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Good Children

Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella & Studio71 & Confetti Cannon·Hosted by Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella·236 episodes

ComedyCo-hosted comedyQueer adulthoodPop culture riffsPersonal storiesWeekly1-1.5 hrs/ep

Childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella spent their youth chasing gold stars—now they’re just trying to stop sucking in their stomachs. Each week, they unpack a shared history of anxiety, performance, and the side effects of being a little too well-behaved.For advertising opportunities please email [email protected]   We want to make the podcast even better, help us learn how we can: https://bit.ly/2EcYbu4  Privacy Policy: https://www.studio71.com/terms-and-conditions-use/#Privacy%20Policy

Why listen

Good Children feels like listening to two childhood best friends turn old anxieties, pop culture obsessions, body-image baggage, and tiny social humiliations into a very specific kind of catharsis. Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella riff with the intimacy of people who know each other's entire backstory, so even episodes about resorts, fast food, or Frozen usually bend back toward growing up queer, trying to be liked, and learning to relax. It is a strong fit for listeners who want comedy that is silly, confessional, and emotionally recognizable.

Series(1)

Episodes

1 hr 1 min
Jun 3, 2026
Male Musicians For A Change

This week we’re finally giving male musicians their flowers! Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 17 min
May 27, 2026
The Good Children Upstairs Neighbors Lip Sync LaLaPaRuza Smackdown

This week, we're joined by the lights of our lives: Maya and Dom from Upstairs Neighbors! Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 8 min
May 20, 2026
What The Future Holds

This week, we're looking into the future for a greater understanding of Andrew's future husband: Carmine. Amplify your Sapphic Pride event - Shoot your shot⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠!  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 10 min
May 13, 2026
Holiday In The Sun

Finally, we take a vacation! Join us on a trip to Baha Mar resort, in Nassau Bahamas, where we feed flamingos, lounge in a lazy river, and learn the ultimate truth Addison Rae has been trying to tell us all along: life's no fun through clear waters.  Amplify your Sapphic Pride event - Shoot your shot⁠ HERE⁠!  Join us on Patreon for new episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fjoehegyes&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C8272b6c0f9b54ca8ab6608deb045149f%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639142008023452939%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIl

58 min
May 6, 2026
What To Expect From Your Saturn Return

This week, we're discussing our Saturn Return, the astrological event meant to uplift everything you know about your life and teach you some hard lessons.  Amplify your Sapphic Pride event - Shoot your shot HERE! Join us on Patreon for new episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fjoehegyes&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7Cdc04beaf1f124a116add08deaa1fb054%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639135250318881667%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOiJXaW4

1 hr 3 min
Apr 29, 2026
Designing The Perfect All-Inclusive Resort (Spring Break: Episode 4)

All good things must come to an end. In our final episode of Spring Break, we're dreaming about our ideal resort. From the linens to the soaps to, of course, the restaurants. Thank you so much for joining us on this trip! Patreon's on spring break, too! Join us for some (drunken) episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.

58 min
Apr 22, 2026
The Mortifying Ordeal of Taking Thirst Traps in the Mirror in Your Room (Spring Break: Episode 3)

Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code GOODPOD for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/GOODPOD. Spring break continues, this week with a slightly more existential lens. Today, as we lounge in our plunge pool, we dissect the need for online validation, why we take thirst traps, and donating our bodies to science. Patreon's on spring break, too! Join us for some (drunken) episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C577f78f9184044e95a1908de94ca2b28%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639111793253838958%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcG

1 hr 5 min
Apr 15, 2026
Something Weird Is Happening At The Breakfast Buffet (Spring Break: Episode 2)

Something very weird happened at the breakfast buffet this morning. It's time for another episode on island time! For the second week of our spring break, we are dissecting a group of travelers at the resort we like to call "Mary and her friends." Patreon's on spring break, too! Join us for some (drunken) episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?ur

1 hr 4 min
Apr 8, 2026
Chair Hoggers At All-Inclusive Resorts (Spring Break: Episode 1)

Grab your sunscreen and your chicest pair of flip flops, because we're taking you on vacation! For the next four weeks, we're coming to you from our very own personal spring break trip in Mexico! In this first installment, we're a couple piña coladas in and ready to discuss the psychotic phenomenon that is chair-hogging at the pool.  Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code GOODPOD for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/GOODPOD. Patreon's on spring break, too! Join us for some (drunken) episodes every Thursday at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7Cc315ae4c5d5b495e6e2108de9432240c%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639111140372162367%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOiJXaW4zMiIsIkFOIjoiTWFpbCIsIldUI

1 hr 16 min
Apr 1, 2026
The Songs That Changed Us

This week we're diving deep into some songs that have changed our lives for the better, including Waterfalls by TLC, the Les Mis soundtrack, and Lana.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fgoodchildrenpod&data=05%7C02%7Camel

1 hr 6 min
Mar 25, 2026
We Need To Save Boston Market

You already guessed it: we're talking fast food. Burger King is over. White Castle is for your lowest moments. And we need to get really serious about reviving Boston Market. Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code GOODPOD for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/GOODPOD. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C7c1d46f1462844f648ad08de839d8715%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639092909930685763%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOi

1 hr 6 min
Mar 18, 2026
Working On A Banana Farm For 88 Days To Become Australian Citizens

Did you know this was happening? This week we're going bananas. From banana bread to stale commentary on Punch the Monkey to the reality show that will change everything. This episode is all about bananas.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 4 min
Mar 11, 2026
2020, Eating Disorders, and The Friends We Made Along The Way

This week, we're going back to the beginning: 2020. Let's go on a journey of body image issues, eating disorders, and the most beautiful apartment of all time, all the way to the very beginning of this special podcast.  Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code GOODPOD for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/GOODPOD. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 3 min
Mar 4, 2026
Becoming Who You Wanted To Be In Middle School

This week, the boys discuss their dream jobs as children, and how to get back to living those dreams today. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 8 min
Feb 25, 2026
We Should All Be Playing Video Games

In 2006, it was Halo 2 and a Mountain Dew Code Red. In 2026, it’s Fortnite and an OLIPOP Shirley Temple. Some of us play video games on first dates, some play Video Games by Lana Del Rey, but we all love Dots Pretzels. All this and more on Good Children.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpodEDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam0

1 hr 5 min
Feb 18, 2026
A Critical Analysis of Frozen (2013)

This week we dive into our notes app and are led down a glorious path including: the entire plot of The Hobbit, a chicken recipe, and a deeply personal analysis of Frozen. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fgoodchildrenpod&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritth

1 hr 3 min
Feb 11, 2026Episode 31
Exploring Kinks On Valentine's Day

This week, we're tackling kinks (and Valentine's Day) with a brand new perspective. Whether you're a bull or a sub, this episode has a little loving for everyone! Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop at Blissy.com/GOODPOD Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 10 min
Feb 4, 2026
Stop Asking Gay Kids To Shovel Snow

DONATE TO MINNEAPOLIS MUTUAL AID HERE: https://linktr.ee/mplsmutualaid?utm_source=linktree_profile_share This week we're talking the slow and steady process of becoming karens, teachers, and people who can shovel snow.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   <a hre

1 hr 4 min
Jan 28, 2026
Blowing Out Our Sphincters

This week, join us for a Patreon Original episode where we discuss the current states of our stomachs, our relationship to food, and our sphincters.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fgoodchildrenpod&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C3d46

58 min
Jan 21, 2026Episode 28
James Tom's Rules To Being A Gay Guy

This week, comedian and writer James Tom joins the pod to discuss his childhood in California, Fire Island, and his thoughts on gay culture.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠⁠ HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: ⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/goodchildren⁠⁠ FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: ⁠⁠instagram.com/goodchildrenpod⁠⁠   ⁠⁠instagram.com/joehegyes⁠⁠   ⁠⁠instagram.com/andrewmuscarella⁠⁠   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://na

1 hr 3 min
Jan 14, 2026
Dating A Drag Queen ft. Lemon Chiffon

This week, we're joined by Joe's boyfriend for a very special episode! We talk about life growing up in Australia, finding yourself in Brooklyn, and the details of Joe and Ross' dating history.  Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code GOODPOD for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/GOODPOD. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: ⁠https://linktr.ee/goodchildren⁠ FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: ⁠instagram.com/goodchildrenpod⁠   ⁠instagram.com/joehegyes⁠   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7Ccf4917f1264f47d8337b08de40afa365%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639019320307472074%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOiJXaW4zMiIsIkFOIjoiTWFpbCIsIldUI

1 hr 18 min
Jan 7, 2026Episode 26
We Want A Trader Joe's Theme Park

The boys are back with an episode that will change everything... for Trader Joe's corprate. This week we're discussing  This week Andrew takes a tour of the Khia Asylum before the boys head into a deep dive of their past year: from Uber Wrapped to Spotify Wrapped... we're in hell! Plus: a hopeful look ahead into 2026.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Finstagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C28bcdd929f3548baa99308de4c5a8c72%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C639032149002527371%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOiJXaW4zMiIsIkFOIjoiTWFpbCIsIldUIjoyfQ%3D%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=C2DG8QzGQOodOe0VgXULTNB

1 hr 24 min
Dec 24, 2025Episode 25
Escaping The Khia Asylum

Happy New Year! This week Andrew takes a tour of the Khia Asylum before the boys head into a deep dive of their past year: from Uber Wrapped to Spotify Wrapped... we're in hell! Plus: a hopeful look ahead into 2026.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella

58 min
Dec 17, 2025Episode 24
A Day In The Life of Mrs. Claus

Today, Marie Claus sits down with top elf, Elphie, for a candid conversation about the state of the North Pole, Santa's recent medical crisis, the origin of the Frosty at Wendy's and the recent birth of her twins: Khloe and Lamar.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 5 min
Dec 10, 2025Episode 24
Hannah Solow on Oh, Mary!, Facing Rejection, and Being A Perfect Child

A meeting of the minds for the ages. This week, we sit down with our new friend, Hannah Solow, to talk about her experience on Oh, Mary!, her childhood in California, Carmines Italian Restaurant, and much more. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK:

1 hr 4 min
Dec 3, 2025Episode 22
Cat Cohen Made It To Hollywood

This week, we sit down with our friend, movie star, Cat Cohen, to discuss her childhood in Texas, the early days of podcasting, and what it takes to be an entertainer.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safel

1 hr 6 min
Nov 26, 2025Episode 22
Thanksgiving Has Got To Go

Sit down with Siobhan the Pilgrim and Alan the Turkey for an intense conversation about the worst holiday on the year. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: ⁠https://linktr.ee/goodchildren⁠ FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: ⁠instagram.com/goodchildrenpod⁠⁠instagram.com/joehegyes ⁠⁠instagram.com/andrewmuscarella⁠ FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: ⁠tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ ⁠tiktok.com/andrewmusky⁠⁠tiktok.com/bequietjoe⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 6 min
Nov 19, 2025Episode 21
Plasma Was Always Going To Be A Star

This week, we sit down with actor, singer and Drag Race alum, Plasma, to discuss every memory that led up to her debut album: Is Miss Thing On? Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: ⁠https://linktr.ee/goodchildren⁠ FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: ⁠instagram.com/goodchildrenpod⁠⁠instagram.com/joehegyes ⁠⁠instagram.com/andrewmuscarella⁠ FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: ⁠tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ ⁠tiktok.com/andrewmusky⁠⁠tiktok.com/bequietjoe⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 1 min
Nov 12, 2025Episode 20
Ranking Cold Cuts

This week we're doing the work by discussing our favorite and least favorite lunch meats. Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: ⁠https://linktr.ee/goodchildren⁠ FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: ⁠instagram.com/goodchildrenpod⁠⁠instagram.com/joehegyes ⁠⁠instagram.com/andrewmuscarella⁠ FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: ⁠tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod⁠ ⁠tiktok.com/andrewmusky⁠⁠tiktok.com/bequietjoe⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr
Nov 5, 2025
Ashnikko Does It For Her Inner Child

This week we're joined by pop sensation Ashnikko to discuss all things bathhouses, childhood trauma, and her latest album "Smoochies."  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 40 min
Oct 29, 2025Episode 18
How To Spend Your Last Day On Earth

Join us on a journey through time and space as we imagine the best days of our lives. For Joe, that means trading spaces with Steve Martin at Wi Spa and being rescued by Selena Gomez. For Andrew, that starts at a 6:30am Barry's Bootcamp class and ends at the hospital.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 22 min
Oct 22, 2025
HalloweenTown Reunion Special II: Kalabar's Revenge

This week, HallowenTown's oldest witch, and criminal at large, Agatha Cromwell, sits down with her granddaughter Marnie Piper for another attempt at healing the generational trauma onset by Marnie's life on screen. Will Marnie ever forgive her mother, J.K. Rowling? Will Agatha ever stop bringing about the tragic demise of all of her loved ones? Will either of them ever shut up? All this and more. HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod instagram.com/joehegyes instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 19 min
Oct 15, 2025
Does Your Halloween Party Suck?

This week we're talking about Halloween parties. Specifically how to improve your party with a few simple tips from Iron Chef Andrew Muscarella. Plus: How To Be Less Fuggo.   HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fandrewmusky&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C156cf

1 hr 14 min
Oct 8, 2025
The Definitive Ranking of Halloween Candy

It's basically Halloween. Join Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompa and Violet Beauregarde on a journey through time and space as they discuss their favorite halloween candies, and the imp that has been haunting their apartment.  HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod   <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fa

1 hr 3 min
Oct 1, 2025
I Got Catfished 9 Times

How can one man be catfished nine times? This week we unpack Andrew's relationship to... trust?  HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: tiktok.com/goodchildrenpod   tiktok.com/andrewmusky tiktok.com/bequietjoe   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 16 min
Sep 24, 2025
Straight Guys, Butt Stuff, and Other Questions You Asked

This week we're answering YOUR questions. Good Children, please report to the guidance office.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.co

1 hr 14 min
Sep 10, 2025
Celibacy, First Times, and Being Late Bloomers

This week, we’re discussing being celibate. For us, that means our entire lives up until about 23 years old. It also means the first year of this podcast.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safelink

1 hr 6 min
Sep 3, 2025
The Early Days of Instagram

Groufits, BuzzFeed, Facetune, EDs... This week, we go back in time through our Instagram archives to get to the bottom of who we've been pretending to be all our lives.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS:Joe Hegyes & Andrew MuscarellaEDITOR:Kenzie EdmondsonLISTEN:https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:instagram.com/goodchildrenpod  instagram.com/joehegyes  instagram.com/andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK:<a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftiktok.com%2Fgoodchildrenpod&data=05%7C02%7

1 hr 23 min
Aug 27, 2025
Taylor and Travis: The Engagement Episode

BREAKING NEWS: Taylor Swift is engaged to Travis Kelce. In this emergency episode, we discuss their future wedding, our thoughts on marriage, and more.   Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/goodchildrenpod   instagram.com/joehegyes   instagram.com/andrewmuscarella   FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: <a href="https://nam04.safe

1 hr 10 min
Aug 20, 2025
The Rules of Open Relationships

This week, the boys break down the phenomena of open relationships. Who sets the rules? Who gets to play? Do you tell your partner about your hookups? And more. Plus: hear from a concerned listener (Grant Gibbs) as they share their trials and tribulations on the outside of someone else's relationship.  Join us on Patreon! No filter. No notes. No pants (optional). New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 15 min
Aug 13, 2025Episode 7
The Death of Body Positivity

*TW: This week's episode touches on some very real themes surrounding body dysmorphia and  weight loss drugs.* Today we're breaking down our ever-changing relationships to our bodies in a GLP-1 dominated society.  New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST on Patreon. No filter. No notes. No pants (optional): https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod Joe’s Chase Sapphire referral link: https://www.referyourchasecard.com/19t/Z5YLLGK01K Click it and earn points. He’s serious. This is not an ad. HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie EdmonsonFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpodhttps://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/https://www.instagram.com/andrewmuscarella Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 10 min
Aug 6, 2025Episode 6
How It Feels to Fall for a Boy for the First Time

Did someone order an episode of Love, Victor? This week, we’re talking our first gay romances. Joe met a boy at the Met and spent the summer in museum corners, on crowded trains, on dates that felt like a movie. Andrew kissed someone under fireworks and fell into weeks of new friends, nights at Stonewall, rose petals, the works. It was tender. It was formative. It was a little embarrassing in retrospect. New episodes drop Thursdays at 8PM EST on Patreon. No filter. No notes. No pants (optional): https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod Joe’s Chase Sapphire referral link: https://www.referyourchasecard.com/19t/Z5YLLGK01K Click it and earn points. He’s serious. This is not an ad. HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpod https://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/ https://www.instagram.com/andrewmuscarella Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 11 min
Jul 30, 2025
Going to Poundtown at the Beach

Good Children: The Podcast is known for its fearless, unflinching commitment to investigative journalism. This week, we take on the most urgent question of our time: why does summer in New York City make us so h*rny, sweaty, and lowkey depressed? From cruising at the beach to falling in love on the L train, we examine the intersection of heat, humidity, and boob sweat. Guys I’m so serious, use my Chase Sapphire referral link so we all win. Earn 100,000 points with Sapphire Reserve® or 75,000 bonus points with Sapphire Preferred®: https://www.referyourchasecard.com/19t/Z5YLLGK01K  THIS IS NOT AN AD! Find us on Patreon: no filter, no notes, and no pants (optional). New episodes drop every Thursday at 8PM EST. Only here: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie EdmonsonLISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpod<a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fjoehegyes%2F&

1 hr 4 min
Jul 23, 2025Episode 4
Sitting, Scooping, and Sucking: Bathroom Politics

Good Children: The Podcast continues its brave, Pulitzer-adjacent coverage of the issues that matter. This week, we investigate the modern bathroom: a space for releasing, for sucking, for crying, and wondering when you'll buy toilet paper again. From the architectural injustice of door-to-floor stalls to the unspoken rules of public restroom etiquette, we’re naming names, pointing fingers, and asking the question no one else will: do you sit and scoop? Find us on Patreon: no filter, no notes, and no pants (optional). New episodes drop every Thursday at 8PM EST. Only here: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmonson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpodhttps://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/<a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7C1a2e3559bce04accfd3f08ddc92f0951%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C638887926051689336

1 hr 10 min
Jul 16, 2025
Bagels: A Definitive Ranking

Good Children: The Podcast prides itself on award-winning journalism that isn't afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions that might make other comedian podcast duos uncomfortable. This week, we're tackling our toughest subject yet: would you f*ck that bagel?  Find us on Patreon: no filter, no notes, and no pants (optional). New episodes drop every Thursday at 8PM EST. Only here: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie EdmonsonLISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpodhttps://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/https://www.inst

1 hr 4 min
Jul 9, 2025Episode 2
Early Signs of Daddy Puberty

This week, we’re talking Daddy Puberty: the slow, confusing transformation from boy to twink to… Daddy. Is it a mindset? A muscle mass threshold? A beard-to-hair ratio? We break down the biology, the psychology, and the pop culture mythology of what it really means to enter your Daddy Era. Plus: pop culture daddies from childhood and a debate over whether being called “Daddy” is a compliment or a cry for help. Find us on Patreon: no filter, no notes, and no pants (optional). New episodes drop every Thursday at 8PM EST. Only here: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie EdmonsonLISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpodhttps://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/<a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7Ccb4c27d04da94d2c87c208ddbe281e7a%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C638875801730828468%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDA

1 hr 17 min
Jul 2, 2025Episode 1
Escaping The Fire Island Hookup Forest

This week, we embed ourselves deep inside the myth, the legend, the cautionary tale that is Fire Island. Our mission? To uncover the truth behind the infamous Belvedere Hotel, an all-nude, men-only boarding house perched just beyond the bounds of good judgment. What begins as an overnight getaway quickly spirals into blackouts at drag brunch, fighting for our lives in the Meat Rack, and late-night cruising that felt more like The Blair Witch Project than a vacation. Join us as we investigate the intersection of queerness, liberation, and public sex, one towel at a time. Find us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie EdmonsonLISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpod https://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/ <a href="https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fandrewmuscarella&data=05%7C02%7Camelia.ritthaler%40studio71us.com%7Ceff81dac67de43c2291508ddb8aee102%7C42f71e00fe2746549915ab529795f091%7C0%7C0%7C638869783452615920%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8ey

46 min
Jun 25, 2025
From The Archive: Who Drank At My 17th Birthday Party?

ONE WEEK UNTIL WE'RE BACK WITH NEW EPISODES! Thanks for your patience https://www.patreon.com/c/goodchildrenpod This week, travel back to a cold case from 2013 in which 12 beer cans were discovered at Joe's 17th birthday party. HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew MuscarellaLISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildrenFOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpod https://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/ https://www.instagram.com/andrewmuscarella Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 30 min
Jun 19, 2025
From The Archive: Bear in the Woods (S4E7)

Thank you for your patience as we plan our next season, we'll be back shortly with brand new episodes starting in July! (Happy Pride Month, am I right?) Until then, join us for a weekend in nature that changed our lives forever.* *a few weeks. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1 hr 26 min
Jun 18, 2025Episode 33
From The Archive: Bears In The Woods (S4E7)

Thank you for your patience as we plan our next season, we'll be back shortly with brand new episodes starting in July! (Happy Pride Month, am I right?) Until then, join us for a weekend in nature that changed our lives forever.* *a few weeks. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky