When They Won't Take Your "NO"

The holidays are coming, and with them come a great deal of socializing—often around food. It can be daunting. But what’s the worst that can happen? I have three stories for you about times when the worst did happen. Here’s the first: a friend told me a story about being around a campfire with his family. A family member offered him something they were cooking—it was NMF (not my food). He said, “No thanks,” but the person just shoved the food closer to him and insisted he take it. When they shoved it into his face a third time, he got mad. He was rocked by the fact that his “no” wasn’t honored. Another story: When I lived in Sydney, Australia, I was going through the worst relapse I’d ever had. I finally put down the sugar and flour and got peace, but I was fragile. During that time, we were Bah áʼí—I’m not anymore, but I was a devout member of the faith then—and frequently went to religious gatherings. There was always a large contingent of Persians at these gatherings. In Persian culture, there is a rule of hospitality called taarof , where the host offers a guest food several times, which they turn down twice, and then accept the third time. It’s a sort of dance between host and guest. It’s woven into their culture. I’d go to these gatherings, and invariably the host would bring a tray of baked goods around and I’d refuse, as clearly and strongly as I could. And they’d lift the tray higher and insist. And by this point, tears would be in my eyes and I’d be looking for a way to escape. It was very hard to not have my “no” respected, and I eventually stopped going to these events. And one more: There was a man I didn’t know very well at a camping event. I told him that I didn’t eat sugar or flour. After that, he took a chunk of NMF and shoved it in my mouth. He meant it as a joke. He thought that since I wasn’t initiating the action, it was a freebie and I’d enjoy it. I freaked out and ran to the sink to spit out the food. He didn’t get it—he didn’t understand that I wouldn’t appreciate a freebie. If you’re not a Bright Lifer, what support can you get for these circumstances? First, there is the vlog archive. Go to BrightLineEating.com, click the vlog tab, and use the search box. There’s one called “How to Talk to Your Partner about BLE.” It can help you if someone is obstructing your progress. You can search the vlog archives on terms like “holiday,” “Thanksgiving,” and “Halloween.” There are good tips there to help support you. There is also support in the books: Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free and Rezoom: The Powerful Reframe to End the Crash-and-Burn Cycle of Food Addiction . Get them from the library or cheap on Amazon. If you are a Bright Lifer, there’s even more support. We have a whole course called “Bright Line Holiday,” and it goes into depth about navigating the holidays and staying Bright. If you’re in Boot Camp, there’s a module Called “A Full, Flourishing Life: Navigating Friends, Family, and Social Situations.” There’s also the Friends and Family video—you can copy the link and send it to your loved ones. They get an explanation from a neuroscientist—me—on why your brain is different. Insults and misunderstandings are hard to navigate but it is not, after all, the job of others to understand what you’re doing with your food. And they may never. But you can stay strong in your “no, thank you” regardless of whether they understand. Think about it this way: If you were allergic to peanuts, and someone made you a peanut butter sandwich, you wouldn’t eat it no matter how much they urged it on you. You would say, “No thank you, peanut butter makes me sick.” That’s helpful language because sugar and flour make us sick. It warps our minds, spirit, body, and brain. I want to leave you with a quote from the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” We have a food landscape that is sick. People eat themselves into illness and early death. For us, it’s even worse because we have an addictive relationship with ultra-processed foods. It’s not good for us, even on the holidays. So stay strong in your “no, thank you.” Appreciate the people who accept this and God bless those who don’t. And bring it here. Bring it here. Bring it here. We get you, we love you, we support you. FOR THIS EPISODE and MORE: https://ble.life/dw1qy7 When They Won’t Take Your “No” | Bright Line Living | The Official Bright Line Eating Podcast