About this episode
In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen are joined by Jessica Miller, clinical therapist and host of Mind Your Boundaries on YouTube. Jessica is a passionate boundary enthusiast who helps peacekeepers and people-pleasers set and maintain healthy boundaries with challenging family members. Together, they dive into the intersection of boundaries, emotional maturity, and sobriety—exploring how clear limits can protect recovery and build healthier relationships. Jessica, Sonia, and Kathleen explore questions like: How do you know when a relationship is draining and could threaten your sobriety? What’s the difference between a healthy boundary and punishment? When is guilt helpful, and when is it just old conditioning? They talk about estrangement, reconciliation, and why emotional maturity matters when setting boundaries with parents, partners, and friends. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical tools to: Spot when resentment is building and use boundaries to keep relationships strong Tell the difference between a request and a true boundary (and why that difference matters) Recognize emotional immaturity—both in others and in yourself Reframe guilt so it stops running the show Use kind but firm language to hold your boundaries without turning it into a fight Sonia and Kathleen share real-life examples of what it looks like to set boundaries with family during early sobriety, including tough moments around holidays and parenting decisions. Jessica opens up about her own two-year estrangement with her in-laws, how they reconciled, and the peace that comes from replacing resentment with clarity. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Episode Highlights [00:01:00] Why Jessica started Mind Your Boundaries and the gap she saw during the pandemic [00:03:00] Her personal journey from “too nice” peacekeeper to boundary-setting advocate [00:04:00] The painful estrangement with her in-laws that became a turning point [00:05:00] Reconciling after two years and doing it intentionally, step by step [00:07:00] Sonia and Kathleen share a family birthday story that triggered years of no-contact [00:09:00] Direct vs subtle boundaries—why sometimes you can just act instead of announce [00:10:00] Examples of modern parenting boundaries, like holding a baby to prevent unwanted kisses [00:12:00] Why someone else’s reaction to your boundary is about their maturity level [00:13:00] Healthy vs punitive boundaries and how they protect relationships [00:14:00] Sonia on how getting sober exposed just how few boundaries she had [00:15:00] Kathleen’s “24-hour rule” with her mom and how the body signals a limit [00:17:00] Early sobriety: why you can simply decline invitations without a big explanation [00:18:00] The difference between avoidance and capacity-based boundaries [00:19:00] Temporary breaks vs permanent cutoffs—and how to heal without an apology [00:22:00] Preparing mentally and emotionally before you set or enforce a boundary [00:24:00] Parenting examples: turning requests into real boundaries with action steps [00:26:00] The “sandwich” script formula: attachment → limit → benefit [00:27:00] Long-term benefit: resentment melts away and relationships feel lighter [00:28:00] Healthy guilt vs conditioned guilt—and why picking guilt prevents resentment [00:31:00] Hallmarks of emotional immaturity: deflection, lack of accountability, me-centered reactions [00:34:00] Self-check: spotting moments when we might be emotionally immature [00:38:00] Exercises for growing emotional maturity: journaling, voice notes, nervous system regulation [00:39:00] Jessica’s printable resource: 13 common sobriety boundary scenarios with scripts Jessica’s Links 🎥 MYB YouTube 🧰 Boundary Breakthrough Toolkit SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen 📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email 📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram 🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast 📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.