EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear. How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety. How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens. All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango Register by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub ::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion Follow Me On: Facebook Instagram Over on my website you can find: Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE) eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE) LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)