About this episode
In this episode of Fighting Matters, Stephan Kesting of Grapplearts and Jeff Shaw of Bellingham BJJ sit down with clinical psychologist, author, and BJJ black belt Dr. David Ley to challenge everything you think you know about gender. Is “alpha male” behavior really about dominance and strength? Or is it just bad psychology wrapped in influencer hype? Dr. Ley breaks down the biological, psychological, and cultural science behind gender norms, toxic masculinity, and the emotional hunger many men bring to the Jiu-Jitsu mat. From PowerSlap to Jordan Peterson to NoFap, we explore how pseudoscience and insecurity get weaponized—and how grappling can offer men a healthier, evidence-based path forward. ⸻ 👥 Featuring: Dr. David Ley – Clinical Psychologist, Author, BJJ Black Belt Jeff Shaw @BellinghamBJJ Stephan Kesting @StephanKesting ⸻ 🧠 Topics We Cover: • The real psychology of “alpha males” • How hostile masculinity leads to loneliness and harm • Why BJJ helps men form healthy, platonic bonds • The gender equality paradox: more freedom, more difference • Is toughness always a virtue—or just a blunt force fantasy? • Why touch, teamwork, and problem solving matter more • How pseudoscience fuels fascist masculinity movements • What “white knighting” critics get completely wrong • The role of Jiu-Jitsu in reshaping modern masculinity ⸻ 📖 Chapters: 00:00 Defining Masculinity 06:09 Cultural Constructs of Masculinity 12:05 Toxic Masculinity vs. Healthy Masculinity 18:43 The Role of Jiu-Jitsu in Masculinity 25:32 Problem Solving and Masculinity 28:03 Healthy Masculinity in Sports 30:06 Protecting the Vulnerable: A Discussion on Masculinity 32:19 The Role of Empathy and Pretending 34:02 Masculinity and Femininity as a Spectrum 35:55 The Alt-Right and Masculinity Influencers 38:20 Cuckolding and Masculinity 41:23 Toxic Femininity: A Counter Perspective 44:50 Guidance for Healthy Masculinity