So, You Want to Read Tolkien

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss the portion of Appendix A, Part 1 and Part 3. We’re skipping part 2. I think it’s very clear that we were not really into this. A lot of ridiculous names and quick flashes of cool stuff Tolkien is rolling over in his grave Support the Show at […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss the portion of Appendix A focusing on the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen. The tale starts with death…and ends with death a healthy amount of doom She calls him Estel their whole liiiiiiiiiives. You can’t tell me they didn’t bone on that hill. Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 9, The Grey Havens Rebuilding the Shire Galadriel’s genetics Only Frodo has PTSD WHERE IS THE FRODO AND ROSIE FRIENDSHIP?!?! The Ringbearers leave. Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien for exclusive content! Contact Us: Find us on Twitter! Email us!

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 8, The Scouring of the Shire So Many Hobbits In This Chapters. Is Frodo a wizard now? Sam, Merry and Pippin the bloodthirsty NINETEEN DEAD HOBBITS No wait, Frodo is a God now. Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien for exclusive content! […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 7, Homeward Bound Much less people in this chapter What does Rachel want you to do with your fingerprints? How long did we laugh at Rachel for? Bill the Pony, King of the Wolves.   Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien for […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 6, Many Partings Literally everyone is in this chapter. Again. There’s a funeral but it isn’t the saddest thing in this chapter We folks see each other again, or is it all a big death metaphor? Fucking Gandalf.   Support the […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 5, The Steward and the King Faramir and Eowyn meet! Faramir completes his hobbit pokedex A crown is taken from a dead man. A tree is found in the woods mountains But like…how do we KNOW Aragorn is really the king? […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 4, The Field of Cormallen Sam has a real good sense of smell They have to get back in to their dirty clothes Emmy’s favourite line in the entire book And, as always, Aragorn needs that drama   Support the Show […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 3, Mount Doom Wait, we’re still walking across Mordor? There’s just SO much Doom in this chapter, Rachel is very happy It’s already obvious that Caitlin isn’t happy with the movie adaptation The eagles are coming (next time)   Support the […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 2, The Land of Shadow It’s time to walk across Mordor!. More comedic orc duos! This Nazgul wants YOUR name and number. A gobler? Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien for exclusive content! Contact Us: Find us on Twitter! Email us!

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 1, The Tower of Cirith Ungol In this chapter we are back with Caitlin’s favourite Hobbit! But that still isn’t enough to save this chapter from being mostly boring. There’s architecture. And orcs! There’s more architecture and more orcs! There’s a […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 10, The Black Gate Opens In this chapter the army spends a lot of time getting to a battle…and then not much time on the battle. Merry is left behind! We were wrong last week about miles. Which is just typical […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 9, The Last Debate It’s a chapter of standing around a talking in two different parts! The Fellowship is reunited!…mostly. Caitlin still doesn’t understand miles? How far is it from Minas Tirith to the Black Gate? I have a feeling Twitter […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 8, The Houses of Healing Some people are healthy, and some are not. We will point out each one just in case you are confused. We meet Tolkein’s self-insert, self-burn. Also another woman! That we had forgotten about. Whoa. Caitlin has […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 7, The Pyre of Denethor. Our favourite boy does just a *little* murder, and maybe a bit of treason. Feanor, thousands of years later, still causing problems for everyone. Murder-Suicide always seems like the best plan, right? We still don’t understand […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 6, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields. Dernhelm is a girl? What? Who killed the Witchking? Why was there a prophesy about that? And, most importantly, Gimli has his axe.   Support the Show at https://www.patreon.com/Soyouwanttoreadtolkien for exclusive content! Contact Us: […]

This week we discuss Return of the King, Book V, Chapter 5, the Ride of the Rohirrim. A little less Ride and a little more Eavesdropping. Come and discuss with us as Merry is very observant, but misses some vital facts. Theoden gives some speeches and steals a horn. Eomer is racist, and Snowmane is […]

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 4, The Siege of Gondor! Characters Pippin – Guard of the Citadel, Faramir’s protector? Gandalf – bearer of bad news, Denethor’s worst enemy apparently Denethor – huge know-it-all, Steward of Gondor Faramir – Captain of the White […]

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 3, The Muster of Rohan! Featuring a couple of folks who super don’t want to be left behind. Characters Merry – a lone Hobbit Theoden – King of Rohan Eomer – Theoden’s nephew Eowyn – Theoden’s neice […]

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 2, The Passing of the Grey Company! We’re back with Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Merry! Also appearances from some new friends and fun cameos from some old friends. Characters Aragorn – heir to the throne, which matters […]

Caitlin, Rachel and Emmy are excited to be back with The Return of the King, Book 5, Chapter 1, Minas Tirith! We meet back up with Gandalf and Pippin, and proceed into the Kingdom of Gondor, and learn just how little Pippin has been paying attention to…well…everything. Characters Gandalf – Wizard, herald of bad tidings […]

We finally found time to get drunk together! Please join Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy as we eat some brunch, drink some drinks, and listen to Gollum impressions, and answer twitter’s most ridiculous middle earth related questions, like “Why does Pippin always look up when he gets an apple?” Math and alcohol and albatrosses. Obviously Hobbit […]

On this, our first episode of 2020, please join Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy in their discussion of the Two Towers movie directed by Peter Jackson. Faramir is super different, how do we feel? We want the version of this movie with Arwen at Helm’s Deep! Hama for president 2020! King Theoden, the best. Also, we’ve […]

On this, our last episode of 2019, please join Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy in their discussion of the 1978 animated movie, The Lord of the Rings. In which we ask the following very important questions: Why doesn’t Aragorn wear pants? Why does everyone want to punch Bilbo? Who is Aruman? Why is everyone the same […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Nine, The Choices of Master Samwise Characters: Sam – an extremely fearsome enemy (probably a large elf) Frodo – he dead Shelob – still nightmare fuel Shagrat – orc middle management from the Tower of Cirith Ungol Gorbag – orc middle management […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Eight, Shelob’s Lair Characters: Frodo and Sam – Spelunkers Gollum – it’s allllla Gollum now Shelob – pure and utter nightmare fuel Characters from legend: Earendil – has the silmaril now…and is a star, also the aforementioned Daddy Melkor – original evil. […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Seven, The Stairs of Cirith Ungol Characters: Frodo – Our hero Sam – Our hero wouldn’t have got far without him Smeagollum – the hero of his own story The Witch-King of Angmar, the Lord of the Nazgul, the Black Captain – […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Six, Journey to the Crossroads Characters: Faramir – gone from our pages, but not from our hearts. Frodo and Sam and Gollum – Our walking party.    Following the map of their journey, they walk down from Henneth Annun and end at […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Five, The Window on the West. Characters: Frodo – a tricksy hobbit Faramir – a tricksy human Smeagollum – a tricksy guide Sam – a hobbit who just wants to do a murder, but isn’t tricksy enough Anborn – probably dies after […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Five, The Window on the West. Characters: Frodo – a hobbit with a secret Faramir – a man who wants to know the secret Sam – just blurts out the secret Mablung and Damrod – Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are there   In […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Four, Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit. Characters: Frodo- Nap-master Sam – Chef Smeagollum – Sous Chef Faramir – Captain of Gondor Mablung and Damrod – Rosencrantz and Guildenstern In the same map as the last two weeks you can see how the […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Three, The Black Gate is Closed. Characters: Frodo- Has to get into Mordor Sam – Will follow Frodo anywhere Smeagollum – super doesn’t want to go to Mordor Here is a link to the same map as last week, continuing the trios […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter Two, The Passage of the Marshes. Characters: Frodo- The Master of Smeagol Sam – The One Who Does not Trust Smeagol Gollum/Smeagol – is Smeagol Here is a link to the same map as last week, continuing the trios journey across the […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers: Book Four, Chapter One, The Taming of Smeagol. Characters: Frodo- Yay! Back to our Ringbearer! Sam – Yay! And his stalwart gardener! Gollum/Smeagol – …he’s here too. Making more pit pats! Maybe a black rider? Here you can see a map of Frodo and Sam’s […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Book Three, Chapter Eleven of the Two Towers, The Palantir Characters Pippin – a hobbit who makes a bad choice and it gives him exactly what he wanted Merry – a hobbit who really, really just wants to sleep Gandalf – Wizard with answers! Aragorn – a man […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Book Three, Chapter Ten of the Two Towers, The Voice of Saruman Characters Gandalf – OUR Wizard Saruman – That OTHER Wizard. Has a seductive voice.  Merry/Pippin – The best gate keepers there ever were.  Aragorn/Legolas/Gimli – the hunters, just being there, representing the three races of Middle […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Book Three, Chapter Nine of the Two Towers, Flotsam and Jetsam Characters Merry and Pippin – hobbit friends, provide food, and tell a story Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli – the hunters find their quarry, and listen to a story Saruman – The Mean Wizard Gandalf – The Nice […]

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This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers, Book Three, Chapter 7: Helm’s Deep.   Characters Gandalf – a wizard up to his old tricks. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas – the three hunters, still trucking on. Théoden – King of Rohan Éomer – Théoden’s nephew Háma – Rohan’s MVP Gamling – a Rohan […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers, Book Three, Chapter 6; The King of the Golden Hall. Apologies about the audio issue with this weeks episode! Characters Gandalf – Stormcrow, The White Rider Aragorn – Heir of Elendil Gimli – a dwarf Legolas – an elf Théoden – King of the Golden […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy, discuss The Two Towers, Book Three, Chapter Five, The White Rider Characers Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas – The Three Hunters Gandalf –  THE WHITE! Shadowfax Hasufel and Arod Mentions of: Sauron Saruman Gwaihir Merry and Pippin Galadriel Treebeard and Ents Balrog, Durin’s Bane The Journey The entirety of this […]

This week Caitlin and Rachel and Emmy discuss Chapter 4 of Book Three of the Two Towers, Treebeard. Characters: Pippin and Merry – Hobbits! Treebeard – an Ent! Guardian of the forest Quickbeam – another Ent, younger, hastier. Entwives – the female Ents. Mentions of Saruman and Gandalf The Journey The entirety of this chapter […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers, Book Three, Chapter 3: The Uruk-hai. Characters Merry and Pippin – Hobbit Hostages Ugluk – the leader of the Uruk-hai from Isengard Grishnakh – the leader of the orcs from Mordor Various other orcs The Journey If you ever want to check the path of […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers, Chapter 2, The Riders of Rohan Characters Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas – the Three Hunters, the Fellowship leftovers Eomer – The Third Marshall of the RIddermark, a man of Rohan. Eothain – a man of Eomer’s company. Arod and Hasufel – New horses! Theoden – we […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss The Two Towers, Book 3: Chapter 1 The Departure of Boromir. Characters Aragorn – still indecisive Legolas – doesn’t let a friend sing alone Gimli – really just wants to get on with it Boromir – is dead.   Locations The Three Hunters are still around Amon Hen […]

Emmy is on vacation, so Caitlin and Rachel have a short discussion without her! How did we all meet? It’s a mystery. We like other books! What makes a fantasy movie? WATCH WILLOW! The Very Secret Diaries The Very Wrong Fanvid Also we now have a Patreon Page! Please check it out!   Find us […]

This week we combined our movie discussion with out drunk episode. So, it’s a drunk movie discussion! We discuss our favourite scenes and lines and performances and adaptations. But, more importantly, we discuss the following completely unrelated pop-culture mediums: X-Men John Wick Detective Pikachu Veggie Tales Spy Kids   Contact Us On Twitter

We have reached the final chapter of the Fellowship of the Ring! Characters Frodo Sam Merry Pippin Aragorn Legolas Gimli Boromir THE EYE Locations Due to the chapters long indecision, the Fellowship is still in the same place it was last chapter, which can be seen here.   It’s the end of the book, let […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Fellowship of the Ring, Book Two Chapter Nine: The Great River Characters The Fellowship – if you haven’t gotten it yet…there is no hope Gollum! – the Pit Pat Creature Mysterious Enemy on a winged creature – Frodo may know more. Locations The Fellowship travels down the Anduin […]

This week Caitlin, Rachel, and Emmy discuss Fellowship of the Ring Book 2 Chapter 8, Farewell to Lorien. Characters The Fellowship – Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli Galadriel – the Lady of Lothlorian Celeborn – the Lord of Lothlorian Celebrian and Arwen – Galadriel and Celeborn’s daughter and granddaughter, just mentioned. Haldir […]