, the three bodies of a Buddha, and the six perfections. Why does none of it matter to our practice and why is it helpful to hear anyway? And are we truly living in the degenerate age, and if so why is that the best time to practice?? Find out here!

Jun 8, 2023

“It's brave of them to let people just step in and screw up. But it's not about how well you do, or whether you want to do it - we have a task and each person embodies it. If we’re getting anything here, it’s that authenticity.” - Gyokei Yokoyama They say you don’t choose your family, and in Zen we don’t pick our sanghas. Gyokei discusses what it means to practice with a sangha, why it can be the trickiest and most rewarding of the big three jewels (Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha), and the kind of authentic bonding that only happens when we don’t get to choose who we sit next to in the zendo. In a culture of transactional communities, what are we getting out of this one? How can we tell the difference between being taken advantage of in a community, versus doing our part to a greater whole? And how do we run a successful operation when the operating plan is to let people screw it up? Find out here.

Jun 1, 2023

“If you watch a movie where somebody's having a bad day, you laugh along and empathize and think ‘Well that's a good movie about a guy having a bad day.’ And that's what zazen is, just watching a guy maybe having a bad day. And then I empathize with that guy. And you know what? I usually have a better day after that.” - Dave Cuomo Dave delves into Keizan’s Three Levels of Zazen and tries to figure out whether the “witness mind” is an accurate description of the mind of zazen, and if not, what is? What’s the difference between ordinary and superior meditation? Do we have a choice in which one we sit and would it matter if we did? And how are we supposed to entertain ourselves in zazen when the things we’ve been wrestling with up and fly away one day? Find out here

May 25, 2023

“The cornerstone of non dualism is that you can’t even hold onto non dualism - that non dualism is itself dualistic.” - Emily Eslami Emily unpacks the perfection of paradox that is Non Dualism, Zen’s crowning ideal that it will never live up to no matter how hard it tries. How is it possible to stop our mind if it’s impossible to stop our mind? Is it true that everything we do is ultimately zazen, and if so why do we still have to sit? Does the sangha actually have hot non dual tips for us on mastering dinner party small talk and landing a relationship?? Find out here!

May 18, 2023

“Plants are actually great meditation teachers. They really know how to stay put even in the face of danger.” - Helena Harvilicz Crowd favorite Helena returns with all the dharma she dug up in her time as ACZC’s gardener, along with some words of wisdom from Dogen’s “Insentient Preach the Dharma. Are our plants and inanimate objects really whispering sweet truths to us like they did to Buddha under that tree? Is this a classic tale of setbacks in practice that lead to enlightening revelation? Or is it the story of a feeble-minded woman facing the horrors of old age and death who gets tricked into paying to do yard work by a somewhat boring cult (her words not ours…)?? Find out here!

May 11, 2023

“To really do this practice is to let go of the wheel and assume someone's driving. And that's gonna be terrifying every time.” - Dave Cuomo Dave celebrates the lazy days summer by trying to cure a decade long writer’s block with the help of The Artist’s Way and some sassy ancient commentary on the Xinxinming that sounds uncannily like our own inner critics. What is Dave’s one trick to always be good at zazen? Why is Zen always telling itself it’s doing it wrong? And when we listen to those inner critics, do we get fueled by the friction or just tired and uninspired?? Find out here!

May 4, 2023

“It’s not your zazen, it’s just zazen. And it’s going all the time.” - Jason Dodge Jason unpacks the meaning behind the Buddha’s beguiling nickname while reminding himself exactly why he does want to sit zazen during a hard month when the last thing he wants to do is sit down and do his zazen. Why did Buddha promise we all get to share his accomplishment while also promising it was something we could never know? What did he mean he’s the one who comes and goes, and why does our desire to sit come and go so easily when we need it most? Where is this zazen train even going and could we get off that train even if we wanted to?? Find out here!

Apr 27, 2023

“There’s a feeling of, if I was stressed out, then it must have been really good. Or people say, ‘I would meditate but I don’t want to lose my edge.’ But what heights could they attain without the misery and suffering?” - Emily Eslami Emily throws us a bonfire of the attachments with a pointed talk on single minded effort. With readings from Shunryu Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind we take a good hard look at all the sticky sweet talking memories and ideas that keep us from fully doing the things we do. Is there a healthy place for praise and blame in our endeavors? Are we entitled to the fruits of our own actions? Is Emily’s casserole just too mouth wateringly delicious to burn up in the flames of enlightenment?? Find out here!!

Apr 20, 2023

“When I look people in the eye lately they seem a little savvier, a little more self aware, and a good bit more confused. And I trust that.” - Dave Cuomo As a retreat goes off the rails, Dave and the sangha try to find their faith in a practice built on the promise that everything is ultimately fleeting, empty, and full of suffering. Plus! A dramatic reading of Red Pine’s lithe (and downright Seussian) rendition of the Faith in Mind inscription. Can we rely on a tradition built on the premise that nothing is reliable? When we face the wall in zazen, can we trust that the zendo has our backs? Who do we trust more, the heart or the mind and is there actually a difference?? Find out here!!

Apr 13, 2023

“A Zen teacher once told me, ‘I’ve been watching you and you're a good sitter.’ And I think that's what they tell the people that are kind of stupid and really don't get it.“ - Helena Harvilicz Long time friend of the sangha, Helena Harvilicz gives us a raw, funny, and heartening story of sarcasm and weltschmerz and wanting to make the world a better place with no idea how. Why do moms make such bad nihilists? Is it ok to laugh in the zendo when the voices in our heads are being particularly hilarious? What’s the difference between depression and deciding the world really might be a little disappointing? And can figuring that out help make us a better part of it?? Find out here!

Apr 6, 2023

“I kept asking the same questions, what is this about? Where's the teaching? And then they teach us, if you can't see everything there is, then that's your problem.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Change is afoot in the Zen world as many sanghas undergo a generational turnover in leadership and Gyokei has a sweet story to meet the moment of two monks trying to figure out who’s supposed to be steering the ship, and where it’s supposed to be headed. Is looking for meaning in our practice a hindrance, or unavoidable? Is Eastern Buddhism too attached to rigid hierarchies? Is the West too attached to avoiding them?? Find out here!

Mar 30, 2023

“The fact that the word ‘emptiness’ is still upsetting people 2,500 years later tells me, that must be an important lesson. Clearly it’s something we needed to hear.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes us on a walking tour of space with a slightly nerdy dive into the history of emptiness in Buddhism; what it meant when Buddha first said it, how that changed over time, what it means for us now, and how it can be a superpower for any tradition (or person) that knows how to walk it’s death defying tight rope by simply not seeing it as there in the first place. Did Buddha really mean to say everything is empty? And is that something we’re actually supposed to believe in literally? What is Dave’s secret recipe for the beer float that can liberate all beings?? Find out here.

Mar 23, 2023

“What brought me to meditation was a desire to essentially eradicate my own neurosis. But the instruction to focus on not just what's happening inside allowed me to realize I was a part of an ecosystem, like a drop in the sea and less like the whole ocean.” - Tanya Orlov Tanya generously shares her personal practice story of riding the hamster wheel of personal development through anxiety and neuroses, the practices that work to fight it, and the existential ease of dipping your toes in the ocean of everything that is happy to hold your best and worst moments. Is it possible to fight the fire of anxiety with the fire of focus? Why should we stick around if these Zen talks aren’t making any sense? Is there any freedom to be found in the rigidity of the forms?? Find out here!

Mar 16, 2023

“I feel very confident… confident that I don't know what the f*** I'm doing.” - Sara Campbell Sara takes us on a personal tour of ambition and emptiness, with a first hand account of how teachings on groundlessness do and do not prepare us for a world of gig economies, uncertain employments, and potentially dubious digital windfalls. What good is being grounded? What does it mean to be present for reality in an increasingly virtual world? And when we find ourselves in free fall, is it possible to land in the sky? Find out here!

Mar 9, 2023

“The hardest thing for me to do is to peacefully watch somebody else screw up their life. But I'm told that's a big part of true compassion - letting go without turning away.” - Dave Cuomo Dave looks at how to make lasting peace in the world while regaling us with the legend of Dongshan’s ‘Celebration of Silliness’, the week long banquet of delusion Dongshan threw for him and his monks on his death bed. What, if anything, do we owe our friends and families on our way out the great gaping door? Can evil really be destroyed or is it something we’re stuck with? And why are the enlightened out there insisting that they need all of us deluded folks to take care of them? Isn’t that supposed to be their job?? Find out here!

Mar 2, 2023

“Wind is liberated from the mountain, I is liberated from nothing at all… I’m here because I need y'all, because practice doesn't make sense without you.” - Henry Zander Henry takes us to the Christian plains of the midwest to regale us with a personal practice story of finding yourself somewhat alone in your own weird wildness only to find the odd ways that singular experience can hone and flourish itself when shared with a community. How is poetry both a boon and a hindrance to practice? What do we gain and lose when we sit together versus sitting alone? How is it that a practice that preaches ultimate oneness can often leave us isolated and alone? Find out here!

Feb 23, 2023

“They say you can’t intellectualize Zen, but don't short change yourself. If your brain wants to understand it, do that first. The old masters all did. They knew exactly what they were talking about. And then one day you might realize that even the highest level teachings aren’t enough. But you have to get them before you can realize that they’re not enough.“ - Dave Cuomo History of Zen returns with a tale of dharma combat that's going to have eon long implications. Two epic frenemies are busy inventing modern koan and shikantaza practice while China is busy putting itself back together, only to promptly fall apart again. What are the roots of modern koan practice, and is ACZC doing them wrong? Why does Zen have a “right” answer for everything, and how did their philosophies get so tight? Was Zen designed to be secular or religious, and does it believe its own PR? Find out here!

Feb 16, 2023

“If you don't understand the way right before you, how will you know the path as you walk?” - Shitou Xiqian Sara reflects on some challenging lines from Shitou to work through medical troubles in her family, while Shunryu Suzuki and Huangbo shed some light on the dawns and midnights of life that always seem to go hand in hand. How does practice help in the times we’re most reticent to sit down to it? Does insight best arrive in a flash or a slow dawning drip of emotion? Can 1000 year old poetry offer any cool comforts in times of crisis? Find out here.

Feb 9, 2023

“’Don’t trust anyone…’ When you have this limited idea of trust, you put someone in a box. ‘Not trusting anybody’ means allowing them, moment to moment, to be different.” - Natalie Goldberg Dave gets grumpy about getting to live his dream life and reads letters from the sangha about why he shouldn’t go to Japan for monastic training, plus a reading from Dainin Katagiri’s “You Have To Say Something” along with a deep dive into all the valid reasons not to trust ourselves, our teachers, or the systems we work in. Is formal Zen training just one more toy to let go of, or is it the place we go to let go of our idealistic toys? Can we learn from systems and selves we don’t entirely trust? When the moment arrives, should we stand strong and stare the great moose of truth in the face, or is the real wisdom to bravely run away?? Find out here!

Feb 2, 2023

“How do you become a flavor that gives life to other flavors? How do you become a person that gives life to other practitioners instead of taking away their life?” - Gyokei Yokoyama Bitter, salty, spicy, sour, or sweet - Gyokei gives us a subtle and patient recipe for finding our own true original flavor that brings out the best in all the rest. What melodies are waiting to sing to us in uncomfortable silences? Can we learn to trust the mind that lies behind our own self esteem? And is it ever really possible to taste what truly makes us special?? Find out here.

Jan 26, 2023

“What would be so bad if I wasn’t the best?” - Emily Eslami Emily regales us with the story of a young girl growing up wanting to think she was something special, only to find herself one of eight billion people thinking much the same thing. Reading from Shunryu Suzuki’s classic Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, this is the real life story of realizing all the anxiety and effort it takes to keep an ego afloat, and then learning to wield a wonderful power that is nothing special at all. Why is it often so frustrating to watch our friends succeed? If Buddha said we were so perfect just the way we are, why does Zen always seem to be telling us we’re doing it wrong? And if we’re not out there trying to be the best, will we still be any good?? Find out here!

Jan 20, 2023

“If all of you have access to the same wisdom, and you all hear it in your own distinct ways, that also implies that no one's ever gonna hear it like you. Whenever you feel that beautiful swell of connection, that’s for you alone. You don't get to share that. I don't know. It both like swells and breaks my heart at the same time.” - Dave Cuomo Mountains walk and rivers talk as Dave delves into Dogen’s classic Mountains and Waters Sutra with the help of Shohaku Okumura’s classic commentary on this poetic and profound piece. How is Mahayana Buddhism so unapologetically based on a lie? (#fakebuddhaquotes amiright?). How do we do not understanding? Is turning off your phone during zazen and turning your back on your loved ones a heartless way of turning toward the truth? And why is Zen’s advice about dealing with anger making Dave so angry?? Find out here!

Jan 12, 2023

“The assumption that things suck is totally safe. You can always prove it. But you miss at least half the world that way.” Jason Dodge Who’s afraid of the dark?? Just about all of us if we’re being honest. Luckily Jason’s here to shed some light on how to delight ourselves in the dharma of darkness, and why seeing the world in terms of good and bad is not ultimately a good thing. How can we take comfort in calamity? Why do Zen masters want to scold us for being good students? And is it possible to be an Angry Buddha without causing (too much) trouble?? Find out here!

Jan 5, 2023

“To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,/and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,/and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.” Wendell Berry Dave rings in the New Year with a rousingly rambling speech about presence and why yours matters so much while trying to inspire us all with a faith built on a shining bright lie. Why does recognizing the illusion of time make its passing all the sweeter? Is it possible to meditate our worries away, and why is it sometimes more enlightening not to? What happens when you cross no holds barred start up culture with a thousand year old dumpling stand? Find out here!!

Dec 30, 2022

“Take a walk at night. Walk so silently that the bottoms of your feet become ears.” - Pauline Oliveras Long time sangha friend Robert brings us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here with a fascinating discussion of sound and body, sonic meditations, and a personal look at how going deep on deep listening might help keep us on (or off) the path. What symphonies do we hear when the music stops? Why is ritual so satisfying even for the non believers? And why do we find ourselves laughing when life most makes us want to cry?? Find out here!

Dec 23, 2022

“Wander alone. Like a rhinoceros.” - Buddha Erik brings us a special holiday talk dedicated to all the loners out there and everyone else who could benefit from getting in touch with their inner existential rhino - including a dramatic reading of the rhinoceros sutra itself. Why does Buddha want us to be so lonely? Can we every truly be alone? Can we ever not be?? Find out here!

Dec 9, 2022

“For me, the best Zen Master is a dead Zen Master. It’s really healthy for us to venerate and revere these figures. It just doesn’t seem all that healthy for a human to actually sit in that role.” - Dave Cuomo Join us for a madcap romp to the thrilling conclusion of The Vimalakirti Sutra - Buddha and Vimalakirti square off for an epic confrontation Beyond Comprehension, Vimalakirti holds a universe in his hands like a bouquet of flowers for his loved ones (us!), Shariputra finally gets some answers, Buddha regales us with stories of when he was a young upstart Bodhisattva just as confused as the rest of us, and even the God Indra makes a cameo to endorse the whole affair. What actually is a Buddha after all? Why doesn’t the sutra want us to believe it’s own bulls**t?? What are our practice, dreams, ambitions, and lives about if in the end they’re not about us at all??? Find out here!

Dec 2, 2022

“Be who you are, enjoy your practice just the way you do. Whether you are aware or not, it has a tremendous impact. Those are good ripples for all of us.” Gyokei Yokoyama Soto Zen in North America turned 100 years old a couple weeks ago with a big Jukai celebration and Gyokei brings us the scene report from the wide world of Zen while reflecting back on a century of continuous practice here. Is American Zen all grown up and ready to move out of the parents house? Which lineage has the best jokes and makes the best drinking buddies? And what exactly do you have to do to get kicked out of Soto Zen?? Find out here!!

Nov 26, 2022

“If you want to get it, you have to become it. But you already are it, so why worry about it?” - Yunju Daoying On the first of our talks recorded live from the Fall Retreat, Sara takes us on a personal walking tour of personal ambition. How do we balance the desire to make something of ourselves while still staying true to the spirit of Zen? Along the way we get some Alan Watts hot takes, and a deep dive into Dogen’s “It” (Inmo). What is it? How do we fit into it? And how exactly do we get up off the ground by using the sky, Dogen?? Find out here!!

Nov 18, 2022

“What's your intention? What's your aspiration? What are you doing it all for? Maybe it’s a delusional question in a goalless practice, but they're going to ask it. Just because it's a silly question doesn't mean you get out of answering.” - Dave Cuomo Dave unpacks everyone’s favorite Zen quote of ultimate exoneration, Dogen’s “One Continuous Mistake,” and unveils the brand new ACZC logo about said Great Mistake. Along the way Dave opens up about his curiosities and concerns about his upcoming training in Japan, and how his military upbringing both did and did not prepare him for this life of tough love compassion. Is no one really judging our practice? Is Zen really encouraging us to always get it wrong? What is the one fool proof way to mastering perfect bread baking??? Find out here!

Nov 4, 2022

“When I read the old literature, the Zen Masters are never my role models. I identify with the idiot monks who don’t get it. Like, how do I humble myself to what I don’t understand? How do I respond to what I’ll never feel capable of? That helps me relax. It might even help me be more virtuous.” - Dave Cuomo Vimalakirti opens up a portal to a sweet smelling alien pure land to order some lunch, while those blissed out beings get curious about what it’s like to have problems and pop over to our little Saha World to see what life is like on the wrong side of the karmic tracks. Will they be able to appreciate the gritty realism of our little corner of paradise? Why is our Buddha so hard on us with all of his tough love truths when other Buddhas teach just by smelling good? Is our messy world a practice opportunity or a perfection we’re just too ignorant to see? Will Shariputra and the gang remember to get the recipe for the best rice in the galaxy? Find out here!!

Oct 28, 2022

“You can be afraid of ghosts and other evils, but you cannot label them your enemies. You help others like you scratch your back. There's no distinction.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Altruism, we all know it’s good, but why does it often feel so oppressive? Or, is it even possible to not live a life of service if we’re being really honest about what we’re doing here?? Digging into the classic Shushogi (a refreshingly intelligible extract from Dogen’s Shobogenzo) Gyokei digs us up some answers from the rural farm villages of his youth, to the ghosts, zombies, and other evils of today that just might be the perfect gateways to our own liberation.

Oct 21, 2022

“I’ve had the experience of sitting zazen and just watching the dust bunnies blow around and thinking ‘this is great…’ It feels ordinary, and exciting, because only good can can come out of that sense of boring - showing up and hanging out without a lot of expectations.” - Heather Ross In our ongoing series where brave sangha members bring us the story of what they’re doing and why they’re here, Heather takes the hot seat to tell us all about ambition and being special, wanting to be special, the beauty of boredom, and the quest for the coolest Zen center that led (for better or for worse) to us, the most avowedly disappointing place in LA. What makes some people stick around for a practice predicated on disappointment, when the normal reaction would be to go find the fun? Is the pursuit of special the dominant religion in our culture? What exactly is the beauty of boredom?? Find out here!

Oct 14, 2022

“This practice is not about me. I love noticing that - bowing and realizing that however it’s going for me is not the point of being here. The beautiful thing about retreat is that it’s not really about your experience. You go up there, go into silence, try not to be late for things, stumble along, do the ceremonies and chants, eat in silence together... The whole thing takes on the character of its own living organism. I t's a small way of tasting what it's like to live without it being about you, what you're getting out of it, or what you're going through. That's letting go of the ultimate attachment, the ultimate illusion. That's the benefit.” - Dave Cuomo Dave gives a pep talk for retreat (and zazen in general) with a brass tacks talk on meditation. Armed with a smattering of his favorite meditation instructions throughout history, we look at their evolution from precise and seemingly sensible earlier teachings, to the perfectly inexpressible of later Zen. How do we make sense of a practice that’s trying to free us of the need to make sense? What do they mean by reversing the direction of our hearing inward? Or as Manjushri so poetically puts it, how do we stand up in empty space when space disappears and the bubble bursts?? Find out here!!

Oct 7, 2022

“It’s like burning a field. Out of the ash comes a true greenery - a greenery which knows the burning of the land. It’s a call and response. It’s having a trust that they're not trying to kill us inside. But actually it’s a way to strengthen that uniqueness that's embedded in us - but a uniqueness that does not confront or contradict what is.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei digs deep practical truths out of the meeting of Eastern Collectivist culture and Western Individualism. Revealing and poetic metaphors ensue! Is it possible to fully be our own unique piece of the puzzle while still fitting into the big beautiful picture?? Find out here!

Sep 30, 2022

“I don't think we should be engaging in intentionally changing who we are and how we do things here. I also don't think we should be willfully static and so stuck in our ways that we forget that change is the natural function of everything all the time. If we think about it that way, who we are and what we do will take care of itself. I think. I could be wrong.” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes us on an autobiographical tour of zazen to try to figure out if ACZC has a house style (spoiler alert: yes we do!), and if so, should we (spoiler alert: does it matter?)?? Is there a right way and a wrong way to teach Zen? If we throw practitioners into the deep end of emptiness on day 1 are we setting them up to sink or swim?? Is there a reason this sangha is such good company, or did we just get lucky?? Find out here!!

Sep 23, 2022

“People say zazen is hard, so it’s important to check in - are you stressing out about it? Are you making it too harsh? Trying too hard? Are you disappointed with your Zen? Are you waiting for something to happen? Consider taking it easy. Stop waiting for anything to happen and just watch… Zen is the easy path, the very easy path. It doesn’t need to add stress.” - Erik Andersen You’re busy, we’re busy, Erik’s busy… which becomes the perfect opportunity for a delightfully lighthearted meta commentary on how we deal with overwork, burnout, trying too hard, and running ourselves ragged trying to clean the corners of our already spotless minds. Shouldn’t a book literally called “The Book of Serenity” offer some relief from our stress? What do they mean there’s “someone who’s not busy” and can we copy their notes? Are two moons better than one??? Find out here!

Sep 16, 2022

“Don't try to improve at all. Just try to understand what a nut you are. Be patient with it. Marvel at it - ‘What a dummy I am, it’s unbelievable that I still do this, and it's perfect the way I do it because I've been conditioned so perfectly, so exquisitely. My mother and father were so perfect in making me as neurotic as I am.’” - Norman Fischer Birth & death, blame or blessings, life or liberation?? In this epic stand alone chapter of the Vimalakirti Sutra, Dave takes us on a walk through Non Duality in Buddhism, as poetically descried by the great Bodhisattvas (with a little commentary help from the also great Norman Fischer). Is everything really all one? What does it even mean to say that? Can us puny mortals experience such a thing? Is Non Duality just another heady philosophical wormhole or is there something to it that can actually transform our lives in this mundane workaday world we all know and love? Find out here!

Sep 9, 2022

“A Zen master's life could be said to be so many years of one continuous mistake. This means so many years of one single minded effort.” - Shunryu Suzuki Is it possible to be good at this practice? It is possible to be good at life? Would we really be better off if we were? Emily continues her deep dive into Shunryu Suzuki’s foundational “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind” with the classic parable of the four horses of Zen - the best, the best of the worst, and all those in between. Which one are we? Why are these Zen masters always so excited about making mistakes? What’s so great about being bad?? Find out here!

Sep 2, 2022

”My job isn't to not make mistakes, it's to figure them out. That's the fun of it. They’re not really mistakes. They’re what I’m supposed to be doing.” - Dave Cuomo Who’s actually driving this car? Is anyone really steering the ship?? If we are not our thoughts, then who’s making our choices, and do we have any agency in that? Dave looks at a history of classic (and lovely) Zen writings on host and guest, little-self/big-self, and all the space in between to try to get us some answers.

Aug 26, 2022

"This moment is not sacred. It's not mundane. It's weird. Find the weirdness." - Erik Andersen Erik takes a loving look at the cold hard truth that this might be as good as it gets. Is the world a good place at heart? Or is it as inherently corrupt as it seems? Buddhism says both! So what should we believe? Is it better to challenge negative beliefs or celebrate them? Is there an outlook that can help make the world a better place, and is that the point? Find out here!

Aug 19, 2022

“Plant seeds in the sky and they’ll never grow. Plant them in dung and dirt and watch them flourish.” - Manjushri In the culminating thesis of the sutra, our great bodhisattvic heroes Vimalakirti and Manjushri celebrate the irascible and irreverent with a whole hearted endorsement of the path of the Wrong Way and the heavenly delights of hell while Mahakasyapa laments the great disappointment of his own enlightenment. Is this why we can’t have nice things? Would we actually be content if we did get all those nice things? Does being good ultimately do anyone any good?? Find out here!

Aug 12, 2022

“You don’t seek the way, the way seeks you!” - Kodo Sawaki Sara shares with us the enlightening existential crisis of her wayward mind which, according to our forbears, is the essential mind of practice. How did we get here and why do we keep coming back? Why does this path turn out to be for some but not for others?? What’s the difference between going through the motions, and the embodiment of no mind?? Find out here!!

Jul 29, 2022

“We say, ‘Pulling out the weeds we give nourishment to the plant.’ We pull the weeds and bury them near the plant to give it nourishment. So even though you have some difficulty in your practice, even though you have some waves while you are sitting, those waves themselves will help you. So you should not be bothered by your mind. You should rather be grateful for the weeds, because eventually they will enrich your practice. “ - Shunryu Suzuki A beginner who’s been been beginning for a long time takes a seasoned look the Beginner’s Mind with a series on the book that began it all - Shunryu Suzuki’s "Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind." This week! What is the Big Mind and how hard should we work to to find it? How much effort should we put to into our zazen, and how does effort even work in a goalless practice? How do we get to clarity of mind and what does such a thing even mean?? Find out here!

Jul 22, 2022

"Whatever the ineffable is, it doesn't seem too concerned with our politics. But then we're also always told that the ineffable is nothing but what happening right now... So it gets left up to you to figure out what's truly important. My actual hot take on everyone's politics is, if you've already sat down and shut up for a half hour today, whatever else you want to say is fine. And then I might even want to listen to you." - Dave Cuomo Dave regales us with the story of that time Buddha juggled betrayal, assassination attempts, war, and intrigues of all kinds (nbd) in a look at how Buddhism does (and does not) deal with political engagement. Does ultimate reality care about the mundane affairs of our dusty little world? Do we have an obligation to take a stand on things that matter, or is sitting all that really matters?? Which speaks louder, the bellows of the Buddha or the thunderous roar of stillness?? Find out here!

Jul 15, 2022

“The nice thing about a Zen Center is they make it really easy to be a good person. Just follow the script - bowing, sitting, chanting enlightened things, sending all your cosmic merit to all living beings… you’re already being an enlightened buddha just by following the playbook. Everyone seems so nice, wholesome, and down to earth around here. I guess I don't really know what you're like on the outside. Maybe I don't wanna find out. But I like what this place does to us.” - Dave Cuomo Dave regales us with the famously wise and whimsical Goddess chapter of the Vimalakirti Sutra. A sneaky snarky goddess has been hiding out listening in on our heroes, and now she’s ready to reveal herself and indulge in some no holds barred dharma combat. Can this proto feminist icon show our heroes the way? What do identity politics mean to a being born of no self? Can hatred be a tool of liberation?? Is it always attachment to want nice things? Or is the real attachment to push them away?? Find out here!

Jul 8, 2022

“If the pure land isn’t real, maybe we can make this a pure land. Even if it doesn't add up to anything, maybe our own brains can be a Buddha land - a sphere of influence positively affected by an outside Buddha. Maybe the pure land isn’t so far away after all.” - Erik Andersen “Not knowing is nearest!” Erik takes us on a personal pilgrimage to the pure land as it exists right hear and now, with a survey of the practices, historicity, personal experience, and entangling relationship Pure Land Buddhism has to the Zen we all know and love. Do we need to believe in a practice for it to work? Is it Zen to do practices that make us feel better? Would it matter if it wasn’t?? Is it possible that the “place of precious things” is far closer than we ever could have imagined?? Find out here!

Jul 1, 2022

“Part of us dies in this process. It’s like a beautiful salad that starts to whither and you feel like something was lost… It’s like finding trust in the most unpromising place with no ground for solid footing. It's allowing the whole situation to penetrate through you and allowing yourselves to penetrate right through the situation… But I'm still pondering. I don’t hundred percent agree with this dying process I experienced, although it’s always been a part of Soto Shu practice. So it remains not as an answer, but as a question.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei discusses the pickles and salads of practice, the bright vibrant greens and the withered wisdoms that develop over a lifetime of letting go. How do we maintain constancy in our practice and what happens if we do? What is the aspiration that drives us to dive head first into the murky waters of a realized life, sink or swim? What is left of our selves when our self lets go of us?? Find out here!

Jun 24, 2022

“ Enlightenment might be inherent, but it’s not natural to humans for some reason. In some places they will literally beat it into or out of you. So my question is, what are we doing here? What do you want to get out of this?” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes a look at a modern Zen conundrum: is a Zen center a place of equal practice and training for all, or is it a service job with necessary hierarchies and distinctions? Is our current model of importing traditional monastic practice really applicable to the busy lay practitioner of today? Is it possible to share the dharma to everyone without watering it down?? Find out here!

Jun 17, 2022

“It was always about what am I contributing? What am I doing out in the world? But yeah, I’m not shooting so high anymore. It’s true, there are important things to be done out there. And the reality is this practice is going to be really important to the future. So yeah, sitting is my contribution.” - Mota Mynttinen Mota open up and regales us with the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here in a raw and revealing account of the traumatic injury that threatened to derail the life he thought he was living. Can sitting up help bring some balance to the world when it goes bottoms up? Is it possible to overcome our addiction to ambition as the meaning of our lives? Can sitting help bridge the gap between being and doing? Find out here!

Jun 10, 2022

“If you train yourself to always be confident, competent, and charismatic, you're going to walk into a room and either alienate or inspire everybody, and connect with nobody. If you’re able to walk into a room with a tickle of anxiety and self doubt, next to some hope and aspiration, all cradled in the big old thromb of emptiness that animates everything, then you can actually connect with people. Maybe.” - Dave Cuomo Dave regales us with the wild and wacky wizardly hijinks of Chapter 6 of the Vimalakirti Sutra. This week the assembly needs to find itself some chairs, so Vimalakrit busts out his portal gun to go looking for the Greatest Chairs in the Universe, which turn out to be 84,000 feet tall! Can the lesser monks among us measure up to the seats of the great bodhisattvas (metaphor alert…)? And how are we to understand the bodhisattva’s great magic known as “Beyond Comprehension” (irony alert…)? And if, as the sutra says, every jerk in the universe is actually just a bodhisattva in disguise trying to test and train us, what is the actual answer to the test?? Find out here!

Jun 3, 2022

“…when you’re totally beaten up and you don’t know what to do, that’s the moment of truth - when suddenly all those Buddhist teachings you’ve read about are no longer just something you read in a book….” - Gyokei Yokoyama On day two of our Mt Baldy retreat, Gyokei opens himself up for Daisan - a revelatory round of public practice discussion where he fields all of the sangha’s burning questions such as: How do we find meaning in our worldly work? How is North American Zen developing differently from its Japanese roots? How do we raise kids as Zennies without them growing up to hate us and Zen in the process? And can we get Gyokei to spill the beans on his own spiritual awakening? Find out here!

May 27, 2022

“Bodhisattva’s determination is not something that makes you feel leashed or confined. This kind of determination frees you…. It's not self-sacrifice. It's the feeling that I cannot help but do this.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei returns from a nationwide tour of the post-pandemic Zen Center scene with an impassioned (and important) message of unity and diversity for all the far flung sanghas of right here and now - from the pure diligent practice of Dogen, to the welcoming warmth of Keizan, and all the many myths, characters, and bodhisattva spirits in between. What do old world and new world Zen have to learn from each other (literally everything...)? What is the hairsbreadth of difference between free giving and self sacrifice (universes!)?? And are we really just here to make friends (absolutely!!)??? Find out here!

May 13, 2022

“There’s a thousand ways of speaking, infinite understandings, all just inviting you to befriend your unknowing.” - Shitou Xiqian Dave brings us a fresh original translation of Shitou’s timeless, “Straw Hut Song” - a beautiful and deceptively simple piece that moves from a humble nap in the hay to the boundless fringes of everywhere and nowhere at the drop of a line. Why can’t Shitou just live and love like normal people, and for better or for worse, why is it so easy for us to relate? Is his ancient wisdom something he can teach us, or something we already know? As translators, can we be faithful to our forbears as we dust off their lines, and still make their songs sing?? Find out here.

May 6, 2022

”…it was like, ooh, I don't have to count breaths? I liked that idea… no anchor, nothing holding me to this cushion… where was I going to go? It was scary, but liberating. I thought, ‘Hmm… maybe I shouldn't tell anybody that I'm doing this… But I can do this. This is something I could do every day.’” - John Nilsson John shares the raw unvarnished story of what he’s doing and why he’s here, from growing up in the triumphal certainty of the Mormon Church, to a kindly German Buddha compassionately bursting that bubble with the liberating chaos of uncertainty. What do we do when no one is telling us what to do? Is Zen a suitable religion for the irreligious? And just how much meditation does it take to master levitation?? Find out here!

Apr 29, 2022

“The goal here isn't to stop feeling pain. We need you to feel pain." - Dave Cuomo In pt 4 of our Vimalakirti series , the great bodhisattva Manjusrhi finally meets the enlightened laymen Vimalakirti himself for some playfully profound dharma combat as they tackle the big questions; why do we have trouble? How should we care for other people when they have trouble?? How should we care for ourselves when we have trouble??Can we really rid ourselves of all pain, and if so, should we??? Let’s find out.

Apr 22, 2022

“We all think that we're a good person, that we're some form of intelligent. In the monastery, they compassionately take that away and help us remember that there is something more important.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei takes us on a personal tour of zazen from the monastic perspective; from the enlightenment of certain failure, to the raw self underneath we may or may not be ready to meet. How is zazen supposed to wake us up when it’s always putting us to sleep? Is it possible to be ambitious in practice without being goal driven? Do we really need rough rude awakenings to drop off the self or is there a kindler gentler way? Find out here!

Apr 15, 2022

“Part of grief is that you can't predict it. It just happens and you have no control over it. And some of that aspect of grief is accepting that you don't have control; or maybe not accepting, actually resisting it entirely and rebelling against it, and being afraid that you don't have control over your loved ones disappearing and going. And maybe getting over it is accepting impermanence, accepting that ‘however you imagine it, it always turns out other than that.’” - Emily Eslami In true Bodhisattva fashion, Emily shares a recent loss and takes the opportunity for a heartfelt look into Buddhist teachings on grief. Can a practice of non attachment offer any solace for the attachments we don’t want to let go of? Are the enlightened masters of old too enlightened to offer anything more than the cold comfort of dispassion? Is there good in grief? Let’s discuss.

Apr 8, 2022

“If anything you say is going to be wrong, you might as well say it right” - Colin Young Dave takes a Zen look at making choices - what are wise discernments and what is the delusion of discrimination? Along the way we get a dramatic reading of the Xinxin Ming, Sengcan’s classic treatise on choice and non duality, and some practical advice on how to deal with the annoying DJ in the apartment upstairs.

Mar 31, 2022

“A professional artist is someone who understands what they're doing and are just going to do what they understand. An amateur is going into something with the understanding you're going to get lost.” - Jason Dodge Jason takes us on a delightful walk through the life and work of Ryokan, the famous wandering poet monk of Edo Japan, while holding up Ryokan’s poetry as a mirror to reflect on how Zen has informed his own work as a professional artist, and how practice can both fuel and confound the work of any creative. Along the way we get practical advice for the Zen artist in all of us, poetry battles between brothers, trippy verses written on skulls, and what happens when a lover leaves Ryokan’s best texts on read.

Mar 25, 2022

“If you can sit zazen until you don't need to get up in the middle, then you're really content with nothing. When you're content with nothing, you don’t need to go out and find things to fill that big empty hole inside of you. The less you need, the less you have to worry about. I highly recommend it.” - Dave Cuomo In the thrilling conclusion to his Yogacara series, Dave wraps it all up with some epic poetry from Vasubandhu and a brief overview of how exactly all this theory helps, what exactly it helps us do, and why none of that is the point since all of it was just an illusion anyway. Why do Zennies take themselves so seriously when everything is ultimately imaginary? How is being depressed the cure for depression? And what is the fundamental essence of text anxiety?? Find out here!

Mar 19, 2022

“You might think you're no good or you can't do anything. But the more you think that, the more you might be missing that little hairsbreadth of difference that could be the difference between heaven and earth. Anything can happen at any time. The message is to not believe anything. To just be cautious. And to take everything with a grain of salt.” - Erik Andersen Erik brings us the story of one little phrase that can make all the difference in the universe - Fayan’s “A hairsbreadth of difference between heaven and earth.” One thought, one word, one moment, how can we change the world in the space of a hair? How can we ever truly meet someone if the space between us is world’s away? Find out here!

Mar 11, 2022

“Ultimately, you can't separate yourself from the things that you or others do wrong. There's no glory in being better than other people.” - Dave Cuomo In pt 3 of his thrilling Vimalakirti Sutra series, Dave regales us with the story of the time our titular hero, the enlightened layman Vimalakirti, sought out each of Buddha’s best monks to explain to them exactly how they’re doing it all wrong. What does true quiet sitting look like? How do we attain Nirvana without turning our back on desire? What’s the difference between evil and tragedy? And does being good ultimately do anyone any good? Find out here!

Mar 4, 2022

“They say there is only suffering. Even happiness is just another form of suffering. And I can see that. But what do you do with that knowledge? Do you still go to birthday parties? Do you go on dates? And what do you say? Do you just say ultimately happiness and unhappiness are just the head and tail of the same snake? I don’t know if there’s a quick and easy solution I can give to that. And if you have one, please hit me up.” - Leon Sandler ACZC’s own Leon Sandler takes the hot seat to tell us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here. From Denver to Istanbul, spanning continents and lifetimes, Leon spins us a story of the great open question: what does it mean to live a normal life in a practice that deconstructs any such notion into the ridiculousness of oblivion? Find out here!

Feb 25, 2022

"Precepts are what humbles us. It's not designed to inflate our imagination. It sobers us. The precepts come with an understanding that we are constantly, in each moment, failing. And that's why we uphold the precepts." - Gyokei Yokoyama Gyokei returns to the hot seat with an in depth and personal look at precepts and Jukai (lay precept ceremony). From the historical and cultural roots, to his own experiences growing up Zen in all its childhood innocence and angry adolescence, this is a story of making friends with your shadow side and tripping over the truth until you finally fall face first into it.

Feb 19, 2022

“If we started with the goal of becoming happy and wise enough to attract better people into our lives and making a better world together, now they’re telling us the real liberation is to not need to think like that at all - to be so free that you’re not worried about what kind of world you live in. In fact if you were truly free, you might just choose to go for the most troublesome people in the lowest places, because your real joy and calling is to be where you’re needed the most.” - Dave Cuomo In our latest installment of Zen Story Time, Dave brings us part 2 of the Vimalakirti Sutra. Here we meet our eponymous hero, Vimalakirti, the enlightened laymen who spends his days at the gambling halls and his nights at the bars and brothels - a bodhisattva so free of attachments that he has no qualms spending his life immersed in them (only for the good of all beings of course…). Will he be able to bring the light of wisdom to the darkest corners of the world? Find out here!

Feb 11, 2022

"The funny thing about zazen is, it can’t be fooled. The funny thing about Zen is I can’t crush it or not crush it. So all I really want to do is be honest and convey something true for a second. And when I remember that, I kinda can" - Jordan Mylet Jordan regales us with a warm and insightful love letter to zazen, as part of our series where long time sangha members (like you!) tell us the story of what they are doing and why they are here. What happens when all you want is to enjoy a nice day at the park, and next thing you know you're on a years long quest to unravel the great mysteries of who and what we are just to be able notice a nice moment sitting under the trees? How do we make peace with the world that's rattling around inside our own heads? Is it possible to become a better shiner you without digging ourselves deeper into the great pits of desire?? Find out here!

Feb 5, 2022

“When we’re talking about joy, I mean the kind of joy that you might feel at a funeral, a crying aching joy that encompasses everything. It's like, no, this whole thing is beautiful and I'm glad we did this. And I would do it all over again.” - Dave Cuomo Dave brings us an optimistic look at the afflictions - greed, hatred, delusion, anger, guile (a personal favorite), arrogance, laziness, and all the rest. How do me make allies out of our restless shadow sides and finally have a chance at whatever they mean by “free will”? How can we learn to read a room by taking a good hard look in the mirrors of our own minds? And if we really want to be our best selves, should we be going to therapy or doing zazen? (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes!) Find out here!

Jan 29, 2022

"To that voice who's saying, ‘Are we good enough?’ This is saying we exist. And that's enough" - Emily Eslami Emily shares with us Dogen's bright and clear treatise on fundamental self worth, "Brightness." What does Zen mean with woo woo sounding words like 'Buddha's light?' and how is that supposed to apply to us? And where does the light go when everything looks dark?? Find out here!

Jan 21, 2022

“The most important thing you can be doing is just to be doing it, and that's doing it right. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be there.” - Sara Campbell Sara shares her experiences with Master Clown (yes, that’s a thing!) Moshe Cohen’s “Levity of Pause” workshop, all about the intersection of Zen and clown. Join us as she helps us bring a little humor to our stodgy old zazen and, if we're lucky, maybe poke a few holes in the ridiculousness of the absurd certainties we call life.

Jan 14, 2022

“Slowly, over time, you might get used to not feeling crappy about yourself. You might get used to not hating everyone you disagree with. And then when some of that old negativity does come back up it can seem like a big problem. But that’s a good sign. Don’t turn back when you notice how crappy of a person you can be. When the afflictions become a noticeable anomaly, that’s great because it just means you’ve established a new normal.” - Dave Cuomo In an in depth and personal look at one of Yoagacara’s infamously nerdy lists, Dave brings us a talk of sweet cringey goodness and all the things we love to hate, aka The Beneficial Factors. How do we convince a cynical mind to open up and see the light (patiently…)? And what is happiness really (pure empty space!)? Find out here!

Jan 7, 2022

“You are what's happening, what's happening is you. What else could you be? Even when what's happening is that you're doubting what's happening, that's still what's happening.” - Dave Cuomo In a totally timely New Year’s talk, Dave brings us a dramatic reading of “The Time Being,” Dogen’s classic treatise on time and reality and where exactly we fit into all that. What is time (us!)? What does it mean (everything!)?? And what are we supposed to do with it in practice (keep doing that...)??? Also, bonus! Special sangha and center announcements toward the end of the talk.

Jan 1, 2022

"What are we liberating ourselves from? It's about being able to do the things that you want to do and not getting hung up about smaller things This is emotional liberation, emotional freedom. People get discouraged in Zen for not getting things or not understanding it. A lot of people think that they just don't get it and move on to other things. You have to be okay with sometimes not getting it. That’s a good thing here." - Erik Andersen In an embodiment of true Zen wisdom, Erik regales us with a koan that he can’t answer, and answers it with a talk on how to answer the unanswerable. Is the world a place of good or a place of evil? Does the joy outweigh the suffering? Is there an answer to such a question, and how are we supposed to respond if there isn’t? Find out here!

Dec 17, 2021

“Every religion at some point asks the question, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ And there is rarely a satisfying answer. But this sutra is going to try to answer that by showing us how to accept the full crappiness of the world, while also knowing it as a jewel encrusted paradise at the same time.” - Dave Cuomo Dave dives into some sangha story time with The Vimalakirti Sutra in part 1 of a new chapter by chapter series on this most entertaining of Sutras. In pt 1 we take a hard honest look at two questions; how did Buddha turn the world into an enlightened paradise, and how can Buddha call this messed up world an enlightened paradise? What do we do with toxic relationships and why do we find them so entertaining? Are we ultimately at fault for all the crap in the world? And who do we ultimately get to blame for everything? Find out here!

Dec 11, 2021

"Last night, this mountain monk unintentionally stepped on a dried turd and it jumped up and covered heaven and earth. This mountain monk unintentionally stepped on it again, and it introduced itself, saying, “My name is Sakyamuni.” Then, this mountain monk unintentionally stepped on his chest, and immediately he went and sat on the vajra seat, saw the morning star, bit through the traps and snares of conditioned birth, and cast away his old nest from the past." Eihei Dogen In a special Rohatsu evening talk, Dave celebrates with a little story time, bringing us accounts of Buddha’s enlightenment from the mystical, to the stary eyed, to the time Dogen stepped on a turd named Sakyamuni Buddha and all was revealed. Why does Buddha think his enlightenment included us, and why should his nice little moment still matter to us now? Find out here!

Dec 4, 2021

“To live in the realm of Buddha nature means to die as a small being, moment after moment. When we lose our balance we die, but at the same time we also develop ourselves, we grow. Whatever we see is changing, losing its balance. The reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance, but its background is always in perfect harmony.” - Shunryu Suzuki Kill your idols! Kill the Buddha. In a timely and highly inspiring talk, Emily takes on the case of the late great master Linji’s advice to “Kill the Buddha, kill the patriarchs, kill your parents and attain liberation!” It’s the great Zen-Punk exhortation to let go of everything you know about what we’re doing and who we’re doing it for. Who can we have faith in when there is no self and no one outside the self? Who are we ultimately doing any of this for?? Find out here!

Nov 27, 2021

“This is the answer key to zazen, the answer key to Buddhism. It’s actually the answer key to enlightenment too. It might not seem like it, it might seem pretty boring. But, when they don't tell you the answers in Zen, this is what they’re not saying.“ - Dave Cuomo Dave walks us through Yogacara’s “Five Omnipresent Factors” - the theoretical underpinning to all of Zen’s deceptively simple instructions for “just sitting,” and just maybe, to reality itself. When we stop worrying about our thoughts and “just pay attention,” what do we end up seeing with all that attention? How do our selves and reality construct themselves at every given moment? Also, bonus round! Should we let our mosquito friends bite us in zazen? And can we do Zen for simple self improvement without accidentally stripping away the illusion of reality as we know it? Find out here!

Nov 19, 2021

"I love the idea of worlds creating and worlds destroying. Each moment being new makes the good times sweeter. And being aware of how much you love something when it's happening makes harder times bearable. It's that awareness that everything is being made up and torn down constantly." - Sara Campbell Live from Mt Baldy, Sara brings us a personal exploration of this year's retreat theme, "World's Created, World's Destroyed," including everyone's favorite koan on the end of the world and what to do about it, plus a lovely reading from Charlotte Joko Beck on the great coal furnace of zazen.

Nov 13, 2021

"When I stopped being scared of other people, a funny thing happened. I realized I like people. You were like these static things that knew right from wrong and could judge me, and then one day you stopped being that. I realized that you don't know who you are or what you’re supposed to be doing either, and that meant I don't have to know what I am or what I’m supposed to be doing. And now we can all just hang out. It's a way different relationship, a funny relationship, and I like it a whole lot better." Recorded live from Mt Baldy, Dave Cuomo reads Dogen’s “Space!” and talks emptiness, anxiety, and boundless love, while the sangha debates the best and worst poems to bum out a wedding.

Oct 29, 2021

“The freedom we talk about is that wherever we are, we are in some kind of structure. Some are more restrictive, some are more free... What I picked up through this monastic life was the freedom from your own preconceptions and notions - the end of enslavement by our own mind, to be free wherever you are.” - Gyokei Yokoyama Join us as special guest Gyokei Yokoyama of Sozenji temple brings us a highly personal and insightful window into growing up in traditional Japanese Zen Buddhism and monastic training in the rough and tumble world of Eheiji Temple (yes, that Eiheiji!). What do Japanese Zennies really think of us hair brained Westerners taking up the practice? And what is gained and lost in the sometimes harsh realities of institutional Zen? And do we need such harsh lessons to get the fundamental point? (And what is the fundamental point???) Find out here!

Oct 23, 2021

"If I say my boss over there is underpaying me because they're a jerk and that's not my fault, then I'm not really being with that situation. If I see myself as much a part of this situation as they are, then that's where actual joy happens. That's what I would call love. I love my crappy bosses for the fact that we shared the same circumstances that conditioned me to resent them and them to find it pleasing to underpay me, and that it's not either of our fault that eons ago the earth came together in a big shattering of star bursts, and now here we are fighting over resources because we're both made of DNA. How can I blame us for being born on a planet like that? So all we're really saying here is, yup, I live here too, and I love you, because we're in this together." - Dave Cuomo Dave takes a good hard look at a classic tough love treatise by our great grumpy founder of Zen himself, Bodhidharma. Does "suffering injustice" really mean we're supposed to take crap and like it? Can "seeking nothing" actually help us find joy?? Find out here!

Oct 8, 2021

“It's not about the chanting. It's not about what we're saying. It's about the community. It's about listening to each other.” - Leslie Mundy In a very sweet and insightful story hour, our own Leslie Mundy takes the hot seat to regale us with the tale of what she’s doing and why she’s here. From mind altering days in the ‘60s, to the wild world of koan interviews, to our own ACZC Zoomdo, Leslie spins us stories within stories of learning how to sit still in a world that never seems able to for all that long.

Oct 1, 2021

“We didn’t evolve to see reality, we evolved to survive. If we had evolved to see reality we would probably just appear as timeless bits of quantum foam. But that wouldn’t be very helpful for trying to feed yourself or make babies…" - Dave Cuomo In the latest installment of his Yogacara series, Dave takes on the double headed monster, the double edged sword, of Manas - the self consciousness. According to DT Suzuki, It’s the thing that keeps us captive, and the only thing that can set us free. Buddhism says we have no self. Our senses tell us otherwise. Why? What is that self, how did it get there, and do we need it? What’s the difference between healthy self conception and the hindrance of self conceit? And can we ever get to know the sweet taste of fresh air if we’re stuck driving around seeing the world through the gauges of a submarine? Find out here!

Sep 21, 2021

“It’s been hard to accept that my life didn't go exactly how I thought it should. That is a humbling thing to experience. And to know that your time is finite… I still grieve some of the things that I don't have, but I'm way more able to see beyond them as a result of this practice. And I can be grateful for it. And I can see that my weirdo life has value. But I'm not really the judge of that. That's not up to me. That's bigger than me.” - Sara Campbell Sara takes us on an intimate personal journey through Genjo Koan, Dogen’s classic poetic piece about a small nonexistent self trying to make its way in a wide world that turns out to be bigger than it could hope to understand. Who are we if we don’t make the conventional life milestones we’d sought to define ourselves by? And how do we let go enough to dive fully into a life that might not be going the way we’d planned? Find out here!

Sep 14, 2021

“People of scant knowledge do not think that buddhas have dignified behavior in the toilet... This is not learning of the Buddha’s truth. Remember, purity and impurity is exemplified by blood dripping from a human being. At one time it is warm, at another time it is disgusting. The buddhas have toilets, and this we should remember.” - Dogen In an ever topical and timely discussion, Emily reads us Dogen’s (in)famous chapters on the perfect practice of washing and going to the bathroom in a talk on purity and impurity, the clean and the unclean, and the bright bathroom mirror that reflects what we truly are as we wash, brush our teeth, and yes, poop the great poop of enlightenment. Do enlightened beings fart like the rest of us? (You betcha!) How exactly does one bathe in enlightenment? (With ease!) And did Yunmen really say that Buddha was a dried s**t stick? (Again, you betcha). Find out here!

Sep 7, 2021

“Not knowing what the crap we’re doing is the delight of being human.” - Dave Cuomo Dave brings us a Zen pep talk for hard times with a reading of Dogen’s Ryugen or, The Moaning of Dragons Through Withered Trees, one of Zen’s most poetic and enthusiastic exhortations for giving up and giving in to a universe that just wants to sing it’s song through you. What is there to rely on in a world of emptiness (everything!) And can we still have faith in ourselves in a practice of non self (what’s stopping you)? Find out here!

Aug 24, 2021

"If anyone says that I was ever enlightened, they're lying. If anyone says that I teach anyone, they're lying." - Gautama Buddha Dave does his best to shed a little clarity on the classically confusing situation of working with teachers in Zen. What is there to teach when Buddha himself swore there is no dharma and no beings to teach? And given that, how should we Zen students work with our teachers?? And why does Zen suspiciously seem to maintain a rigid hierarchy and organization while telling us constantly that no such thing is necessary and no one should trust it?? Dave brings us answers straight from the mouths of the old masters themselves. But who did they think they were talking to and if we believe them, why would we listen to them?? Find out here.

Aug 17, 2021

“I read ‘Hardcore Zen’ and it said, ‘Don't listen to me, you have to try this out for yourself.’ And I was in the Navy, so I was really sick of people telling me what to do. And I was really not interested in God telling me what to do. So that really hit the sweet spot.” - Corey Warner Sangha favorite Corey Warner tells us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here. From cavorting with demons in Kansas to trying to find a quiet place to sit zazen on a submarine, Corey treats us to a relatably winding tale of trying to find a stable port to set your zafu.

Aug 10, 2021

"Ideally a talk about the six senses would just be practicing being together and experiencing our sensory experiences and asking, ‘what are those?’ So if at any point you space out and get lost in whatever it is you're hearing, seeing, or thinking, that is a perfect way to listen to this talk.” - Dave Cuomo Dave continues our dive into Yogacara Buddhism with a deep look at the six senses (all puns intended). It is one of the simplest and most bafflingly stupid ideas ever called a teaching, that we that we see, hear, taste, touch, & think. So why is it so impossible to wrap our minds around what that actually means, and why did the Heart Sutra say that no such thing ever happens? Is it true that we only see what we want, and if so why can’t we see something better?? Find out here!

Jul 20, 2021

"When I got here, I wanted Brad to tell me how to live my life, and he said to just sit, and offered some reading suggestions; Suzuki, Uchiyama, Kobun Chino, and Dogen. And then I wanted Suzuki Roshi, Kobun Chino Roshi, and Uchiyama Roshi to tell me how to live my life through their books. And they said to just sit and talked about Dogen. And then I wanted Dogen to tell me how to live my life. And he said to just sit. It was at this point that I started to notice a pattern... And now I'm honestly curious and sincerely excited to see what tomorrow morning's sit will be like." - Colin Young In a meta commentary on on his own personal journey, Colin walks us through the process of writing five drafts for one great talk with insightful comedic commentary and a knack for self inquisitiveness all along the way. What do we do when our life's narrative runs itself out and we realize we might not be so special after all (at least not in the ways we thought...)?? What do we say when words don't work in the ways we think they should?? And while we're at it, why was the pandemic (somewhat awkwardly) such a perfect place for practice??? And in this new land of internet Zen and Zoomdos, if we're not local should we sit with internet superstar sanghas like ACZC, or should we sit with whatever local group is nearby because that's just the right thing to do (spoiler alert, yes & yes! And what was the question again)?? Find out here!

Jul 13, 2021

“The relation between the precepts and the words of avowal is like a person who is always thankful, and is always able to say, “I’m sorry.” It is the bright side of things and the shadowy side of things.” - Kobun Chino In the thrilling conclusion to her year long ever timely precept series, Emily brings us the one rule (ok, three rules, but also kind of one…) to rule them all, the Three Pure Precepts! As always, it sounds so simple but it’s the gateway to a lifetime and a universe of practice. Luckily Emily is here to guide us with her ever in depth, informative, and personal reckoning with the simple little truths that mean everything. Do we really have to follow the rules of society if we don’t agree with them? Can we actually know the great 'moral rule of the universe' with our humble human brains? And how are we supposed to 'save all beings' when there are so darn many of them (and more being born every day)!! Find out here!

Jul 5, 2021

“The storehouse consciousness is the root of everything. If the whole universe is just your experience, then this is what it's born from. It’s the fountain of everything. Also it's empty and doesn't exist, so don't think it's a thing.” - Dave Cuomo In part 2 of our ongoing Yogacara series, Dave brings us a mildly nerdy and deeply personal look at the Alaya Vijnana, the storehouse consciousness, the pure innocent empty space of possibility that all of reality is born from. Is it really possible to clean our karma and wake up to something new? Does a practice of no self leave room for us to become a better one?? How do we clean our room when the only world we know is a mess??? Find out here!

Jun 22, 2021

"The world wants me to be happy. I think it needs me to be happy. Because it seems I can make people miserable when I'm not. Which is probably true for all of us..." - Dave Cuomo Dave takes a look at what Buddhist renunciation means for us 21st century Westerners living lives far removed from the simple forest beggar life Buddha originally recommended. What actually makes us happy and what does it really mean to live "the good life"? Join us as Dave takes us on a journey through the weeds of want with stories of alms offering monkeys, poetry from the first Buddhist nuns, Dogen's monks questioning whether or not this whole monk thing is actually a good idea, Dave's own stories of dumpstered wealth lost and found, and finally Buddha's long lost bossom buddy Epicurus gives us his hot take on what really constitutes a life devoted to pleasure (hint: it's cheaper thank you think).

Jun 8, 2021

“We don't know what the universe is made of at the root. All we know for certain is that the only thing we have to work with is our own experience. Ultimately I can't blame anybody else for what I go through because I take it all in through my own filter. I only see what I am willing to see, and only do what I want to do on some level. So when they say the world is “mind only” or “experience only,” to me it's about taking responsibility for my own experience in the only place I’m able to turn to.” - Dave Cuomo By popular demand, Dave brings us a new series on Yogacara Buddhism, that simpler-then-it-sounds wealth of Buddhist theory that just might have underlined all of the elegant simplicity of Zen. In pt 1 we look into the background and context of the two purported founders of the movement, Asanga & Vasubandhu, and the high stakes (literally life & death!) world of philosophy & debate that shaped the school they created. Is the world really all in your mind? And what do you mean by mind? And can we ever escape our baggage?? Find out here!

Jun 1, 2021

“Everything reflects triple treasure. You reflect triple treasure, and questioning triple treasure reflects triple treasure. Not understanding what the heck I'm talking about is triple treasure. We're talking about coming home to ourselves, trusting ourselves, relying on ourselves. And there's that tricky word. Self. What is self? Is it my memories? No. Is it my thoughts? Is it what I'm saying right now? No. Is it the clothes I'm wearing, this body that I’m in? No, not quite. Then what is it? What's left? That's not self, that's what we truly are. “ - Emily Eslami Emily brings us a precept, a promise, and gift in her latest installment of her ever timely precept series with an in depth look at the three refuges. What are they (everything!), and what are they a refuge from (everything else??)? And what does it mean to take refuge in them? Find out here!

May 24, 2021

“If there's a distinction in our minds between self care and doing good for other people, then we're missing the point of everything that we're doing on this planet. ” - Dave Cuomo Dave brings us a Zen look at love and self care through encounters with the Bodhisattva of Compassion his(or)herself, Avalokiteshvara. Can this magical being really save us from danger and death? Is it compassionate to give people what they want? Does prayer actually work? And does smoking count as self care? Find out here!

May 10, 2021

”To not kill the Buddha when you meet them on the road is abusing the triple treasures. How not to abuse the triple treasures is to accept everything as Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha, and accept yourself as Buddha Dharma and Sangha.” - Emily Eslami Emily takes on the 10th major precept, no disparaging the Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha. Sounds simple right? But of course this is Zen so nothing is ever so simple (or maybe way simpler than our brains are equipped for…) Why are we told by the old masters that the only way not to abuse the Buddha is by killing him? Why does this dharma talk tell us that dharma isn’t something that can be learned in teachings? And what does sangha even mean if it means everything and everyone? Find out here!

Apr 27, 2021

“To remember that ignorance is enlightenment is to not separate myself from what's right in front of me, to not think that I can be better than the people in front of me, to not think that I'm going to be a better person by trying to be a better person. It’s to love and accept what's in front of me. To embrace ignorance is a loving act. And that's why I like Zen. It sounds weird and ironic, but I always think they mean love.” - Dave Cuomo By popular demand Dave takes a deep dive into delusion and follows up his talk on the 12 Fold Chain with an in depth look at ignorance in Buddhism. What is this great mistake we can't help make that causes the whole world to come into being? And what does Zen mean when they tell us that ignorance is already enlightenment and does Dave have any tips for what to do with that personally?? (Stories yes, no promises on helpful tips...) And bonus round! One deep dark koan, two contemporary Zen masters duking it out in the commentaries. Who will win the great dunce crown of ignorance supreme?? Find out here!

Apr 20, 2021

"In classical Buddhism, the fundamental mistake is that getting what you think you want will make you happy. In Zen they seem to say the fundamental delusion is that you exist at all. This is why Zen is so weird. We're trying to look at what comes before awareness, and that's hard. It’s really hard to be aware of something that precedes awareness. But not impossible....” - Dave Cuomo Dave takes us for a freewheeling ride on that big beautiful ferris wheel of life we call samsara, aka The 12 Fold Chain of Dependent Origination. It’s the great pie chart of all reality that Buddha warned us we can either wake up to, or be doomed to repeat over and over again. But do we really want it to end, or can we find a way to make the ride a little less bumpy? How does anything happen and do we actually have any control over it? Is reality just a mistake and would knowing that make any difference?? Does the ACZC sangha want to get down on some seriously nerdy Buddhist theory??? Find out (and let us know) here…

Apr 5, 2021

"When you get mad at yourself, that means you’re mad at another self. Maybe you turn your face and see yourself. Or you see yourself as other. This is very hard... If you become angry, you don’t stop being Buddha. Anger appears, that’s all." - Kobun Chino In the latest installment of her ever timely precept series, Emily takes on that molten hot lava of an emotion, anger. What do we experience when we feel it? How can we feel it and not be consumed by it? How can we use it skillfully when we need to? In this inspiring talk she shows how what exists at the bottom of anger is pain. And how sitting with it is to experience the path of the Boddhisatva – and of Zen meditation itself.

Mar 22, 2021

"If you want to make peace with yourself and not hate zazen, it's going to help to like yourself, or at least just accept yourself the way you are. I promise, you're great and you're worth it. And it'll help. And fringe benefit, you might find yourself a little happier and nicer, your whole life might improve in every way you ever wanted it to. But that's not why we're here, that's not the point of zazen.” - Dave Cuomo In a wide ranging talk full of surprises and conundrums, Dave delves into Dogen’s Fukanzazengi (Instructions for Zazen) and the older Chinese text that preceded it to answer the question of whether Zen is something that can be taught, or whether it’s something we can only experience. And bonus! In the latter half Dave treats us to his own "What Am I Doing Here" talk as he shares his experience of how he came to Zen and why he's so stuck on it, along with a sincere inquiry into whether it's a practice we can learn or something that has to come and find us when it's ready.

Mar 9, 2021

"When you go to the mountain, and see a flower blooming, pick it, break it, and make it yours - this is attachment. If you let it be there for everything and everyone - this is 'no attachment.' Even your self does not belong to you. You are everything." - Kobun Chino In the latest installment of Emily’s ever timely precept series, she takes on the eighth precept, "no coveting," ie craving – what it looks like, why we do it, whether we can stop ourselves, and how it turns out that coveting and stinginess are two sides of the same coin after all. What exactly are clinging to when we grasp after those desires, states, and people? And (maybe more concerning) if there is no self, what is there even to cling in the first place?

Mar 2, 2021

"To love the mountains is not to know about mountains, but to climb mountains and to live and die continuously with them. The best way to realize the true beauty of Mount Fuji is to actually go climb it. If you do that, the beauty of Mount Fuji as you have known it will disappear. But this does not mean that the true beauty of Mount Fuji has disappeared. The beauty of Mount Fuji is eternal and unchanging. When we live with Mount Fuji and breathe with Mount Fuji, we can experience the deep taste of being at one with Mount Fuji. We are already beyond the realm of 'trying to understand.'” - Dainin Katagiri Dave celebrates the return of in person discussions with reading and commentary on a beautiful piece from Dainin Katagiri on Dogen's "Instructions to the Cook," where Katagiri gives us his unvarnished impressions on his adopted American homeland and why our nation of problems and possibility is such fertile ground for practice.

Feb 9, 2021

"Sometimes I walk by a pile of poo and think "What jerk did that? I hate that guy. This is why we can't have nice things." And then I go around telling everyone about this jerk, and we all get upset and probably sound like a bunch of jerks. And sometimes I walk by and think, "Huh, look at that poo." Maybe I have to scrape some poo off my shoe, and then I walk on, smelling it for a minute, and then smelling flowers on the next block. I'm guessing things go better for everyone when that happens, but I wouldn't really know because I'm not dwelling on it." - Dave Cuomo In a podcast exclusive, Dave takes a deep dive into the steaming pile of confusion that is karma. Is the universe a fair place? Is there such a thing as cosmic justice?? And if not should we even bother trying to be good people??? And if someone does poop in the road and no one is there to smell it, what will those flies even greet on their return??? Find out here!

Feb 2, 2021

"There's a saying, do you want to be right or do you want to be married? I would extend that to, do you want to be right or do you want to be human? Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship with anyone at all? " - Emily Eslami In her ever timely precept series, Emily takes on number seven, no praise or blame! Aka, our consistent habit of comparing to others. Who are we trying to build up when we put down? What are we comparing against? And is it possible to have confidence without falling into pride? A great talk for anyone with superiority or inferiority complexes and everywhere in between (which is to say, pretty much all of us).

Jan 19, 2021

"If everything you know isn't working, what do you have left? What you don't know. When you stop and allow space for what you don't know to happen, something else can happen." - Dave Cuomo Dave delves into Dogen's famous "It" (Inmo) to see if it can offer us a way to pick ourselves up when the world knocks us down. But what is "it??" Some say the universe, some say enlightenment, some say God, while Dogen just says (helpfully as always) that "it" is a "what." Let's find out what that is...

Jan 12, 2021

“…other people’s mistakes, the mistakes you can’t stop talking about, your mistakes, the mistakes you think are worse than everyone else’s, look around you, we’re all in the mud making those same mistakes. But at least we’re not alone. At least we’re all stuck in the mud together.” - Emily Eslami Emily takes us on a journey through everyone's least favorite precept (/favorite precept to break) - no speaking of past mistakes! You make mistakes, we all make mistakes, so why does Buddhism not want us to talk about them and is there a danger in not doing so? What's really at stake, and if it's so wrong, why does it feel so good to dish a little gossip now and then?? And wait a minute, what does it even mean to make a "mistake" and who really ends up taking the blame when we point the finger??? Let's find out...

Dec 30, 2020

“With this and that I tried to keep the bucket together Then the bottom fell out. Where water does not collect, The moon does not dwell” - Mugai Nyodai In an ever timely topic, Dave brings us a Zen look at patience. What is patience and is that what we're actually learning here? Where are do we find ourselves when whatever we're so urgently waiting for never arrives in the moment we're in?

Dec 15, 2020

“It’s the emptiness we’re afraid of. Our life is not made up of magic, it’s made up of these empty moments, full moments, thats all we have; the pain we’re experiencing, the boredom, the fleeting happiness, that’s the moment. But we owe it to this great brightness not to run away, to see these moments as they really are. Because if nothing is special that means everything is special.” - Emily Eslami In her ever timely precept series, Emily takes a deep dive into refraining from intoxicants, from a nice glass of wine over pasta, to blowing your mind over a pile of mushrooms, who do we harm when we try to escape, how much is too much, how strictly do these rules want to be taken exactly, and what even is this bright mind we're so afraid of clouding?? Find out here...

Nov 23, 2020

"Understanding the true specialness of everything is a rare and wonderful thing. Apparently it takes a lot of practice to realize "just this" for what it really is. And for all of us who aren't there yet, we have words and teachers there to join us in our delusions long enough to help us figure it out, even while they know there's nothing they can do to help us. And that's very kind of them." - Dave Cuomo In an epic clash of conflicted compassion, Dave introduces us to the founders of our two main surviving branches of Zen, Rinzai & Tozan (of Soto fame), as these two teachers teach the exact same nothing, in exactly opposite ways. Madcap koans, shocking speeches, & beautiful poetry ensue!

Nov 10, 2020

"In our ordinary world, we learn to play by the rules, to follow the recipe, to get it right, while in sacred space, cooking (and life) can be more than just following recipes. Beyond rote and chore - doing what you've been told - is the freedom to realize the way to cook, letting the ingredients come forward to awaken and nourish, letting yourself come alive to cook, to do something that you've never done before!" - Edward Espe Brown In a light and fun little talk Dave reads us choice selections from Edward Espe Brown's "No Recipe" and discusses kitchen work and the art of creating sacred spaces as a safe space for screwing up perfectly.

Nov 3, 2020

“Language will always fail us… We believe we’re speaking the same language but we’re using different English to English dictionaries. The only way to tell the truth is to acknowledge that our truth is not completely true.” - Emily Eslami Emily brings us a full exploration of the fourth precept, No Lying. Sounds simple, but it turns out before we can not lie, we have to know what truth is in the first place! Who are we really lying to when lie, and who do we actually hurt? Who are we ever really speaking to? And speaking of which, what even is language & communication?? Let's discuss...

Oct 27, 2020

It’s like a guardian angel of doubt. Where by the grace of god, I would have this spark, this wonderful beautiful doubt of, maybe im wrong. Maybe im not right about this after all…" - Erik Andersen In a delightfully madcap affair, Erik challenges all those who say that Zen is difficult or enigmatic with a talk on the big question, “How hard is zen??” only to come up with the very Zen answer, “not easy, just the easiest thing you could ever do.” From there we get a whirlwind adventure starting with a two line koan (which he swears his talk will not answer (although we're pretty sure it did)), and then running off into the definitive definition of nirvana, snake oil & delusions, whether it's ok to hate the things we love to hate, and of course those angels of doubt we can have always put our faith in.

Oct 13, 2020

"I lack therefore I want. I get what I want and I want more. I get what I want and it didn’t make me happier, so I’m going to push it away. This is why we sit. We're not advocating for celibacy or abstinence, We're advocating for awareness; for looking very carefully at yourself and your actions at all times." - Emily Eslami In the latest installment of her all encompassing and ever timely precept series, Emily takes on that stickiest and trickiest of precepts - "Not holding excessive desires," aka not misusing sex. But what can we lay people learn about this most seductive of desires from a celibate monastic tradition? Fortunately Emily is here to give us a raw look at the real lives and trials of these monks all while trying to answer the question of what to do with our own desires and how to handle the hurt they might inevitably involve. From Buddhist sex scandals, to the right and wrongs way to show a sex worker your gratitude, to a formerly married monastic couple slipping off in the woods to renew (/test?) their vows right under Buddha's scolding gaze, Emily gives us the full story in a must listen episode for anyone out there who's ever wrestled with any kind of desire. What do we truly want when we want?? Find out here!

Sep 28, 2020

"If you want to know why Zen survived, light the incense, do the sit, and listen. It's what the koans describe, what Dogen tried to explain. There's nothing that could go away, nothing to defend..." - Dave Cuomo Dave brings us the epic tale of Zen's golden age, when the great masters we know and love from the koans could enlighten you with a single well timed word, a shout, a blow from their stick, or a simple lift of an eyebrow. But it turns out this golden age was also a mini dark age! Just as Zen is flourishing, China spends 200 years in the chaos and confusion of a crumbling society. Did Zen have a special answer for these dark times? And why did it flourish so spectacularly while everything else fell apart around it? Can we believe our own legends or it all just clever PR? Let's find out...

Sep 21, 2020

“I feel like the right books and the right person always came at the right time. There's been a seamless way of following the practice where I’m not sure which one is leading the other.” - Wilcox Gwynne In a warm and generous telling, former ACZC resident Wilcox shares the story of what they were doing and why they were here. From a quaker upbringing to aspiring ballet pro, through motherhood, relationships, and all the twists and turns of life, Wilcox gives us a revealing look at how practice deals with trauma, the challenges of sitting when everything gets torn apart, and what might come together when we find our way home to sit in the quiet acceptance of community.

Sep 7, 2020

"Please remember this “no stealing” precept. It is the ultimate recognition that you have nothing to lose. Even if you, your whole body, is stolen by somebody, your whole mind by somebody, you have not lost anything." - Kobun Chino In our ongoing in depth precept series, Emily takes on the second grave precept - No Stealing. By which we mean, is it even possible to steal? What do we have to lose, and what is there that could possibly be taken from us? It's a simple sounding rule with no easy answers... Fortunately Emily is on the case to expertly walk us through all the implications and contradictions, from the basic lessons of who gets harmed when we engage in illicit gain (ourselves of course), to how to completely protect yourself from every thief and burglar out there (see title...). With thousands of years of expert Zen advice and Emily and the sangha's own stories of moral quandaries, gains, and losses, this is the story of our togetherness and our separateness dancing together in the groundless realization that there is nothing but gain where we have nothing to lose.

Aug 24, 2020

“Get to know your own heart. It isn’t permanent or impermanent. It isn’t good or bad. It is clear and perfect.” - Shitou Dave returns to pickup our storyline to find that almost as soon as Zen had coalesced itself into one cohesive school of Buddhism, Shitou & Mazu come along and split into two separate streams that will run next to each other for the next 1300 years all the way down to today. It's a story of the beautifully boring side of Zen vs the wacky and weird that will become Soto vs Rinzai in later generations. Along the way we see the birth of three stooges Zen in the koans, and get treated to a loving rendition of Shitou's classic poem "Grass Hut Song" about the quiet nothingness warmly embracing everything.

Aug 18, 2020

“All the rules & commandments out there are trying to anticipate a situation. But right action, acting in the moment of an actual situation, can only happen in the moment of doing.” - Emily Eslami In her ongoing deep dive into the precepts, Emily takes on precept number one - No Killing! Which sounds simple, until she starts walking us through an honest look at the utter impossibility of such a thing.... Fortunately Emily is on the case armed with classic koans and thousands of years of commentary, and a wealth of personal deliberation and confusion one how to live a life without harm in a universe composed of infinite suffering. What do we do if we accidentally step on a bee (relax)? What kind of belief system has breaking the rules built into the rules (this one!)?? How is not being enlightened already not killing (whoa)? And how could we even destroy what we are already part of (exactly!)?? Find out here!

Aug 5, 2020

"The freedom, or liberation, she’s talking about is one that all of us inherently possess, and one that only we can grant to our selves. And it’s also a freedom that no one could ever take away from you no matter what they do..." - Dave Cuomo The thrilling conclusion to our two part series on the Vimalakirti sutra! Dave continues the story with the classic goddess chapter, where everyone's favorite no BS goddess gives Sariputra the business for his worst ideas on gender roles and enlightenment. Also, we get Dogen's hot take on the whole sutra, a visit from some benevolent sweet smelling aliens, heavenly take out is ordered, and so much more!

Aug 3, 2020

In this extended two part podcast, Dave brings us a thorough cliff notes reading of the Vimalakirti Sutra! An epic story of right and wrong complete with miracles and magic, bodhisattvas breaking all the rules, benevolent aliens, devils disguised as gods, snarky gender bending goddesses, and through it all Buddha finally answering the question of why the world is so screwed up and whether or not there's anything we can do about it. The plot revolves around our hero Vimalakirti, everyone’s favorite enlightened layman, who is suffering from a mysterious illness that just might be the root cause of all sickness and suffering in the world! Will he get better? Will we get to the heart of suffering and end it once and for all? Let’s find out…

Jul 21, 2020

In an lightly amusing and deeply enlightening talk, Erik takes us on a very deep dive into a very short story as he gives us a close reading of Prajnatara’s classic three sentence tale of a very poor practice. Along the way we discuss the Zen shortcut to to truly mindful breathing, how to properly speed read the scriptures (hey look, there they go again!), self care, Zen mysticism, lion's dens, elephants, and fox tracks (oh my!)

Jul 21, 2020

In the long awaited premier to Emily's new in depth series on the precepts, she takes us on a wild ride through 2500 years of making and breaking the rules, as we whittle an unwieldy set of hundreds of vows down to the familiar 16 that we Zennies know and love today. Join us as we find Buddha laying down the law about the proper relationship one should have with a monkey (respectful of course...) and when the appropriate time to wear owl feathers is (sadly, never). And then we catch up with Dogen as he makes his way to China and has his monkhood (gasp!) questioned by the emperor himself for an apparent lack of concern for said owl feathers and monkey rules. Along the way we question what it means to make impossible vows (everything!) and ultimately who we answer to when we break them (only ourselves!).

Jul 14, 2020

Emily brings us Dogen at his most poignant and poetic as he gives us a rousing pep talk for practice, complete with inspiring stories and exhortations on giving up everything except for all of the bounty you already possess in every moment. Fame and profit? Who needs it. The body? No big deal! Its the endless path of existential ease, and Dogen and Emily are the perfect team to inspire us to it.

Jun 22, 2020

Dave opens up his own inquiry into the precepts with a deep look at the sounds of silence that ultimately animate everything we do. Dragon's moan, persimmon's speak, and a snake loses its head in a free wheeling talk filled with poetry that reads like koans, koans that read like poetry, and to top it all off Dave throws in some personal stories of the times when doing it wrong had a peculiar way of turning out perfectly right. Does practicing stillness mean we have to be quiet? (Yeah, no...) Does a practice of not knowing mean we can't tell right from wrong? (No! But sort of kind of yes?) Is Zen actually amoral? (Ok, that one's an easy no.) Let's discuss!

Jun 8, 2020

In a glowing reminder of what exactly we're doing here and why we do it, Sara generously shares her personal practice story of turning her back on church and finding the sacred that lies just beyond the strange. She tells us about losing trust in yourself only to realize yourself as part of something much, much bigger. And, in a tradition admittedly short on coddling, she reminds us about the community of freak and geeks that kept her coming back and the warm fuzzies that have a way of sneaking in through the cracks when you're not even looking. And if you love blog like newsletters and great writing, be sure to check out and subscribe to Sara’s newsletter, Tiny Revolutions at tinyrevolutions.substack.com!

May 18, 2020

Dave tries to answer the question of whether our zazen is actually working with an in depth look at Dongshan's Five Ranks and the last time Soto Zen accidentally created a gradated system for practice.

May 11, 2020

In our ongoing series of sangha members sharing their personal practice stories, Cat Kilmer takes us on a quest of love and non duality through ashrams, yoga studios, and heartbreaks to find revelations, disillusionments, and an ultimately simple little truth beckoning to us from the wall.

May 4, 2020

In another timely talk, Emily tackles Dogen's "Ceaseless Practice," where Dogen opens up in personal terms about his own struggles with the frustrations of an endless practice. How is giving up practice is still part of practice? What do they mean "let go of letting go of attachments" and can we still love our loved ones? How does our practice create the whole universe?? How can we make friends with time and play video games like the whole world depends on it??? Join us for a loving look at these days of monotony we will never see again.

Apr 20, 2020

In a special History of Zen, Dave turns to the life and poetry of Ikkyu to try to answer the question of how Zen has historically responded to times of crisis. In Ikkyu’s case the answer was great art, bad behavior, and a desperate need to get to the ultimate truth of a world that felt like it had left any such thing behind. Join us as Dave brings us his compelling life story along with some bawdy and beautiful poetry, including an extended reading from Stephen Berg's classic free verse translations "Crow With No Mouth."

Mar 30, 2020

“Why crave happiness, why push away the sadness. Why not just let everything be? We put so much energy into resisting the things we have no control over (which is actually everything), it’s a little silly.” - Emily Eslami

Mar 23, 2020

Our favorite in house psychiatrist, Erik, gives a perfect combination of ancient Zen and modern expert advice for managing a time of stress & anxiety.

Mar 17, 2020

Jason Dodge tells us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here, while just maybe we learn something about those things for ourselves. In an especially warm and fuzzy installment, the sangha doubles down and shares their own stories too!

Mar 11, 2020

Dave gives us an in depth look into the Buddhist creation myth. it's the question Buddha famously refused to answer (except of course for when he changed his mind). It's a beginning in an ending and a story with no beginning and no ending. It's a story of nothing that confused itself for something, and was cursed to wander for endless kalpas trying to forget that one pesky thought. What the hell are we talking about?? We're talking about the story of everything! No one said it was going to be simple, but it's a good yarn and the sangha goes all in and laughs along with the ridiculousness of life, the universe, and everything, because in the end, what else can you do?

Mar 3, 2020

Let’s talk about love! We all know Zen can be reluctant to talk about mushy things like love and kindness, but Emily bravely tackles loving kindness head on in the latest installment of her series on the Bramaviharas. From Buddha, to Dogen, to us, it’s a 2500 year long epic love story where the happy ending is always right here and now. How do we love the people we hate? (Boundlessly!) How do we let go of the ones we love? (By letting them go!) And what do we do about those pesky tree demons bothering us when we sit?? (Love them too!)

Feb 18, 2020

In our latest installment of History of Zen, Dave gets very excited about sharing one of his favorite books with us that also happens to be the original defining text of Zen as we know it. In this 1300 year old sutra, Dave reads to us the warm words of our self professed good friend Huineng, who offers up a surprisingly modern take on secular spirituality. With humble wit and good humor, Huineng lays out a religion that asks us to only believe in what we already know - that we are perfect just the way we are. And in case we ever forget, there will always be a good friend here to help remind us.

Feb 13, 2020

Michele Roldan-Shaw spins classic Jataka Tales (folk tales of the Buddha's past lives) for us with all their ambiguities, tough love, and hard choices. We get to meet sea spirits, unruly crows, guilt ridden partridges, and yes a renunciant hermit disappointing his parents, all running around out there trying to figure out how to be decent beings in a world that rarely wants to make that easy for us. You can check our more of Michele's work at - https://www.micheleroldanshaw.com. And our own Brad Warner also posted a video about the stories and this talk up here! - https://youtu.be/SHOHnzQl9xg

Jan 29, 2020

Erik looks at anxiety in a wide ranging and well informed discussion of everything from the intricacies of classic Zen literature to contemporary psychology and all the vulnerable (and personal) twists and turns he takes to be able to share them with us. With readings from the great Huangpo, and tips and techniques from the latest in mental health science, Erik generously presents us with his own in the moment process of the anxiety of giving the talk itself to bring us a full meta exploration of how to manage and maintain through the method of no methods.

Jan 21, 2020

In the year 757 in the middle of a catastrophic civil war surrounded by ruins and disaster, a monk named Shenhui stands on a hastily built grass platform and invents Zen as we know it with fiery speeches of enlightenment right here and now. The country, and the fledgling Buddhist school, are torn apart and put back together into something new and unique in world history. Continuing our series on Shitou’s classic poem, “The Harmony of Difference and equality,” we also get to see the historical context of why that piece was written in a story of meeting the moment and finding harmony in conflict and chaos.

Jan 15, 2020

Dave reads us excerpts from Suzuki's talk "The Bluejay Will Come Right Into Your Heart" and adds some of his own commentary on embracing distraction, sound and listening as practice, and fighting the urge to run after sirens. Along the way we get good advice on how to thoroughly hate the person next to sitting next to you on retreat, why maybe enlightenment is more trouble than it's worth, and how to be a good Dad by doing less.

Jan 7, 2020

Emma Roy takes us on a journey through one of our favorite pieces of Zen writing, The Harmony of Difference and Equality. We get a poetic reading of the piece, helpful context of the why, when, and where it comes from, and commentary from the great Sunryu Suzuki himself. The sangha runs with the conversation in a wide ranging discussion about how to measure time from the moving platform of life, whether learning is possible, how and when anger is necessary and good, some helpful dog training advice, and how this all relates to dating.

Dec 31, 2019

In the year 700, a humble mountain monk named Shenxiu was called to the Chinese capitol by the Empress Wu. Within just a few years he almost single handedly made Zen the foremost religious school in China and was universally recognized as the greatest spiritual teacher of his time. Emperors bowed to him, thousands converted. For the first time, Zen was cool. But within decades of his death, Shenxiu's name was written into history as the biggest loser in Zen, his teaching was universally mocked, and even his poetry was said to be weak. What could turn such a beloved teacher into a laughingstock so quickly? Was his reputation deserved? Was his poetry really that bad??? This month on History of Zen, Dave takes a look at the story of Shenxiu, the famous anti-hero of the Platform Sutra, and what we can know about him beyond the legendary histories. We look at the so-called Northern School of Zen he comes from that all later Zen would define itself against to see if its was really as weak and corrupted as would later be said, delving into the books and teachings of Shenxiu and his forbears themselves to see what they have to say in their own defense. Along the way the sangha discusses the pitfalls of success, whether or not there’s such a thing as “true history,” and why explaining the joke is never as satisfying as laughing out loud.

Dec 10, 2019

Dave Cuomo delves into Nishijima’s Four Views with SOAR!, the handy four letter acronym that explains all reality. It’s the “philosophy of action” that Nishijima humbly tells us is “the solution to western philosophy.” It’s the place where the rubber meets the road, where your subjective experience meets an objective world that might very mush disagree, and the great sparks of reality that fly when that happens. It’s the ultimate battle of idealism vs materialism with all of reality at stake! And the whole universe always wins. Also it’s a handy way to remember who and what we are at the times we need it most, and how to make a perfect plan and see it through to an unpredictable reality. Have we oversold this one? We think not, but find out here!

Dec 3, 2019

Emily Eslami gives us a Zen take on sympathetic joy. With readings from Dogen, Sawaki, the Pali Canon and more she takes us through on honest and vulnerable look at the difficulty of taking selfless joy in the successes of others, even when that seems really hard to do…

Nov 25, 2019

Jack Taylor regales us with his personal practice story as part of our ongoing series where sangha members try to answer the question of what they’re doing and why they’re here in the off chance that we might learn something about those things for ourselves. This month Jack looks at the fits and starts to maintaining a regular practice and how falling off the wagon can be just the push you need to get back on. He discusses his time around monasteries in the Northwest, how to deal with panic attacks in the zendo, and the unexpected fruits of a college PE requirement.

Nov 19, 2019

I wish I could tell you this was the talk where Emily unveils the secret Zen teachings on immortality, but alas, as you probably could have guessed, that's not what we do here (at least not publicly...). But just as helpfully (if not more), Emily instead gives us a thoughtful and thorough exploration of Zen teachings on death. Starting with Buddha's (quite graphic) recommended meditations on the ultimate fate of our bodies, she draws on her own fears around the idea to help us all confront what exactly it is we're so afraid of. From there she explores the more confusing Zen notions of "No Death" as chanted in the heart sutra and talked about by Dogen. I know we love our emptiness around here, but how can we talk about no death when we know it as the one great inevitability? And can understanding this "no death" help us to manage our fear and maybe live a more fulfilled life in the here and now by realizing the death and rebirth happening within every moment? (Spoiler alert: yes!). Along the way we get an introduction to Dogen's trippy notions of time and the sangha opens up and shares their own stories of love and loss.

Nov 5, 2019

He's the man, the myth, the legendary founder of Zen himself. Some claim he never existed, some claim his eyelids invented tea leaves while he was off inventing kung fu in his down time. Clearly he is a legend that cannot be ignored, and Dave gives us the full scoop as we finally get to the story of Zen itself and its beginnings in ancient China. Dave claims this might be the greatest story ever told, and this one really does have it all with magic, wars, disasters, and crazy and often hilarious characters all trying to pass the great football of truth down through all the twists and turns of history. In this installment, we first get a full telling of the legend of Bodhidharma with all of its weird myths, deep koans, high drama and solid jokes that still land 1500 years later. Then we compare that to the "true" history using the latest scholarship, and what can reasonably be believed from the earliest sources about why a monk by that name did come to China and what his legacy is up to the present day. And finally, we look at what it was he actually taught in his own words (or close enough) and why the unvarnished truth is always going to be a hard sell, even while it's something we've all always known deep down.

Oct 21, 2019

Miranda Javid brings some light to the tricky and relatable issue of feeling like an imposter in the zendo. Is it possible to fake it in zazen? Can anything or anyone ultimately be inauthentic? And what do we do when we feel that way anyway? Miranda looks into imposter syndrome as a modern phenomenon, and what our old friends Sunryu Suzuki and old Master Linji might have to say about how to being yourself when that self forgets exactly where it’s supposed to fit in. Along the way the sangha discusses what authenticity might really mean, whether goalless practice is a blank check to get it wrong, how to work with a teacher in a world of no ranks, and how to avoid giggling inappropriately while discussing “secretions” in a talk called “faking it…”

Oct 8, 2019

Emma Roy looks at the legacy of DT Suzuki and his outsized role in shaping the way we’ve come to understand Zen from its beginnings in the West up to the present day. As a Zen pioneer in the US after WW2, Suzuki was arguably the great introducer of Zen to America and the canniness with which he shaped his presentation to appeal to our native sensibilities is a story of historical sausage making and savvy marketing at its finest. Was Suzuki merely a great panderer, or was Zen really the great answer America was waiting for? Is the Zen we were sold the real thing and would we be able to understand the difference? Is there a ‘real thing’ outside of cultural and historical contexts??? As always, Emma doesn’t shy away from the big questions…

Oct 1, 2019

Be honest, how much of your life is uncomfortable? If you're paying attention (and anything like us), the answer is probably a good chunk of it. So it might be a good idea to get to know that discomfort, get good at it even, or better yet, get deeply and intimately comfortable with that discomfort. Luckily Emily is on the case, taking on the famous koan of looking for the place that is neither hot nor cold. But I'll let Emily explain because she always has that way of boiling it down to what we need to hear: "Are we going to go through every winter and summer without experiencing winter and summer? Are we just going to go through every winter hoping for summer, and every summer praying for winter? Or are we going to sit and be in our summers and winters.”

Sep 17, 2019

We have finally wrapped up our story of Buddhism in India and head over to where the real story of Zen begins - China. But first we have to get a little background on just who China was (old) and what it was doing (dealing with chaos like everyone else) when Buddhism and Zen first made their inroads. It's a fascinating look into how one society tried to cope with the problems of civilization through philosophy and deep thinking. This is the story of a single line drawn to represent the unity of all reality, and some spoil sport quickly pointing out that one line had just cut the universe into two. It's the story of two ancient rival philosophies trying to put society back together- stodgy old Confucianism trying to get everyone to fall in line and play nice, and witty anarchic Taoism telling everyone to just stop doing... everything. It's the story of why these two rivals absolutely needed each other to make any sense and how their fractured dualistic unity was exactly the ground Zen needed to do what it's about to do.

Sep 10, 2019

We know, Zen loves to talk about this "not knowing" stuff. And they sure seem to think they know a lot about it. But inspired by a koan that beautifully illustrates the idea, Dave got curious just how, when, and why this "Not Knowing" idea got stuck onto Zen. So Dave traces it all the way back to Buddha and what he said we could know, and then follows the bread crumbs up to the present day to see where Zen teachers got so confident about their own confusion. Along the way Dave tells some of his favorite stories from old Chan and even delves into his own history for some prime examples of what you think you know and what happens when you finally admit you don't.

Sep 2, 2019

Emma Roy takes us on a full exploration of ritual from its decidedly non supernatural intentions to it’s full ecstatic and world defining effects. Specifically she takes us on a close reading of the short well being chant, Enmei Juku Kannon Gyo, to see how it’s seaming invocation of a mythical Bodhisattva of compassion is more accurately an active awakening of our own true selves. Along the way Emma treated us to a full playlist of contemporary ecstatic sutras by the great Bodhisttvas Stevie Wonder, Joan Jett, and more as we compare rituals both mystically ancient and thoroughly modern.

Aug 27, 2019

Emily takes our mistakes head on with an in depth look at the concept of mistake itself, starting with Dogen's famous quote (up at the top). It's pithy, it's perfectly Zen ironic, and it opens up a whole can of worms of conundrums. What exactly is the Zen master's mistake, and come to think of it, what is a mistake at all? The Zen vows tell us not to discuss past mistakes, and yet here we are engaged in what most consider a serious practice of self improvement. How do improve on what's already perfect, and how do we forgive ourselves if we can't admit our mistakes?? (Spoiler alert, turns out forgiveness doesn't make a whole lot of sense). Is it a mistake to see our lives in terms of mistakes, and wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense! Emily explores all of this in personal terms and with deep dives into Zen lore as she traces Dogen's quote to its roots. The sangha takes to the topic immediately and applies Emily's talk in real time while they see if they can wrestle with their own mistakes without making any more while they do.

Aug 19, 2019

Recorded live in Nashville, TN! Asked to introduce Zen and share his own personal journey Dave goes bare bones honest with a talk about giving up and giving in to disillusionment and the liberation that comes when the bottom drops out on life and reality turns out to be nothing like what you asked for. Dave drops some history with Zen's beginnings amid the chaos of 9th century China and the worst disaster in human history and how Zen gave the only honest answer to that moment with its great promise of nothing. He goes on to tells his own story of giving up at the bottom of the barrel and the happy hopelessness you find when you finally admit to what you don't know. Along the way the sangha discusses how to help people in a world where no one wants your help, how to be angry without getting angry, and why you would never recommend Zen to a friend you want to keep.

Aug 6, 2019

In a wide ranging and super mundane talk Emily Eslami dives us into Dogen's Kajo - Everyday Life, where Dogen takes us there and back again to the limits of the ultimate miracles of life as found in a cup of tea. Practice is just when we're hungry we eat, when we're tired we sleep (or have some more tea...), it sounds so simple! And it is, but it's that deceptive simplicity, as we're told this simple life is a forge that spans the whole universe. Forging what you ask? Why, perfect Buddha's of course! It's a perfect Zen talk filled with all of the poetry and contradictions that are really the only way to express and encourage this sort of practice. The sangha jumps in and discusses miracles and deities in Buddhism and how to avoid that pesky trap of nihilism that loves to rear its pesky little head in discussions like this.

Jul 30, 2019

Emma Roy brings us a piece by Kobun Chino about Dogen's Advice for Sitting. Our sangha has a bit of a Zen crush on Kobun lately and in this one we can see exactly why. It's a simple piece, mostly just about zazen. But as we've seen, Kobun has a way of being deceptively simple. Embedded in simple advice and encouragement is a wealth of insight, ironies, and koan like contradictions, with mic drop poetic moments that left us alternately dumbfounded or erupting in laughter, all managing to sound warm and comforting in his hands. From there the sangha picks it up and goes personal with their own reflections on practice, opening up a free form and wide ranging discussion that becomes a verbal zazen of its own.

Jul 23, 2019

We finally bring our story in India to a close with one of the more perplexing and intriguing ideas to come out of early Buddhism - Buddha Nature. Somewhere in between grand God like notions and a humble healthy sense of self worth, Buddhism slipped in the idea that everything and all of us are ultimately and fundamentally perfect just as we are. It's a nice idea, probably definitely true from a certain point of view. But it brings with it a whole host of conundrums and contradictions, including most people's first reaction "what do you mean we're all perfect?? I'm pretty sure I can point out at least ten things wrong right now..." This is an ancient objection and Dave traces the problem from its simple roots in Buddha's encouragements to his monks through its more mystical later interpretations up to what it means today to look around and accept ourselves and the world just as we are. Some call that love, some call it God, we usually just call it zazen or not much at all.

Jul 15, 2019

Emma Roy returns with more cold hard science on the professed benefits of meditation and then drops the ever pertinent question, "yes, but is this the point?" With some of the science pointing out that many people develop only the positive or negative results they are told they will achieve, we are left with the question, "what actually is the benefit we're after?" If we say it's nothing, is that all we'll get? But if we say it's something, are we just making placebos? Join us for a deep dive into the true meaning of benefit and what sort of benefits we might find when we sit past the point of looking for the point.

Jul 8, 2019

Somewhere in between a rule and a riddle lies the Zen vows. Dave traces their origin from poor Buddha who was just trying to keep the peace with his unruly monks by giving them a few rules (ok, more like a few hundred…), up to the modern Zen version that starts each vow with the caveat that nothing about the self or the universe is comprehensible, and by the way these rules are impossible, so let's promise to uphold them and pay very close attention to what happens. Dave gives a thorough reading of various translations and understandings of each precept, and then reads from Kobun Chino's talks on the subject, where he makes the case that rather than be seen as rules, they are a constant opportunity to work out the relationship between your self and the universe. Naturally, Dave also breaks his precepts in the talk itself by freely discussing his own past mistakes, and the sangha talks about why it can be so liberating to get things wrong and let people down.

Jun 25, 2019

Following up on our history of the debate between gradual and sudden enlightenment, Erik follows our sudden victors forward in time to see what this sudden enlightenment really means for us in practice. With readings from Foyan's 'Instant Zen,' and Erik's favorite Buddhist story of Bahia of the Bark Cloth where Buddha finally takes the time to show a man that he is already instantly enlightened just moments before he gets killed by a cow (so... a happy ending?). But what does it mean to be suddenly enlightened? It means you are perfect and everything is fine. Or as Yunmen put it: “Why do you wander around looking for answers? What do you think you’re missing? You’re fine. If you can’t take responsibility for yourself, whatever else you’re taught will be a lie. If you see some old teacher about to open their mouth, you should tell them to shut up. But instead you act like flies on manure struggling for a bite of shit.” We swear, as always, it's just a Zen way of saying "I love you."

Jun 18, 2019

It’s the Great Debate Between Sudden and Gradual Enlightenment! It's the never ending questions of "What should I do with this [problematic event/thought/feeling ]? Do we make it better, or do we let it go? Not just idol musings, these were full on national debates held across Asia 1300 years ago with lives, careers, and scriptures on the line. We catch up with Nagarjuna, whose perfectly clear and pure teachings don't seem capable of staying true the moment he's died. We meet Shantideva who was mostly famous for "eating, shitting, and sleeping," until one day he decides to fly up into the air and deliver a perfect poem outlining the path to full Bodhisattvahood (that he also thoroughly disproves before his butt touches back down to Earth). And alas, poor Mohoyen who tied himself in knots trying to argue for the inexpressable only too find all his words burned in the end and an emperor not so politely telling him it's time to flee. It's the great question of the gradual vs the sudden path - am I already fundamentally perfect, or could I use a little work? (spoiler alert: yes)

Jun 10, 2019

There’s a lot of talk about how great zazen is, but is it always good for you? It's been mentioned here and there that at some point anyone who engages in this practice can expect it to get, let's just say... difficult - that somewhere beyond the sunshine, roses, or boredom can be darker experiences some schools ominously call the “dark night of the soul.” But what are these experiences actually, why do they happen, and are they a blessing in disguise? Or does this mean meditation is harmful and should be avoided at all cost?? Luckily we have Emma to bring us science on the matter, cold hard data, studies, and first hand reports of those who've gone through it. The sangha is on hand to tell their own stories of madness, darkness, disillusionment, and probe that darkness to see if there's light on the other side. Not a talk to be missed!

Jun 4, 2019

In a wide ranging discussion Jared shares his own missteps and anecdotes while looking for guidance everywhere from the Pali Canon to see how Buddha dealt with his conflicts (dark twist spoiler - he kills someone!), to our old friend Sunryu Suzuki and his recommendations toward skillful means, to Musashi - Japan's greatest sword fighter and warrior poet, who has a list of recommendations that the sangha decides are... let's just say challenging.

May 31, 2019

Dave leads the sangha in a special memorial day discussion on Kodo Sawaki’s “Seeing the World from a Casket.” It’s an exploration of who we are when our defining struggles are no longer struggles and the clarity of viewing life from the other side.

May 28, 2019

Emily Eslami on Kakuan Shien's Ten Bulls, or the Ox Herding pictures you may have heard them called. It's a path of no path, the great Zen rodeo, the straight road to enlightenment that turns out to be a spiral, or a circle, or a flat infinite plain? It's hard to say, but Emily leads the group in a great talk on a beautiful illustration of practice. The Ten Bulls are borrowed from our Rinzai siblings, which means there's a refreshing focus on practice with some hint of a progression, deepening, and maturing as we go on. But Emily warns us not to be fooled because that progress and maturing is as like to be happening now in the space of a moment as it is over the course of a lifetime. It's story of learning to ride the great ox, finding your way home, and finding out everywhere you go is home.

May 21, 2019

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Apr 8, 2019

Emma takes a deep look at the necessity of goallessness in practice. Reading from a piece about gaining ideas from Suzuki’s “Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind,” she asks the biggest conundrum in Zen. If there’s no goal, why are we doing this? It’s an encouraging talk of discouragement, a reclamation of the value of reality as its own reward, an exhortation towards an attitude of pure practice. “Do you think the purpose of practice is to become a better person?” she asks. And yet as Suzuki remind us, “When everyone understand the value of pure practice, we will have peace in the world.”