MFP 298: How to Really Love Your Teenager

"21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids." ― Meg Meeker Summary After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again! This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents. The teen years do not need to be horrible. In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child! The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult. In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager. Key Takeaways If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom. Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach. For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are. So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them. Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning. They won't succeed at everything they do and that is OK. This is the best time for them to learn these lessons. Invite them into spiritual adulthood. Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own. Couple Discussion Questions Looking back on your teen years, do you love your "teen self"? How can you grow in this? List the names of your tweens and teens. What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together. What are your concerns about your teens? Does your spouse have the same concerns? Why or why not? In what areas are you giving too much freedom? Where can you help your teen grow in independence? Resources The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt IGen by Jean Twenge