RE 186: Alcohol Gives us the Wings to Fly, Then Takes Away the Sky

Angie, with 146 days since her last drink, shares her story… "Alcohol gave me the wings to fly, then took away the sky" SHOW NOTES [5:30] Paul Introduces Angie. Angie is 36 years old, lives in Atlanta, GA. She has been sober for 146 days and is the proud owner of 2 dogs. She loves live music, the theater and the movies. She enjoys cooking. She now enjoys her own company. [7:06] Give us some background about your drinking habits. She never drank in high school or college. She started when she was in her early 20's. Drinking gave her confidence. After a divorce in 2012, she attempted suicide and her drinking also ramped up. She was having between 6-10 drinks a night. She felt like she was barely surviving. Her move to Atlanta did not cure her drinking, but it helped her to realize she had a problem. [10:25] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She never really wanted to stop, but she had a rock bottom moment when she drank before work. She was blacked out drunk and spoke with two of her bosses. She realized that she didn't have it under control. She would attempt sobriety and then crash into relapse. She associated alcohol with love. She wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol. [16:05] What did it feel like to formally say goodbye to alcohol? She felt empowered. She spent a lot of time wishing things in her life would be different. She realized that she had all the tools she needed within her. Her life got a lot easier. She changed her relationship with her internal dialogue. [18:15] How did you quit? She wanted to change but wasn't really searching for community. She struggled with sobriety on her own. She relapsed and thought it was the end of the world. She finally realized that she can't do it alone she began to connect with people. She went to AA. She went to Smart Recovery. She organized a sober meetup. Letting people in to help her has been her 146 days. [21:16] Talk to us about why you were unable to attend the Dallas meetup. She relapsed right before and felt like she couldn't go. She felt like she wasn't worth it. She kept drinking for two more months. [23:02] Talk to us about your relationship to self-loathing. She has often struggled with self-loathing. She has always felt like she wasn't good enough. She experienced a lot of self-hatred after relapse. She realized she wasn't going to change or grow. She realized drinking was a symptom. She drank because she hated herself. She realized that she had to love herself in that moment. She had a new story to write which looked nothing like her past. She has started to meditate. She decided she needed to go to therapy and talk it out with people. She wanted the outside voices. [27:31] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What tools are you using? She meditates first thing in the morning. She focuses on taking care of her dogs. She journals and tries to take it one day at a time. She breaks it down further to one thing at a time. Her life feels a lot slower and more peaceful. [30:10] What's your proudest moment in sobriety? She went to see a musical recently and didn't drink. She turned down a drink after a friend pressured her. She went to the bathroom, struggled, cried, but ended up texting her other sober friend to get through it. [31:25] What are your thoughts on relapse? Anything we do in life, we fail at. Success is built on failure. Failure aka relapse is a part of life. The less you beat yourself up, the better you'll be. [32:54] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking? Her failed suicide attempt. She found out her husband was cheating on her and she tried to take her life. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Going to her part time job completely drunk with no memory of the conversation. What's your plan moving forward? Taking it one day at a time. Try to not isolate herself. Maintain sober relationships What's your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? I'm worth it. It's worth it to do hard things and she's worth it being sober. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Just give it a shot. Give it 90 days and see how you feel. If the idea of 90 days feels overwhelming, that's just another reason to give it a try. Don't listen to the shitty voice in your head. Reach out to a community. People understand what you're going through. You might be an alcoholic if... "You're an avid Office fan, but you have to skip the episode with the intervention because it hits too close to home." Resources mentioned in this episode: Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free Sobriety Tracker iTunes Sobriety Tracker Android Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com "We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"