Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

You might not be falling out of love. You might just be exhausted. When you can’t sleep, everything gets louder. The resentment. The anxiety. The dishwasher fight that suddenly feels like proof your entire relationship is broken. I’ve seen this happen again and again: people blame their partner, their marriage, or themselves—when the real saboteur is sleep deprivation. In this episode, I’m talking with marriage and family therapist and sleep expert Chrissy Lawler about what exhaustion is really doing to your mood, your parenting, and the people you love most. Listen to learn: Why exhaustion makes every conflict feel more serious How poor sleep quietly drains connection and intimacy The counterintuitive reason to get out of bed when you can’t sleep How caffeine, alcohol, and nighttime habits sabotage your rest Why sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is go to bed angry Simple, evidence-based ways to start sleeping better tonight Before you decide your relationship is broken, check your sleep. A full night of rest might change the entire conversation. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠.

Are you chronically late, stressed, and frazzled? Feel like you never have enough time to do what you really want and need to do? Here’s the reality: Until you can manage your time, you’ll always feel out of control. Poor  time management isn’t just making you late. It’s quietly stealing your life. If you feel buried, behind, overcommitted, and weirdly guilty all the time, this episode is going to hit hard. Because the problem may not be that you’re lazy, scattered, or “bad at time management.” The real problem is that you’re saying yes to everything and accidentally saying no to the life you actually want. I’m sitting down with Samantha Lane, TEDx speaker and founder of Origami Day, to talk about the simple time management shift that can help you stop living on autopilot. Here’s the uncomfortable (but also liberating and life-changing) truth: You don’t have a time problem. You have a choosing problem. Listen to learn: Why poor time management is really a life-management problem The brutal truth about your 168 hours each week How every “yes” secretly becomes a “no” Why your to-do list will never actually be done The simple weekly planning ritual that can calm the chaos If you’ve been trying to become more disciplined, more productive, more organized, and somehow still feel like you’re failing, this conversation will help you stop blaming yourself and start choosing your life on purpose. You’re not behind.You’re just ready to choose differently. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

Your partner heard something you never said. That’s why the conversation went sideways. That’s why you’re suddenly defending yourself.That’s why they’re hurt.That’s why you’re both thinking, “How did we get here again?” If you’re struggling with a lack of communication in a relationship, this episode is for you. Because the problem may not be that you’re bad at communicating. It may be that you and your partner are speaking completely different emotional languages. In this episode, I’m talking with psychotherapist Jason VanRuler, author of Discovering Your Communication Type, about why the same words can land beautifully for one person and completely miss another. We’ll unpack the five communication types, why good intentions still create painful disconnection, and how to speak in a way your partner can actually receive. You'll learn: Why your partner hears something totally different than what you meant How the same words can comfort one person and trigger another The five communication types that shape every hard conversation Why “men can’t communicate” is a lazy, damaging myth How to stop blaming each other and start translating each other What to say after a fight when you actually want to repair You don’t have to keep having the same argument forever. You may just need to learn how your partner listens. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

Wired and tired? I’ve been there too, and I know first hand… this is not sustainable. Help is here. If you’re searching for nervous system regulation strategies because your body feels like it’s waving a white flag — the insomnia, the tension, the stomach issues, the collapse at night — this episode is a must listen.  Join me for this conversation with somatic expert Liz Tenuto, known as The Workout Witch, about why chronic stress gets stored in the body, why your doctor can say “everything looks normal” when you feel anything but, and how somatic healing can help you come back to yourself. You'll learn: Why your body won’t switch off at night How functional freeze makes you look fine while you’re shutting down The body signs of stored stress: jaw, shoulders, gut, sleep, pain Why somatic healing can help when thinking harder doesn’t A one-minute reset you can try right now If your body has been begging you to listen, this episode is where we start. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

You’re the tiger pacing the cage… but the door has been open the whole time. If you want to know how to gain confidence for real — not perform it, fake it, or force it — this conversation will show you where to start. Because the truth is, you can look wildly successful and still feel trapped inside your own head. In this episode, I’m talking with Sara Anderson about why confidence doesn’t magically appear when you achieve enough — and why the higher you climb, the louder your self-doubt can get if you don’t address it from the inside out.  Because here’s the part nobody tells high achievers: You cannot think your way into confidence while your body is screaming danger. Real confidence is built from the inside out. Listen to learn: Why achievement can make your self-doubt worse, not better Why your mind goes blank when the stakes are high How your body betrays your confidence before you say a word Why affirmations don’t work when your nervous system is in panic mode How to stop freezing, spiraling, and over-explaining under pressure The 10-second grounding tool that helps bring your brain back online How to stop performing confidence and finally start trusting yourself Why the cage door is already open — and how to walk through it If you’re tired of pacing the same old cage, this episode is your open door. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠.

Feeling down when, at least on the surface, nothing is horrible? It’s easy to blame yourself, and think “what’s wrong with me that I can’t just be happy?”  Here’s a new idea. Maybe that feeling is not wrong at all.  Maybe it’s a signal from your emotional guidance system that it’s time to evolve.  The boredom. The restlessness. The exhaustion. The quiet little voice whispering, “I cannot keep doing this.” You can numb it.You can explain it away.You can call it anxiety, burnout, depression, hormones, laziness, or “just a rough patch.” But what if it’s none of that? What if the real problem is that your life doesn’t fit anymore?  In this episode, I’m talking about how to change your life when you feel stuck, especially when nothing is technically “wrong,” but everything inside you is screaming. Because that feeling you keep trying to get rid of? It may be the most important message you’ve gotten in years. Today, I’m going to help you stop ignoring it, stop shaming yourself for it, and start reading it for what it is: your emotional guidance system telling you it’s time for a new chapter. You'll learn: Why feeling miserable doesn’t always mean something has gone wrong How to tell the difference between a bad mood and a life that no longer fits Why boredom, dread, and restlessness can be signs of personal growth The journaling questions that reveal what you actually want Why insight alone won’t change your life How to find the clarity, courage, and allies you need to move forward You don’t have to blow up your life today. But you do need to stop betraying yourself by pretending you don’t hear the alarm. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

There is a silent mind game stealing your peace — and you’ve been trained to play it every day.  If you can’t stop comparing yourself to others, this episode may hit a nerve. That sick little feeling of “Why am I not enough?” It isn’t something another promotion, relationship, body, bank account, or achievement is going to fix. I’m sitting down with Harvard psychologist Dr. Ron Siegel to reveal the brutal truth: your brain is wired to rank you. And the comparison game is designed so you never actually win. This conversation will help you understand why success never satisfies for long, why self-esteem can become a trap, and how radical self-acceptance can finally get you off the emotional rollercoaster. You’ll learn: Why comparing yourself to others feels impossible to stop The ancient brain wiring behind “not good enough” Why every achievement high wears off so fast How social media and culture weaponize comparison Why “just build your self-esteem” can backfire The shift from impressing people to actually connecting How to begin feeling free without becoming someone else This is for anyone who’s tired of measuring their worth against everyone else’s highlight reel. You don’t have to win the comparison game to feel okay. You can step out of it — and come back to yourself. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

If you’ve ever said “I’m fine,” watched your partner believe you, and then felt even more hurt than before, this episode is for you. Because that tiny moment, the one where you want them to know you’re not okay without having to spell it out, is where so many couples quietly lose each other. In this episode, I’m talking with therapist and workplace wellbeing expert Nidhi Tewari about attunement, the relationship skill that helps people feel seen, understood, and emotionally safe. We’ll unpack why loving partners still miss each other’s cues, why fixing, reassuring, or changing the subject can accidentally make someone feel more alone, and how to become an “explorer,” someone who asks instead of assumes. You’ll learn how to emotionally connect with your partner in a way that actually lands: how to calm yourself before a hard conversation, what to say when your partner is hurting, how to ask for what you need out loud, and how to share what hurts without starting a fight. In this episode: 04:00: The skill that can quietly make every relationship better 09:44: Why emotional connection is something you can learn 21:55: Why you can’t connect until you calm yourself first 32:12: Fixer, Avoider, Connector, or Explorer: which one are you? 38:24: What to say so your partner finally feels seen 46:36: Why “I’m fine” backfires, and how to ask for what you need 52:45: How to tell your partner what hurts without starting a fight If you’ve been stuck in that lonely loop of hoping your partner will just know, then feeling disappointed when they don’t, this episode will help you do something different. The first skill that brings couples back together is one you can start practicing tonight. Press play, and let’s begin. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, pla

Uncertainty can make you anxious, controlling, and completely exhausted, but staying steady is a skill you can build. Here’s the real reason you can’t seem to figure out how to deal with uncertainty: you’ve been taught that calm is a personality trait. Something you either have or you don’t. It’s not. The people who stay grounded when life blows up the plan didn’t win some genetic lottery. They’ve built a skill. And by the end of this episode, you’ll know how to start building it too. Today, I’m talking with executive coach Liz Tran about the agility quotient, the trainable intelligence that helps you stay steady when everything is changing. If the constant churn at work, in your relationships, and in the world has you anxious, overthinking, bracing, or trying to control every possible outcome, this conversation is for you. You’ll learn how to build mental toughness from the inside out, how to get out of your comfort zone on purpose, and how to start changing your life even when the future feels uncertain, without pretending you’ve got it all figured out. In this episode: 04:20: The skill no one taught you, but everyone needs now 08:09: The “third intelligence” that matters when plans fall apart 18:27: The one-question reframe that flips dread into fuel 19:24: Four quiet habits steady people rely on under pressure 29:24: Which “change type” are you? 52:16: Why Googling and doom-scrolling make uncertainty worse 53:11: The boat metaphor that can change your next bad day 1:04:27: What helps kids become resilient instead of brittle If you’re tired of living inside the spiral, needing control, asking “why is this happening to me,” and avoiding anything uncomfortable, I really want you to hear this one. Because uncertainty isn’t going away. But you can become someone who knows how to meet it. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS

If your mind starts spinning the second your head hits the pillow, replaying the conversation you had at lunch and rehearsing the one you have to have tomorrow, I want to tell you something that genuinely surprised me. Sometimes the goal is not to get rid of your anxiety at all. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Chloe Carmichael, the clinical psychologist and USA Today bestselling author of Nervous Energy, who taught me to treat anxiety as a signal rather than a malfunction. Dr. Chloe and I work through how to tell the worry that is worth listening to from the kind that just loops, and then we go somewhere I did not expect, into why holding everything in might be quietly making your anxiety worse. In This Episode Why trying to get rid of your anxiety can backfire, and the single question to ask it instead The mind map exercise for the kind of worry you cannot quite put your finger on How to tell healthy fear from overthinking that just spins in circles The eight Diet Cokes story that changed how I check for anxiety, because the body comes first Why holding things in actually creates more anxiety instead of less The difference between self censorship and healthy self restraint, and a simple way to spot which one you are doing What to do when you finally speak up and it does not go well, including a tool Dr. Chloe calls the debrief date What the friendship between two famously opposite Supreme Court justices teaches us about staying close to people we disagree with This episode is for anyone who has ever laid awake at 2am with a brain that simply would not power down, then dragged through the next day exhausted and wired at the same time. It is also for you if you have ever smiled and nodded along with something you did not believe, and walked away feeling a little smaller for it. Anxiety and authenticity are far more connected than most of us realize. This conversation is about both, and about how getting a grip on one quietly helps you with the other. Episode Breakdown 00:00:00 Why You Shouldn't Try to Get Rid of Your Anxiety 00:08:21 From a Yoga Mat to a PhD: How Anxiety Became Her Life's Work 00:18:06 Healthy Fear or Overthinking? How to Tell the Difference 00:24:30 The Mind Map Exercise for a Racing Mind 00:27:21 The Eight-Diet-Cokes Client: When Anxiety Is Actually Physical 00:34:40 Why Holding It All In Actually Makes Anxiety Worse 00:39:04 Self-Censorship vs. Healthy Self-Restraint 00:49:36 How to Speak Up Without Blowing Up the Relationship 00:59:27 The Three Doors: A Simple Way to Decode Any Anxiety Resources The full episo

By the time an adult child finally says “I’m done,” they have usually been deciding it for about three years. The parent almost never sees it coming. The child was never once surprised. On the other side, the pain and anger that comes when someone you love with all your heart and soul refuses to talk to you? It's as crushing as it is confusing. This episode is for anyone who has ever sat in the car outside a parent’s house, bracing themselves before they walk in. And it is just as much for the parent staring at a phone that has gone quiet, replaying what they could have done differently. If your relationship with your parent, or with your grown kid, has started to feel like a careful performance instead of a real connection, you are not imagining it, and you are not stuck with it. If it feels like bridges have been burned, there is a way back. In this episode you'll learn about the small, respectful shifts that re-open lines of communication, rebuild trust, and develop an enduring v.2 for your relationship. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Blindsided: Why Adult Children Pull Away 11:11 No One's to Blame, Everyone's Responsible 16:47 Why Adult Children Stop Being Honest With You 21:04 "Am I in Trouble?": When the Past Hijacks the Present 22:47 Raising From the Inside Out: The Foundation You Set Now 33:50 The Letter, the Agenda, and the Boundary 42:30 Grieving the Expectations You Handed Them 48:42 The PARENT Method, and the One Thing Bigger Than the Issues Resources: Full episode show notes and everything mentioned Book a free consultation with a therapist who specializes in this If this conversation stirred something up, that is worth paying attention to. You do not need to be in crisis to talk to someone. Come find us at GrowingSelf.com and schedule a free consultation. We will help you figure out what is actually going on between you and your parent, or you and your grown child, and what to try next. No pressure, no commitment, just a real conversation. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check

Do you ever have reactions that don't quite make sense? Or feel like you're carrying feelings that don't fit the situation? Maybe you're sad, reactive, anxious or just... off... and can't put your finger on why. Turns out, generational trauma may be to blame. Things your parents, grandparents, or community went through might be impacting the way you think, feel and behave in the present. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Thomas Hübl, the teacher and trauma-integration facilitator who co-wrote the new book Releasing Our Burdens with Dr. Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems. He's here to explain what's going on , and how to put down someone else's burden. This episode is for anyone who has ever looked at their own anxiety, or their drivenness, or that low hum of feeling empty for no reason they can name, and thought, where is this even coming from? If you have done the personal work and still feel like there is a layer underneath you cannot reach, this conversation opens a door. Some of what you carry is not a personal failing. It is inherited. And it can be set down. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Trauma That Didn't Start With You 10:42 Why You're Driven by People You Never Met 13:24 It's Bigger Than Any of Us (Which is Why We Must Do 18:52 A Case Study: Can You Relate? 31:41 How to Start Reclaiming Your Timeline 35:21 Stop Paying Someone Else's Bill 39:30 Generational Trauma In Relationships 53:31 How to Clean Up That Mess and Move Forward into Freedom Resources Full episode page with a rundown, transcript, and resources Free “What’s Holding You Back?” Quiz Personal growth coaching and therapy at Growing Self xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of th

This episode is for anyone who has technically gotten through something hard and quietly cannot understand why they still does not feel like themselves. I sat down with Amy Kurtz, author of "But You Look Fine" to unpack what's going on. The reality? Even if you're on the mend physically after a medical trauma, chronic illness, or profoundly life altering experience there is mental and emotional repair work to do. This can often only even start to happen once your physical symptoms have resolved, and you're on the other side. If you have been told you should be fine by now, and you are not, this conversation is going to give you language for what is actually happening in your body and a way forward that respects the timeline. What You'll Learn: 00:02:04 The Gap Between Sick and Well Nobody Warned You About 00:05:10 36 Doctors and No Diagnosis: Amy's Story 00:13:25 What Is Medical Trauma Brain? 00:14:54 How to Heal Emotionally, After You're Healed Physically 00:21:05 How to Advocate for Yourself in a System That Won't 00:45:03 How to Regulate Your Nervous System After Trauma or Illness 00:51:01 The Wider Lens: When Someone You Love is Not Okay 00:56:00 The One Tool That Changes Everything Resources: Read the full article on this conversation, including everything we mentioned and where to find Amy's work Ready to talk to someone about what you are carrying? Book a free consultation If this speaks to you, I'm so glad you've found it today. If this conversation makes you think of someone in your life who is not okay, or recovering in the aftermath of chronic illness, thanks for passing it on. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. <li

If you've been grappling with that "what am I doing with my life?!?" angst, and craving clarity about your next best step forward today's episode is for you. I'm sitting down with an expert career coach to pose all the question that are probably keeping you up at night, to bring you answers and direction. Here's what you'll learn about today: 00:00 Getting Unstuck When You Have Too Many Options 05:12 Career Crossroads: How to Navigate Paralysis and Indecision 11:08 Life Design vs. Job Search: Shifting How We Think About Career 18:39 Finding Your Passion by Reflecting on the Past 27:26 The “Quarter-Life” Crossroads: Making Sense of How You Got Here 30:12 Burnout or Misalignment? How to Tell the Difference 34:45 The 10-Year Vision Exercise That Brings Long-Term Clarity 36:44 Why Big Career Decisions Shouldn’t Happen During Burnout Resources Companion article on the blog (full resource list, references, and related episodes) Free What’s Holding You Back quiz — the 20-question self-assessment that helps you see what is actually keeping you stuck Career Coaching Services at Growing Self — work one-on-one with a career coach on my team Schedule a free consultation⁠ If something in this conversation landed somewhere specific, that is the signal to talk to someone. The career coaches on my team at Growing Self spend their days with people exactly where you are, and the first conversation is free. Not a sales pitch, just a real conversation about what is actually going on and whether the work we do here is the right fit for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A

You want to be a more positive person. We all do. But by the end of the gratitude journal, the mindfulness, the affirmation in the mirror, you felt worse, not better. You might feel like you're "failing at positivity..." but authentic hope, optimism and resilience might be different than you've been taught to believe. That's the disconnect. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Deepika Chopra, the clinical health psychologist known as The Optimism Doctor and the author of the new book The Power of Real Optimism. Deepika has spent over a decade studying why optimism is a skill, not a personality trait, and her work has appeared everywhere from the TODAY Show to Forbes to Vogue. She joined me to explain why forced positivity actually makes anxiety worse, and what real, durable optimism looks like when you stop performing it and start practicing it. In this conversation, you'll learn: Why an optimist isn't someone who feels good all the time, and what they're actually doing differently in their head The reasons so much standard advice for how to improve your outlook backfires, and what to try instead. The one mental shift that moves you from rumination to agency when nothing about your circumstances has changed. This episode is for anyone who has tried to think their way into feeling better and quietly felt like a fraud doing it. If you've ever closed a self-help book and felt worse, if you've ever heard someone say 'good vibes only' and wanted to throw something, if you're currently navigating something genuinely hard and tired of being told to look on the bright side, this conversation will give you something more honest, and more useful. If something in this conversation landed for you, share it with one person. You probably already have someone in mind, the friend who's been white-knuckling their way through something hard. Send it to them. And follow the show wherever you listen so you don't miss what's coming next. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed sk

A year. Two years. Five years. Ten years. Still stuck on the same person. If that is you, this episode is not going to tell you to give it more time. In this episode, I sit down with my colleague Jesse S., a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach who co-facilitates our Heartbreak Recovery Intensive with me here at Growing Self. Between us, we have watched a lot of people walk in still tangled up in a relationship that ended months or years ago, and walk out free of it. Jesse joined me to talk about what we have seen actually work, including the one reframe that unlocks years of stuckness for almost every person we meet. In this episode: The factory accident sign that explains why you have been resetting your healing clock for years without realizing it Why a breakup mimics the symptoms of PTSD, and what is actually happening in your nervous system The exact reason your thinking brain and your attachment brain disagree about whether to text your ex back Why heartbreak recovery groups move people faster than years of one-on-one therapy The closure myth that keeps people waiting for an apology from someone unable to give it The airplane metaphor that finally lets you accept the good parts of a relationship that had to end Why most therapists are not trained in heartbreak recovery, and what to look for instead The reclaim-the-song, reclaim-the-room experiment that does more than years of talking about feelings Why this matters This episode is for anyone who has been stuck on a past relationship long enough to be embarrassed about it. The person you cannot stop checking in on. The relationship that ended a long time ago but somehow still has a vote in your life. The voice in your head that keeps telling you that you should be over this by now. We see you, and we have seen this. There is a way through, even if it has been years. Resources Full episode article and show notes How Over Your Ex Are You? Quiz Heartbreak Recovery program at Growing Self Online breakup support group I know that going through heartbreak can make you feel like you're so alone. I hope that by listening to this conversation today you felt like other people get what you're going through, and that you have more clarity on how to find your way forward. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Have you ever felt like every tab in your brain is open, and not one of them will close? That was Sam Yo at 23, the year before he walked away from a successful London stage career to spend years in a Thai Buddhist monastery. In this episode, I sit down with him to get his advice on how to transcend frazzled-overwhelm and reconnect with your inner calm. By the end of this episode you'll get not just a new perspective and insight into what's *really* going on that's getting you so wound up. But more importantly you'll get concrete skills that you can start using today. (Sam walks us all through a powerful one and I can personally share that I felt 100% calmer by the time we were done!) If something in this episode landed for you, pass it on! Send it to the person you were thinking about while you listened, and share the love. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

This week we're doing a deep dive into the science of the brain, to help you get a handle on yours. Today's episode is all about "rumination." Grinding on the same thought, over and over again. We all do it: Replay conversations that ended three days ago, laying awake at night trying to solve unsolvable problems in your head... you know. In this episode, I sit down with Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the science journalist who has spent decades researching exactly this and is here with answers that are going to change things for you. Get ready to take notes:Donna and I get into the survival biology behind your overthinking, the unexpected link between early relationships and adult thought patterns, and her real-time interruption tool. She walks me through it live, with my own ruminative mind as the example. It got pretty real. Listen, work through the steps with me in real time, and then let me know what it was like for you! Here is what I want you to take away from this conversation: your brain getting stuck in a loop is not a character flaw. It is a real neural pattern with real roots, and it is genuinely changeable. I hope this episode is the start of that change for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ⁠Growing Self ⁠ Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — Access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ⁠ProlonLife.com/LHS⁠ for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Are you having daily power struggles with your kids over their screen time consumption? Are you having a daily war in yourself, between the part of you that worries that your kid is online too much... and the other that is glad they're occupied? There's so much conflict for parents of young kids around this exact issue, and so much drama, I decided to call in the big guns: Rob LoCassio, who's been in this space since it started to get his insights on the reality, the research, and some new ideas to manage this with love and skill. What You'll Learn In This Episode The exact moment a tech founder realized he was losing his own kids to the screens he built, and why it changed everything for him Why senior YouTube executives quietly don’t let their own kids use YouTube, and what they know that you don’t The reframe that turns the daily iPad battle from a parenting failure into a systems problem Why your kid asks for the iPad when she’s upset, and what is actually happening in her nervous system in that moment The 25-million-person creator economy your kid is being fed by, and why "just set limits" stopped working in 2020 What healthier tech for kids could actually look like, and what to ask before you hand any device to a four-year-old If you know another parent who has been crying in the bathroom over the iPad fight (and you probably have someone in mind right now), please share this episode with them. They will feel less alone, and that matters more than you know. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

Are you in a codependent relationship? If so you're probably feeling anxious, frustrated, and exhausted from trying to create positive change in your relationship single-handedly. (Or feeling like you're never quite good enough to meet the standards of your partner). Not fun for anyone! On today's episode, we're taking a deep dive into codependent relationships. Listen, and learn: - What codependent relationships are - Why they happen - The stages of codependency recovery - How you can get un-fused from each other so that you can both grow and flourish. ⁠How to stop being codependent:⁠ All for you! xoxo,  ⁠ Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby⁠ ⁠GrowingSelf.com Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

“We talk all the time, but I still feel alone in my marriage.” If that sentence has ever crossed your mind on a Tuesday night, mid-load of dishes, with your partner three feet away, you are not imagining it. And you are not the only one. In this episode, I sit down with Debra Fileta, the licensed therapist who has spent more than twenty years in clinical practice helping couples figure out exactly this. In This Episode The three levels of communication, and why almost every couple stalls at level two without realizing it Why “we talk all the time” is not the same thing as feeling close, even after twenty years of marriage The thirty-minute weekly ritual Debra and her husband John have used for fifteen years to keep their marriage from drifting Why being “nice” is not the same as having strong people skills, and the people-pleasing trap that masquerades as kindness How to tell the difference between a one-time conflict and a relationship pattern that is pointing at something deeper The volume-dial reframe for couples where one partner feels everything at a 7 and the other at a 3 The empathy practice that takes thirty seconds and changes the way you see almost everyone in your life Why “I keep attracting the wrong people” is the wrong question, and the better one Debra asks instead Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has caught themselves thinking, something has shifted between us and I cannot put my finger on what. For the partner who feels like they are always the one initiating real conversation. For the couple who used to talk for hours and now mostly talks about logistics. For anyone who has wondered if needing more depth in their marriage is asking too much. It is not. And the way back is more learnable than you might think. xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quinc

You feel disrespected. Overlooked. Like no matter what you do, you can't get what you want. So you've tried getting tougher. You've tried getting nicer. And neither one works — for a reason. that changes today. By the end of this episode, you're going to know how to get what you want, even when the odds are against you. Today I'm talking with negotiation expert Attia Qureshi — a literal hostage negotiator who got dropped into cartel-controlled villages in Colombia and had to win over people who'd already decided they didn't trust her. If she can turn a room full of cartel-controlled farmers into her allies in a single day, you can handle the boss who overlooks you, the partner who shuts down, the in-law who pushes every button you've got. This is the conversation that changes how you walk into a room. She's going to teach you how. Today: You'll learn how to stop freezing when you feel powerless, get dead clear on what you actually want, and shift even your most hostile relationships with one small move almost nobody uses on purpose. In This Conversation: 02:50 — The type of betrayal that hightlights how power really works 14:00 — How to get what you want when the deck is stacked against you 16:00 — Walking into a hostile room — how to take your power back 28:40 — Why you freeze when you're disrespected, and how to immediately calm down 32:00 — The "I'm about to quit" mistake smart, talented people keep making (and how to stop!) 35:30 — How to stop seeing someone as the villain and finally get through 37:30 — The lemonade move: one gesture that resets your worst relationship 55:30 — Influence vs. manipulation: how to know you're doing it right Here's the truth: you don't have to choose between being walked over and being the bad guy. There's a third path, and it's a skill — which means you can learn it. And keep going with Attia's book Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want. If you're ready to feel respected and get what you want in your relationships and your career, let's do it. Start at growingself.com, by booking a free consultation. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, sc

Scientists gave people Tylenol before a social rejection. It worked. Your nervous system treats being left out the same way it treats a broken bone. That is why telling yourself to just get over it has never, ever worked. And it is why this conversation with negotiation expert Kwame Christian is going to change how you see your own fear of conflict. If you’re non confrontational by nature, or you’ve spent years being a people pleaser to keep things smooth, what Kwame explains in this episode is going to feel like the first time someone has accurately described what is actually happening inside you. The fear is not weakness. It is biology. And there is a way through it. In this episode, I sit down with Kwame Christian, CEO of the American Negotiation Institute and host of Negotiate Anything. His framework, Compassionate Curiosity, is built entirely on empathy, genuine curiosity, and a clear sense of what you actually value. We did a live roleplay about household labor and invisible work, and I want to be honest with you: I felt the shift in real time. The resistance just left. That is what this approach does. In This Episode The neuroscience behind conflict avoidance, including why social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain Kwame’s origin story as a people pleaser and exactly how he treated his fear of conflict like a phobia to overcome it The difference between being liked and being respected, and why only one of them gets you where you want to go A complete reframe of what negotiation actually is, and why the goal is never to win but to discover what is possible The Compassionate Curiosity framework step by step, including the pre-conversation internal work that makes you harder to rattle The Situation/Impact/Invitation opener that dissolves defensiveness before the hard conversation even begins A live roleplay on the invisible work conversation with a real-time demonstration of the shift that happens when you stop fighting What confidence in conflict actually looks like when it is not swagger Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has ever bitten their tongue in a conversation that needed to happen. For anyone who has let something slide one too many times and felt a piece of themselves go with it. And for anyone who suspects that the life they want is on the other side of a conversation they have been too afraid to have. The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations. This episode will help you get there. Episode Breakdown 03:01 Why Difficult Conversations Feel Like a Threat (Not a Choice) 05:56 Kwame’s Origin Story — From People Pleaser to Negotiation

Burnout and stress don’t just drain energy, they drain connection. If you’re in burnout, it can spike stress & anxiety and create real conflict & repair work at home. And here’s the part most people miss: sometimes burnout isn’t solved by “pushing harder” or even taking a break. Sometimes it’s about play. Not childish, silly, or irresponsible play. But a playful mindset—curiosity, experimentation, levity—that changes how you experience your real life, in real time. In this conversation, I’m joined by Piera Gelardi to talk about burnout recovery through a lens most people never consider. Piera is a creative entrepreneur, artist, and the co-founder of Refinery29 and 29Rooms, and her work is all about helping people reconnect with joy, creativity, and aliveness. Together, we explore what happens when life gets so serious, so scheduled, and so responsibility-heavy that you lose touch with the parts of yourself that feel light, open, and fully alive. We talk about “play deprivation,” the difference between having fun and living playfully, and why recovery from burnout often has less to do with escaping your life and more to do with changing your relationship to it. You’ll hear why humor as a coping mechanism can be surprisingly healing, how playful curiosity can shift conflict, and why the quiet boredom in relationship can sometimes be a sign that something important has gone missing. This is a warm, honest conversation about stress, connection, resilience, and what helps people feel like themselves again. We also get practical. Piera shares simple ways to bring more play into ordinary life, from finding the funny in hard moments to remixing daily routines, noticing beauty, and experimenting with small changes that make life feel less heavy. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What has gotten so serious lately? Where have you made joy conditional? And what might change if play was not something you earned after everything else was done, but part of how you cared for yourself all along? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Play Matters for Adults 09:08 What Play Deprivation Really Looks Like 21:21 The Different Ways Adults Experience Play 30:11 How Humor Can Help You Cope 39:13 Wonder Wandering and Everyday Joy 41:16 Playfulness in Relationships 44:46 Why Play Is Fuel, Not Frivolous If you’re noticing that stress has taken over your mood, your relationships, or your ability to enjoy your own life, this might be a good time to get support. You can book a free consultation with me or a member of my team, and we’ll talk about what’s been feeling hard, what you want to change, and what kind of support would actually help. We’ll help you find the ri

Sometimes the worst part of betrayal is not what happened. It’s what keeps happening inside you afterward. Betrayal trauma recovery is about understanding why betrayal trauma can leave you anxious, hypervigilant, angry, shut down, or unsure of yourself long after the original event is over. In this episode, we’re revisiting a conversation about what happens when someone you love, trust, or depend on hurts you in a way that changes how safe the world feels. Whether the rupture came through infidelity, dishonesty, emotional abandonment, or another kind of relational betrayal, the aftermath can be disorienting in ways people do not always talk about clearly enough. We’ll look at why betrayal can create trauma responses that feel a lot like PTSD, and why healing after betrayal often takes more than insight alone. We’ll also explore what betrayal trauma recovery can look like in real life: naming the wound honestly, recognizing your trauma responses, understanding the difference between a real threat and an old trigger, and creating the kind of emotional safety that makes healing possible. If you’ve been trying to rebuild trust after betrayal, make sense of healing after infidelity, or learn how to trust yourself again, this episode offers a compassionate and grounded place to begin. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Betrayal Trauma Recovery 04:09 Why Betrayal Can Feel Like Trauma 08:38 What Counts as Betrayal? 15:43 Self-Blame and Losing Trust in Yourself 23:14 Betrayal Trauma Symptoms: Fear, Hypervigilance, and Avoidance 35:02 How Betrayal Trauma Recovery Begins 46:53 Why Safety Has to Come Before Healing 52:08 Healing, Boundaries, and Learning to Trust Yourself Again If this episode gave language to something you’ve been carrying alone, I’d like to offer you a gentle next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team, and we’ll help you find the right support for you. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to answer three quick questions so we can match you with the right counselor or coach. Think of it as a thoughtful first step toward feeling more clear, more supported, and more like yourself again. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Upwork — and it’s a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free.

If you struggle with boundaries, you can end up “nice”… and quietly miserable. Because when conflict shows up, you default to appeasing, avoiding, or people-pleasing. And then the same communication problems keep replaying until your emotional intimacy erodes. In this conversation, I’m joined by Kelvin Davis to talk about people pleasing, nice guy syndrome, and what it looks like to stop performing “niceness” and start showing up with honesty, courage, and self-respect. Kelvin shares how therapy helped him recognize his own people pleasing patterns, his fear of conflict, and the ways that conflict avoidance shaped his marriage, his identity, and his growth. If you’ve been trying to understand how to stop being a people pleaser, or why people pleasing keeps costing you closeness, clarity, and respect, this episode is for you. We’re also talking about how to set boundaries without becoming cold, defensive, or rigid. Kelvin opens up about emotional avoidance, approval-seeking, and the painful moment of realizing that being liked is not the same thing as being respected. Together, we explore the hidden cost of conflict avoidance, the difference between being a “nice guy” and being a good man, and why emotional intimacy begins to erode when hard conversations never really happen. This is a thoughtful conversation about people pleasing, relationships, self-respect, and what it takes to choose growth over comfort. Kelvin Davis is the founder and creator of Notoriously Dapper, a body positive menswear blog showcasing outfits to inspire men of all sizes to find confidence in their appearance. Notoriously Dapper was created to inspire all men to embrace who they are. In this episode, he brings that same message of authenticity to emotional growth too: how to stop shrinking, how to set boundaries, and how to become someone who can stay kind without abandoning themselves. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Nice Guy Syndrome and People-Pleasing 02:50 From Nice Guy to Good Man 08:49 Emotional Cheating and Emotional Intimacy 12:07 How to Set Boundaries 24:07 Choose Hard Now, Easy Later 34:20 Be Buffalo, Not Cows 39:06 Hard Conversations and Conflict Avoidance 53:56 Boundaries, Balance, and Respect If this conversation hit something tender in you, I’d love to offer you a way to take the next step. When you’ve spent a long time being the one who keeps the peace, avoids conflict, or bends yourself into whatever other people need, it can be hard to know how to begin doing something different. You deserve support with that. You can answer three quick questions so we can help you schedule a free consultation with the right expert on my team. It’s private, secure,

Anxiety, especially climate anxiety, can feel like a constant alarm you can’t shut off. If you’re living with stress & anxiety, chronic stress, and an undercurrent of grief, you’re not alone. And when it starts tipping into burnout, you need tools that build real-world agency. In this conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Katharine Wilkinson — writer, teacher, creator, and one of the clearest voices I know on climate emotions and meaningful action. We’re talking about climate anxiety, eco anxiety, climate change anxiety, and the emotional toll of living in a world that can feel harder to trust than it used to. This is a conversation about how to stay grounded without shutting down, and how to move through fear without letting it run your life. We talk about the difference between healthy fear and anxiety that starts taking over, and why anxiety about climate change can leave so many people feeling helpless, isolated, or stuck. Dr. Katharine shares how guilt, anger, and climate grief can become sources of information instead of feelings to numb out or carry alone. We also talk about community, young people, uncertainty, and how meaningful action can help shift you out of paralysis and into a deeper sense of agency. At the end, I put my psychologist hat on and talk through what to do when climate anxiety, chronic stress, or burnout begin affecting your sleep, mood, focus, or daily functioning. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Emotional Reality of Climate Anxiety 06:06 Guilt, Action, and Agency 18:02 Healthy Fear vs. Climate Anxiety 21:11 Community, Connection, and Collective Action 39:37 Helping Young People Face an Uncertain Future 45:03 Rage, Grief, and a Way Forward If this conversation brought up something tender for you — fear, grief, burnout, or that constant sense of bracing for what’s next — I want to offer you a gentle next step. Let’s find the right support for you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team. It’s a private, secure space where you’ll answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for what you’re carrying right now. It only takes a couple of minutes, and it may be the beginning of feeling more supported, more grounded, and less alone. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Upwork - Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, fro

Long distance relationships can be sweet and brutal at the same time. You miss each other, you overthink texts, you put way too much pressure on visits, and sometimes one weird phone call can throw off your whole week. If you’ve been trying to figure out how to make long distance work without losing your mind or your connection, this episode is for you. This week on the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast, I’m revisiting an earlier conversation with my colleague Brogan Crosby about what actually helps long distance couples stay strong. Brogan is a couples therapist at Growing Self, and her clinical work and master’s research both focus on long distance relationships. Together, we talk about the real challenges couples run into, including disconnection, insecurity, pressure around time together, and the fear that physical distance might start turning into emotional distance. We also get into what helps. This is a practical conversation about how to stay connected in a long distance relationship, how to build emotional security across the miles, and how to use love languages creatively when you can’t just reach for each other at the end of a hard day. From FaceTime and shared meals to letters, movie nights, and thoughtful gestures, this episode is full of grounded long distance relationship advice that can help your relationship feel stronger and more secure. Brogan also shares something that deserves more attention: long distance relationships can have real strengths too. Space can create room for personal growth, deeper appreciation, and more intentional connection. We also talk about what happens when the distance finally closes, because moving in together is its own transition. Even when love is solid, couples still need honest conversations about expectations, roles, and how to stay connected in a new season of the relationship. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction to Long Distance Relationships 04:55 Common Challenges in Long Distance Relationships 15:01 Unexpected Strengths of Long Distance Relationships 20:06 Emotional Security and Staying Connected 35:01 Love Languages Across the Miles 48:13 Transitioning from Long Distance to Living Together If you’ve been carrying the stress of loving someone from far away, and you’re tired of wondering whether the distance is slowly pulling you apart, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure space where you can tell us what’s been happening in your relationship, what’s feeling hard, and what you wish felt different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can feel more connected, more understood, and more confident abo

Most relationship mistakes do not begin with one dramatic betrayal or blowout fight. More often, they begin with unhealthy relationship habits like defensiveness, blame, criticism, neglect, and communication problems in relationships that slowly create emotional disconnection over time. If your relationship has been feeling harder than it used to, this episode will help you understand why. In this Love, Happiness and Success classic, I’m revisiting one of my favorite conversations about the subtle patterns that can quietly damage even a good relationship. As a marriage counselor, I’ve seen how easy it is to focus on what your partner is doing wrong while missing the ways you may also be contributing to resentment, distance, and disconnection. We’re talking about some of the most common relationship mistakes, including making the relationship too much about yourself, blaming your issues instead of taking responsibility for them, neglecting your partner, criticizing instead of communicating clearly, bottling up feelings, and expecting problems to get better without direct effort. We also get into why blame, defensiveness, and mind-reading are so destructive, and what helps instead: empathy, accountability, honest communication, and the willingness to address problems while they are still small. This episode is a reminder that strong relationships are built with intention. When you can recognize the unhealthy relationship habits that are getting in the way, it becomes much easier to create more trust, more warmth, and more connection. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Relationship Mistakes That Cause Real Damage 04:25 Unhealthy Relationship Habits That Push Partners Apart 10:03 Communication Problems in Relationships: Blame, Defensiveness, and Criticism 20:26 Emotional Disconnection: When Couples Stop Really Talking 30:08 How to Fix Relationship Problems Before They Get Worse 42:03 Final Takeaways on Healthy Relationship Skills If you’re recognizing some of these patterns in your own relationship, and you’re ready for things to feel different, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure space where you can tell us what’s really been happening in your relationship, what’s feeling hard, and what you wish felt different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can feel more understood, more connected, and more confident in your ability to create healthy, secure love. You do not have to keep trying to figure this out on your own. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self <b

If you want a secure bond but keep feeling activated or shut down, you’re not doomed.  A secure bond gets built through emotional intimacy, trust, and safe relationships, not willpower. Most people hear about attachment styles and think, “Okay… that’s me.” But insight alone doesn’t change your nervous system. And it doesn’t change your relationship patterns. In this conversation, Dr. Amir Levine and I are talking about secure attachment, what it really means, and how to become securely attached in the relationships that matter most. Knowing you lean anxious or avoidant is one thing. Creating emotional safety in relationships is something else entirely. When love starts to feel like chasing, bracing, second-guessing, or shutting down, that is usually not a character flaw. It is a pattern that can change. Dr. Amir Levine is a Columbia-trained psychiatrist and neuroscientist, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, and the coauthor of the multi-million-copy bestseller Attached. In his new book, Secure, he explains what a secure attachment style in relationships looks like, why attachment is not a fixed sentence from childhood, and how safe, steady relationships can help your nervous system move toward more trust and connection. We talk about anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment, the difference between attachment patterns and attachment disorders, and why security matters far beyond romance. You’ll also hear why avoidant attachment style communication patterns can leave both people feeling more distressed, how small moments of responsiveness build trust, and why some relationships keep your attachment system activated instead of helping you feel safe. As you listen, notice which relationships help you feel calmer, clearer, and more like yourself. Then notice which ones leave you spinning. That awareness can change a lot. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Knowing Your Attachment Style Still Leaves You Stuck 03:14 What Secure Attachment Looks Like in Real Life 06:31 Which Attachment Style Sounds Most Like You? 15:40 Why Secure Attachment Changes More Than Your Love Life 20:21 Can You Become More Secure Over Time? 26:55 The Five Traits That Create Emotional Safety 37:35 How to Ask for What Helps You Feel Safe 48:08 The Tiny Moments That Rewire Attachment 55:32 How to Break the Anxious Protest Cycle 1:02:17 When It’s Time to Get Support If this conversation brought up some clarity for you about your relationship patterns, attachment style, or the ways you long to feel more secure with the people you love, I want to offer you something. At Growing Self, we make it easy to find the right kind of suppor

If parenting is bringing out anger you don’t recognize… you’re not alone. And if anxiety is riding shotgun in your nervous system, same. Today we’re talking emotions, conflict, and repair so you can stay safe and secure even when things get messy. In this conversation, I’m joined by Eli Harwood, known as the “Attachment Nerd,” a licensed therapist, bestselling author, and educator who specializes in attachment-based parenting and relationship guidance, helping families and individuals nurture secure attachment patterns. We’re talking about why parenting anger happens, what it may be trying to tell you, and how to work with it without shaming yourself or taking it out on your kids. If you’ve been looking for anger management for parents that feels compassionate, grounded, and actually useful in real life, this episode is for you. We also get into parental anxiety, emotion coaching, secure attachment parenting, and the kind of inner work that helps you stay steady when your child is anything but. Eli shares why anger is not the enemy, why repair matters more than perfection, and how your own childhood story can quietly shape the way you respond to stress, conflict, and your kids’ biggest feelings. In a lot of ways, this conversation becomes an anger management parents guide for the real moments nobody prepares you for. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: when your child is upset, what gets activated in you first: anger, anxiety, shame, helplessness, or something else? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Parenting Brings Up Old Patterns 05:10 Learning Emotionally Secure Parenting 10:15 Parenting Anger as a Signal 13:05 What to Do When Your Child Says “I Hate You” 19:55 Bedtime Battles, Screens, and Repair 24:56 Healing Your Own Story With Compassion 34:20 Why Parents Need Support Too 38:53 Managing Parental Anxiety 52:24 Dr. Lisa’s Reflections and Next Steps And if today’s conversation left you thinking, Yep… this is bigger than just bedtime and bad moods, I’d love to offer you a gentle next step. We created a simple, private way to help you find the right kind of support at Growing Self. Just answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you book a free consultation with the expert who fits you best. It’s secure, it only takes a couple of minutes, and it can be a meaningful first step if you’re ready to do the kind of healing work that changes not just how you feel, but how you show up in your relationships and your parenting, too. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit<a href="

If you have communication problems, you’re probably not fighting about what you think you’re fighting about. And that’s good news. Because the real issue is usually conflict & repair, not the “topic” and with clear boundaries, you can start to repair trust instead of repeating the same fight. Dr. Lisa is joined by Mika Ross, a Nationally Board Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and relationship coach based in Missouri. Mika has over 18 years of experience in the field, specializing in individual and couples therapy. Together, they unpack what conflict resolution in relationships really looks like, why defensiveness in relationships keeps couples stuck, and how to stop arguing with your partner when every conversation starts feeling loaded. This conversation is full of real-life examples about the moments that so often turn into the same exhausting fight on repeat. Dr. Lisa and Mika talk about how to repair a relationship after a fight, how to stop fighting with your partner without chasing resolution too fast, and how to repair a relationship by getting underneath criticism and into the softer emotions that are usually driving the whole thing. You’ll also hear why even well-intentioned concern can land as criticism, why old conflict patterns have so much staying power, and what it looks like to come back together in a way that builds trust instead of doing more damage. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What are you and your partner really fighting about underneath the surface? Where are criticism and defensiveness getting in the way of connection? And what might change if the goal stopped being to win the argument and started being to repair the relationship? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Keep Having the Same Fight 06:06 When Criticism Starts the Spiral 17:45 When Good Intentions Land Wrong 23:45 Boundaries, Hurt, and Repair 34:48 Why You Don’t Need to Fix It Right Away 43:23 What Healthy Conflict Repair Looks Like 56:18 Getting the Right Support And if this conversation brought up that tender awareness that you and your partner keep missing each other in the same painful ways, I’d love to offer you a next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self as a kind, thoughtful place to begin. It’s a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship, what you hope will feel different, and let us help you find the right support for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, or their careers through Growing Self. You can too. Answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert. It only takes a couple of min

Therapy is supposed to be private—but AI is changing the rules. If you’re working with a psychologist or counselor, you deserve to know what happens to your words. This episode is a reality-check on human psychology, “AI therapy,” and safer, science-backed tools. There is a lot of buzz right now around AI therapy, therapy AI tools, and every new AI therapy app promising support, insight, and convenience. Some of that technology may become genuinely useful over time. Right now, though, this space is moving much faster than the guardrails around privacy, ethics, consent, and clinical care. In this episode, I’m joined by Candice Thompson, a seasoned licensed marriage and family therapist (MMFT, LMFT) practicing in Silicon Valley, for a grounded, honest conversation about what people need to understand before trusting an AI therapy app with their most personal thoughts. We talk about emotionally convincing tools that can agree with you even when you’re wrong, the risks around recordings, transcripts, consent, and AI therapy notes, and why human therapy offers something a chatbot cannot. If you’ve been curious about AI therapy, concerned about privacy, or wondering whether your therapist is using behind-the-scenes AI tools, this conversation will help you know what to ask and what to watch for. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why AI Therapy Raises Privacy Concerns 01:57 AI Therapy and the Future of Mental Health 08:59 Who Is Building AI Therapy Tools? 12:14 When AI Therapy Reinforces Harmful Thinking 20:41 How to Evaluate an AI Therapy App 35:08 Privacy and Consent in Therapy 43:29 The Risks of AI Therapy Notes 46:41 What Human Therapists Offer That AI Cannot 52:06 Why AI Cannot Be Your Therapist If this conversation stirred up bigger questions about trust, privacy, or what kind of support actually feels safe for you, I’d love to offer you a thoughtful next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or one of the wonderful experts on my team at Growing Self. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support for you and connect you with the expert who fits you best. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com<

There are moments when you know something does not feel right, and yet you still hear yourself saying yes. You go along. You stay quiet. You tell yourself it is not worth making an issue of it. I’m revisiting this conversation with Dr. Sunita Sah because it speaks so clearly to that experience, and to the very real reasons it can be so hard to stand up for yourself. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we talk about what gets in the way of speaking up, saying no, and staying true to your values when there is pressure to do otherwise. Dr. Sah, a physician, organizational psychologist, and author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes, shares why so many thoughtful, capable people struggle with assertiveness and personal boundaries, especially when being agreeable has been rewarded for so long. We also talk about the hidden cost of compliance, her research on “insinuation anxiety,” and what it looks like to practice speaking up in a grounded, honest way. This conversation offers a powerful reminder that standing up for yourself is not about becoming harsh. It is about staying connected to your values and trusting yourself enough to act on them. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Limits of Compromise 08:37 Why It Can Feel So Hard to Speak Up 18:30 The Fear Beneath Staying Quiet 27:09 Saying Yes When You Mean No 38:32 The Five Stages of Defiance If you’re noticing how often you override yourself, dismiss your own discomfort, or keep saying yes when something in you is asking for a no, this may be worth exploring more deeply. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what feels hard right now and what you want to feel different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can move forward with more clarity, confidence, and trust in yourself. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit⁠ shopify.com/lhs⁠ to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

If burnout and stress are following you home from the workplace, you’re not imagining it. When your personal life starts shrinking, it’s often because your mind never truly leaves work. And if you can’t set boundaries at work mentally, your body stays in fight-or-flight after hours. In this conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Guy Winch Ph.D., an internationally renowned psychologist who advocates for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. We’re talking about what happens when work hijacks your mind, your energy, your relationships, and your ability to actually be present in your own life. If you’ve been trying to figure out how to stop thinking about work, how to leave work at work, or how to set boundaries at work in a way that truly protects your personal life, this episode is for you. We unpack why burnout is not just about long hours, but about rumination, emotional overload, and staying mentally switched on long after the workday ends. Dr. Guy shares practical ideas for burnout recovery, including how to stop ruminating after hours, shift out of autopilot, and create simple transition rituals that help you reconnect with yourself and the people you love. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 When Work Follows You Home 04:52 Dr. Guy Winch’s Burnout Wake-Up Call 10:11 Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Work 15:19 How to Stop Ruminating After Hours 21:56 How Burnout Hurts Relationships 31:17 How to Leave Work at Work 36:37 Why Autopilot Makes Burnout Worse 39:44 What Burnout Recovery Actually Looks Like 42:59 When Burnout Starts Affecting Love 48:58 Dr. Lisa’s Takeaways and Next Steps If this conversation felt a little too familiar, I’d love to offer you a next step. At Growing Self, we help people work through burnout, relationship stress, and the patterns that keep life feeling harder than it needs to. You can schedule a free consultation by answering three quick questions. It’s private, secure, and designed to help you find the right support for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneurs and leaders focus on what they naturally do best. Get 20% off with code LHS at workinggenius.com<a href="http://strawbe

Knowing how to love yourself sounds simple, but for many people, it feels confusing, frustrating, and just out of reach. You may understand that self love matters, but still find yourself stuck in patterns of self-criticism, relying on others for validation, or wondering why it’s so hard to feel okay on the inside. If that’s true for you, you’re not alone. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I’m revisiting an essential conversation about how to love yourself in a way that is grounded, practical, and actually works. Because self love is not a feeling you wait for. It’s something you build through the way you treat yourself every day. We talk about what self love really is, and what it isn’t. You’ll learn why love is a choice, not a feeling, and how that shift changes the way you approach boundaries, self-talk, and daily decisions. We also explore the inner critic, where it comes from, and why relying on external validation can leave you feeling unstable in relationships. You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of how to love yourself in real life, including how to become more emotionally safe with yourself, take care of your wellbeing, and support your own growth over time. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why self-love feels confusing and hard to define 08:30 Why love is a choice, not a feeling 22:40 Romantic love, self-love, and common misunderstandings 38:30 What self love actually looks like in daily life 48:50 Boundaries, self-care, and protecting yourself 58:30 Where the inner critic comes from 01:05:00 Parenting, teens, and how self-love is taught 01:09:30 Therapy, coaching, and how self-love grows over time If you’ve been struggling with self love or feeling stuck in patterns of self-criticism, you don’t have to figure this out alone. This kind of work takes time, intention, and support. If you’re ready to learn how to love yourself in a more consistent and meaningful way, I’d love to connect with you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s been feeling hard, what you’ve been experiencing internally, and what you want to feel instead. We’ll help you get matched with the right therapist or coach so you can build self compassion, strengthen your sense of self worth, and create a healthier relationship with yourself. You don’t have to keep doing this alone. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs

If you’re craving real closeness, this episode on friendships is for you. Because feeling lonely isn’t really about not having people in your life,  it’s about not feeling known. And that’s where emotional intimacy and real connection begin. Many people wonder, “Why do I feel so lonely even though I have friends?” or struggle with the quiet ache of feeling lonely even with friends. In this conversation, we’re exploring why adult friendship can feel surprisingly complicated, and why making friends as an adult often requires skills we were never taught. My guest, Barnet Bain, is an award-winning filmmaker, author, and teacher whose new book, How to Be a Friend (in an Unfriendly World), grew out of a Columbia University course he created for psychologists. Together, we’re talking about the real reason adult friendships can feel hard, why so many people struggle with how to make friends as an adult, and the powerful friendship skills that help create emotional intimacy and lasting connection. You’ll hear why feeling lonely even with friends is more common than you might think, how our modern world can unintentionally make adult friendship harder to sustain, and why building meaningful relationships is less about finding the right people and more about developing the inner skills that make connection possible. As you listen, I’d love for you to reflect on this: if you’ve been wondering why do I feel lonely even though I have friends, what might change if you shifted the focus from finding better friends… to becoming the kind of friend who creates deeper connections? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Feel Lonely Even With Friends 04:44 The Friendship Skills No One Teaches Us 08:38 What Healthy Adult Friendship Really Requires 19:02 Why the World Feels More Disconnected 28:11 Friendship as a Practice (And Why It Matters) 34:48 Why Trying to Fix People Blocks Emotional Intimacy 44:16 How to Make Friends as an Adult 50:09 How to Build and Maintain Real Friendships 53:39 The Power of Being Fully Present If this conversation resonates and you’re realizing how much you want deeper, more meaningful relationships in your life, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s been going on in your relationships and what you’d like to feel different. From there, we’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can build stronger connections and feel more supported in your life. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self <

Premarital counseling isn’t a “just in case” thing. It’s one of the smartest ways to protect a happy relationship before real life stress hits. These premarital tips can prevent years of communication problems and quiet resentment later. Want a stronger marriage? Start building emotional intimacy before you’re in crisis mode. Most couples don’t struggle because they stop loving each other. They struggle because no one ever taught them the skills that help love last. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I’m talking with my colleague Jesse Stanley about what premarital counseling actually is, why it matters, and how learning relationship skills early can change the trajectory of a marriage. We explore some of the most important premarital counseling questions couples should ask before marriage, including how to talk about money, conflict, expectations, emotional intimacy, and the family patterns each person brings into the relationship. If you’ve ever wondered what premarital counseling is, or whether premarital and marital counseling can help couples build a stronger foundation before problems begin, this conversation will give you a very real and practical perspective. Jesse Stanley is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a military background who creates a judgment-free environment where growth and healing flourish. He helps individuals and couples build deeper, more satisfying relationships, navigate major life transitions, recover from heartbreak, manage stress, and create happier, more fulfilling lives. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why Love Isn’t Enough for a Healthy Marriage 03:24 How Premarital Counseling Strengthens Relationships 10:44 What Good Premarital Counseling Should Cover 17:32 The Issues Couples Overlook Until It’s Too Late 20:18 How to Talk About Hard Things Without Blowing Up 31:40 What to Expect From the Premarital Counseling Process 47:43 Why Premarital Counseling Is Preventative Care for Marriage If this conversation resonated with you and your partner, I’d love to help you take the next step. At Growing Self, you can answer three quick questions and book your free consultation with the right expert for your relationship. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Many couples start here when they want stronger communication, deeper emotional connection, and a healthier foundation for their future together. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform

Maybe you’ve had this thought late at night, or in the middle of yet another difficult conversation: How do you know when to call it quits in a relationship? Not because you hate your partner. Not because everything is terrible. But because something about the relationship feels unsustainable, and you’re wondering whether this is a rough season you can grow through… or a sign that the relationship may actually be over. In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking about one of the most painful and confusing crossroads people face in love. How do you tell the difference between relationship struggles that can lead to growth and the kinds of patterns that signal deeper relationship red flags? When is it worth trying to repair things, and when might it be healthier to move on? We’ll also talk about why many couples assume change isn’t possible before they’ve actually tried the right kind of help, what real relationship growth can look like, and how practical realities like finances, children, or co-parenting concerns can make the decision to leave feel even more complicated. If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “Should I stay and try to work on this… or should I break up?”, this conversation will help you look at your situation with more clarity and compassion. Episode Breakdown: 00:01 When to Call It Quits in a Relationship 09:02 The “Mixed Bag” Relationship 15:53 Growth Opportunity or Deal Breaker 27:37 Can Couples Counseling Save a Relationship? 46:04 Relationship Red Flags 57:37 Leaving a Relationship and Feeling Guilty 01:04:20 Finances, Children, and Feeling Stuck If this episode stirred up questions about your own relationship and you’d like thoughtful support while you sort through them, I’d love to offer you something that can really help. You can book a free consultation with me or a member of my team at Growing Self. Think of it as a private, supportive space where you can talk about what’s really been going on in your relationship and what you hope will feel different moving forward. Answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, and their lives through this work. You can too. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to get started. Let’s find the right support for you. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopif

If you’re avoiding boundaries because you don’t want to seem selfish, this will flip the script. Healthy boundaries can create more emotional intimacy, reduce unhealthy feelings, and stop the burnout and stress spiral. So many kind, caring people get stuck in a pattern of saying yes when they really mean no. They’re not weak, and they’re not doing anything “wrong.” They’re often afraid of conflict, afraid of disappointing someone, or afraid of losing a relationship. And that fear can pull you into the people pleasing cycle: over-giving, exhaustion, resentment, and eventually that sharp “No” that comes out of nowhere and leaves everyone feeling hurt. In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking about how to set boundaries in a way that protects your relationships instead of damaging them. You’ll learn what healthy boundaries in relationships actually look like, why boundaries are not about controlling anyone else’s behavior, and how to set a boundary with clarity and kindness — even when someone else has big feelings about it. If you’ve been wondering how to stop people pleasing, or you’re trying to figure out what are healthy boundaries in a relationship, this is a practical place to start. As you listen, notice where you’ve been making your needs smaller to keep the peace, and what might change if your boundaries became an act of love for both of you. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Boundaries Protect Relationships 04:26 Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Hard 06:45 The People-Pleasing Cycle 11:19 The Paradox: Boundaries Create Intimacy 15:53 Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication 18:10 The Real Secret to Healthy Boundaries 27:36 Requests vs Boundaries 36:40 How to Start Practicing Boundaries 39:06 The 3-Step Boundary Process 45:46 What Their Reaction Tells You About The Relationship 50:36 Resources and Next Steps If this episode is hitting close to home, maybe you’re recognizing people pleasing patterns, or noticing how hard it’s been to set boundaries in a relationship, I want to offer you something that can make this easier. You can book your free consultation with Growing Self as a kind of “first step” for yourself. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support and match you with the best counselor or coach for what you’re working on. If you’re practicing setting healthy boundaries in relationships, you don’t have to do it alone. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why can’t I just relax in this relationship?” Nothing dramatic has happened. There hasn’t been an affair. No obvious betrayal. And yet you feel on edge. You double-check. You scan for signs. You wonder if something is wrong, even when everything seems fine. Trust issues in relationships do not always start with a fresh wound. Sometimes they are rooted in past hurt. Sometimes they grow out of relational trauma you thought you had already worked through. And sometimes they show up as relationship anxiety that refuses to settle down, even with a good partner. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we’re talking about what trust issues actually are and what they are not. We’ll unpack why hypervigilance, reassurance-seeking, and worst-case thinking can quietly strain a healthy relationship, and why that reaction makes sense when you understand what your nervous system has been through. We’ll also explore the difference between a real red flag and a trauma trigger, how attachment patterns shape your sense of safety, and what it truly takes to deal with trust issues in a way that builds secure connection instead of pushing love away. As you listen, gently ask yourself: Is this fear about what’s happening right now, or about something that happened before? You deserve to feel secure, confident, and emotionally safe in your relationships. Learning how to deal with trust issues is not about becoming less sensitive. It is about becoming more grounded and more secure in yourself. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why trust issues in relationships show up even when nothing is wrong 06:59 Signs of trust issues and relationship anxiety 09:18 How trust issues strain healthy relationships 21:27 Relational trauma and the roots of trust issues 33:14 Attachment styles and trust patterns 42:46 How anxiety spirals, the cereal box example 47:23 Therapy for trust issues, CBT, and couples counseling 56:36 Building secure trust from the inside out If this conversation is stirring something up for you, that makes sense. Working through trust issues and relationship anxiety takes insight, practice, and sometimes support. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, secure space where you can tell us what’s really been happening in your relationship, what’s feeling hard, and what you wish felt different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can feel more grounded, more understood, and more confident in your ability to build secure, healthy love. You don’t have to keep managing trust issues on your own. 💗 <br

If you’re living in constant stress, you might be shrinking the part of your brain that helps you think clearly. In this episode, Dr. Majid Fotuhi breaks down burnout, brain fog, and why “everything feels hard.” You’ll get a practical recovery plan built around sleep, movement, stress regulation, and neuroplasticity. And how to stop rumination before it rewires your brain in the wrong direction. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, scattered, forgetful, or like you’re constantly behind, this conversation may shift how you understand stress and burnout. Chronic stress and burnout don’t just affect your mood,  they impact brain health, memory, attention, and decision-making. When your brain isn’t functioning well, everything feels heavier than it needs to. We talk about brain fog causes, how poor sleep disrupts your brain’s nightly cleaning system, and why elevated cortisol over time can shrink the hippocampus. We also explore ADHD symptoms and attention struggles through a new lens. Are you dealing with true ADHD, or the effects of sleep deprivation, digital overload, and chronic stress? You’ll hear practical ADHD tips, how to get rid of brain fog, and simple ways to build real stress resilience. This episode also dives into rumination and negative neuroplasticity, how repetitive negative thoughts strengthen neural pathways that reinforce burnout. The good news? The brain is malleable. You can interrupt those patterns and strengthen new ones. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What if feeling better isn’t just about changing your thoughts — but about strengthening your brain? And what small shift this week could begin healing stress and burnout at the root? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Stress and Burnout: Why Everything Feels Hard 04:00 Brain Fog Causes and Early Signs of Burnout 09:04 Sleep and Brain Health 21:23 ADHD Symptoms or Chronic Stress? 30:23 Rumination and Negative Neuroplasticity 42:06 Creating Space to Reduce Stress 52:26 The Five Pillars of Brain Health If you’re recognizing yourself in this conversation — feeling foggy, overwhelmed, or stuck in stress loops — I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team. Think of it as a reset conversation. A private, secure space where you can share what’s been weighing on you and what you want to feel different. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can match you with the right counselor or coach. It only takes a couple of minutes to book a consultation, and it’s my way of helping you take a supported first step toward clearer thinking, stronger stress resilience, and better brain heal

How do you improve emotional intelligence when you were never really taught what to do with your feelings in the first place? Emotional intelligence shapes your happiness, your relationships, your leadership, and your ability to manage stress — yet most people were never shown how to build emotional intelligence skills in a practical way. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we’re talking about exactly how to improve emotional intelligence step by step, and how to develop emotional intelligence skills that create real change. Not as a personality trait you either have or don’t, but as a set of learnable skills that directly impact emotional regulation, self-awareness, career success, and the quality of your relationships. You’ll learn why emotional intelligence often matters more than technical expertise at work. In fact, emotional intelligence at work is one of the strongest predictors of long-term career success and leadership effectiveness. We’ll explore how strengthening emotional vocabulary changes the way you think and feel, why managing your internal reactions is the foundation for stronger communication, and how emotional intelligence supports resilience under stress. Together, we’ll walk through the four core components of emotional intelligence — self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management — and what it actually looks like to strengthen each one in real life. If you’ve ever felt reactive, shut down, emotionally overwhelmed, or unsure how to handle difficult conversations, this episode will help you slow down, get clearer, and show up differently. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being more emotional. It’s about understanding your emotions, regulating them wisely, and creating emotional safety in the relationships that matter most. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Emotional Intelligence Matters 06:58 Emotional Intelligence and Career Success 11:34 The Four Components of Emotional Intelligence 13:43 Self-Awareness: Naming Emotions and Understanding Triggers 27:38 Tools to Improve Emotional Intelligence (Mindfulness, CBT, Feeling Wheel) 32:15 Emotional Regulation and Self-Management 38:53 Social Awareness and Relationship Management 46:07 Relationship Management: Emotional Safety, Trust, and Communication That Works 50:42 How Emotional Intelligence Builds Long-Term Success If you’re listening and thinking, “I want these emotional intelligence skills, but I’d love support while I practice them,” I have something for you. Our Clarity & Confidence Coaching Program is a low-cost coaching service designed to help you build self-awareness, strengthen emotional regul

If you love your partner but your sexual intimacy is gone… you’re not hopeless. You’re normal. Let’s talk about sex, intimacy, and the real skills that rebuild sexual connection in long-term love. Because emotional intimacy doesn’t automatically create desire,  and you can deepen intimacy on purpose. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why don’t I want sex anymore?” or felt the quiet ache of a lack of intimacy in marriage, you’re not alone. Many couples care deeply about each other. They function well as teammates. And yet when it comes to intimacy in marriage, something feels distant or flat. Maybe you’re in a marriage without intimacy and wondering how to improve sex life without forcing it. Maybe you’re trying to figure out how to increase sexual desire, especially if your drive has faded. Or maybe you’re the partner feeling rejected and unsure how to reconnect. The truth is that improving intimacy in marriage isn’t about waiting for spontaneous chemistry to return. Sexual desire shifts in long-term relationships. Stress, exhaustion, resentment, hormonal changes, and the mental load of adult life all impact connection. When there is no intimacy in marriage, it often reflects burnout and disconnection,  not incompatibility. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols, an internationally renowned human sexuality professor, author, and speaker whose course The Diversity of Human Sexuality is the most popular in the history of the University of Washington, enrolling over 4,000 students annually. Together, we unpack how to improve sexual intimacy using research-backed tools. We talk about how pleasure fuels desire, how to increase sexual desire in female partners and anyone experiencing low drive, and why improving intimacy in marriage requires intention, not magic. You’ll learn how to improve sex life through small shifts in novelty, playfulness, and communication that make connection feel natural again. We also address resentment. If emotional safety has eroded over time, rebuilding sexual intimacy may need to start with repairing the friendship first. When couples strengthen communication and physical intimacy together, relationships often begin to feel alive again. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Sexual Intimacy Fades in Long-Term Relationships 03:34 How to Improve Sexual Intimacy With a Growth Mindset 08:52 Emotional Intimacy vs. Sexual Desire in Marriage 11:14 How Pleasure Increases Sexual Desire 18:17 How to Increase Sexual Desire (Responsive Desire Explained) 20:20 How to Improve Sex Life by Planning Intimacy 31:08 Rebuilding Attraction and Intimacy in Marriage 43:06 When Lack of Intimacy in Marriage Is About Resentment</

If you’re the one everyone relies on, your boundaries might be the reason you’re burning out. This is for the high achiever who’s carrying too much, feeling stressed, and quietly running on empty. And yes—this includes how to set boundaries at work without guilt or conflict. Somewhere along the way, many capable people start to confuse their value with their availability. You become the reliable one. The strong one. The person who can handle it. And before you know it, you’re overextended and quietly exhausted from overfunctioning. If you’ve been wondering how to set boundaries without guilt, how to stop overfunctioning, or how people pleasing and boundaries get tangled together, this conversation will give you clarity and practical direction. I’m joined by Ginny Priem, keynote speaker, Master Certified Professional Life Coach, bestselling author, and host of the Unsubscribe Podcast. We talk about the signs of stress in the body, trusting your intuition, boundary pushback, and what to do when boundary busters resist your growth. You’ll learn how to set boundaries at work without conflict, how to communicate limits calmly, and why boundaries aren’t about controlling others, they’re about deciding what you’re willing to participate in. As you listen, consider: Where have you equated your worth with how much you can carry? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 How High Achievers Start Overfunctioning 07:22 Signs of Stress in the Body 14:13 Trusting Your Intuition When Something Feels Off 23:51 How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt 29:45 The Unsubscribe Framework: Block, Mute, Swap, Manage 33:48 Setting Boundaries at Work Without Conflict 45:45 Final Reflections on Boundaries and Burnout If you’re ready to move from insight into action, I’d love to invite you to schedule a consultation with someone on my team at Growing Self. You can answer three quick questions so we can help you schedule a free consultation with the right expert for where you are right now. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Let’s find the right support for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs  to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.Working Genius — A powerful assessment that helps entrepreneur

How to love yourself after a breakup can feel impossible when your self-esteem is shattered and your ex still lives rent-free in your nervous system. When a relationship ends, especially a painful or toxic one, it doesn’t just break your heart — it can break your trust in yourself. You may find yourself obsessing over your ex, checking their social media even though it hurts, replaying conversations, or wondering what was wrong with you. Low self-esteem after a breakup often isn’t just about rejection. It’s about the shame of feeling like you abandoned your own boundaries trying to keep someone who couldn’t love you back. In this episode, we’re talking about what it really takes to repair your self-esteem and rebuild your sense of personal power. I’ll walk you through why heartbreak recovery can feel like withdrawal from an addiction, how attachment loss hijacks your brain, and why the most painful thought is often not “They left,” but “Why did I let this happen?” If you’ve been trying to figure out how to love yourself after a breakup while still feeling pulled toward someone who wasn’t good for you, this episode will help you understand what’s happening and how to shift it. We’ll explore five concrete steps to repair your self-esteem: recognizing self-betrayal patterns, understanding the addictive pull of contact and validation, seeking support instead of isolating, recommitting to loving yourself through behavior, and creating a plan for the moments when you’re tempted to go backward. Real self-esteem is earned through action: every boundary you set, every time you resist checking their profile, every moment you choose dignity over desperation. That’s how you repair your self-esteem. That’s how you rebuild confidence. That’s how you love yourself after a breakup in a way that lasts. As you listen, you might realize you’ve been trying to heal through them. What actually helps is rebuilding your relationship with yourself. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Self-Esteem Collapses After a Breakup 07:04 Low Self-Esteem After Breakup: Rejection and Shame 21:10 Breakup Recovery and the Addiction to Your Ex 34:49 Five Steps to Repair Your Self-Esteem 51:20 How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex and Rebuild Confidence If this episode is stirring something up for you, I want to offer you something personal. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team. Think of it as a steady first step toward rebuilding yourself. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right expert for your unique situation. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Thousands of people have transformed themselves and their relationshi

If you’re trying to improve marriage and it feels like you’re doing it alone, this is for you. When your spouse is checked out and every “we need to talk” goes nowhere, it’s exhausting. Maybe you’ve asked for date nights. You’ve suggested couples therapy. You’ve tried to discuss communication problems and you’re met with “I don’t know,” “No,” or silence. In this episode, we’re talking about why that happens… and what actually helps. Feeling lonely in your marriage can make you question everything. You may be wondering what to do when you’re the only one trying in a relationship, or whether your partner is emotionally checked out for good. It’s easy to assume that if your spouse refuses couples counseling, there’s nothing left to work with. But relationships are systems. When one part changes, the system shifts. I’m joined by Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., author, pastoral counselor, life coach, and creator of the Save the Marriage program. With more than 30 years of experience helping couples in crisis, Lee specializes in situations where one partner is resistant or disengaged. Together, we unpack the pursue-withdraw cycle, why chasing your partner often backfires, and how small, invitational shifts can begin rebuilding connection. We also talk about the myth that “it takes two to tango,” the three levels of connection in marriage, and how to approach a partner who seems emotionally unavailable without escalating pressure. And we explore the harder question: when do you stop trying? How do you know you’ve done what you’re willing to do? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 What to Do When You’re the Only One Trying in a Relationship 03:10 Why Couples Drift Apart Over Time 09:46 How One Person Can Change a Struggling Marriage 13:12 The Three Levels of Connection in Marriage 21:48 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle and How to Stop Chasing Your Partner 33:09 How to Rebuild Hope in a Failing Relationship 42:19 Practical Steps to Reconnect With an Emotionally Checked-Out Partner 50:02 When to Stop Trying in a Marriage 55:54 Resources for Couples in Marriage Crisis If you’ve been carrying that heavy feeling of being the only one fighting for your marriage, you don’t have to figure this out alone. Clarity doesn’t come from another argument. It comes from one grounded conversation with someone who understands relationship systems and can help you sort through what’s possible and what your next step needs to be. If that would feel helpful, I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support for you

When communication in a relationship starts to feel harder than it used to, it’s easy to wonder whether something is wrong, with your partner, or with the relationship itself. Many couples reach this point during the power struggle stage in relationships, when differences feel sharper, conflict escalates more quickly, and emotional safety can start to feel shaky. In today’s conversation, I’m joined by Thais Gibson, and we’re talking about why relationship power struggles are not a sign of failure, but a normal part of the stages of love. We explore what’s really happening beneath the surface when couples feel stuck in recurring conflict, including how the anxious avoidant relationship cycle can quietly take over communication and leave both partners feeling misunderstood or disconnected. Together, we unpack the myth that “good relationships should feel easy,” and talk honestly about normal relationship conflict, what’s expected, what’s workable, and what actually helps couples move forward. Thais shares practical frameworks for repairing after conflict, communicating needs more clearly, and rebuilding emotional safety in relationships, especially when old triggers and attachment patterns are getting activated. As you listen, I invite you to notice where you and your partner might be caught in the cycle, and what could shift if conflict became a doorway to understanding, growth, and repair instead of something to fear or avoid. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why the Myth That “Good Relationships Should Be Easy” Creates Conflict 03:12 The Stages of Love and How Relationships Change Over Time 05:33 The Power Struggle Stage in Relationships Explained 10:06 Why Triggers and Polarity Drive Relationship Power Struggles 16:21 The Anxious–Avoidant Relationship Cycle 17:40 Conflict and Repair Skills That Build Trust 29:36 Building Emotional Safety During Relationship Conflict 35:22 Communication Habits That Help Couples Move Forward If this conversation helped you recognize patterns in your relationship, especially around conflict, emotional safety, or feeling stuck in the power struggle stage, I want you to know you don’t have to navigate this alone. As a gift to you, you’re warmly invited to schedule a free consultation with me or a trusted member of my team at Growing Self. This is a private, secure conversation where you can share what’s really been happening in your relationship and what you’re hoping could feel different. You’ll answer three quick questions so we can thoughtfully match you with the right counselor or coach, someone who understands the kinds of dynamics Thais and I talked about today and can help you move toward clarity, connection, and

There is a particular kind of frustration that comes from knowing yourself well enough to recognize a pattern, and still feeling unable to stop it. You understand what you are doing. You may even understand why. And yet the behavior keeps showing up anyway. In this conversation, I’m sitting down with licensed marriage and family therapist and mental health educator Kati Morton to talk about why habits that no longer serve us can be so hard to change. Not because we lack insight or discipline, but because many of these patterns began as emotional coping habits. At one point, they helped us feel safer, more connected, or more in control. Over time, they quietly turned into ways we stay stuck. We explore how early relationship experiences shape perfectionism and control patterns, why self-sabotaging behaviors make sense once you understand the nervous system’s role in survival, and how shame keeps habits locked in place rather than motivating change. Kati shares why willpower is rarely the solution, and what compassionate habit change actually looks like when you stop trying to override yourself and start listening instead. We also talk about what happens when these patterns show up inside relationships, how to raise concerns without controlling or shaming your partner, and why understanding the function of a habit matters far more than trying to eliminate it. This episode is about breaking habits that keep you stuck by learning how to meet the underlying need in a healthier, more sustainable way. As you listen, I invite you to reflect on this question: What has this behavior been doing for me, and what might become possible if I approached myself with more curiosity and less judgment? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why willpower is not enough to change habits 03:49 How early relationship blueprints shape behavior 08:51 Perfectionism, people pleasing, and self-abandonment 12:25 Conditional love and control patterns 18:06 Nervous system regulation and survival responses 24:04 Emotional coping habits outside of relationships 31:03 Why shame reinforces habits 37:54 Addressing the root instead of cutting off symptoms 44:27 Supporting change in relationships without control 50:53 More from Kati Morton If this episode brought clarity to patterns you have been struggling with, and you would like support as you work toward change that actually lasts, I want to extend a personal invitation. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. This is a private, secure space where you will answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for what you are navigating right now. Think of it as a tho

If you’ve been dating for a while and you’re starting to feel tired, discouraged, or quietly wondering why this seems so much harder than it should be, you’re not imagining things. Modern dating can wear people down, the endless swiping, first dates that go nowhere, the emotional energy it takes just to stay open and hopeful. Many of the people I work with start to doubt themselves, not because anything is wrong with them, but because the process itself is exhausting. In this episode, I’m joined by Tim Molnar, a dating coach and former sociology professor, to talk about dating burnout recovery and how to approach dating with more clarity, intention, and emotional steadiness. Instead of pushing harder or checking out completely, we explore how to date more thoughtfully,  in ways that protect your mental health and help you stay connected to yourself along the way. We talk about why modern dating mental health struggles are so common, how swipe culture and endless choice can distort decision-making, and why so many good people end up feeling depleted rather than excited. Tim shares a research-backed, intentional dating strategy that helps you make better decisions sooner, reduce emotional drain, and focus your energy where it actually matters. If you’ve been trying to date without losing yourself — your values, your peace of mind, or your sense of hope — this episode offers a calmer, more grounded way forward. As you listen, you might reflect on this question: What would change if dating felt less like a test of your worth and more like a process you could approach with intention and self-trust? Episode Breakdown 00:00 Dating Burnout and Self-Doubt in Modern Dating 02:17 Tim’s Journey to an Intentional Dating Strategy 07:24 Why Modern Dating Impacts Mental Health 12:52 The “Third Door” Approach to Dating Without Burning Out 16:05 Expanding Your Social World Without Losing Yourself 21:15 Why Dating Apps Create Burnout and Inertia 25:49 Real-World Connection, Rejection, and Emotional Risk 36:29 Making Better Dating Decisions Earlier 39:43 The 80/20 Approach to Dating Without Burnout 43:40 Chemistry vs. Compatibility in Healthy Relationships 46:22 What Research Says Predicts Long-Term Relationship Success 50:47 The Power of the Slow Burn in Dating If dating has started to feel heavy, confusing, or emotionally draining, and you’d like a thoughtful place to land as you sort through what you need next, I want you to know there’s support available to you. I’d love to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my Growing Self team. This is a private, secure space where you’ll answer a few simple questions so we can un