About this episode
In this episode of Fighting Matters, Steve Kwan from BJJ Mental Models is joined by Jesse Walker of Rough Hands BJJ, Mike Mahaffey of Old Bastard BJJ, and mental health advocate David Figueroa-Martinez to challenge the outdated definitions of masculinity still thriving in the Jiu-Jitsu world. Why are men in Jiu-Jitsu still afraid to talk about emotion? What’s the cost of performative toughness on and off the mats? And how can coaches reshape gym culture to support real growth—for everyone? This isn’t about making BJJ "softer." It’s about making it stronger, by fostering vulnerability, empathy, and honesty in an often hypermasculine sport. ⸻ 👥 Featuring: • Jesse Walker @RoughHandsBJJ • Mike Mahaffey @OldBastardBJJ • David Figueroa-Martinez @dfm.2099 • Steve Kwan @bjjmentalmodels ⸻ 🧠 Topics We Cover: • Why emotional repression hurts male athletes • The damage done by “fake toughness” in Jiu-Jitsu • Why coaching is about more than just technique • How to build mentally healthy gym culture • The double standard for male vs female emotion • Why acknowledging weakness is a sign of strength ⸻ 📖 Chapters: 00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction 02:58 Exploring Men's Mental Health 05:59 Emotional Intelligence in Men 08:49 Generational Perspectives on Emotions 11:53 The Impact of Media on Masculinity 14:44 The Role of Vulnerability in Leadership 17:35 Navigating Grief and Loss 20:29 The Dichotomy of Progress and Pushback 23:30 The Importance of Authenticity in Coaching 37:28 The Performative Coach 38:55 Vulnerability in Coaching 39:25 The Evolving Stigma of Mental Health 40:39 Public Figures and Mental Health 41:38 Emotional Vulnerability in Leadership 43:41 Relatability in Leadership 45:30 The Mask of Professionalism 47:47 The Role of Jiu-Jitsu in Mental Health 49:03 Emotional Intelligence and Anger 51:15 The Dangers of Anger 53:21 Generational Challenges 56:35 Cultural Backlash and Representation 58:03 The Impact of Social Media 01:00:55 Cyberbullying and Youth Challenges 01:03:41 The Role of Jiu-Jitsu Coaches 01:05:17 Authenticity in Coaching 01:07:22 The True Essence of Coaching 01:09:15 Redefining Success in Coaching 01:11:01 Closing Thoughts on Authenticity