Untethering Shame

Why do we escape, what are we really running from, and what does it actually take to stop?In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley, co-authors of a new book built around the shame triangle. We go deeper into the four types of escapers: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, and aggression, and how each one is a nervous system response to the weight of shame and the inner critic.All three of us bring our own lived experience to the table, so the concepts land as personal and immediately recognizable. We talk about how society rewards certain forms of escape (hello, hustle culture), why most therapy and self-help stop at the symptom level, and how to move from the shame triangle into the self-love triangle: escapers become inner nurturers, and the inner critic becomes an inner coach.What You'll LearnEscapism is a nervous system response, not a character flawThe inner critic is built from the outside in, as a survival strategyThe 4 escaper types: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, aggressionWhy productivity culture makes over-functioning invisibleWhy treating the symptom (anxiety, perfectionism, addiction) is not enoughHow the shame triangle shifts into a self-love triangleHealing means expanding your window of tolerance, not eliminating discomfortThe inner critic is loud, but it is not truthStart with one part: the critic, the shame, or the escapers. Just get to know it.Connect with Our GuestsJessica Fern, psychotherapist and author of Polysecure: JessicaFern.comDavid Cooley, creator of Restorative Relationship Conversations: restorativerelationship.comGet ConnectedSubscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email listListen on Spotify or Apple PodcastsTake the Next StepDownload the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every DayBook a free 25-minute discovery callJoin the next round of Liberated Living

Do you know you should apologize, but feel your whole body resist the moment it's time to say the words? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about why accountability feels so threatening, and why it has far less to do with ego than you think.We tackle a question inspired by one of my recent group workshops:"Why does it feel so uncomfortable to admit when I'm wrong or apologize, even when I know I should?"If that hesitation feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that struggling to apologize means you don't care. Most of the people who struggle with this care deeply, sometimes too deeply. They are so terrified of being perceived as bad that accountability starts to feel emotionally annihilating. This is shame, not character, and what was learned can be unlearned.In this episode, you will learn: Guilt vs. Shame: Why "I did something bad" allows movement while "I am bad" creates collapse, defensiveness, and overexplaining. Where It Started: How growing up in homes where mistakes felt dangerous, punishable, or shameful taught your nervous system that being wrong risks disconnection. Why Adults Never Apologized: How homes built on authority instead of repair left many of us without a model for tolerating imperfection. Repair Over Perfection: Why healthy relationships require rupture and repair, and why repair, not flawlessness, is what builds trust with your kids, partner, and friends. Self-Forgiveness Done Right: How to hold two truths at once: I don't love what I did, and I still deserve compassion while I grow. Why Shame Blocks Change: Why people become more accountable when they stop treating mistakes as proof they're broken, because safety creates change, not shame. Your Homework: Get curious about where you learned that being wrong was unsafe, and start normalizing being human without collapsing.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Downloa

Grief doesn't only come from death. Sometimes it comes from the slow loss of a relationship, an identity, a place you used to belong.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Marcia Earhart, a grief and trauma-informed coach, mediator, and HeartSync minister, for a raw conversation about estrangement, complicated grief, and what it actually costs to belong somewhere you have to disappear to stay.Marcia and I hold genuinely opposing beliefs. We chose curiosity anyway. That choice is the episode.We get into why estrangement is rarely about politics, how social media manufactures division, why avoidance damages more than conflict ever will, and why waiting for time to heal you is the quietest way to stay stuck.This conversation is for you if:You have lost someone who is still aliveYou have shrunk yourself to keep a seat at a tableYou avoid hard conversations and call it peaceYou are grieving a version of yourself you cannot get backConnect with Marcia:Website: thesterlingrosesanctuary.usInstagram: @thesterlingrosesanctuaryFacebook: TSRS21LinkedIn: Marcia EarhartYouTube: @marciaearhart6328Free handout: 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day. Download it here.Book a free 25-minute discovery call: Schedule here.Stay connected:adversityrising.comYouTube @adversityrisingSpotifyApple PodcastsLeave a review and tell me what landed.

What if the traits you've been praised for your whole life, the perfectionism, the rule following, the relentless work ethic, were actually symptoms of a diagnosis most people have never heard of? In this episode, I sit down with Janice Russell, the Overwhelm Slayer, to unpack Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not OCD. OCPD. Janice spent decades building a life that looked incredibly productive and impressively accomplished, from special education to corporate to a 20-year career as a professional organizer, before a therapist handed her a questionnaire that finally explained the operating system her brain had been running the whole time.We get into the difference between OCD and OCPD, why so many people go undiagnosed, what it feels like when you literally cannot turn your brain off, and how Janice has learned to leverage her wiring instead of fighting it. From planning her relaxation (yes, really) to a gratitude practice built around a two-inch notebook, this conversation is a masterclass in working with your brain, not against it.What we cover:The difference between OCD (an anxiety disorder) and OCPD (a personality disorder)Why the traits society celebrates can be the same ones quietly depleting youHow Janice found out about her diagnosis while in therapy for depressionThe exhaustion of a brain that never stops and why she has to plan her downtimeBuilding systems that honor your wiring: gratitude notebooks, mindfulness streaks, and scheduled rechargeNavigating interpersonal relationships when your brain defaults to "there's a right way""Done is better than perfect" and asking "what's the worst thing that could happen if I don't do this?"How Janice now helps others optimize life after a medical diagnosisMore about Janice:Janice Russell is the Overwhelm Slayer, helping people navigate life after a health diagnosis by building systems that make paperwork, to-dos, and time feel manageable. After 11 years in the classroom and time in the corporate world, they built a business grounded in decades of hands-on organizing and productivity experience. Today, Janice provides virtual coaching and accountability for clients managing brain-based, autoimmune, and other body-based conditions.Connect with Janice:WebsiteLinkedInFacebookInstagramYouTubeReady to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day"

Please note: this episode covers substance use, fentanyl poisoning, child loss, and grief. Take care while listening. If you're struggling, you can call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or reach SAMHSA at 1-800-662-4357. Michelle Kullmann was sure it would never be her kid. Then her 18-year-old son Cade took one pill at college, a fake Percocet that was 100% fentanyl, and he never came home. In this episode, Michelle tells Cade's full story: who he was, the night he died in his UW-Milwaukee dorm, the warning signs nobody in the room recognized, and the judgment she faced afterward. Strangers called her son a junkie. This conversation is about the grief, and the second wound that stigma piles on top of it. Michelle refuses to call what happened an overdose. It was a fentanyl poisoning. It only takes two milligrams of fentanyl to kill you, enough to fit on the tip of a pencil. Today she fights to put Narcan on every college campus and to tell young people the truth about what the fentanyl crisis really looks like. In this conversation: Why "fentanyl poisoning" is not the same as "overdose" The warning signs of an opioid emergency that could save a life How fake pills are pressed to look like Percocet, Adderall, and Xanax How stigma keeps families silent and keeps this crisis hidden How Michelle turned her loss into advocacy through Cade's Light Please note: this episode covers substance use, child loss, and grief. Take care while listening. Connect with Michelle Kullmann Cade's Light: cadeslight.org LinkedIn: Michelle Kullmann Resources 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 Ready to take the next step? Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start breaking the shame cycle that keeps you stuck. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to find the support that fits your needs. Stay connected Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.

Do you know you should teach your kids that discomfort isn't an emergency, but freeze because you have never figured out how to sit with it yourself? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about teaching a skill you are still learning, and why that might be the most powerful version of this work there is. We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I know I need to teach my kids that they can't have everything immediately and that discomfort isn't an emergency, but honestly? I'm terrible at sitting with discomfort myself. I distract, I scroll, I fix things just to make the feeling stop. How do I teach my kids something I haven't figured out myself yet?"If that scene feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that you have to be fully healed to be a good parent in this area. You don't. You just need to be honest and willing to do the work alongside your kids. We get into why this is a nervous system pattern rather than a discipline problem, how it gets handed down across generations, and what a steadier kind of love actually looks like in the hard moments.In this episode, you will learn: Discomfort Tolerance Is a Skill: Why this is a nervous system pattern, not a willpower problem, and why a skill can only be built if someone creates the conditions to practice it. The Intergenerational Pattern: How the way you respond to discomfort was handed to you, without blame, and why you are at a remarkable moment to choose something different. What Rescuing Actually Teaches: Why fixing a hard feeling too fast accidentally confirms the belief that discomfort is dangerous, and what a steadier love looks like instead. You Are the Curriculum: Why kids learn discomfort tolerance from watching you move through something hard, not from lectures about it. The Pause: A concrete practice for catching your own rescuing impulse and asking whether this is an actual emergency or a feeling they can move through with your support. Co-Regulation and Narration: Why you only have to be more regulated than they are, and how naming your own discomfort out loud regulates you and teaches them at the same time. Scrolling and Real Relief: Why distraction is an understandable strategy, not a character flaw, and the difference between relief that restores you and relief that just interrupts the feeling. Your Homework: One small practice for staying present in a mild moment of discomfort, so you teach your child and learn it yourself, side by side.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adver

What happens when you have done all the things, read the books, attended the webinars, and still feel disconnected from yourself? In this episode I sit down with Elizabeth Webb, positive psychology expert, coach, and author of Made for Magic, to talk about why so many of us stay stuck in patterns that drain us, and how we start choosing differently.We get into self-abandonment and the quiet ways we spend our time and energy on everyone but ourselves. We name the trap of toxic toleration, the shadowy side of being the fixer, and why unasked-for help is often a form of control. Elizabeth gets honest about people-pleasing, the line "when you stop people pleasing, people are not pleased," and the grief that shows up when you start renegotiating the invisible relational contracts you never knew you signed.We also talk about the shame spiral that keeps you stuck, how hope and choice rebuild your agency, and the practical, body-based tools you can use in the moment when breaking a pattern feels scary.In this conversation:Why self-abandonment quietly runs your week, and how to track itToxic toleration and the cost of being the one who holds everyone's stuffThe shadowy side of caretaking and unasked-for helpHow the shame spiral keeps you out of actionElizabeth's energy reclamation practice for ruminationBreaking and rewriting relational contracts without ghosting peopleThe grief that follows boundary work, and how to be with itIn-the-moment distress tolerance: walks, nature, grounding, bilateral stimulationWhy hope is always available, because choice is always availableAbout Elizabeth:Elizabeth Webb is The Practical Priestess and an expert in positive psychology and human behavior. For over two decades she has helped leaders, celebrities, and change-makers break free from life's shackles, make empowered choices, and build a life they are excited to wake up to. Her debut book, Made for Magic, is out now in paperback and audiobook, narrated by Elizabeth.Connect with Elizabeth:Website: http://positivelyelizabeth.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/positivelyelizabeth/Get the first chapter of Made for Magic free: http://madeformagicbook.com/Ready to take the next step?Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: http://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientBook a free 25-minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that fits you best: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callIf this one landed, comment POD and let me know what hit home.Stay connected:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9cApple Podcasts: https://podcasts

Do you keep accepting things in your relationships that you never actually agreed to? You are not alone. In this episode, we get clear on the difference between what you genuinely need, what you truly want, and what you have just quietly been tolerating.We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I have three things I need from people in my life, like fifteen things I'd love, and then a whole other category of things I've just... quietly accepted even though they don't feel good. I've never actually separated those out and I think it's making everything murkier than it needs to be. How do I get clear on what I actually need versus what I'm just tolerating?"If that lands somewhere uncomfortable, this episode is for you. I introduce a framework I call the three buckets, and once you hear it you will start applying it to every relationship in your life. You will learn why collapsing these categories into one undifferentiated blur creates the exact fog so many of us live in, and how getting clear is an act of radical self-authorship.In this episode, you will learn:The Three Buckets: The difference between needs, wants, and accepts, and why each one carries a very different emotional weight.Needs Are the Floor: Why needs are non-negotiable baseline conditions, not preferences in urgent language, and why an unmet need is crucial information.Wants Deserve Naming: How swallowed wants turn into slow, quiet, accumulating resentment, and how to voice them without ultimatums.The Accept Trap: The one question to ask about everything you tolerate, "did I consciously choose this?", and how to tell genuine acceptance from tolerance that accumulated in the dark.Why the Buckets Collapse: How the fog became a survival strategy for high-achievers and helpers, and what it costs you.Your Homework: A simple exercise to map all three buckets in one relationship and get them out of the fog and onto the page.Resources & Links:Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingStart with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts. <a href="https://www.

You lie one to two times a day. So do I. And most of those lies have nothing to do with being a bad person.In this episode I sit down with Mary Beth Thomsen, intuitive and spiritual life coach, psychic medium, and shamanic practitioner, to unpack the real psychology of lying: why we lie, how lying starts in childhood as a survival strategy, and how those same protective habits turn into self betrayal as adults.Mary Beth teaches her clients how to do deep internal assessments to understand where they are holding themselves back from living their most authentic lives. Her upcoming book, Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World, gets right to the heart of what we do here: releasing shame so you can live rooted in truth, self trust, and radical acceptance.We get into why lying is almost always about safety and belonging, not malice. Why being lied to can be one of the most triggering experiences even if you have lied plenty yourself. How to teach kids honesty without shaming them. And the question underneath all of it: where in your life are you saying yes when you really mean no?What we cover:What actually counts as a lie, and the lies we tell without knowing itWhy kids start lying around age 2 to 3 and what it really meansThe research: 60 percent of adults lie at least once in a 10 minute conversationWhy being lied to is a trauma triggerHow to teach children truth telling and boundaries without shameThe link between shame, secrecy, and image managementHow to use your body as a truth barometerWhat self betrayal really is and where it hides in your daily lifeThe five years from now exercise for getting radically honestWhy truth telling sometimes costs you relationships, and why it is still worth itTake the next step:Mary Beth created a free Truth-Telling Assessment for this conversation. It is a self betrayal inventory that helps you find where in your life you are not being fully honest with yourself. Take it here: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truthConnect with Mary Beth Thomsen:Website: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/Truth-Telling Assessment: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truthInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulshinescoaching/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/soulshinescoaching/Book: Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World (coming soon)Chapters:0:00 Intro: lying is more layered than you think2:12 What is a lie, actually?3:33 The lies we tell ourselves without knowing6:08 Why we lie: it was never about being

Are you feeling disconnected from your partner even though you rarely fight? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the silent distance, outdated relationship contracts, and the unspoken changes that leave couples feeling lost.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"My partner and I have been together for years and I love them, but somewhere along the way we became completely different people with completely different needs. We don't fight, we just feel... disconnected and a little lost. Is it normal for relationships to need a total reset? And how do you even start that conversation without it feeling like an accusation?"If you find yourself relating to this, this episode will help you understand the silent agreements running your relationship. You will learn why feeling distant is not evidence of a broken relationship, but rather proof that you are both still growing.We explain the critical difference between the absence of conflict and the presence of connection, and we provide practical steps to begin renegotiating your relationship without placing blame.In this episode, you will learn: The Reality of Relationship Contracts: Why the unspoken agreements from the early days of your relationship might be causing your current disconnection. Quiet Distance vs. Conflict: The exact reason why couples with the least conflict often have the most unspoken distance. Starting the Conversation: How to express your feelings of disconnection using your own experience rather than pointing fingers at your partner's behavior. Defining Your Needs: How to get genuinely clear on what you actually need right now to feel safe and fulfilled. A Practical Action Plan: A pre-conversation homework exercise to identify who you are now, what you have stopped asking for, and what a fitting relationship looks like today.Resources whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. <a href="http

It's not what happened to you, it's the emotion you were never allowed to feel. Therapist and author Sabrina Trobak returns to Untethered Shame to explain why "the past is the past" keeps you stuck, and how one quiet core belief, not good enough, not important, not valued, drives anxiety, people-pleasing, and burnout.Another Untethered Shame episode that goes one layer deeper than you expected.This episode is for you if:You downplay your childhood because "nothing really happened"You're the dependable, easy one and you're exhaustedYou can explain your pain perfectly but still feel stuck in itWhat you'll learn:Why the event isn't the wound, the suppressed emotion isThe two "buckets" of trauma, and why low-grade, long-term trauma is the kind no one labelsWhy "normal" isn't the goal, and what healthy actually looks likeThe core belief behind anxiety: not good enough, not important, not valuedHow people-pleasing and perfectionism get praised while quietly costing youWhy we ghost, avoid, and use logic to dodge our own feelingsBoundaries and owning your part as the real first step"Normal is usually not healthy. Strive for healthy." — Sabrina TrobakGrab Sabrina's book: Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety — link in Sabrina's bio below.More about Sabrina: Sabrina Trobak is a registered counsellor and the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety. Sabrina is also a clinical supervisor and public speaker and holds a master's degree in counselling psychology. Before becoming a counsellor, Sabrina was a teacher, vice principal, and school counsellor for over 20 years. Sabrina has extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma can have on a person, including anxiety and core beliefs.Connect with Sabrina:Website: https://www.trobakholistic.org/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trobakholisticcounsellingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/nge_trobak/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-trobak-b-ed-m-a-c-p-r-c-c-ccs-99725127/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SabrinaTrobak🔔 Subscribe for new Untethered Shame episodes.Get Connected.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: <a href="https://o

Have you ever made a decision you knew in your gut was right — then had someone you love tell you it was wrong, until you started doubting everything? Not because new information showed up. Just because their disappointment got so loud it drowned out your own knowing.If you've been there, this episode is for you.This week's question comes from a longtime listener and dear friend, Alice:"My family is devastated that I'm not coming home for a funeral. I had real, legitimate reasons — financial, emotional, logistical — but no one wants to hear them. They're calling me selfish and cold, and part of me is starting to believe them. How do I hold my decision without completely falling apart under the weight of their disappointment?"In this Ask Me Anything episode, I sit with one of the hardest places to stand: holding a decision you know is right while the people who raised you call you selfish. Family shame is different — it has roots, and it knows exactly where to pull.I walk through the difference between guilt (I did something against my values) and shame (I am something wrong), and why what Alice is feeling is borrowed shame imported from someone else's value system. We separate the two tangled threads — your family's grief and the validity of your decision — and I share how to build internal authority so you can stay anchored when outside voices get loud.What I cover:• Guilt vs. shame, and how to tell which you're feeling- The unspoken family loyalty codes you broke without meaning to- Why over-explaining hands them the power to validate your choice- Giving yourself permission to grieve your own lossA few lines I keep coming back to:• Borrowed shame is not yours to carry.- Love is not demonstrated through self-destruction.- You can love your family, grieve that you weren't there, and still know it was the right call.You're allowed to make hard decisions. You're allowed to have limits. And the people who love you most will find their way back to you.Resources whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. htt

Why do I keep choosing the people, relationships, and dynamics that confirm my deepest insecurities? That question sits at the heart of this episode. I'm joined by neuroscience-based love coach Leah Mitchell to unpack why we're drawn to the "wrong" people on a chemical level.We get into why we stay stuck seeking validation as adults, the truth about reaching for the "narcissist" label, how cortisol and stress shape attraction, why we chase the chaos we grew up with, and why secure love can feel so threatening. None of it leaves you stuck. Leah shares her idea of "regardless energy" and a real first step toward choosing differently.If good love has ever felt boring, if you sabotage the healthy thing, or you're tired of ending up in the same place, this one is for you.In this episode:Why we get stuck seeking validationThe truth about the "narcissist" labelHow attraction works on a chemical levelWhy secure love can feel like a trapLearning to trust yourself and choose connection anywayConnect with Leah Mitchell:Facebook: facebook.com/LeahMitchellInstagram: @goddessofloveofficialGet Connected:Subscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email list: adversityrising.com/email-listListen to the podcast: open.spotify.com/show/AdversityRisingTake the Next Step:Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts to break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientBook a free 25-minute discovery call to find the support that best fits your needs: calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callAre you a people pleaser, ruminator, or over-extender? Join the next round of Liberated Living and practice the radical 3 — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship: adversityrising.com/liberated-livingIf something here hit home, let me know what you're taking away, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. I'll see you back here next week.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly snapping at your loved ones? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the exhaustion, chronic stress, and burnout that lead to explosive reactions and intense shame.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"I'm not an angry person, or, I mean, I guess at least I didn't used to be. But lately, I snap at my kids, I'm short with my partner, and I say things I immediately regret. I hate who I am by the end of the day. I know I need to regulate my nervous system, but honestly, I don't even know what that means in any real-time situation. So how do I stop doing this?"If you find yourself relating to this, this video will help you understand the biology behind your reactions. You will learn why your brain treats the never-ending to-do list like a physical threat and how chronic stress depletes your emotional buffer. We explain the critical difference between being reactive and being responsive, and we provide practical steps to expand your capacity for discomfort without simply telling you to "calm down".In this episode, you will learn: The Depletion Factor: Why you are not a bad or angry person, but rather a depleted individual running without an emotional buffer. Nervous System Biology: The exact reason your brain bypasses logic and choice during stressful everyday moments. Reactivity vs. Responsiveness: How to build that crucial space between a stressful trigger and your outward response. The Role of Unprocessed Grief: How mourning the person you used to be can manifest as anger toward your family. A Practical Action Plan: A post-reaction homework exercise to identify the true emotions hiding underneath your outbursts.Resources whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven-day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download

Stop treating your burnout with toxic habits. Explore the unexpected safety of letting go of control. In this episode, we sit down with Mistress Mia, a therapeutic dominatrix who uses her practice for deep inner work and self-development. We break down the cultural taboos surrounding kink, clarifying that the Hollywood image of leather and whips only makes up a small fraction of her actual profession.Mia details how she helps high-achieving adults, trauma survivors, and people with ADHD break destructive patterns through extreme accountability.By entering into a "sacred power exchange", individuals can release the heavy burden of constant decision-making and find freedom in a completely non-judgmental space.We discuss the psychology behind the Gateway Theory of pain, exploring how a calculated, safe dose of physical pain can successfully silence chronic psychological distress and overactive thoughts. Mia also outlines her strict safety rules, including her hard boundary against heavy play for anyone under the age of 26 to protect brain development.In this episode, we cover: Why the traditional understanding of a dominatrix is mostly a misconception. How taking away the need to have everything figured out promotes emotional healing. The psychology of undressing to bypass internal defenses and shame. Why successful people use calculated pain as a rite of passage to get unstuck. Using the Gateway Theory to find relief from dull, chronic emotional aches. Crucial advice on how to properly vet a practitioner before engaging in therapeutic BDSM.About the GuestMistress Mia is a Transformative Life Coach, Certified Therapeutic BDSM Practitioner, and Sacred Kink & Intimacy Coach who helps people step into their power, release shame, and claim lives that feel bold, authentic, and deeply their own. A founding member of the Kink Professional Standards Alliance and part of the Therapeutic BDSM Collaborative Network, she blends embodiment, resilience practices, and intentional BDSM to support meaningful, lasting transformation.Through her self-development program (The ARC Protocol™), as well as sessions, workshops, writings, and coaching, Mistress Mia offers a grounded yet daring path to confidence, courage, and self-acceptance. Her work welcomes anyone ready to grow stronger, more expressive, and more unapologetically themselves.Connect with Mia: Website: www.myarcprotocol.com TikTok: @mistressmiapayne Instagram: @callmemistressmia Telegram: @mistressmiapay

★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I've been running on empty for so long that I genuinely don't remember what it felt like to be okay. I don't know what I like anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't even know who I am outside of everything I do for everyone else. How do I find my way back to myself when I don't even know where to start?"We examine the reality of "Burnout Identity Erosion" and why forgetting who you are is a logical outcome of chronic survival mode. This conversation shifts the perspective from finding a lost version of yourself to actively writing your next chapter.Inside This EpisodeBurnout Identity Erosion: How your nervous system trades joy and curiosity for basic survival.The Shame of Losing Yourself: Why abandoning yourself to hold everything together is not a personal failure.Radical Authorship: Why identity is not something you find, but something you actively write.Breadcrumbs to Yourself: How noticing small moments of connection and buried values can help you rebuild your foundation.If you feel like a function rather than a human being and want to reconnect with your authentic preferences, this episode will help you pick up the pen and start writing your next iteration.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. <a href="https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discove

In this episode, I sit down with Maria Gallucci, a multi-award-winning real estate agent, author, and a proud Child of Deaf Adults (CODA), to uncover the hidden realities of navigating a world built for the hearing. Maria reveals to me the heavy emotional burden of acting as a childhood interpreter, the massive accessibility gaps in the housing and medical systems, and how she turned a life of feeling "othered" into a nationwide mission for radical inclusion.Key Takeaways The unspoken trauma of children forced to interpret complex, life-altering adult situations. Why treating everyone "equally" is actually a massive mistake when trying to foster true inclusion. The hidden accessibility crisis in the real estate market, and the exact steps needed to fix it. How growing up as a CODA shaped her 30-year mission to protect Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and LGBTQ+ homebuyers. The simple, everyday habits that accidentally isolate marginalized groups (and how we can correct them immediately).Chapters00:00 The Heavy Burden of Being a Child Interpreter03:54 How We Accidentally Exclude The Deaf Community08:02 Turning Childhood Isolation Into a Fight for Inclusion13:02 Why True Empathy & Inclusion Starts At Home23:06 The Real Estate Industry's Massive Accessibility Problem31:50 Protecting an LGBTQ+ Child From Intense Bullying38:30 Maria’s Book: Raised In Silence & ASL Realty40:53 Dismantling Systems of Comparison and ShameAbout My Guest, Maria GallucciMaria Gallucci is a multi-award-winning real estate agent, author, and a proud CODA (Child of Deaf Adults). Growing up as one of six hearing children raised by Deaf parents, she learned American Sign Language before English and began interpreting for her family in complex adult situations at a young age. This unique childhood shaped her lifelong passion for inclusive communication and helping often-overlooked communities feel seen and respected.For over 30 years, Maria has specialized in supporting homebuyers in the Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and LGBTQ+ communities. She is the founder of ASL Realty, a national platform that connects clients with signing agents, and her work is dedicated to bridging communication gaps and fostering a more compassionate world.Resources & Connect with Maria Explore ASL Realty: https://aslrealty.com/ Work with Gallucci Homes: https://galluccihomes.com/ Read Maria's Book, Raised in Silence: raisedinsilence.com Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maria-gallucci-18725b9Full episode transc

★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I finally started putting myself first. Boundaries, saying no, protecting my time. And instead of feeling better, I feel worse. My relationships are tense. People are pulling away or frustrated. Now I'm wondering if this whole taking care of myself thing is just selfish. How do I deal with the fallout of finally choosing myself?"We look at the concept of "Unspoken Contracts" and why setting healthy boundaries often leads to friction rather than immediate relief. This conversation examines how systems push back when you change your role and why choosing yourself is not the same as being selfish.Inside This EpisodeDisrupted Systems: Why things getting harder does not mean you are doing something wrong.Unspoken Contracts: The invisible agreements in your relationships and what happens when you stop honoring them.The Shame Spiral: How shame disguises itself as conscience to make you feel bad for growing.Navigating the Fallout: The three typical responses to change (resistance, negotiation, and exit) and how to tolerate the discomfort of holding your ground.If you have ever felt guilty for setting a boundary or worried that taking care of yourself is ruining your relationships, this episode will help you renegotiate your connections with radical responsibility.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this

Listen in on another vulnerable conversation between Bronwyn and Kyira, both therapists, as they share their own challenges and insights on engaging with their parents. This conversation broaches the conflict many feel as we see how our unhealed wounds of childhood affect us today. Which begs the question: how do we have a relationship with that parent? What do we do with all our resentment so it doesn't spill out on our own children? How do we have empathy for our parent while still having boundaries for ourselves? How do we give grace while also holding accountability? When do we decide to cut off a parent?Bronwyn leads Kyira in an Integration exercise with her young self in order to accept her mom as she is, not as Kyira wants her to be. Bronwyn also leads Kyira in a Grief exercise to say goodbye to the mom she had in her early childhood, which helps Kyira accept the mom she interacts with now.Episode Chapters:00:00:00 Introduction & Welcoming Bronwyn00:01:00 Bronwyn's Background & Path to Therapy00:05:00 The Physical Cost of Suppressing Anger00:07:30 Understanding Triggers & Emotional Repression00:22:10 The Integration Exercise: Healing the Inner Child00:33:36 Live Integration Exercise with Kyira00:48:43 Daily Rituals for Emotional Regulation00:56:46 Why Flourishing is Never SelfishAbout the Guest:Bronwyn is a licensed marriage and family therapist, podcaster, and self-described "anger expert". As the host of the Angry at the Right Things podcast, she helps people understand the profound connection between suppressed emotions, physical illness, and mental health challenges. Drawing from her own lived experience navigating severe, debilitating depressive episodes, Bronwyn transitioned into counseling as a second career to offer the kind of deep, root-cause healing she once sought. She holds a master's degree in counseling psychology and another master's degree in nutrition.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/Get Connected. Subscribe to my YouTube channel Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9cTake the Next Step. Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient Book a free 25-minute discovery

★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-auditIn this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:"I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. I sleep, I take breaks, I even started saying no to things. But I still wake up exhausted and drag myself through every day. I feel like I’ve tried all the things and none of them are working. Is something actually wrong with me, or am I just bad at resting?"We explore the concept of the "Invisible Load" and why chronic exhaustion often remains even after we add rest to our schedules. This conversation shifts the focus from managing your time to relating to your energy.Inside This Episode Rest as a Ratio: Why adding more routines cannot restore what is being continuously drained. The Invisible Load: The high cost of monitoring emotional temperatures, performing competence, and rehearsing conversations. Energy Audits vs. Productivity Audits: Shifting the question from "how do I get more energy" to "where is my energy actually going?". The Armor of Patterns: How making yourself smaller to keep the peace creates a heavy, draining weight you might have forgotten you are wearing.If you have ever felt like you are doing everything "right" but still feel completely depleted, this episode will help you identify the leaks in your container and move toward radical responsibility for your own restoration.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits y

In this episode, we explore shame not just as a feeling, but as a deeply ingrained training system. Ingrid Hu Dahl returns to unpack how silence, obedience, and performance are often learned early as survival strategies, especially in families shaped by heavy cultural expectations or generational trauma.If you grew up learning how to perform for love instead of how to actually be safe, this conversation is exactly what you need to hear.Inside the Conversation: The Shame Rulebook: How hidden shame dictates our adult behavior and decisions. Conditional Love: The painful difference between spoken unconditional love and lived conditional love. Emotional Shielding: Why children subconsciously learn to protect adults emotionally. Performance as Safety: The exhausting reality of proving your worth, and the heavy toll it takes on your nervous system. Untethering: How to break these patterns and find freedom without blaming yourself.About the Guest:Ingrid Hu Dahl is an author, speaker, and guide for those breaking generational patterns. Her work focuses on dismantling the deep-seated rules of shame and obedience that dictate how we operate in adulthood. By bringing awareness to these hidden survival strategies, Ingrid helps high-performers transition from seeking conditional approval to creating genuine, lasting safety in their lives and relationships.Connect with Ingrid Hu Dahl: Website & Book: https://www.ingridhudahl.com/ Instagram: https://instagram.com/ingridhudahl and https://instagram.com/sunshiningonmorningsnow LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/ingridhudahlResources Mentioned:Where the Past Begins by Amy Tan: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Past-Begins-Writers-Memoir/dp/0062688197?&linkCode=sl2&tag=kindakreati0e-20&linkId=eabce7ca9f1ae5a59e93cb4557cffbaa&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tlGet Connected: ★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel ★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list ★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9cTake the Next Step:

In this powerful conversation, we welcome back Elizabeth Kipp for the third time to discuss the missing puzzle piece in addiction and recovery: shame. Rather than viewing shame as a mindset issue or a moral failing, Elizabeth explains the biological reality of our nervous system. This episode breaks down what happens when the body senses a threat, why we seek out immediate soothing mechanisms, and how the mind creates stories to explain physical dysregulation.Whether you are navigating addiction, struggling with parenting stress, or simply feeling overwhelmed by modern life, this episode offers a practical, science-backed approach to finding your center again.Key Topics CoveredThe Biological Root of Shame: Why your nervous system is acting exactly as designed to keep you safe.Understanding the Polyvagal Lens: How the body cycles through sympathetic activation, dorsal shutdown, and ventral calm.The Anatomy of Addiction: Why the body seeks the fastest possible route to soothe a dysregulated nervous system.Trauma Loops: What happens when you bounce between fighting your circumstances and completely detaching from them.Real-Life Dysregulation: Kara shares a vulnerable story about parental panic, highlighting how "micro-doses" of shame compound during high-stress moments.The 40-Day Reset Protocol: A highly accessible practice using deep breathing for three minutes, five times a day to actively rewire the brain.Meeting Your Resistance: Why the urge to avoid this practice is actually your evolutionary edge.About the Guest: Elizabeth KippElizabeth Kipp is a Stress Management and Historical Trauma Specialist, Certified Addiction Recovery Coach, Ancestral Clearing Practitioner, and international best-selling author of The Way Through Chronic Pain: Tools to Reclaim Your Healing Power.Elizabeth blends neuroscience, somatic awareness, and spiritual wisdom to help people release ancestral and personal patterns of suffering. By integrating these modalities with meditation, breathwork, and energy healing, she guides others toward balance and inner harmony. Having healed from over 40 years of chronic pain, anxiety, and addiction, Elizabeth’s mission is to help others reclaim their inner freedom, embody resilience, and live from their highest truth.Connect with ElizabethWebsite: https://Elizabeth-Kipp.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabeth.kipp.3Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lizi.kipp/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I decided to separate from my partner after years of feeling unheard and emotionally unsafe. Now that I’ve pulled away, they’re suddenly being kinder and doing things I begged for in the past. It’s messing with my head. Does this mean I gave up too soon?”We explore the intersection of shame, attachment, and self-trust — and how late effort can trigger old hope, grief, and self-doubt all at once. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why sudden kindness after separation feels so destabilizingThe difference between crisis-driven change and sustained repairThe grief of realizing “they heard me all along”How to focus on patterns over moments when making hard decisionsIf you’ve ever questioned yourself because someone started showing up differently after you pulled away, this episode will help you separate hope from reality — and return to self-trust instead of shame.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you. Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

In this episode, I sit down with Andy Regal, a former television executive producer for major networks including MSNBC, CNBC, and Court TV, to discuss the pervasive issue of workplace bullying. Andy shares his deeply personal experiences with toxic leadership, detailing the severe psychological toll that covert and overt corporate abuse takes on high-performing professionals.From the inherent limitations of traditional HR departments to the deep shame that victims internalize, our conversation exposes the realities of a problem that costs companies billions of dollars annually. Most importantly, Andy outlines a practical framework to help targeted employees reestablish their self-esteem, find psychological safety, and reclaim their joy.Key Takeaways: The Definition of Bullying: We define workplace bullying as repeated, targeted conduct that provides no benefit to the employee or the business. The Target Profile: We explore why toxic managers rarely target underperformers; they typically direct their abuse at the most productive, devoted, and loyal employees. The Heaven's Fallacy: Doing everything right and working incredibly hard does not guarantee a fair, supportive, or safe environment in the corporate world. The HR Problem: We discuss how Human Resources departments often lack the autonomy to protect employees because their salaries are controlled by the executives perpetuating the abuse. The Cost of Silence: Allowing a toxic culture to thrive costs US companies an estimated $300 billion a year due to employee burnout, absenteeism, and healthcare expenses. The Six Tenets of Healing: Andy shares how true recovery requires establishing psychological safety, rebuilding self-esteem outside of your job title, finding renewed purpose, reigniting joy, practicing positive self-talk, and finding forgiveness.Resources Mentioned:Download Andy Regal's free Bullying Recovery Guide: https://bullyingrecoveryguide.comMore about Andy:Regal worked his way up to Executive Producer, Executive Vice President of Programming, and VP of Original Programming at major media organizations such as Court TV, CNBC, and MSNBC. He served as Global Head of Video at The Wall Street Journal, overseeing journalists in New York, Washington, San Francisco, London, and Hong Kong.He garnered honors, including the Loeb Award for Excellence in Business Journalism, the Associated Press Media Editors Award, "Innovator of The Year," and Emmy nominations for Obamacare "Prescribed" and "Consumer 101" on NBC.Connect with Andy: Website: https://andyregal.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andyregal-nwb/

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes: keep thinking I’ve found the answer. The habit. The routine. The practice. The mindset shift. I go all in, hoping this will finally fix my burnout, loneliness, resentment, or anxiety.And when I’m not magically better a few weeks later, I feel defeated and stop.It makes me wonder if I’m broken or if nothing actually works for me.Why does change feel so impossible?And how do I stop chasing fixes and actually create real, lasting change?”We explore the intersection of shame, radical acceptance, and sustainable growth — and why healing isn’t about finding the perfect tool, but about building a long-term relationship with yourself. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why “fix it” culture keeps setting us up to feel brokenWhat radical acceptance actually looks like in everyday lifeThe power of 1% shifts over dramatic overhaulsHow to take responsibility for your healing without drowning in self-blameIf you’ve ever felt exhausted by trying everything and still feeling stuck, this episode will help you reframe change as incremental, human, and possible — even when it’s slow.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

In today’s episode, I’m sharing a special re-release of a conversation where I was a guest on The Empowered Journey podcast, hosted by Chris Mamone.Together, we explore shame not as something to eliminate or overcome, but as a deeply human experience that shapes how we relate to ourselves, our boundaries, and our sense of worth.This conversation moves beyond surface-level insight and into the quieter dynamics that keep people stuck — including overfunctioning, people-pleasing, burnout, and the belief that safety must be earned rather than embodied.Inside this episode, we talk about:What shame actually is (and what it isn’t)How shame drives self-abandonment and chronic over-givingWhy boundaries feel threatening when worth is conditionalWhat it looks like to shift from performing healing to practicing agencyHow curiosity and self-trust support lasting changeIf you’ve ever felt like you’re doing “all the right things” but still feel disconnected from yourself, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate reframe — one that invites you back into choice instead of pressure.🎙️ About Chris & The Empowered JourneyThe Empowered Journey podcast, hosted by Chris Mamone, is a space for thoughtful conversations about growth, self-awareness, and personal agency. Chris brings a grounded curiosity to each episode, creating room for reflection without rushing toward quick fixes or performative solutions.His approach centers on asking better questions, slowing down the process of change, and honoring the complexity of being human — which is exactly why this conversation felt so aligned and meaningful to share here.🎧 You can explore more episodes of The Empowered Journey: https://empoweredgriefjourney.podbean.com/Get Connected.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityris

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:How are we supposed to be mentally well in a world that feels this broken?It feels wrong to be okay when so many people are suffering.It feels wrong to smile, rest, or enjoy my life.But I also can’t function if I’m constantly submerged in everything that’s happening.I don’t want to turn away.I don’t want to be numb. I don’t want to pretend things are fine.But I don’t know how to hold all of this and still live.How do you stay aware without drowning?And how do you live a normal life without feeling like a terrible person?”We explore the intersection of shame, moral exhaustion, and collective responsibility — and how caring deeply about the world doesn’t require living in perpetual despair. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why the idea of simply “turning it off” is rooted in privilege — and what to do with that awarenessThe difference between staying informed and doom-consumingShifting from rage and helplessness into values-aligned actionHow to balance engagement, rest, and sustainable care for yourself and othersIf you’ve ever felt crushed by the weight of everything happening in the world — while also feeling ashamed for wanting moments of peace — this episode will help you find a more honest, grounded, and sustainable way to care without destroying yourself.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

In this episode of Untethering Shame, I’m joined by Clarissa Gannon — certified coach, plant-based bodybuilder, and founder of EmpowerHER Wellness — for an honest conversation about shame, strength, and women’s relationships with food, movement, and body size.Many women are raised to believe that worth and safety come from being smaller — eating less, doing more cardio, and living in cycles of restriction and self-monitoring. When dieting stops working, strength training can feel empowering… and deeply uncomfortable.Together, we explore why weightlifting and building muscle can feel inaccessible to women, how shame shows up in both diet culture and fitness spaces, and what it means to pursue strength without turning it into another form of self-control.Inside this episode, we talk about:How shame shapes body image, food choices, and movementWhy strength training challenges shrinking-based conditioningThe fear of eating more, slowing down, and taking up spaceThe “slow grind” of building strength without instant validationWhere fitness and bodybuilding culture can recreate disordered patternsWanting to feel strong and like how you look — without tying worth to outcomesThis is not a conversation about fixing your body.It’s about building a relationship with your body rooted in trust, agency, and sustainable strength.About Clarissa GannonClarissa Gannon is a certified coach, plant-based bodybuilder, and founder of EmpowerHER Wellness, where she helps women in perimenopause and beyond reclaim their health, strength, and confidence — without restrictive dieting or burnout.Her work blends strength training, hormone support, and plant-based nourishment to support long-term wellbeing and embodied confidence.🔗 Connect with Clarissa:Website: https://www.herwellnessonline.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/clarissa_gannonFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/clarissa.gannonGet Connected.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:I believe in gentle parenting. I really do.I try to validate my child’s feelings, stay calm, and be patient.But by the end of the day, I hit a limit.I get firmer. Sometimes my tone changes. Sometimes I feel like the ‘bad guy.’And then I spiral that I’m not actually doing gentle parenting right.It feels like there are two versions of me: the calm parent and the overwhelmed parent.How do I know if I’m failing at gentle parenting — or if this is just what real parenting looks like?”We explore the intersection of shame, parental identity, and nervous system capacity — and how many parents are caught between the model of compliance-based parenting they were raised with and the fear of becoming permissive in an effort to do better. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:The threshold between forcing compliance and avoiding boundariesWhy limits, structure, and follow-through are essential for emotional intelligenceLetting go of shame-driven stories about what “good” gentle parenting looks likeCreating sustainable parenting rhythms that support both you and your childIf you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything “right” and still ending the day exhausted and guilty, this episode will help you reframe gentle parenting as a sustainable, reflective practice — not a performance of endless patience.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day” to begin building safety and trust with yourself.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore coaching or program options that support healing beyond survival mode.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https

Welcome back to Untethered in Shame. In today's episode, I sit down with Mallary Tenore-Tarpley to explore a part of recovery that is rarely discussed, yet nearly universal: the middle place. Often, society presents recovery as a binary choice of being completely sick or completely recovered. However, the reality is far more nuanced, and most people spend years in a space where progress and setbacks coexist.Mallary opens up about how the devastating loss of her mother triggered her eating disorder at the age of twelve. She explains how she used the disorder to cope with grief and an overwhelming desire to stay small. We also unpack the immense pressure she faced to achieve a "perfect" recovery, which ultimately led to a secret cycle of relapses. This conversation provides a framework to help us redefine healing, understand the true definitions of setbacks, and find the courage to be honest about our progress.Key TakeawaysThe Origin of the Struggle: How childhood grief and an attempt to cope with profound loss acted as the catalyst for Mallary's eating disorder.The Danger of Perfectionism: Why striving for the "gold standard" of full recovery can create insurmountable pressure and lead to a double life.Defining the Terms: A clear breakdown of the differences between a slip, a lapse, and a relapse.The Power of Permission: Why giving yourself permission to experience a slip can actually help you make meaningful progress forward.Courage in the Middle: How acknowledging and naming the "middle place" can reduce shame and build a supportive community.About Our GuestMallary Tenore Tarpley is an assistant professor of practice at the University of Texas at Austin, where she teaches journalism classes in the Moody College of Communication and writing classes at the McCombs School of Business.Her debut nonfiction book, Slip: Life in the Middle of Eating Disorder Recovery, explores the under-discussed complexities of eating disorders and recovery from them. The book is equal parts memoir and journalism, and it weaves together Mallary's own narrative with perspectives from clinicians, researchers, and others with lived experience. In 2023, Mallary received a generous grant from the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation to support the science-related reporting in the book, specifically around the neurobiological and genetic aspects of eating disorders. The book will be published by Simon & Schuster, via its Simon Element imprint, in August 2025 and is now available for pre-order.Connect with Mallary & ResourcesOrder the Book: Slip: Life in the Middle of Eating Disorder Recovery

In this episode, I am joined by Garrett Wood, clinical hypnotherapist, executive functioning specialist, and founder of Gnosis Therapy, for a grounded conversation about high performance, shame, and sustainable well-being.Together, we explore why high-achieving, high-masking professionals often struggle with burnout, sleep disruption, and emotional disconnection (even when things look “successful” on the outside). Garrett shares insights from his work with executives and founders, alongside Kyira’s personal reflections on overperformance, identity, and the fear of becoming irrelevant when productivity slows.This episode challenges cultural myths about success and sacrifice, unpacking how early conditioning, shame cycles, and nervous system overload drive the boom-and-bust pattern so many high performers experience. The conversation offers a more humane path forward: emotional awareness, personalized regulation, and environments that support long-term capacity, not just output.In this episode, we discuss:[01:00:36] Why high achievers often chase success to feel worthy or safe.[01:03:14] How adaptive behaviors become maladaptive, and lead to burnout.[01:06:32] The link between chronic stress, sleep issues, and physical health.[01:14:04] Shame cycles that shift between work, relationships, and identity.[01:30:12] Cultural myths about success, sacrifice, and emotional suppression.[01:42:24] What sustainable performance actually requires.More about Garrett:Garrett Wood, NBC-HWC, is a clinical hypnotherapist, executive functioning specialist, and founder of Gnosis Therapy. He works with high-achieving, high-masking executives, founders, and entrepreneurs who want sustainable high performance without trading health, wealth, or relationships. Over 18 years he developed the A3 Framework: Assess, Accommodate, Align, which maps capacity across sensory processing, bio-budgets, subconscious beliefs, attachment patterns, values, and executive functioning. He then applies clinical hypnotherapy, outcome-based coaching, and somatic tools to end the boom and bust cycle of burnout for leaders and support consistent, durable, long-term results.Connect with Garrett:Website: https://www.gnosistherapy.com/aboutInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/gnosistherapy/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gnosistherapy/Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/garrett-wood-irvine-ca/1509135Get Connected.</p

I am so excited for this conversation today because it’s one I have personally been sitting with, wrestling with, and actively experimenting with over the past few weeks.We are welcoming back the incredible Abby Payne, who many of you remember from our first episode together on people-pleasing, self-worth wounds, and the nervous system. And today, we’re exploring a topic that affects every single one of us (sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly) and almost always with shame: our relationship with screens.Abby has recently shifted her work to focus on screen time and nervous system coaching, and her Digital Detox program is one of the most compassionate, science-backed approaches I’ve ever seen. She teaches that screen struggles aren’t about willpower; they’re about dopamine, nervous system regulation, and the parts of us that use screens for safety, escape, comfort, or protection. And that shift alone was so freeing.Because here’s the thing: our devices are built to keep us hooked. Our brains adapt. Our nervous system learns. And when we try to “just stop scrolling,” we’re not battling laziness: we’re bumping up against actual neurobiology.And I can tell you from my own experience working with Abby these last few weeks, the shame we feel around screen use (the guilt, the hiding, the beating ourselves up for not sticking to limits) actually makes everything worse. She helped me understand why the patterns I had with my phone made perfect sense given my nervous system, my habits, my lifestyle, and the stress I carry.Today, we’re unpacking:Why screens feel addictiveHow shame deepens the cycleWhy willpower doesn’t workHow to use compassion and structure to create a different kind of relationshipAnd how to build a system where you own your device, not the other way aroundWhether you’ve felt tethered to your phone, overwhelmed by notifications, guilty about scrolling at night, or frustrated with the constant pull to “just check one more thing,” this episode is going to make you feel so much less alone, and so much more empowered.Let’s get into it.More About AbbyAbby Payne is a Screen Time they’re a strategy issue. She blends neuroscience, habit change, nervous system regulation, and spiritual presence to help people understand why they get pulled into their screens and how to break the cycle with compassion instead of guilt.Connect with AbbyDigital Detox Prog

In this episode, I sit down with Chris Mamone to talk about the complex reality of grief. Chris shares his personal experience of losing his son to stillbirth in 2022, and he explains how this massive loss forced him to re-evaluate everything he knew about processing pain. We discuss why grief goes far beyond just losing a loved one, noting that it can include job loss, moving, or losing relationships. Chris and I also explore the societal pressure to "get over it," the damage caused by shame, and how we can show up better for ourselves and those around us.We Covered:Grief is not a problem to be fixed; it is a process of personal transformation.The danger of the "yo-yo effect" happens when we let societal shame disconnect us from our true feelings.We must stop comparing our losses to the losses of others, as every experience is unique.You can support a grieving friend by simply being present and holding space instead of trying to offer solutions.It is possible to navigate the loss of connection and friendships in today's divisive social and political climate by focusing on what you can control.Memorable Quotes:"Most of us walk around with it and don't even know it." "Grievers don't need to be fixed. They don't need to be told what to do." "Grief does not discriminate in any capacity."More About Chris: Chris Mamone is an Acceptance Coach and the Founder of The Empowered Grief Coaching Practice and Podcast. He helps individuals move from a place of pain into a place of hope and empowerment through their grief. Chris supports those navigating grief, loss, and trauma to rediscover self-acceptance and step into their personal power so they can create an inspiring future grounded in healing, truth, and purpose. He is also releasing a book featuring 23 stories of grief this coming November.Connect with Chris:Website: http://www.empoweredgriefjourney.com/Podcast: https://empoweredgriefjourney.podbean.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thechrismamoneInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/empoweredgriefjourney/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@empoweredgriefjourneyLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/empoweredgriefjourney/

I am equal parts curious, interested, and a little scared because of the incredible things we talk about today. In this episode, I sit down with Mel Dorman to explore how we can heal our toxic beliefs about wealth and redefine what it means to be financially secure.Mel shares an incredible path, starting from living in a slum in Kolkata, India, helping women escape sex trafficking on a dollar a day. At the time, Mel despised the capitalist system. But everything changed when Mel's father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Facing a $7,000 monthly care bill while earning only $2,000 to $3,000 a month as a social worker forced Mel to rethink everything.We discuss how Mel read "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" while working at the LA County Jail, eventually buying 34 rental units in five years using seller financing. Mel challenges the anti-landlord sentiment we see so often, reminding us that local, mom-and-pop housing providers are vital to keeping communities intact against corporate hedge funds.Key TakeawaysHealing Subconscious Beliefs: We discuss how to identify the shame and negative stories we hold about people who have wealth.Generative vs. Extractive Capital: Mel learned in India that business can equal freedom, teaching us that wealth does not have to be extractive.Seller Financing: We learn about creating mutually beneficial real estate deals directly with neighbors, which bypasses traditional bank loans and relies on social capital.Community Interdependence: By building local wealth, we can support each other without over-relying on the government or distant corporations.More about MelMel Dorman went from dumpster scavenging in their twenties to building a multimillion-dollar real estate portfolio in their thirties, combining traditional bank loans with creative seller financing to acquire 34 rental units in just five years. A former social worker turned financial activist, Mel shows that wealth doesn’t have to flow through Wall Street to grow.As the founder of the Seller Financing Academy and author of Bank on Your Neighbor, Mel teaches everyday people how to use both conventional tools and community-based financing strategies to buy property, build equity, and keep wealth circulating locally instead of siphoned upward to billionaires. Their TEDx talk on creative finance became an Editor’s Pick and has reached hundreds of thousands of viewers hungry for an alternative to the corporate grind.Mel’s mission is simple: decentralize wealth, empower neighbors, and prove that ordinary people can rewrite the rules of finance one seller-financed deal at a time.Connect with MelBook a Consult Session: https://oncehub.com/PAGE-A67D0D68E5?utm_campaign=unshame&utm_source=pod<br

In this episode, I am joined by Kathy Wisniewski, certified health coach, owner of True and Lasting Wellness, and host of the Tragically Beautiful podcast, for an honest conversation about shame, abuse, and reclaiming personal power.We unpack why abusive and disempowering relationships are often misunderstood, how shame keeps people silent, and why leaving is not the same as healing. Kathy shares her personal experience through narcissistic abuse, perfectionism, and loss of self, and how learning to love herself enough to set boundaries changed everything.During our conversation, we discuss how narcissistic personalities often cast themselves as either the victim or the hero. They may begin a relationship with intense love bombing, giving all their attention and affection, before their mask slips and they begin to distance themselves and withhold affection. Kathy opens up about how shame acts as a silencer. She kept her experience a secret because she had bought into the narrative that her relationship was a meant-to-be fairy tale that started in high school.We also explore the painful emotions of shame and embarrassment. Overcoming this requires confronting lonely moments and doing inner child healing. A major realization for Kathy was understanding that her lack of boundaries stemmed from not loving herself enough. Often, people feel inherently defective or broken, leading them to believe they do not deserve to set boundaries. By overcoming this double dose of shame, the shame of the abuse itself and the shame of feeling like she should have known better, Kathy was able to channel her energy into serving others.If you have ever questioned your worth, stayed too long, or wondered why setting boundaries feels so hard, this conversation will meet you with clarity and compassion.Key TakeawaysAbuse thrives in silence, shame, and perfectionism.Narcissistic relationships often start with intense affection and love bombing before the partner becomes distant and withdrawn.Leaving a relationship does not automatically heal the nervous system.A lack of personal boundaries often comes from not loving oneself enough and feeling inherently broken.Shame acts as a silencer, keeping people trapped in a false narrative about their relationship.Victims often experience a double dose of shame because they believe they should have known better.Healing involves turning painful energy into a desire to provide service to others.About Kathy WisniewskiKathy Wisniewski is a passionate and dedicated health coach certified through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and the owner of True and Lasting Wellness. With a deep commitment to comprehensive healing, she specializes in empowering survivors of abuse to rewrite their stories and reclaim their wellbeing across all key areas of their lives. Kathy is also the host of the Tragically Beautiful podc

In this Ask Me Anything episode, I am pressing pause on specific listener questions to unpack a theme that has been showing up constantly in my work: the radical acceptance of imperfection. I have been thinking a lot about mistakes lately, from the tiny ones to the parenting moments that replay in my head at 2 AM.I discuss why being human means we are imperfect and why that imperfection is actually a feature, not a flaw. We live in a culture that tells us we should rise above our humanity through optimization and therapy, but I want to challenge that. I explore why there is no finish line where we stay healed forever and how rupture and repair not perfection are what actually deepen our connections.Key Topics & TakeawaysImperfection as a Feature: I explain why our inability to be perfect is not a bug in the system but simply how our nervous systems and brains function.The Trap of "More": I talk about the resistance we feel and how we often confuse healthy growth with the impossible standard of never letting anyone down.Rupture and Repair: I share why my relationships, including my marriage and parenting, are stronger because we move through conflict rather than avoiding it.Personal Reflections: I admit that no matter how much I study shame resilience, shame still shows up in my life, and I am learning to be okay with that.Shift to Curiosity: I ask you to shift your focus from "I need to fix this" to "I want to understand myself better".Memorable Quotes"Being human means we're imperfect, and our imperfection is not a flaw, it's a feature.""The moments where we stumble, where we fail, where we have rupture and repair, those are the moments where connection deepens.""You are allowed to be a work in progress and a person of worth at the same time.""We're not a project to complete. You're a process to participate in." 📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share what resonated or shifted for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day” to begin building safety and trust with yourself.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore coaching or program options that support healing beyond survival mode.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Jemma discuss the complex relationship between body confidence and shame, exploring personal journeys and societal influences. They delve into the importance of self-worth, the impact of societal standards on body image, and the journey towards body acceptance. Jemma shares insights on intuitive eating, the significance of body neutrality, and the challenges posed by hustle culture. The discussion emphasizes the need for empathy and understanding in addressing body image issues across all body types.TakeawaysBody confidence is a journey that requires self-trust and self-belief.Shame often stems from societal conditioning and influences our body image.Intuitive eating can help separate self-worth from body image.Body neutrality is a more achievable goal for many individuals.Societal standards create pressure to conform to certain body types.The hustle culture can lead to unhealthy patterns in various aspects of life.Recognizing patterns of behavior can help in addressing body image issues.Building body confidence involves taking small, actionable steps.Empathy and acceptance for all body types can lead to a more inclusive society.The journey to body acceptance is ongoing and requires continuous effort.More about Jemma:Jemma Haythorne is a Confidence Coach on a mission to help women build unshakeable confidence, break free from body shame, silence their inner critic and make true self-love their default setting. After years of struggling with her body image, food, and self-doubt, she found true freedom - and now she's on a mission to empower others to do the same. She teaches women how to take up space, love their bodies, say yes to their dreams, and trust themselves fully. Whether through coaching, speaking, writing or her podcast, she's here to be your certified hype girl and the biggest advocate for lasting self-love.Connect with Jemma:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspire__wellnessWebsite:  https://www.inspirewellnessau.com.auPodcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3TxBxkB8ITxfhwmtN8Atwb?si=a1550204d6224d50Get Connected.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cy

In this episode, I am continuing our topic-driven conversations by tackling a feeling I know we all share: the tension between everything we want to do and what we actually have the capacity for. We live in a world that constantly tells us to do more, be more, and optimize more, creating a quiet, shame-filled narrative that if we can't keep up, something is wrong with us.I explore the radical acceptance that you are never going to have enough time. We discuss how "hustle culture" tricks us into treating rest and joy like rewards we have to earn, and why "later" never actually arrives. Instead of trying to optimize our nervous systems, I share the questions I use to cut through the urgency and return to intentionality.Key Topics & TakeawaysThe Myth of "Getting Ahead": I discuss why we constantly feel like we need to "get ahead" before we can rest, and why that finish line keeps moving.Infinite Inputs: How the endless stream of podcasts, courses, and "shoulds" creates a false urgency that erodes our presence.Brené Brown’s Two Questions: I share a framework I learned from Brené Brown to manage demands: 1) Who and what do I want to be held accountable to? and 2) Does that decision align with my values?.Alignment Over Hustle: Why we need to stop asking if we can do something and start asking if it aligns with the life we want to design.The 10-Minute Audit: I issue a gentle challenge to look at your to-do list and ask: "Is this something I genuinely want or need to do?" and "What am I saying no to by saying yes here?".Memorable Quotes"What if the problem isn't you? What if the problem is actually the story that we've been sold... about time, worth and productivity?""Your worth is not measured by how efficiently you use every single minute. Your life is not a productivity project.""Your nervous system does not exist to be optimized.""Choosing alignment is an act of self-love and quiet rebellion."📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share what resonated or shifted for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day” to begin building safety and trust with yourself.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore coaching or program options that support healing beyond survival mode.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list<

In this episode, we welcome back Jane Pilger to explore the nervous system, shame, and the internal "parts" that drive our behaviors. While many believe binge eating stems from a lack of discipline, Jane explains that it is actually a nervous system response designed for protection. When we feel unsafe or overwhelmed, our bodies often turn to food as a way to regulate energy and numb difficult feelings.Jane breaks down the concept of the "Safety Paradox," where we seek safety in food even though it ultimately makes us feel unsafe. We also discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how to distinguish between our "protector" parts and our "young" parts. By shifting from judgment to compassionate curiosity, we can begin to understand the protective role these behaviors play and learn to lead our internal parts with the wisdom of a "kindergarten teacher".We covered:The Nervous System & Safety: How the body constantly scans for danger (neuroception) and uses food to regulate excess energy from the "fight or flight" response.The Binge Feedback Loop: Understanding how we bounce between high-energy anxiety and low-energy collapse, using food to manage the transition.Shame as a Driver: How shame fuels the binge cycle by keeping the nervous system in a state of threat, which leads to more eating for relief.Parts Work (IFS): Identifying "Protector" parts that try to shield "Young" parts from pain, rejection, or trauma.The Safety Paradox: Why we turn to food for comfort even when we know it causes distress.Practical Strategies:Asking "How does this make sense?" to replace judgment with understanding.Creating a "Moments that Matter" list to track small victories.Using the "Kindergarten Teacher" analogy to guide internal parts with patience rather than criticism.More about Jane:Jane helps women understand why they binge eat and how to stop. She guides women who have been struggling, often for decades, to find the missing link to go from fighting with their bodies to working with them.Whether someone is a binge eater, doesn't trust themselves with certain foods, or just doesn't understand why they behave the way they do sometimes, she's got them. She teaches her clients how to understand their behavior, how to develop trust with themselves and how to cultivate the safety that they need to navigate life. Her approach is rooted in the science of the brain and body, trauma informed, and filled with compassion.Connect with Jane:Website: www.janepilger.comInstagram and Faceb

In this episode, I step back from individual listener questions to address a topic that’s generating a lot of confusion right now: trauma bonding.We explore the intersection of shame, attachment, and survival and why trauma bonds are so often misunderstood as “poor choices” or “lack of boundaries.” Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:What trauma bonding actually is (and what it’s not)Why our brains form these bonds in the first placeHow intermittent reinforcement keeps people stuckWhat healing looks like beyond “just leaving”If you’ve ever felt trapped in a relationship that hurt but also felt impossible to walk away from, this episode will help you understand what was happening — without judgment or blame.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share what resonated or shifted for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day” to begin building safety and trust with yourself.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore coaching or program options that support healing beyond survival mode.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9c Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living### SHOUT-OUTS:★ All video editing done by my wonderful husband, Jordan Wackett. Check him out at @jordanwackett.

Welcome back to the second half of this crucial conversation.If you haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, I highly recommend hitting pause and going back to listen to that episode first [LINK TO PART 1 HERE]. In that first episode, we laid the foundation—defining what "pig butchering" actually is and exploring the global machinery behind these scams. You really need that context for this episode to hit home.In Part 2, Michele Ilich-Daubas and I move from awareness into application. We are breaking down exactly how people get deceived in real time, what happens in the aftermath, and—most importantly for this podcast—how shame keeps victims silent.We discuss the specific mechanics of deception, like phishing and "smishing," and how scammers rely on our brains’ natural tendency to "fill in the blanks" when we are stressed or fearful. Michele shares some truly eye-opening examples, including how law enforcement impersonation scams are specifically targeting licensed professionals like therapists and doctors. It was a humbling reminder that intelligence and education do not make us immune to fear-based tunnel vision.But we don’t just stay in the problem. We talk about the solution. We explore how to shift our language from "I fell for it" to "I was deceived," why we need to stop judging our aging parents and start empowering them, and how community connection is ultimately our strongest defense.Key TakeawaysThis episode is about compassion. It’s about slowing down. And it’s about remembering that under the right circumstances, anyone can be deceived.Deception works by hijacking fear, not logic Urgency, authority, secrecy, and intimidation shut down our critical thinking and kick our "lizard brain" into overdrive.Phishing and smishing rely on “filling in the blanks” Scams feel believable when they intersect with our real-life stressors, shame stories, or existing fears (like missing a toll, a tax payment, or fearing arrest).Professionals are actively targeted Michele reveals how therapists, doctors, and nurses are frequent targets of sophisticated law enforcement impersonation scams.Scams don’t just steal money — they steal self-trust The emotional aftermath often includes grief, isolation, and a devastating loss of independence that is harder to recover from than the financial loss.Language matters We discuss why shifting from "I fell for it" (which implies stupidity) to "I was deceived" (which acknowledges the crime) is critical for reducing shame.Silence protects scammers Talking openly about scams helps others recognize red flags before harm occurs.Prevention starts with slowing down<

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous therapist who writes:“Sometimes it’s hard not to feel like a fraud when you’re helping clients through things you’re still struggling with yourself. How do you reconcile the shame of being seen as the expert when you’re still learning?”We explore the intersection of shame, imposter syndrome, and the myth of the “fully healed helper” — and how this expectation quietly erodes connection in the therapy room. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why struggling doesn’t disqualify you from helping othersHow appropriate self-disclosure can strengthen the therapeutic allianceThe power of saying “I’m still learning” without undermining your roleReframing shame as a signal of integrity, not inadequacyIf you’ve ever felt pressure to perform competence rather than embody presence, this episode will help you reconnect with what actually makes therapy effective: honesty, reflection, and humanity.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share what it stirred up — especially if you’re a therapist navigating your own learning edges.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day” to begin building trust with yourself, not just your role.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore coaching or program support that honors both your humanity and your profession.Stay Connected:Subscribe on Spotify or Apple PodcastsWatch on YouTubeVisit www.adversityrising.com💬 You don’t have to be finished to be trustworthy.

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Kyira sits down with Michele Ilich-Daubas, a former senior legal analyst at Meta and scam-prevention advocate, to unpack the psychology behind modern scams — particularly “pig butchering,” a highly sophisticated form of financial and emotional exploitation.Rather than framing scams as random or obvious, this episode reveals how they are long-term psychological operations built on connection, trust, urgency, and fear. Michele explains how global crime syndicates operate, how trafficked individuals are often forced to carry out these scams, and why COVID-era isolation and digital dependence dramatically increased vulnerability.Together, they challenge a dangerous myth: that scams only happen to the “naive” or “elderly.” Instead, listeners are invited to consider a more honest and protective question: What would it take to deceive you?Key TakeawaysThis episode lays the groundwork for understanding scams through a shame-resilient, human lens — setting the stage for prevention, compassion, and awareness in Part 2.Scams are psychological, not intellectual failures Victims are masterfully deceived using fear, urgency, secrecy, and intimacy.Pig butchering is a long con These scams often unfold over weeks or months through fake friendships or romantic connections (a term derived from the concept of "fattening a pig before the kill").Anyone can be targeted Victims include professionals, therapists, and financially literate individuals — not just older adults.Isolation increases susceptibility COVID, social fragmentation, and loneliness created ideal conditions for exploitation.Your biggest vulnerability is tied to what you value most Children, safety, belonging, money, or being chosen are common entry points.Shame keeps people silent — and silence protects scammers Shifting language from “falling for a scam” to “being deceived” is critical for prevention.Prevention starts with slowing down Pausing, questioning urgency, and verifying through trusted channels can interrupt manipulation.About Michele Ilich-DaubasMichele Ilich-Daubas is a fraud fighter, public speaker, and educator dedicated to exposing and preventing sophisticated online scams, including the devastating crime known as pig butchering. A former Meta employee turned advocate, Michele now leads public awareness efforts through her organizations Deception Code and Operation Shamrock, empowering individuals—especially older adults—to recognize, report, and recover from financial and emotional exploitation. Her work blends education, empathy, and advocacy to dismantle the shame that keeps victims silent and to shine a light on ho

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I always say yes to requests from my friends, family, and coworkers — even when I really don’t want to or don’t have the capacity. Then I end up resentful, tired, or feeling like I’m the bad friend or partner for refusing. How do I actually learn to say no without drowning in guilt?”We explore the tension between compassion and people-pleasing — and why guilt often shows up the moment we try to take care of ourselves. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why guilt doesn’t always mean you’ve done something wrongHow shame and fear of rejection keep you stuck in over-givingWhat it really means to say “no” from self-respect instead of self-protectionHow to start unlearning the belief that saying no makes you a bad personIf you’ve ever felt the weight of guilt after setting a boundary, this episode is your permission slip to honor your limits without apology.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding yourself in boundaries and self-trust.⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore coaching or program options that meet you where you are.Stay Connected:Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.⁠YouTube⁠⁠Website⁠💭 Guilt is just a sign that you’re breaking an old pattern — not that you’re doing something wrong.#AskMeAnything #Boundaries #SayingNo #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

In this episode of Untethering Shame, I am joined by Jessica Fern, a therapist, educator, and the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, Polywise, and her newest book, Transforming the Shame Triangle.Together, we explore the Shame Triangle: the internal loop that occurs between the inner critic, the shame part, and the inner escaper. Jessica explains how we internalize the "drama triangle" of persecutor, victim, and rescuer, turning them into internal parts that drive self-criticism and disconnection.We discuss the origins of shame in our early needs for belonging and why our coping strategies often act like "expired milk": methods that were once adaptive and nourishing but have become toxic over time. This conversation offers a framework for moving from the Shame Triangle to the Self-Love Triangle, transforming the inner critic into an inner coach.Key TakeawaysThe Shame Triangle Defined: The internal dynamic consisting of the inner critic (the bully), the shame part (the victim), and the escaper (the rescuer).Escaper Behaviors: How we use over-functioning, perfectionism, under-functioning, or aggression to mute the inner critic.Expired Strategies: Understanding that our protective parts have good intentions but use distorted methods that no longer serve us as adults.From Critic to Coach: The process of the Self-Love Triangle involves updating our internal parts and teaching the inner critic to encourage rather than attack.Navigating Relationships: How healing our internal shame often requires shifting dynamics with parents, partners, or friends who may still be stuck in their own triangles.Radical Acceptance: The goal is not to eliminate shame entirely but to change the story we tell ourselves about it.About Jessica Fern: Jessica Fern holds a Master’s degree in Conflict Resolution, is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, a trained Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner, and an integrative therapist drawing on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Nonmonogamy, The Polysecure Workbook, and Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. Through her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and multi-partner relationships to break free from reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment, and past trauma.Website: https://www.jessicafern.comRestorative Relationships:<a href

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I keep ending up with emotionally unavailable people. I want to believe I’ve learned, but part of me feels like I’ll just make the same mistake again. How do I rebuild trust in myself?”We explore the intersection of shame, self-trust, and growth — and how our fear of repeating mistakes often hides our progress. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why shame turns reflection into self-blameHow hindsight can actually be evidence of healingThe difference between “I can’t trust myself” and “I’m learning to listen to myself”Tangible ways to rebuild trust through self-awareness and aligned actionIf you’ve ever doubted yourself after heartbreak or repeated patterns, this episode will help you understand what self-trust really means — and how to rebuild it through compassion, not perfection.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building a relationship with yourself rooted in trust, not comparison.⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore coaching or program options that meet you where you are.Stay Connected:Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.⁠YouTube⁠⁠Website⁠💬 You are not your content. Your worth exists offline too.#AskMeAnything #SelfTrust #Relationships #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Do you feel a sense of silent shame around aging or the changes happening in your body? In this episode, I sit down with relationship strategist Katie Rössler to discuss the often unspoken shame surrounding perimenopause.We explore how cultural perceptions of aging impact our identity and relationships, and why open communication is so critical during these transitions. We discuss the concept of "decision fatigue" and how it affects intimacy, the importance of maintaining curiosity, and why personal growth is 50% of a successful long-term relationship. This conversation provides tools to help you foster deeper connections and understanding during this significant life phase.Key Takeaways:How Katie helps couples navigate perimenopause and its emotional impacts.Why cultural perceptions of aging have shifted and created shame around growing older.How perimenopause affects identity and relationships.Why communication is essential in long-term relationships, especially during transitions.How curiosity about yourself and your partner can enhance your connection.The societal pressures women face regarding aging and desirability.Why personal growth is essential for maintaining healthy relationships (and how ignoring it can lead to "emotional divorce" or the Four Horsemen).Understanding hormonal changes, such as progesterone shifts, to help manage emotional responses and sleep issues.The importance of having open conversations about desires and needs.More about Katie:Katie Rössler is a relationship strategist, licensed therapist, and creator of the REBUILD method, a transformational relationship alignment program for high-achieving, international couples. She is the author of The Face of Grief and Who Am I Now?, host of the Relationship Reset podcast, and has spoken on stages around the world. With over 15 years of clinical and coaching experience, Katie guides couples from silent resentment to deep reconnection and supports women in perimenopause as they evolve into the powerful, grounded leaders they are becoming.Connect with Katie:Website: katierossler.comInstagram: instagram.com/katie.rosslerFacebook: facebook.com/RelationshipResetwithKatieLinkedIn: <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://ww

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“Why do I lose interest as soon as someone actually likes me or treats me well? I say I want a healthy relationship, but every time I find someone good for me, I get bored or start pulling away.”We explore the intersection of shame, safety, and desire — and how the nervous system often mistakes calm for disconnection. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:Why we confuse intensity with intimacyHow childhood experiences shape our attraction patternsThe role of shame and control in choosing familiar painHow to retrain your brain and body to feel safe in healthy loveIf you’ve ever pulled away from someone kind and wondered why peace feels uncomfortable, this episode will help you understand the psychology behind attraction, release shame, and start building connection from curiosity instead of fear.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building a relationship with yourself rooted in trust, not comparison.⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore coaching or program options that meet you where you are.Stay Connected:Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.⁠YouTube⁠⁠Website⁠💬 You are not your content. Your worth exists offline too.#AskMeAnything #Relationships #Attraction #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

In this conversation with leadership communications coach Salvatore Manzi, we explore why so many of us struggle to use our voice — whether in meetings, relationships, friendships, or moments that matter. Together, we look at how shame, early conditioning, nervous system responses, and social dynamics shape our ability to speak up.Salvatore breaks down the myths around “quiet leaders,” shares how both over-talking and going silent are trauma-driven strategies, and offers a simple three-step communication framework that helps us move from reacting to responding. This episode gives listeners a compassionate look at why staying silent feels safer — and what small steps help us reclaim our voice with clarity and courage.Key TakeawaysWe learn early which voices get rewarded or dismissed, and that conditioning shapes how we use our voice as adults.Silence is often a self-protective strategy, not a personality trait.The “delay bias” punishes slower processors and makes speaking up feel riskier.Many of us fear saying the wrong thing more than saying nothing at all.Over-talking and shutting down are both trauma-driven adaptations to shame.Salvatore’s framework — Clarify → Validate → Respond — helps shift us from reacting to responding.“Does it need to be said by me?” is a powerful filter that disrupts automatic people-pleasing or over-functioning.“Not about me” is a grounding mantra that reframes others’ reactions and reduces shame.Speaking before it feels comfortable builds the muscle of using your voice.Identifying five leaders you admire helps you recognize and grow the traits you want to embody.More about Salvatore:Salvatore Manzi is a leadership communications coach with over 20 years of experience helping executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders amplify their influence and impact. Salvatore has coached leaders presenting at the United Nations, guided investors in raising $100million over their goal, and helped biopharma scientists present their work globally. With emphasis on frameworks, principles, and techniques, Salvatore empowers leaders to connect authentically and navigate high-stakes conversations with confidence. He’s passionate about fostering collaborative team environments through effective communication.Connect with Salvatore:WebsiteLinkedInReady to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and s

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:“I’m trying to be better about setting boundaries in relationships, but sometimes I feel like I’m just being controlling. How do I know the difference?”We explore the intersection of shame, fear, and self-trust — and how the tension between control and boundaries often reveals our deepest fears about being too much or not enough. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:The difference between boundaries that protect and control that restrictsHow shame can make healthy self-protection feel selfish or wrongWhat to ask yourself when you’re unsure if you’re setting a boundary or managing someone else’s behaviorPractical ways to hold limits with compassion instead of guiltIf you’ve ever second-guessed yourself after setting a boundary — or worried that self-protection might make you unlovable — this episode will help you separate care from control and start building boundaries that honor your needs and your relationships.📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building a relationship with yourself rooted in trust, not comparison.⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore coaching or program options that meet you where you are.Stay Connected:Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.⁠YouTube⁠⁠Website⁠💬 You are not your content. Your worth exists offline too.#AskMeAnything #Boun