Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex

This week, Juli, Hannah, and Joe answer one of the hardest questions many of us face: What do I do if my spouse is looking at porn? This conversation is honest, compassionate, and full of hope. We talk through the pain, shame, confusion, and secrecy that pornography often brings into a marriage—and why healing is still possible for both the person struggling and the spouse who feels hurt and betrayed. You'll hear practical wisdom on how to find the support you need, why you can't be your spouse's accountability partner, and how true intimacy is about so much more than just changing a behavior. Whether this struggle has touched your marriage personally or that of someone you love, it's one you'll definitely want to share. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz & Joe Caruso It's book launch week! 🎉🎉 Order your copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Or, become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get it for FREE!    Follow-up Resources 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery Hot Topic Kit: Pornography In Marriage 5 Healthy Ways to Respond to Your Husband's Porn Problem (blog) 3 Things Women Want You to Know About Their Addiction to Pornography (blog) Video Q&A: Is porn sinful? Video Q&A: Does my spouse watch porn because of me?   Find help and community with any of these trusted ministries: Be Broken Ministries Fight for Love Ministries Hopequest Pure Desire Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Authentic Intimacy at  <a href= "https://www.instagra

This week, Dannah Gresh shares the personal story behind And the Bride Wore White—one of a few books that launched conversations about purity, shame, grace, and redemption for an entire generation of Christian young people. Together, Juli and Dannah reflect on the wounds many women carry around sexuality, the beauty of God's forgiveness, and why purity was never meant to be about perfection.  Guest: Dannah Gresh Join an Authentic Intimacy Online Book Study!   Follow-up Resources: Pre-order And the Bride Wore White: Seven Truths to Living In Sexual Integrity No Matter Your Past by Dannah Gresh Q&A: How can I overcome the shame I experience as a result of purity culture?  Follow Dannah at @dannah_gresh Follow Authentic Intimacy at  @authenticintimacy

This week, Juli and Hannah tackle the question, Am I entitled to sex—even good or regular sex—in my marriage?  Drawing on stories, biblical truth, and personal reflection, Juli challenges common assumptions about sex, covenant, and what it really means to love like Jesus did. This episode offers hope for couples navigating pain, unmet expectations, or seasons of healing—and it just might challenge everything you've been taught about sex and marriage.  Co-host: Hannah Nitz What are your thoughts on this conversation? We'd love to hear from you! Leave us a rating and review.    Follow-up Resources: Check out our new Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life God, Sex, & Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery How To Go From Demand and "Duty Sex" to True Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Is Sex Sabotaging Love in Your Marriage? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Are You Entitled to (Good) Sex in Marriage? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog)   Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz  Follow Authentic Intimacy at  @authenticintimacy

This week, Juli sits down with pastor and author Tony Scarcello to hear his story of wrestling with same-sex attraction from a young age, the weight of shame and silence he carried, and how God met him in the middle of it all.  Some conversations aren't meant to be easy, they're meant to help us grow. This is one of those. Tony's story will challenge you, encourage you, and remind you how deeply we all need the grace of God. Guest: Tony Scarcello Online Book Studies are open. Grab your spot today!   Follow-up Resources: Preorder Love All Our Neighbors: How Churches That Hold a Traditional Sexual Ethic Can Care for LGBTQ People  by Tony Scarcello (available May 19) Regenerate: Following Jesus After Deconstruction by Tony Scarcello Follow Tony @tony_scarcello Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

This week, Juli sits down with Joe and Hannah to tackle the question: What do you do when you're attracted to someone who isn't your spouse? Together, they unpack the reality that attraction outside of marriage isn't a matter of if, but when. From the myth of "soulmates" to the powerful role of brain chemistry, this conversation explores why these feelings happen, and why they don't have to define your choices. You'll also learn how small decisions, honesty, and intentional investment in your marriage can protect what matters most. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz and Joe Caruso Check out our newest Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life Tell us what you think! Leave us a rating and review.    Follow-up Resources: Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery Be the first to know when Online Book Studies open up Sexual Attraction Isn't As Important as You Think, Here's Why by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Hannah Nitz at @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Shame has a way of convincing us to hide. But Jesus doesn't turn away from your shame. He steps toward it. This week, Juli sits down with Dr. Carol Tanksley and Allie Mazur to shed light on the often unspoken reality of living with an STI. Together, they unpack the weight of shame, the fear of rejection, and the questions that can follow a diagnosis like herpes.  You'll be reminded that while consequences of sin may linger, they don't have the final word. Jesus meets us right in the middle of our brokenness, offering freedom, healing, and hope.  If you've ever felt like your story is "too much" or "too broken," this conversation is for you. Guests: Dr. Carol Tanksley, OBGYN and Allie Mazur   Follow-Up Resources: Q&A: Are sexual sin and sexual brokenness the same thing? (video) Q&A: Where do I begin healing? (video) How to Get Past Shame from Sexual Sin by Juli Slattery (blog)   Dr. Carol Tanksley's website: drcarolministries.com Follow Dr. Carol at @drcarolt Allie Mazur's website: livebeyondherpes.com Follow Allie Mazur at @allie_beyond Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Married sex doesn't just "stay hot"...but you can fan the flames to create something even more meaningful (and longer-lasting) than honeymoon sex. This week, we're talking about how to keep married sex exciting over the long haul. You'll learn about the shift that happens in long-term relationships, why desire can fade into routine, and what actually helps bring the spark back.  No theory. No pressure. Just real-life rhythms and practical ways you can reconnect emotionally and physically with your spouse. If you've ever thought "we're good... but it's not like it used to be," this conversation is for you!   Co-host: Hannah Nitz   What did you think of this conversation? We'd love to hear from you! Leave us a comment and review.    Follow-up Resources: Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery Be the first to know when Online Book Studies open up Join Dr. Jennifer Degler's Dare of the Month email list. Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at  @authenticintimacy

One of you is ready to leave early. The other is still looking for their shoes. Welcome to marriage. This week, Juli and Mike are on stage at the Love Like You Mean It Cruise! Live and unfiltered, they talk honestly about how their differences have shown up in parenting, intimacy, and their pace of life—and how they've learned to let those differences draw them closer, instead of driving them apart. Guest: Mike Slattery Join Mike & Juli on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise in 2027!    Follow-up Resources: 3 Reasons Women Tend to Take Over in Marriage by Juli Slattery (blog) Q&A: How can I help my husband grow up and take responsibility? (video) The Very Important Difference Between Conflict & Fighting by Juli Slattery (blog)

Some wounds don't just live in your memories… they live in your body, in your relationships, and in your sense of safety.  If you've ever wondered, "Can I be whole after sexual trauma?," you're not alone—and you're not beyond healing. That's the question Juli is tackling this week. You'll hear why sexual trauma uniquely affects identity and intimacy, how shame and self-blame keep us stuck, and what real sexual wholeness looks like. This conversation is for anyone who has experienced sexual trauma (or loves someone who has) and is wondering: Is healing really possible for me?   Co-host: Hannah Nitz Register for the webinar Healing After Sexual Abuse: Practical Guidance for Pastors, Leaders, and Caregivers.   Follow-up resources: Find a Christian counselor or sex therapist: check out ABCST or MyCounselor.online Surprised By the Healer by Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender Try Softer by Aundi Kolber God's Healing Stinks by Juli Slattery (blog) Q&A: Past sexual trauma inhibits my ability to enjoy sex. Is there hope that I can ever heal? with Dr. Juli Slattery Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Their love story made headlines—but not for the reasons you might expect. In this conversation, CD and Melody Fabien share a completely different vision for dating—one rooted in purpose, boundaries, and hearing God's voice. If you're tired of hook-ups, ghosting, and the pressure of fast-paced dating, this episode is for you. Guest: CD & Melody Fabien   Check out our brand-new Hot Topic Kit: Healthy Dating & Boundaries.   Follow-up Resources: Check out CD & Melody's resources at https://cdandmelody.com/   Watch their news-worthy first kiss. Q&A: What's the Difference Between Sexual Integrity and Purity? (video) Q&A: How Can I Steward My Sexuality As a Single? (video) What Do I Do With My Sexual Desires? by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Melody on IG at @melodyfabien Follow Authentic Intimacy at  @authenticintimacy

Many married couples carry a secret: one of them doesn't like sex—they may even dread it.  For years, sex has felt more like obligation than pleasure, and they've quietly believed something must be wrong with them. This week, we're tackling the unspoken question: "What if I'm married and I don't like sex?" We'll talk about the real reasons sex can feel difficult or even painful, and call out a few common lies that keep couples stuck. If you've ever felt confused, disappointed, or alone in your struggles with sex, this conversation offers hope, practical insight, and the reminder you don't have to stay where you are. Co-host: Hannah Nitz We'd love to hear your thoughts about this conversation. Leave us a rating and review.    Follow-up Resources:  Be the first to know when Online Book Studies open up Q&A: Past sexual trauma inhibits my ability to enjoy sex. Is there hope that I can heal? (video) Q&A: Sex has never been pleasurable in our marriage. Should I fake it? (video) Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery God, Sex & Your Marriage by Juli Slattery Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? by Juli Slattery Restoring the Pleasure by Cliff & Joyce Penner  Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women by Cliff & Joyce Penner   Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at  @authenticintimacy

Life gets busy—especially with kids, work, and everyday stress. But research shows that couples who consistently make time for each other are significantly happier  in their marriages. This week, we're talking about why date nights matter more than you think. We'll tackle common obstacles couples face, like exhaustion, busy schedules, lack of childcare, and awkward conversations. Plus, you'll hear simple and practical tips to help you reconnect with your spouse—even in the busiest of seasons. Guests: Dr. Greg & Erin Smalley   Check out our newest Hot Topic Kit: Healthy Dating & Boundaries.    Follow-up Resources: Take the Date Night Challenge: 52 Creative Ideas to Make Your Marriage Fun by Greg & Erin Smalley Date Night Conversation Starters from Greg & Erin Smalley Q&A: How often is "normal" for having sex in marriage? (video)

You know your spouse's love language, and you try to use it. So why is their love tank always running on empty? This week, we're expanding the classic framework to include personality nuances, seasonal shifts, overdoing it (yes, that's possible!), and love tank "leaks." Plus, you'll learn why gifts aren't always about money and why physical touch isn't always about sex.  Join us for a conversation about moving past formulas and becoming a better student of the one you love. Guests: Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott   Follow-up Resources: Listen to Dr. Gary Chapman talk about the Five Love Languages on Java #592 The Love Language that Matters Most. Take the free relationship assessment at myheartchart.com  The Five Love Languages Premium Assessment The Love Language That Matters Most by Dr. Gary Chapman, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott  Follow Les & Leslie at @lesandleslie Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Maybe you're already living together. Maybe this topic feels uncomfortable. Maybe you've never questioned it before. This week, Juli unpacks what God says about living together before marriage, what (secular) research is telling us, and how covenant—not convenience—creates lasting security. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz & Joe Caruso Tell us what you think! Leave us a rating & review.   Follow-Up Resources:  Preorder 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Sex, Love, and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery Q&A: Is God okay with me having sex with someone I love even if we're not married? Q&A: What is the difference between sexual integrity and purity? Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Men get a lot of mixed messages about masculinity. Some say it's toxic. Others say it doesn't really matter anymore. It's no surprise guys are left wondering, "What does it even mean to be a good man?" This week, Juli sits down with Brant Hansen, author of The Men We Need, to get honest about the struggles men face and why true strength looks very different from the stereotypes we're used to. This conversation is an invitation to see manhood not as a problem to fix, but as a calling worth stepping into. Guest: Brant Hansen What did you think about this conversation? Let us know in a rating and review.    Follow-up Resources: The Men We Need:God's Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up  by Brant Hansen Blog: 3 Reasons Women Tend To Take Over in Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Blog: 7 Ways We Unknowingly Sabotage Intimacy in Our Marriages by Dr. Juli Slattery Blog: Resign As Boss: How To Help Your Husband Lead by Dr. Juli Slattery Video: Q&A: How Can I Help My Husband Grow Up and Take Responsibility? Follow Brant Hansen at @branthansen Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What's okay in the bedroom—and how are married couples supposed to know?  In this episode, Juli doesn't hand you a checklist. Instead, she walks you through three questions every couple can ask when navigating gray areas in the bedroom. From pornography and fantasy to sex toys and more, this conversation helps you discern where you may need to draw a line and where you may need to step out of your comfort zone. Joined by Hannah Nitz and Joe Caruso, this episode marks the kick off of a new series inspired by Juli's newly revised, upcoming book, 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Co-Hosts: Hannah Nitz, Joe Caruso What did you think of this episode? Leave us a rating and review in your podcast app.   Follow up resources: Check out our brand-new Hot Topic Kit: Pornography in Marriage. Blog: What's OK in the Bedroom? (Includes a list of what God has said "no" to) Book: God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Book: Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making? by Dr. Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe Caruso at @joecaruso06 Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Are awkward "side hugs" the best we can do when it comes to opposite-sex friendships? Juli sits down with author Bronwyn Lea, who helps us rethink what it means to live as brothers and sisters in God's family. They talk about why we often confuse intimacy with sexuality, how Jesus modeled close, non-romantic relationships, and what healthy Christian community can look like (even in a sex-saturated world). Listen in to discover how moving beyond fear-based boundaries can lead to more connection and stronger, life-giving friendships in the body of Christ. Guest: Bronwyn Lea   Follow-up Resources: Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World by Bronwyn Lea What Defines an Intimate Relationship? by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Q&A: What is the Purpose of My Sexuality as a Single? w/Dr. Juli Slattery Q&A: How Can I Tell The Difference Between Sexual Desire And A Desire For Intimacy? w/Dr. Juli Slattery  Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes . . . Everything  by Dr. Juli Slattery  Follow Bronwyn at @bronwyn_lea Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Juli unpacks four of the most common (and subtle) lies we believe about sex, desire, and compatibility. From "sex is about expressing myself" to "the best sex is compatible sex," they explore how these ideas shape our relationships—and how God invites you into something deeper. If you've ever felt stuck, confused, or distant from God because of sexuality, pull up a chair—this conversation is for you. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz and Joe Caruso Leave us a rating & review in your favorite podcast app.   Follow-up Resources: Surrendered Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery   Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Joe at @joecaruso06

What if your relationship with God  didn't start with how broken you are—but with how beloved you are? This week, Juli is joined by Marty Solomon, host of the BEMA Podcast, to explore the difference between our Western desire to have all the answers and the Bible's invitation to mystery, curiosity, and wonder. They talk about how systematic theology can both help and hinder our faith, and why being "beloved" is more foundational than being "right." This conversation reframes how we see our humanity in light of God's steadfast love—not as a  problem to fix, but as a relationship to steward. Guest: Marty Solomon Preorder Marty's new book, The Gospel of Being Human: How Asking Better Questions of the Bible Reveals Who We Are Listen to The BEMA Podcast (we recommend starting with Season 1) Follow Marty Solomon at @marty_solomon Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

If you're trying to heal after betrayal, you may be doing everything you were taught to do—and still feel stuck. Sometimes we unintentionally sabotage our own healing—all in the name of love and forgiveness. Instead of feeling better, you end up feeling silenced, unsafe, and confused about why healing hasn't happened.  Author and counselor Tammy Gustafson joins Juli to share four necessary phases of healing, and three common mistakes that actually shut it down.  With clinical insight and biblical wisdom, this conversation will help you move forward with strength and hope.  Guest: Tammy Gustafson, LPC   Follow-up Resources: Preorder Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal (comes out Jan. 27) Register for The Betrayal Healing Conference, January 26-30. (It's online and free.) Take the Betrayal Healing Quiz  to find what phase of the journey you're in. Q&A: Does My Spouse Watch Porn Because of Me?  Q&A: How Do I Know if My Spouse Is Repentant After a Betrayal? Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Drs. Chuck and Mike Misja (for the betrayed spouse who stays in a marriage even though their spouse is not doing the work needed to heal) Follow Tammy at @tammylgustafson Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

There's more to the masturbation conversation than simply "right" or "wrong." Could it be an issue of spiritual maturity for some of us—whether we're married or single? Can it be used in a healthy way in marriage? Join us to have your thinking challenged! Co-host: Hannah Nitz Tell us what you thought of this conversation!  Leave a rating & review, Share this episode. Join an Authentic Intimacy Online Book Study! Follow-up resources: Masturbation: Is It Wrong? (Juli's blog) What's OK in the Bedroom? (Juli's blog) Is Masturbation a Sin? You May Be Asking the Wrong Question (Juli's blog) Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What if knowing your loved one's love language isn't enough? Kicking off this new year, Juli sits down with Dr. Gary Chapman to unpack how it is that we can know each other's love language and still feel disconnected. Whether you're married, parenting, or navigating close friendships, this episode will challenge you to love more intentionally—and more effectively. Guest: Dr. Gary Chapman   Join an Authentic Intimacy Online Book Study! Pre-order The Love Language That Matters Most by Dr. Gary Chapman, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

As we wrap up 2025, this is the conversation God put on Juli's heart. Juli and Hannah sit down to talk about how we love each other when we disagree. This conversation invites you to rethink how you engage in tough conversations and what it really means to contend for truth with love.  Give to Authentic Intimacy today! Between now and January 31st, your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar—up to $70,000.   Follow-up Resources: Until Unity  by Francis Chan Q&A: How do you love people you disagree with? How We Love Each Other by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog)

Grab your Java for one of our most popular episodes of 2025! This conversation with Dr. Dan Allender helped us understand why the stuff we haven't dealt with from childhood eventually shows up—right in the middle of our relationships. Listen in to find out why you must be willing to explore your own story in order to create safety and repair what's broken. Guest: Dr. Dan Allender Give to Authentic Intimacy today and your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to $70,000! Follow-up Resources: The Deep-Rooted Marriage by Dr. Dan Allender Follow Dr. Dan at @danballender Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

How do you raise kids who feel grounded in their God-given identity in a world of confusing messages about gender? Dr. Kathy Koch and Dr. Jeff Myers join Juli to unpack how to guide youg people with truth, curiosity, and presence. You'll hear how to lay the foundations of identity, respond to cultural pressures, and raise confident boys and girls.  Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or mentor, this conversation offers you practical tools and biblical insight for today's tough questions. Guests: Dr. Kathy Koch and Dr. Jeff Myers Give to Authentic Intimacy today and your gift will be matched dollar-for-dollar, up to $70,000! Follow-up resoures: Get your free book at genderconfidentkids.com Follow Summit Minstrieds at @Summitmn Follow Dr. Kathy Koch at @celebratekidsinc Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy