#101: The Pleasure Hidden in Your Pain: Why You Might Secretly Love the Struggle

What if the stress, chaos, and self-sabotage you keep bumping into are exactly what a hidden part of you wants? In this solo episode, I explore the powerful concept from the book, "Existential Kink," that "having is a form of wanting" and reveal how your mind can secretly crave the very patterns that hold you back. Through a raw personal story and a three-step framework, you'll learn how to uncover hidden programs that create stress and sabotage in your golf game, business, and life, so you can finally break free and play with calm, confidence, and clarity. In this episode, you'll learn: What "having is a form of wanting" means for your golf game and life How early programming creates today's patterns of chaos, fear, and urgency A three-step method (Acknowledge, Accept, Act) to shift stubborn habits How curiosity + breath turn discomfort into data you can use Why identity fear keeps you "almost there" (breaking 80, scaling revenue) A 15-minute journal exercise to map stressors and rewrite beliefs If you've been "almost" breaking 80, "almost" scaling the business, or "almost" following up with hot leads, this will help you see why—and how to finally play free. Get your pencils ready and start listening. P.S. Curious to learn more about the results my clients are experiencing and what they say about working with me? Read more here . Play to Your Potential On (and Off) the Course Schedule a Mindset Coaching Discovery Call Subscribe to the More Pars than Bogeys Newsletter Download my "Play Your Best Round" free hypnosis audio recording. High-Performance Hypnotherapy and Mindset Coaching Paul Salter - known as The Golf Hypnotherapist - is a High-Performance Hypnotherapist and Mindset Coach who leverages hypnosis and powerful subconscious reprogramming techniques to help golfers of all ages and skill levels overcome the mental hazards of their minds so they can shoot lower scores and play to their potential. He has over 16 years of coaching experience working with high performers in various industries, helping them get unstuck, out of their own way, and unlock their full potential. Click here to learn more about how high-performance hypnotherapy and mindset coaching can help you get out of your own way and play to your potential on (and off) the course. Instagram: @thegolfhypnotherapist Key Takeaways: Shadow patterns persist because they once met a need; honor that before you edit it. Identity fear ("Who will I be if I break 80?") often blocks the final 5%. Presence + breath are the fastest way to access and soften hidden programs. Acceptance is not approval—it's the on-ramp to real change. Curiosity beats judgment; treat tension in the body as useful feedback. Write the new rule: swap "almost" stories for precise, process-driven scripts. Fitness and daily reps (breath, journaling, hypnosis) cement the new identity. Key Quotes: "Having is a form of wanting—your patterns persist because some part of you benefits." "You can't change code you refuse to read: acknowledge, accept, then act." "Curiosity turns discomfort into data." "Identity fear keeps golfers married to the 'almost broke 80' story." "Acceptance isn't surrender; it's traction." "Breathe where it hurts—presence is the scalpel that removes old programs." "If you want different results, you must believe different—and then do different." Time Stamps: 00:00: The Desire Behind Self-Sabotage 02:45: Reflections on Personal Challenges 05:29: The Boxing Match Experience 11:11: Understanding Patterns of Chaos 16:44: The Subconscious Code of Our Lives 22:11: Acknowledgment and Acceptance for Change