Scripts for difficult conversations: Giving hard feedback, navigating defensiveness, the three questions you should end every meeting with, more | Alisa Cohn (executive coach)

Alisa Cohn is an executive coach who has worked with C-suite executives at startups like Venmo, Etsy, Wirecutter, and DraftKings, and Fortune 500 companies like Microsoft, Google, Pfizer, Dell, and IBM. Inc. Magazine named Alisa one of the top 100 leadership speakers, and she was named one of the Top 50 coaches in the world by Thinkers50 and the #1 startup coach for the past four years by Global Gurus. She is also the author of From Start-Up to Grown-Up , which won the 2022 Independent Press Award and the American Book Fest 2023 Best Book Award for Entrepreneurship, and is the creator and host of a podcast of the same name. In our conversation, we discuss: • The psychology behind why we avoid difficult conversations • Specific scripts for having five common difficult conversations • How to handle defensive reactions in the moment • The three questions you should end every meeting with • “The founder prenup” that every founding team should work through • Common leadership myths • Stories of failure from Alisa’s career — Brought to you by: • Eppo —Run reliable, impactful experiments • Rippling —Automate HR, IT, and finance so you can scale faster • Liveblocks —Ready-made collaborative features to drop into your product — Find the transcript at: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/scripts-for-difficult-conversations-alisa-cohn — Where to find Alisa Cohn: • X: https://x.com/AlisaCohn • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisacohn • Website: https://www.alisacohn.com • Podcast: https://www.alisacohn.com/podcast — Where to find Lenny: • Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com • X: https://twitter.com/lennysan • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/ — In this episode, we cover: (00:00) Alisa’s background (04:48) Having difficult conversations (12:48) Scripts for performance feedback (20:20) How to respond when someone is defensive or upset (25:07) Scripts for handling promotion disappointments (31:00) Scripts for handling terminations (35:44) The importance of positive feedback (38:49) Understanding your job as a leader (44:55) Recognizing your own blind spots (49:38) Three vital questions to ask in every meeting (55:57) The founder prenup (01:08:24) Failure corner (01:13:00) Final thoughts and lightning round — Referenced: • Alisa’s free PDF downloads for Lenny’s listeners: https://www.alisacohn.com/Lenny/ • Radical Candor: From theory to practice with author Kim Scott: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/radical-candor-from-theory-to-practice • Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Model: https://www.ucop.edu/ombuds/_files/nvc-model-requesting-change-remove.pdf • Sheryl Sandberg on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheryl-sandberg-5126652 • How embracing emotions will accelerate your career | Joe Hudson (executive coach, Art of Accomplishment): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/embracing-your-emotions-joe-hudson • Joe Gebbia on X: https://x.com/jgebbia • Noam Wasserman on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/noam-wasserman-462425 • Core Values List: https://jamesclear.com/core-values • How Cofounders Can Prevent Their Relationship from Derailing: https://hbr.org/2022/04/how-cofounders-can-prevent-their-relationship-from-derailing • Inside Out 2 on Disney+: https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/inside-out-2/6MeZYf9JkFii • Ninja CREAMi: https://www.amazon.com/Ninja-NC299AMZ-Milkshakes-One-Touch-Container/dp/B09QV24FFZ • Joseph Campbell quote: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/136819-if-the-path-before-you-is-clear-you-re-probably-on — Recommended books: • From Start-Up to Grown-Up: Grow Your Leadership to Grow Your Business : https://www.amazon.com/Start-Up-Grown-Up-Grow-Leadership-Business/dp/1398601403 • Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity : https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Revised-Kick-Ass-Humanity/dp/1250235375 • Working Backwards: Insights, Stories, and Secrets from Inside Amazon : https://www.amazon.com/Working-Backwards-Insights-Stories-Secrets/dp/1250267595 • Unpacking Amazon’s unique ways of working | Bill Carr (author of Working Backwards): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/unpacking-amazons-unique-ways-of • Walt Disney: The Triumph of the American Imagination : https://www.amazon.com/Walt-Disney-Triumph-American-Imagination/dp/0679757473 — Production and marketing by https://penname.co/ . For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email podcast@lennyrachitsky.com . — Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.lennysnewsletter.com/subscribe