233: Creative monogamy -- how to open up a relationship strategically (ft. Dr. Joli Hamilton)

Ever wondered what it's actually like to open up a relationship -- meaning explore ethical non-monogamy (ENM), also known as polyamory? Whether you're wanting more or different kinds of sex, or just more connection, love, and variety in your relationships, your desires are valid, and being in an open relationship can be healthy and fulfilling. But open relationship/polyamory can be a confusing and scary thing to bring up. How do you say, "I want us to stay together and date other people" without triggering your relationship partner? That said, different kinds of relationships can actually be a better fit for many. Maybe even you and your partner? If you've ever wanted to know how to responsibly transition a marriage or other long-term relationship from monogamy to more, listen to this. We explore Joli's work guiding couples through the process of opening up, including how to navigate "the flip." No, this isn't a sex position ;) -- it's when the partner who brought up opening up sometimes becomes less enthusiastic later on. This can be worked through, of course, as can all the other anxieties or uncertainties associated with the process. And the truth is, a lot of both sexual fulfillment as well as emotional maturity and health can result in the process of opening up. A few notable quotes from this episode: “If my partner wants more, I must not be enough.” “We expect monogamy to protect us from jealousy.” “If I’m a people-pleaser and you’re a people-pleaser, how come no one is pleased?” “I believe that conscious relationships work.” Books mentioned on this episode: Polysecure Open Deeply Open Monogamy Open Relationships by Dr. Liz Powell Joli's site: joliquiz.com