Fortune Kit

The vulnerable narcissist. The shaved GOAT. The Zionist hologram. All this and more on today's Fortune Kit. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

The Blue Wiggle tries to beef with Oasis and the Washington Post pivots to the least successful ragebait of all time. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Metallica has a whiskey that they blast with their own music to bring out the flavors more better. Soulja Boy has a brand new social media site that looks like 2007. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5xLRYY_7rs Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Recreate Jimi Hendrix's Last Meal Using This Canned Pantry Staple! Nobody Expected Fast Food to Be This Interesting in 2026! Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/301-dont-you-2nd-157080063

John Semley talks with Charles about his viral Geese article for Wired and why your favorite band is not actually a psyop. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Alex doesn't want Soulja Boy to get his penis burned by a hot baked potato. Pokemon cards should be currency in prison. Denzel Curry thinks aliens fuck with his music but realistically, there's a good chance that the first song aliens hear from humans will be A.I. generated. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Bob Dylan starts an AI slop Patreon and a Charlie Daniels hologram is set to play a Tennessee military base. Maybe Sharon Osbourne should make an Ozzy hologram that performs at Zionist events. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/154617893/

Meek Mill's business is moving forward at a high rate thanks to AI. A second MAGA chud has hit the Pussycat Dolls. And Trump & pals should have Grok write an Andrew Jackson musical and perform it at the Trump-Kennedy Memorial Center. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Vinnie Vincent has an incredible new album available for $2 million. Billy Joel should crash his car through the wall of a Hard Rock Cafe and leave it there so they can preserve it. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Ari Emanuel has a dope podcast with his 30-years-younger wife's best friend. And Lil Pump saw rappers doing witchcraft in order to get famous. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

We need microscopic goats to make the ultimate milk for Ringo Starr. All mainstream country should be about Minecraft since it's fundamentally about mining and farming and stuff. And kids should be able to buy vapes if they have good grades. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/294-microgoats-152406160

Soulja Boy should become a real estate agent. Sony's Tokyo HQ should get better toilet paper. We should follow Freddie Gibbs on tour in order to take a karate lesson before each show. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBcgWQDKJhI Join the Discord: https://discord.com/invite/HabqgJf

Pitbull invents a new world record to break and Jelly Roll's wife writes a book about doing pills with ex-boyfriends who were too lazy to focus on their rap careers. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Listen to Charles' new show Trouble in River City: https://www.patreon.com/cw/TroubleInRiverCity

Lil Wayne counterprogrammed the Super Bowl Halftime Show with a performance in Clash Royale with better production values than Turning Point USA. It would have been nice to see Mike Love do "Kokomo" at TP USA but it's sadly too globalist and woke. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBcgWQDKJhI Join the Discord: discord.gg/HabqgJf Listen to Charles' new show Trouble in River City: www.patreon.com/TroubleInRiverCity

Noted sicko the Dalai Lama takes home his first Grammy and Bob Dylan and Paul McCartney are announced for Turning Point USA's Super Bowl halftime show (source: Facebook). Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/290-diddy-lama-150112918

Charles and Alex talk RXKNephew, Neil Young, Nathen Mazri, and the Pitchfork paywall. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.gg/HabqgJf Listen to Charles' new show Trouble in River City: https://www.patreon.com/TroubleInRiverCity

Soulja Boy was the first rapper to complain about pronouns for non-ideological reasons. And it's crazy the devil hangs out at the crossroads when the cross is Jesus' main thing. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Soulja Boy wears ill-fitting shoes to the club, more artists bail on the Trump Memorial Center, and Morrissey finally releases his amazing songs that the industry doesn't want us to hear. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Charles and Alex visit Eric Alper's website to read the article "Step by Step Guide to Buying the Ideal Legal Highs." Plus, Elon should do a new Voyager gold disk with Brony dubstep and "America, Fuck Yeah" on it and Anne Geddes should be Trump's photographer. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Obama should have drank the water in Bikini Bottom to prove it's not irradiated. And Alex reveals he is now playing a Paul Stanley signature series guitar. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/285-semi-hollow-147255525

The power of AI has made Soulja Boy 100x more efficient. In the span of a week he started a clothing brand, dropped a song, joined a new streaming platform, and started a new crypto scam. Plus, Billy McFarland actually put on a music fest. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txr__rDjZ-Q

Charles and Alex play Soulja Boy's new Rap Fighter flash game. Plus, Drake's "Nokia" was inspired by Cocomelon and Crazy Frog. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txr__rDjZ-Q

Imagine the debates they have in heaven: Socrates, Charlie Kirk, the Devil. It brings us no pleasure to report that the evil Blue Wiggle and his no-good nephew are at it again, promoting drug use to impressionable children. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/282-alexs-shroom-145155433

The Island Boys need to get their shit together and go to law school. Plus, we listen to Olivia Nuzzi's song "Jailbait" where she saw Britney Spears' schoolgirl shtick and said, "this could be less subtle." Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzKsQchRmTg

Paul McCartney's "Got Back" Tour is named for his big fat ass. We also go on a journey to the year 2010, when Vladimir Putin sang Blueberry Hill and Drake got peed on (but it wasn't his fault). Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzKsQchRmTg

If Democrats decide that rapping was key to Zohran's success, Lin Manuel Miranda will become the highest-paid consultant in Washington. And is Chubby Checker's music too old even for people who go to casinos? Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzKsQchRmTg

Soulja Boy is back on his bullshit with a new game console, "headphone's," and $48 body wash. We also explore an artist adjacent to both Soulja Boy and Crazy Frog: 2000s ringtone sensation Gummibär. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/278-2025-flip-143067447

Is Palestine Radiohead's Yoko Ono? Plus, Bored Ape Yacht Club is making a comeback… as a Metaverse! …In 2025. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

How much is Snoop Dogg like Krusty the Clown? Sombr likes to call his teenage fans' toxic exes onstage, but what teenager would actually pick up the phone? And much like David Sirota, D'Angelo was puffing on Yoda. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Dee Snider's son has a cool Kickstarter for A.I. generated 432 Hz healing music that sounds like Imagine Dragons. Timbaland is doing some A.I. junk too. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Synyster Gates followed in the footsteps of his tech-savvy cousin Bill Gates by designing the first-ever guitar amp to be authenticated on the blockchain. The Nevermind baby tried to sue Nirvana for the millionth time and Ringo Starr used to have Kid Pix on his computer no diddy. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2kGgujxodI

Josiah and Miles drop by to discuss important questions in music. Is Machine Gun Kelly part alien? Was Kurt Cobain the first millennial? Was Josiah's music writing proto-slop? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/273-life-is-like-140368073

A woman came up with an innovative scam to auction off Graceland and she was punished for it? Can we get a nostalgia tour performing the Voyager gold disk in full? And how come the guys on our money are a bunch of threes? Can't we get some hotter people on our dollars? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

We should give free nukes as reparations to any place we nuked in the past like Christmas Island and Bikini Bottom. Also eTickets is generating dogshit AI images of every artist currently on tour. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE58hz8U0Ms

Alex's years-old prediction of Thin Lizzo has come true. Setlist FM shows that Justin Timberlake performed the hit jingle "I'm Lovin' It" live only once in Zurich. Flintstones animals liked to complain but in retrospect they had it pretty good. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI

The Blue Wiggle has been doing financial crimes so now the rest of the Wiggles need to do a Folsom Prison-style live album after they lock him up. And Jelly Roll needs to be careful that the Wiggles don't pull him back into a life of crime. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/138216396

Taylor Swift got engaged to a podcaster, Bob Dylan should make his own scam game console, and varispeed is musical bullet time. Fortune Kit on Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S11etkih2h0

Charles and Alex dive into "Pac-Man Fever" hitmakers Buckner & Garcia, listening to deep cuts about Waffle House, Angry Birds, and Saddam Hussein. Plus, Brian Epstein's ghost should have visited John Lennon in 1969 and told him to put the damn suits and moptops back on. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI

Machine Gun Kelly thinks he might be part alien. Jeff Bezos needs to send him and Tom DeLonge to space, unlike Katy Perry they have important research to do up there. Plus, Jeff Tweedy (I call him Greedy Tweedy) is throwing too many damn pitches for the NL Central. Lollicops (Charles' Version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Charles and Alex listen to Crazy Frog deep cuts while exploring many issues. Was Soulja Boy the American Crazy Frog? Are Romanian ticks extra good at blood sucking cause they have to compete with Dracula? Do different blood types hit different to a Dracula? Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Drake, Eve Barlow, and Pat Boone pay tribute to Ozzy. And maybe we need to consider the possibility that Billy Joel was completely sober when he crashed his car through someone's living room. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/264-famous-be-135486152

Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson should take over the development of Akon City. If Coldplay is using the kiss cam at the arena, why don't they use the scoreboard too? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Musicians should start doing MLMs, selling fans merch in bulk for them to sell to each other. Plus, Jack White got his first cell phone. Now is the time to send your catfish DMs and ask for his Apple Pay. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Oasis is serving burnt scran for 20 quid at the gig. The Velvet Sundown will never work because they could never be as late for their own show as Lauryn Hill. The handkerchief code applies to Weezer albums and your favorite color album denotes what you're into sexually. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Pop stars should have Mousetrap-style Rube Goldberg devices onstage. Vince Neil falls for porn bots and a footwear startup is using the blockchain to generate an A.I. shoe design in space. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/260-beyonce-out-133366378

Eve Barlow memorializes Brian Wilson and Drake has the pass to accuse others of being goofs. Plus: Who wore it better? Will Smith or JoCat? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Lil Wayne and Weezer linked up again to predictable results. Also, Bob Dylan should use a dick pic as his next album cover. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

We're the only people on earth covering the indie post-grunge band Puddle of Mudd. Plus, should we taxidermy Diddy? And how come we aren't making new mummies anymore? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/257-kiss-machine-130869365

Blowback's Noah Kulwin (@nkulw) and Brendan James (@deep_beige) join Charles and Alex to make a more realistic version of Sympathy for the Devil. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Tommy Lee's wife gets catfished by a fake Ronnie Radke, Meghan Trainor embraces a new kind of body positivity, and Gene Simmons pretends to drink cum for disinterested casino crowds. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit