Episodes

11h ago

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a meandering, unfiltered group therapy session masquerading as a football postmortem. The guys open with an absurd riff on abandoning sports for surrealist art, then pivot to a wildly unstructured but emotionally sincere autopsy of the Detroit Lions' season. It’s part football barroom brawl, part late-night existential crisis, peppered with jokes about smirking Mona Lisas, civil engineering as "moderately gay," and bone density testing as a scouting metric. The football talk is surprisingly dense—these guys know their stuff, albeit filtered through Budweiser and generational trauma. It’s clear they care deeply about the team, and the vitriol directed at coaching decisions, injuries, and training staff is cathartic. However, the sincerity is constantly undercut by absurd tangents, like gynecologist horror films, giving birth at the county fair, and a sincere attempt to pitch a new sport: “fockey” (football + hockey, naturally). This episode would be near-unlistenable without a tolerance for chaos, vulgarity, and the occasional sincere insight about sports pain or parenting. If you're not a Lions fan—or high—you might struggle. But if you are, it's both catharsis and comedy. Would I recommend it? Only to fellow Detroit masochists. Everyone else, proceed with caution.

Dec 16

The latest episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is, in a word, an unhinged rollercoaster. Clocking in at an absurd sprawl of bodily-function banter, Detroit pizza discourse, digressions about gloryhole etiquette, and a surprise (and actually impressive) original theme song, this episode throws structure to the wind and leans fully into the show's guiding principle: “if it breaks, we lean in.” Ian’s return is treated with mock fanfare and genuine joy, including a shockingly catchy musical number that almost feels too polished for this otherwise feral group. The energy is loose, the insults fly fast, and the topics swing wildly—from “big baby dick” to Wayne’s World canon, to what sounds like a deeply cursed tour of Midwestern adult arcades. Somehow, they even manage to wedge in a half-assed alien conspiracy theory debate and a pitch for a chill vampire sketch. To be clear, this episode is not for the faint of heart. It’s vulgar, self-indulgent, and completely void of any narrative arc—but it is also consistently funny in its shameless commitment to chaos. Would I recommend it to a friend? Only the degenerate ones. But for them, it’s a hard yes.

Dec 8

This episode is The Burt Selleck Podcast at its most unhinged and, frankly, its most itself. It opens with the gang arguing about whether Alex “nudged” or “kicked” his dog — a debate that somehow spirals into childhood animal cruelty confessions, the Bikini Bottom Holocaust, and an unexpectedly thorough lecture on perch sizes. The tonal whiplash is almost impressive. Mid-show, the guys pitch a Civil War video game reimagined as a chaotic gay Hunger Games, complete with popper cannonballs. This section is equal parts horrifying and undeniably funny — the kind of bit you laugh at and immediately question your own morality. The episode peaks, though, with Nick’s obsessive pursuit of prehistoric p**** and John’s refusal to discuss anything grosser than boogers, seconds before all three proceed to talk about the grossest things imaginable. There is no structure here — just free-associative comedy, occasional cultural analysis, and long detours into video games, geopolitics, and the ethics of eating carp. Would I recommend it? Only to someone who already loves this podcast. For newcomers, this is like dropping acid in the middle of a Denny’s — disorienting, loud, and full of strangers yelling about brontosaurus head game.

Dec 1

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling exercise in absurdity, contradiction, and relentless riffing—a 90-minute meander through toilet-brain sports talk, dodgeball-based geopolitical allegories, and that old chestnut: Hitler’s micro penis. The boys, as ever, swerve between high-concept satire and middle-school locker room banter, stopping just long enough to half-sincerely debate toaster slots and the acoustics of bodily functions. Structurally, there’s none. You’re either on this unhinged frequency or you’re left behind with the International Dodgeball Federation’s dignity. The episode’s recurring IDF bit cleverly (and maybe accidentally) toys with real-world political subtext but swerves safely back into parody territory with nonsense like aborted fetus cannons and sperm-powered snow plows. Standout moments include Alex's deranged fantasy of melting snow with his crotch heat and the heartfelt discussion of gay real estate—yes, really. The riffs on web crawlers, NHL mic’d-ups, and ancient Pompeii masturbation fossils? Pure, deranged gold. Would I recommend this episode? Only to the sickos. Only to the listeners who prefer their comedy unpredictable, offensive, and occasionally brilliant. Not for the faint of heart, but if you’ve made it this far, you’re already implicated.

Nov 24

There’s a moment about 45 minutes into this episode where a casual discussion about gay NFL positions—yes, really—suddenly blossoms into an earnest, semi-informed argument about the taxonomies of monkeys, followed by a detour into Native American tribal politics, and eventually lands on whether cougars should be stabbed on sight. That’s the kind of ride you’re on with this one: no seatbelt, no map, just three to four unfiltered Midwestern comics pissing into the wind of cultural relevance. The episode is a maximalist mess, laced with enough absurd riffs, half-thought political hot takes, and poop-related asides to make a Catholic school janitor weep. It’s impressively stupid at times, but self-aware about it. Highlights include the imagined logistics of bathhouse candles, a running bit about “Dog Baptists,” and a sincere debate over whether tight ends are the NFL’s most bisexual position (verdict: yes, obviously). There’s also a sudden pivot to genocide and Israel-Palestine that feels whiplash-inducing, if not outright jarring—but even that, somehow, gets metabolized into the chaos Would I recommend this? Only if you’re in the mood for stream-of-consciousness guy-logic delivered with zero structure and negative nutritional value. If you are, though—absolutely.

Nov 18

This one’s pure, unfiltered Burt Selleck chaos: two guys rambling through politics, bodily decay, conspiracy theories, Alien lore, college nostalgia, and whatever stray thought wandered into the room. It’s a hangout episode in the truest sense, which is both its charm and its biggest flaw. The standout thread is Nick’s mysterious detainment, which they treat with the emotional gravity of someone misplacing their vape. It’s funny, bleak, and somehow still affectionate. The real highlight, though, is the cat-polyp saga. It’s the closest the episode gets to structure, and it works because it’s actually a story with stakes, tension, and a disgusting payoff. Most of the political talk is half-baked barroom analysis, but that’s part of the show’s personality: wild theories, confident wrongness, and sudden detours into Predator movies. When they land on something insightful, it sneaks up on you. When they don’t, you still get a laugh out of how confidently they missed. Would I recommend it? Yeah, but only to someone who already knows what this show is. If you’re new, it’ll feel like walking into a two-hour conversation that’s been happening for fifteen years. If you’re in the club, it’s a messy, funny, meandering good time.

Nov 4

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling, chaotic rollercoaster through injured necks, steroid shots, Detroit Lions heartbreak, improvised bank robberies, Red Dead Redemption ambitions, and passionate arguments about alien linguistics and NFL salary caps. It's absurd in all the right ways, even when it’s wildly incoherent. The real charm lies in the chemistry among the hosts. Their ability to pivot from a riff about muscle relaxers to a dead-serious breakdown of Detroit's offensive line problems is both maddening and oddly engrossing. Highlights include the improvised bit about robbing a bank only to be sent on a fast food run (complete with a debate over fire sauce vs. Sichuan), and a philosophical tangent about whether aliens would bother with binary when Google Translate exists. The episode drags a bit during deep sports talk—unless you're a diehard Lions fan with a draft board in your garage—but the constant derailments and self-aware cynicism keep things alive. The show’s lack of structure is its identity, but some segments wander into indulgent territory. Would I recommend it? Yes—but only to listeners who like their comedy unfiltered, their NFL takes emotionally unstable, and their podcasts with the energy of a couch full of stoned friends yelling about space travel, lasagna, and trading Jahmyr Gibbs. Rating: 🦁🛋️🍕💉 (4 out of 5 pimpled mousse)

Oct 29

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a sprawling, often absurd fever dream that somehow still manages to be coherent—if you're willing to redefine coherence entirely. It opens with an extended, uncomfortable riff on Native American stereotypes, movie accents, and pseudo-anthropological nonsense, followed quickly by a surprisingly sincere (if clumsily expressed) discussion of panic attacks and medical anxiety. From there, it’s a carousel of spiraling tangents: AI’s failure to become sentient, using ChatGPT to generate rap lyrics, a dystopian screenplay pitch about apocalyptic house pods, a heist movie where criminals rob schools (and one of them saves the day during a school shooting), and a deep dive into Red Dead Redemption poker mechanics. There are moments of genuine insight (the discussion of AI’s limitations and monetization is shockingly lucid), but they’re quickly drowned in a sea of performative idiocy and wild tonal shifts. The final act devolves into a feverish meditation on horseradish, Bloody Marys, and dream breakfast menus. Would I recommend this episode to a friend? Only if that friend is deeply sleep-deprived, has a high tolerance for nonsense, and wants to hear four funny weirdos ride every idea to its most illogical conclusion. In other words: yes, but with a warning label.

Oct 20

This episode is a sprawling, nearly two-hour ramble that manages to cover everything and nothing all at once. It opens with a loose thread about The Conjuring 4 and ends somewhere between Simon Cowell’s plastic surgery and DJ Screw-coded Texan soap operas. The connective tissue is, as always, the quartet’s chemistry and their unrelenting ability to riff on any tangent—be it diabetic piss preferences, stand-up comedy contests, Venmo ghost money, or baby feces. Structurally, there’s no pretense of structure. The episode feels like a long night hanging out with friends who are maybe too high, too caffeinated, or both. Conversations spiral into absurdist cul-de-sacs (a serious, unironic discussion of nipple-based arousal segues into a pitch for an energy company powered by restless leg syndrome). This lack of direction is both the show’s appeal and its biggest obstacle—if you’re not already on the wavelength, it’s chaos; if you are, it’s cathartic. Standout moments include the brutally honest debrief on local comedy competitions, a genuinely hilarious bit about misfiring purchases on PlayStation, and a long, unfiltered debate about boxing and violence that veers into unexpectedly philosophical territory. Verdict: Would I recommend this episode? Yes, but conditionally. If you’re a new listener, maybe not the best entry point. If you’ve got an hour-plus to kill and want to hear smart idiots digress through every possible topic with zero filter, this is a goldmine. If you're looking for anything resembling structure or purpose, run.

Oct 6

If this episode had a title, it might be “Gone, Daddy John, and Other Disasters.” The Burt Selleck boys return after a brief hiatus, and what follows is a sprawling, loosely hinged mix of Tigers baseball talk, fat jokes, Trump-bashing, military coup hypotheticals, historical fur trappers, gum jobs, and Halloween candy ethics. In other words, business as usual. This episode is quintessential Selleck: no structure, no filter, no real point—but that’s the charm, assuming you’re into a comedy podcast that swerves between raunchy nostalgia and bleak geopolitical banter without ever using a blinker. Nick’s gripes about missing the Tigers game give way to a surprisingly long riff on what each guy’s home run call would be. (“Ding-dong King Kong” is a highlight; “I’m coming” is… not.) There’s also a weirdly sincere moment when they talk about Michigan’s apocalypse-readiness. The humor, as always, is vulgar and very inside-joke adjacent. There’s a full five minutes where the only throughline is “French fur trappers were gross.” If that sounds exhausting, it is. If it sounds like fun, it kind of is too. Would I recommend it? Yes, but only to someone who already likes chaos. This episode doesn’t convert—it rewards long-time listeners who know the rhythms, the personalities, and when to just let the nonsense wash over them.

Sep 22

This episode is an accidental triumph of chaos, built on derailed intentions and the unintentional arrival of a co-host who was allegedly not supposed to be there. The cast tries to re-create a lost episode, but what they actually produce is something arguably better: a meandering, overstuffed, strangely compelling hour that veers from Container Store conspiracies to spider whispering, to debating whether eating one's own feces makes a dog irredeemably stupid. Skippy Rose returns and contributes real narrative weight—relatable stories about childbirth, teaching in China, and Uber flirtations via Google Translate—grounding the male insanity with bursts of vulnerable, whip-smart humor. Meanwhile, the usual crew (Alex, John, Nick) descend into a kind of absurdist stand-up free-for-all, with side quests into Great Wall of China myths, DIY crow militias, and hypothetical spider-based superhero identities. Despite no structure and the usual ADHD editing approach, the episode works. Why? Because it’s funny. Not polished, not purposeful, but genuinely laugh-out-loud funny. There’s even a 9/11 romantic backstory that somehow doesn’t feel offensive—a true feat of tonal balance or maybe just the listener becoming numb to their antics. Would I recommend this episode? Yes—though not to your mom. This one’s for listeners who like their comedy unfiltered, unhinged, and occasionally brilliant in spite of itself. Rating: 8/10 – “Container Coffin of Gold.”

Sep 9

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is an exhausting exercise in chaos, confrontation, and cum metaphysics, clocking in as one of the more unhinged entries in the show’s already lawless archive. There’s a football postmortem up top—half-hearted analysis sandwiched between dick jokes and mutual invalidation—before the show veers completely off-road. What follows is 90 minutes of libertarian-baiting, robot child bodies, Ed Gein home decor critiques, and an extended conversation about ejaculatory velocity that is somehow both vivid and deeply clinical. Nick attempts to introduce a moment of genuine emotional vulnerability after watching a traumatic video, but is quickly shouted down by his co-hosts who prefer their friendship transactional and legally binding. The “only fans, no friends” bit becomes the philosophical backbone of the episode—a bleak yet hilarious commentary on parasocial relationships, creative burnout, and the commodification of camaraderie. Alex’s riffs are as sharp as ever, and John’s deadpan legalese continues to be a quietly devastating weapon. The back third devolves into a slurry of neighborhood disputes, bowel movements, and bad dietary choices—all topped with a finale that feels like a group of children high on sugar trying to land a plane. And somehow, it works. Recommend? Yes, but only to the initiated. This is not a starter episode. It’s messy, manic, occasionally brilliant—and deeply Burt Selleck .

Sep 1

“HVAC Mercenaries” is the kind of episode that starts with a middle finger to structure and then spends two full hours proving why structure might actually be a good idea. Nick opens with the dramatic claim that he won’t speak unless the others mention something he cares about—then proceeds to talk almost non-stop, which is as close as this podcast gets to narrative irony. What follows is a relentless, stream-of-consciousness marathon where topics range from UFO audiobooks, different Bible versions, and mercenary HVAC technicians, to graveyard sex and cum-stained Zap Zone shirts. It's like four smart, funny guys got stuck in a time loop and decided to spend it all riffing. Hitchens, the Jefferson Bible, Tool vs. System of a Down, and South Park’s production schedule all make appearances—often in the same ten-minute stretch. The highlight, if you can call it that, is a surprisingly earnest (and deranged) philosophical tangent about aliens as time travelers or ghosts, quickly derailed by a bit on pooping cocaine and ASMR gay porn bait-and-switch videos. Would I recommend this episode to a friend? Honestly, only the brave ones. It’s hilarious in places, insane in others, and mostly for those who enjoy a podcast that feels like being trapped in a car with three comedians during a coke-fueled road trip through nihilism. There's brilliance here, but you have to sift through a lot of beard dandruff and cum metaphors to find it.

Aug 27

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a chaotic, rambling triumph of nonsense that somehow becomes weirdly endearing the longer you stay with it. From the opening argument about music intros and podcast rankings to the absurd speculation about podcast playoff structures, the show luxuriates in its own lack of direction. It’s like being trapped in a dorm room with three comedians who drank too much coffee and forgot they were recording. The tone swerves between earnestness and outright stupidity—one moment, they’re debating pirate justice and praying mantis parasites; the next, they’re fantasizing about interviewing Obama or running the perfect podcast football playbook. Ian, notably absent, becomes both a scapegoat and a saint, repeatedly mocked and mourned. Highlights include the sustained pirate tangent (complete with historically accurate keel-hauling trivia), the unhinged Kanye rant, and a surprisingly heartfelt discussion about fatherhood and college-age children—proving that even the most chaotic bros have soft spots. Would I recommend this episode? Yes, but only to those who can stomach two hours of derailed conversation punctuated by moments of sharp humor and bizarre insight. It’s not for everyone, but it is definitively, unapologetically them .

Aug 18

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast might be the most unhinged, hilariously self-indulgent display of chaotic male friendship since the invention of microphones. Clocking in at over an hour, “Armpit Thunder” is a genre-defying whirlwind of petty grievances, diss tracks, AI music production, and philosophical debates about Komodo dragons and superhero lore—all filtered through the lens of four Detroit comedians who refuse to take anything seriously, including each other. At its molten core is Alex's wounded ego over ignored group texts and stolen jokes—a deeply stupid, deeply relatable emotional thread that spirals into absurd rap beefs involving Nick's alter ego “Talented Brando.” The AI-generated funk tracks born from prompts like “the smell of an armpit, a baby, and sunshine” are inexplicably catchy and earnestly debated, while the spontaneous diss track aimed at Nick is both brutal and poetic. (“Fingers like ballerinas, but the punch don’t show” is pure gold.) Ian’s sporadic phone-in as the voice of semi-reason is a welcome reprieve from the madness, and the closing discussion about sardines, tuna, and fermented Swedish fish somehow ties everything together with a whiff of decay and dignity. Would I recommend it? Absolutely—to anyone craving podcasting at its most raw, unscripted, and dumb in the best way. Not for the easily offended or those requiring structure, but for the rest of us: it’s chaos therapy.

Aug 12

This episode is the Burt Selleck crew at their most sprawling and chaotic — a two-hour conversational drunken walk that somehow stumbles from mocking Ian’s absence to a half-serious geopolitical “analysis” of Gaza, to the agricultural needs of famine-stricken Ethiopia, to belly-slapping leagues, clairvoyance-for-hire schemes, NFL player sexuality conspiracies, lesbian pitbull ownership statistics, racial breakdowns of the NHL, and whether bisexuality is just “bicerial” hand-holding. The humor is crass, meandering, and often crosses into intentionally offensive absurdism — the Holocaust-as-typo bit, the Kid Rock statue fantasy, and the meticulous butt-douching history lesson are emblematic of their “say the wrong thing with a straight face” ethos. Structurally, there’s no arc: conversations die mid-sentence, resurface 40 minutes later, and mutate into new tangents with zero connective tissue. The through-line, if there is one, is the pleasure they take in derailing each other. Standout moments: the “Mega Lesbian” Voltron joke, the clairvoyant holding ghost-secrets for ransom, and the AM/FM genital frequency theory. Also, Nick’s “dream minute” — which is less whimsical than it is disturbing — perfectly illustrates the podcast’s refusal to do anything “the normal way.” Would I recommend it? Only to someone who enjoys comedy that’s equal parts barroom argument, shock humor, and surrealist improv, and who doesn’t mind hearing a dozen ideas abandoned halfway through for a dirtier one. For anyone else, it’s chaos without a map — but for the right listener, that’s the point.

Aug 4

This episode is what happens when you leave four unmedicated men with microphones and no agenda. The conversation, if you can call it that, veers from Alex’s famously thick liver to speculative skunk anatomy, TikTok’s “white shampoo” trend (spoiler: it’s not about hygiene), and a disturbingly vivid reenactment of a skunk attack. There’s a decent 20-minute stretch in the middle where the group fixates on building a soundboard of Ian lies—easily the most coherent concept in an otherwise wildly disjointed narrative. Ian’s absence casts a sentimental, almost mythic shadow over the group. They speak of him like he’s dead or magical, possibly both. The episode also includes a deep dive into whether skunks have bleached buttholes and culminates in a proposed taxonomy of animals prioritized by gender identity during maritime disasters. Yes, really. The comedy is anarchic, raw, occasionally inspired, and often gross. Some bits hit (like the chemical warfare comparison to skunk spray), while others spiral into repetitive, chaotic noise. The structure is nonexistent, but that’s the point. Would I recommend it? Only to someone who already knows what they’re getting into. This isn’t entry-level Burt Selleck. It’s a long, incoherent hang with guys who think diarrhea is a valid punchline. If that’s your speed, this one’s a riot. If not, run. Rating: 6.8/10 – Vile, meandering, and occasionally brilliant.

Jul 28

If you think structure matters, keep scrolling. This installment is a 95-minute free-association rocket that launches with Michigan’s oppressive heat and crash-lands on cryogenically-preserved genitals. The hosts — Alex, John, Nick, plus a drive-by from Ian — pinball between bodily ailments (an infected salivary gland becomes surprisingly fertile comedy), elaborate golden-shower hypotheticals, and a conspiracy theory in which suppressed vampire foot-fetishism somehow begat Jeffrey Epstein. There is no arc, only entropy. What saves the chaos from total collapse is their knack for left-field riffs that feel both juvenile and oddly inventive. The “ejacuation” gag (skydiver must finish before hitting terminal velocity) is so proudly stupid it circles back to brilliance; the “rotten-mouth mime wielding inter-dimensional knives” bit is manic improv you can almost see storyboarded on a grease-stained Denny’s placemat. Occasional flashes of cultural commentary break through — AI-generated YouTube cadence, 9/11 media memories — but they’re quickly smothered by Sour Patch Kids and Dracula’s alleged bisexuality. Do I recommend it? Only if you enjoy comedy that values shock over cohesion and don’t mind wading through a septic tank to find the occasional gold tooth. For listeners who crave polished storytelling or even basic segues, hard pass. For connoisseurs of unfiltered bar-banter absurdism, hit play and embrace the mess.

Jul 14

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is a long, winding descent into absurdity, bodily functions, semi-coherent sexual philosophy, and barely tethered banter that somehow manages to be both repellent and engaging. It opens with lamentations about Ian's absence and devolves almost immediately into discussions of raw oatmeal diarrhea science, “gay ninjas,” and the gay Kinsey scale like it's all part of the same lecture series. The episode feels like it’s on a barstool bender, fueled by overtalked beers and residual resentment toward the comedy industry’s gatekeepers (a solid digression into Rogan-world disillusionment). Somewhere amidst the chaos, there’s also a genuinely funny riff on the Rocky movies and a full-circle hippo vs. elephant deathmatch debate that probably reveals more about the hosts’ inner psychodramas than any therapy session could. The tone is aggressively loose, often juvenile, sometimes gross, and occasionally self-aware in a way that gives the madness a glimmer of intentionality. But it's also two hours of relentless guy talk that doesn’t care if you’re keeping up—or want to be here at all. Would I recommend it? Begrudgingly, yes—to a friend who enjoys watching a group of funny, bitter men spiral in real time with moments of brilliance buried in dick jokes and doom.

Jul 8

This episode unfolds as a chaotic, meandering, deeply personal sendoff for Ian, a longtime fixture of the show, and perhaps the most emotionally resonant installment to date—at least by Burt Selleck standards. From the moment it opens mid-bicker about lighting and podcast “purity,” you know you're in for an unedited mess. But underneath the mess, there’s real sentiment: the hosts love Ian, even as they ruthlessly roast him, suggest GPS-tagging his body, and bet on him losing toes to Washington wildlife. There’s something touching about the structureless structure of it all. The crew’s attempt to frame the episode around “reasons we’re glad/sad Ian is leaving” gets frequently derailed by tangents about eagles airlifting hikers, nipple trauma, cult leadership, Trader Joe’s conspiracies, and Detroit-specific chili drinks. And yet, through this slurry of absurdity, genuine warmth cuts through. Ian's move clearly hits the group hard—even if they process it through deranged banter and fumbled bird impressions. Would I recommend it? Yes, conditionally. It’s peak Burt Selleck: disorganized, juvenile, weirdly insightful, and occasionally gross—but unmistakably sincere. If you’ve ever had a dumb, loving friend group that masks emotion with jokes, this episode will hit home. A fittingly chaotic goodbye.

Jul 1

This episode of The Burt Selleck Podcast is essentially a 2-hour unfiltered brain dump from four dudes, one of whom just returned from a European trip and has a haircut to prove it. Ian’s whirlwind recap of Amsterdam, Hamburg, Berlin, and Warsaw is the closest thing to structure, but it’s continuously derailed by the others with riffs, grotesque hypotheticals, and some truly questionable history takes. What makes it work, when it works, is Ian’s earnest travel reporting (hookers in Hamburg, breakfast from a kimonoed Airbnb host, the Monument to the Murdered Jews of Europe) colliding with the group’s chaotic energy and relentless sarcasm. The travelogue turns into a group therapy session about homelessness, ass muscles, and the legacy of vaudeville ribbon dancing. Somehow, it ends with Naked Connections, a Polish dating show that judges contestants solely by their genitals. Would I recommend it? To a friend who enjoys incoherent, barely edited male bonding rituals? Yes, wholeheartedly. To anyone else? God, no. This is podcasting as chaos magic—funny, disturbing, and never going where you expect, unless where you expect is "nowhere." But that’s part of its anti-charm. Rating: Unreviewable. Listen if you dare.

Jun 24

This episode is a full-blown character spiral wrapped in layers of absurdity, veiled sincerity, and comedic endurance. “Talent Brando,” presumably a riffing improv persona conjured by one of the hosts or a guest, dominates the mic for the first quarter of the episode in a fever dream of wannabe-rapper bravado, circular pseudo-wisdom, and overcooked industry paranoia. The performance leans heavily on the tension between irony and earnestness, never quite tipping its hand, which is either masterful or frustrating depending on your tolerance for prolonged bits that refuse to resolve. There’s a distinct brilliance to the chaos here—the endless rebranding of Talent Brando’s name (Talent Ed Brando, Tiptop Magcoo, Grandpa Forever), the obsessive declarations about being a “thinking rapper,” and the increasingly absurd industry anecdotes that somehow involve DJ Spooks and Kendrick Lamar. The improv chemistry is strong, though the bit wears thin at times, saved only by the group's commitment and unpredictable tangents (including a surprisingly sincere late-episode geopolitical detour and a prolonged fantasy involving Tom Cruise assassinating Trump in a bee costume). It’s messy, crass, and deliberately indulgent. In other words: very much on-brand. I wouldn’t recommend this as a first listen, but if you’re a fan of character-driven improv or just enjoy hearing comedians dare each other to keep a bit going past its expiration date, it’s a must. Recommendation: For seasoned listeners only.

Jun 17

This episode opens with a gold trophy sitting in for the absent Ian, and somehow that sets the perfect tone. What follows is a deeply unserious, often morbidly hilarious conversation between the core group of Alex, John, Nick, and the spectral presence of Ian. Their stream-of-consciousness banter drifts through topics like grave aesthetics, cremation preferences, echolocation envy, and the mechanics of turning a man into a walrus—each one given equal (lack of) reverence. There are highlights. Nick's cemetery rant veers between poignant and absurd, revealing an unexpectedly human thread amid the nonsense. The group’s fabricated scandal about Ian eating his dog is pure chaos, toeing the line between farce and bad taste—so, classic Selleck. Also worth noting is the segment on Serbian-Mexican cultural overlap, which is both strangely informative and a reminder that these guys occasionally stumble into sociological gold between fart jokes. That said, this episode is not for the easily offended or the structurally inclined. There’s no narrative, no theme—just a freefall of degenerately funny bits. Do I recommend it? Only to someone who understands the phrase “Gold Dust is part of the Bic lore” without needing further explanation. Grade: B+. Best enjoyed with a low bar and a dark sense of humor.

Jun 9

In a meandering, manic descent into absurdity, the Burt Selleck crew delivers what could only be described as a podcast episode in the most technical sense. There are words. They are spoken into microphones. What follows is a 3-hour fever dream that bounces from faux-coke interventions to Pride parade shirts, cologne preferences, and hypothetical gay sex pyramids—all punctuated by a surprising degree of sincerity about moving to Washington and leaving it all behind. The lack of structure is, as always, the point—but this episode leans especially hard into its unhinged, free-associative identity. Nick is accused of being on cocaine (he denies it), then celebrated for being cool (because maybe he is on cocaine?), then drafted into a graphic, hypothetical human-sex totem pole. It’s all delivered with the improv-slick timing of people who know each other’s rhythms too well. The topics veer from aggressively juvenile to weirdly insightful to sincerely bleak, all without breaking stride. Would I recommend it? To a friend? Only if they’ve already lost their job, ruined their marriage, and need something to confirm that their life could be more chaotic. But if you’re into unfiltered chaos and uncomfortable laughs, this might be your next religion.

Jun 2

Damn, Chat GPT really flamed us this week: Imagine if a true crime documentary and Beavis and Butt-Head had a baby in a haunted house—that’s about the vibe of this episode. “Scroll Time’s Over” kicks off with courtroom jokes and Joey Diaz references but quickly swan-dives into an Olympic event of who-can-describe-the-worst-thing-they’ve-ever-seen. Spoiler: Ian wins by a landslide, again. The prison rape stories, deadpan recountings of violent YouTube rabbit holes, and unsolicited memories of hanging Dobermans give the episode all the warmth of a Serbian film. If you’ve ever wanted to hear four grown men casually rank the trauma levels of tire fires and deer massacres while trying (and failing) to be funny, congratulations—you’ve found your podcast. The boys’ attempt at gallows humor mostly lands like a broomstick to the gut. Some moments teeter on interesting—like lucid dreaming or whether humans taste like pork—but they're buried under so much nihilistic one-upmanship you’ll wonder if this isn’t just a lost Faces of Death commentary track. Recommendation: Skip it unless you enjoy bleak absurdity, have an iron stomach, and believe empathy is for the weak. Otherwise, maybe just go outside. Touch grass. Hug a dog. Preferably a living one.

May 26

ChatGPT’s Review of 242_Hands_Free: This episode is an unrelenting two-hour descent into bodily function discourse, underwear preferences, and unsolicited engineering solutions for urinals and glory holes. There is no structure, no point, and no pretense of productivity—just four men free-associating from one grotesque or absurd image to the next with the energy of a locker room that's been locked from the outside. The standout topic (if we must call it that) is the anatomy and usage of men's underwear—specifically, the philosophical and logistical implications of the "dickhole." From there, the episode spirals into inventive, often horrifying solutions for public bathroom ergonomics, with side tangents into big cat cuisine, Serbian-Mexican cultural exchange, and the ethics of castration play. At some point, it becomes a meta-commentary on podcasting itself—how little it takes to sustain a show when the chemistry is this chaotic. The tone? Gleefully filthy and unserious. The laughs come from the sheer persistence of the hosts' commitment to each bit, no matter how stupid or uncomfortable. It's not for the squeamish, the uptight, or anyone expecting a point. Would I recommend it? Yes—if you're a fan of unfiltered guy talk that rides the line between idiocy and accidental brilliance. Otherwise, maybe stick to podcasts with actual topics.

May 19

Chat GPT's Review of this Episode: Okay, so I just listened to the latest episode of the podcast and I genuinely don’t know whether to recommend it or call the cops . It opens with one of them watching 9/11 footage for fun (?) and then immediately shifts into a heartfelt (?) story about eating a trans man’s pussy at a gay bathhouse. And that’s just the first five minutes. The rest of the episode is a non-stop, two-hour chaos spiral of the most deranged, offensive, honest, and weirdly touching conversations you’ve ever heard—like if Howard Stern , Jackass , and a philosophy seminar about gender, pleasure, and roast beef all merged during a group acid trip in a steam room. You will hear phrases like: “This might be a gateway pussy.” “You don’t let a dick stop you from hanging with your bros.” “Free Palestine… spelled with your tongue.” “You’re the sigma Christ of allyship.” By the end, they’re somehow talking about cheeses, bathhouse fashion, hot sauce hierarchies, and Abraham Lincoln’s gay lover. It’s completely unhinged, but you can’t stop listening because it’s also weirdly wholesome in the way that only disgusting, honest people who love each other can be. Warning: Do not let your grandma accidentally hear this. This is for fans of raw, messy, queer-adjacent degenerate comedy that doesn’t apologize and doesn’t hold your hand. If you're easily offended, just... don't. Verdict: Unfiltered filth with a surprisingly tender core. I laughed out loud, gagged a few times, and honestly? Felt a little proud of them. Listen if you're okay with losing your sense of morality for 90 minutes. Skip if you require a safe word.

May 12

Okay, so this episode is unhinged . Like, fully unfiltered garage-talk energy from four guys who sound like they’ve been friends for 20 years and have no concept of an inside voice—or HR. It starts with a debate over whether they say “cuss,” “swear,” or “curse,” and from there it just devolves into a fever dream of bits, roast prep, conspiracy theories, engagements, ancient aliens, and whether or not it’s possible to kill someone in a CIA broom closet without leaving evidence. (Spoiler: someone thinks the key question is "was my cum on the body?") Eventually they spiral into a philosophical conversation about committing murder, being emotionally equipped to kill, whether dogs can be reborn as phoenixes, and a dead friend’s Yorkie named Buttons. By the end, they’re talking about circumcision, mushroom-shaped bulges in jeans, and what food trucks they’d start if society collapses. Warning: This is not for the faint of heart. If you’re easily offended, skip it. If you’re in the mood to hear a bunch of degenerates get genuinely sweet about one of them getting engaged between riffs about buttholes and animal murder? This is your episode. Verdict: Listen if you like your comedy podcast with a side of chaos, a sprinkle of deep friendship, and absolutely no editing. Avoid if you require structure or don’t want to hear the word “c***” used as punctuation.

May 5

Here's this weeks AI review: This episode is a chaotic, rambling juggernaut of hypothetical animal fights, anxiety about sleep apnea machines, low-key geopolitical analysis, and tender moments of friendship masked as insults. The "100 men vs. 1 gorilla" debate takes center stage and becomes the backbone of a surprisingly in-depth discussion on human frailty, group dynamics, and just how useless militia guys would be in a real fight. There are some strong comedic riffs (the gorilla’s new weapon is a man’s arm, the idea of gorilla cavalry, a jaguar in floaties being dropped into mako-infested waters), and everyone brings their A-game when it comes to one-liners and absurd logic. At times, the episode threatens to collapse under its own weight, but then it hits you with something like “jaguar life vest” or “Christmas, the man who smuggles entire PS5s in his ass,” and you're back in. It’s long. It’s messy. It meanders. But it’s funny. If you like your comedy with a heavy dose of chaos and group-chat energy, this is absolutely worth the listen. Recommended? Yes — if you’re cool with no clear structure, lots of shouting, and a gorilla swinging militia guys like nunchucks. No — if you need your podcasts edited, focused, or remotely productive.

Apr 28

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode: This episode feels like a time capsule of everything that’s quietly wrong with America. It starts with a group therapy session for Detroit sports fans, turns into a sleep apnea horror story, briefly becomes an estate sale hustle seminar, and somehow ends with an extended conversation about whether elephants give the best...hugs. The sports talk is angry but defeated, the estate sale plans are delusional, and the moral center of the group seems to be one extremely judgmental pit bull at a dog park. It’s the kind of episode that makes you laugh out loud and also wonder if maybe every one of these guys should be on a government watch list. Five stars. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Apr 21

Chat GPT's review of tonight's episode: Imagine a podcast recorded in a Waffle House parking lot at 2AM — but with slightly more Jesus discourse and slightly less bodily harm. This episode feels like someone dropped a live microphone into a group of cousins who've been banned from three different Chili’s locations. Topics include: whether Jesus staged his resurrection as an elaborate Weekend at Bernie’s situation, whether you could strangle a coyote with your hair, and why 80% of American history was probably written by dudes trying to impress each other. Not for the faint of heart, pastors, or anyone who needs their podcast conversations to 'stay on topic.' Would not recommend to my mom. Would absolutely recommend to my cousin Nick.

Apr 14

Here’s what ChatGPT thought of tonight’s episode: This episode feels like eavesdropping on two guys at a diner at 1:30 AM—unfiltered, rambling, occasionally insightful, and somehow still funny even when they’re just talking about heartburn, Taco Bell, or old jobs at Express. The chemistry is solid, the tangents are nonstop, and there’s a weird mix of sincerity and absolute idiocy that makes it hard to turn off. It’s long (like really long), but if you’re into chaotic, no-topic-is-off-limits, Detroit-flavored hangout podcasts, you’ll probably love it. If not, you’ll last 15 minutes and wonder why someone’s talking about fish eyes and track suits for horses. Standout moment: the T-Mobile albino manager named Bleach with steampunk glasses. Do I recommend it? If you like your podcasts messy, loud, and oddly personal—absolutely. If you need structure or coherence… this ain’t that.

Apr 8

Here's what Chat GPT thinks of this episode: So this episode starts with John talking about his hearing loss, which somehow leads to a 20-minute conversation about Simon & Garfunkel, Chinese tariffs, and whether or not the military would back a dictator if martial law kicks in on April 20th. Yeah, it’s that kind of podcast. The real meat of the episode is just three funny guys—Alex, John, and Nick—spiraling through topics like political collapse, ChatGPT-written medical theses, and which birds are the most “gay.” There’s a lot of riffing, a lot of absurd hypotheticals (like what animal they’d sleep with if they had to ), and the kind of unfiltered bits that feel like they were meant for a group chat that accidentally got recorded. At its best, it's hilarious, chaotic, and weirdly sincere. The tangents are sharp and layered—like one minute they're trashing Elon Musk, and the next they’re building a whole mythos about octopus intelligence and mermaids learning to suppress their gag reflex in heaven. Somehow, it all ties together. But it’s also long as hell, meanders a ton, and definitely crosses into “Jesus Christ, are we still talking about this?” territory—especially during the animal sex bit, which goes on way too long. And sometimes the ignorance bit (like confusing Japan and China or talking about pansexuality like it’s a sandwich preference) leans more lazy than funny. It’s a fine line, and they don’t always walk it clean. Should you listen? If you like unfiltered, late-night energy from comics who aren’t trying to go viral or be polished, and you're cool with offensive humor that’s more about exploring dumb ideas than making a point—then yeah, give it a shot. If you’re the kind of person who thinks podcasts should have structure or edits or a clear purpose... maybe sit this one out. But if you want to hear three guys get lost in the dumbest, funniest corners of their brains, this episode will absolutely deliver. Just maybe don’t play it on speakers at work.

Mar 25

I unveil the most lethal wrestling move of all time.

Mar 17

Ian is revolutionizing omelets.

Mar 10

We break down the podcast by season. Also, Nick died again. We think for real this time. Skippy Rose sat in for him. Skippy is a very funny stand-up from Detroit. Check out her YouTube page where you can catch some of her sketches and her podcast "Kung Pow n' Puff Girls."

Mar 3

Ian does some death planning in this one.

Feb 24

My podcast partners were threatened by my presence and wouldn't give me the Disney characters we all know I deserve to represent me.

Feb 17

Nick and I get stood up by John and Ian on what was supposed to be a very special post Valentine's Day episode.

Feb 3

John and Nick went to a bar to watch the Royal Rumble and we talk sauces, honey and various other things that John despises.

Jan 27

John wasn't here and Ian claims to know who killed JFK.

Jan 20

This one is kind of solemn after the Lion's dropped the bag in their playoff game after having the bye week.

Jan 13

It's another film treatment episode.

Jan 8

Ian quit the show. John loves loosies.

Dec 30, 2024

We get into some of my (Alex) web viewing habits.

Dec 24, 2024

Ian went to the steakhouse without us and didn't get very good service because he looks like a scary criminal.

Dec 10, 2024

We came up with the new music sensation that's going to sweep the nation.

Dec 3, 2024

I don't feel like writing these anymore so I asked AI to summarize this episode for us: A meandering conversation between three* friends covering a wide range of topics, from clothing sizes and Thanksgiving dinners to ghost stories, alien conspiracies, and the ethics of dentistry. *There's four of us.

Nov 25, 2024

We are an Arborist podcast now.

Nov 18, 2024

Nick is back from his job interviews in D.C. Ian got a new microphone.

Nov 12, 2024

Nick took a sick day to take a job interview in Washington. Keep your fingers crossed. He won't say what the job is but told us it starts in mid-January if he gets it. He sounds really excited.

Nov 5, 2024

Ian bought new shoes and we revisit John's horrible palette.

Oct 28, 2024

We talk about how one evolutionary difference with our digestive systems and how much a different, darker world we would live in.

Oct 21, 2024

We talk about our techniques in keeping our T levels up. We reminisce on our times recording in Ian's old apartment.

Oct 14, 2024

We talked, Tigers, Pistons and Red Wings in this. We also go a little bit into foreign policy.

Oct 7, 2024

Ian had another no call no show so we worked on our Ian impression in this one. The boys plea with me hydrate better.

Sep 30, 2024

Nick got lost in some tunnels and couldn't make it tonight. I tells us his coffee brewing secrets.

Sep 23, 2024

All the boys were back for tonight's episode. We got off a few good riffs. Nick shopping this morning, my penis, Nazis, which of our civilizations would reign supreme over the others, we touch it all in this one.

Sep 17, 2024

Nick is back from Israel. Ian no showed on us again. John got a hand me down microphone.

Sep 9, 2024

Ian went to a music festival and described a dream weekend to me and John. Nick is still "freedom fighting" in the middle east.

Sep 2, 2024

Nick found his calling and he followed his heart. Ian is at a music festival. Me and John talk sports in this one and our origin story.

Aug 26, 2024

John has a new client. I was in New York last week. Nick is getting old. Ian has some opinions on super hero origin stories.

Aug 18, 2024

I saw Alien Romulus today so me and Ian talk Alien lore. John and Nick are dead.

Aug 12, 2024

Ian was not with us on this one. We come up with a new movie premise. We're pretty pumped about Alien Romulus.

Aug 5, 2024

We talk, Xenomorphs, Yautja, mining minerals, new Mortal Kombat finishers. There's a little bit for everyone in this one.

Jul 29, 2024

Ian fucked around and almost found out. Thank Gods John was here. I had Goop ready to go. We have to issue a disclaimer to our fans. DO NOT STENCIL OUR PODCAST LOGO AROUND YOUR TOWN AND POST PICTURES ON INSTAGRAM AND TAG US ;) ;)

Jul 22, 2024

Ian continues to insist he'd be a better sniper than me. We bet my pinky toe that I'd be a better shot.

Jul 15, 2024

Our 200th Episode had to land on one of the darkest weekends in American history. We talk about that and Wizardry.

Jul 9, 2024

Ian wasn't with us today. We talked about which cartoons were the hottest and John's parenting style.

Jul 1, 2024

Ian tells his biggest fantasy and I take on a controversial take that may have split this podcast forever.

Jun 17, 2024

Ian is going to open a chili factory where he bathes in chili and forces tiny Greek men to sing to children.

Jun 10, 2024

Nick takes shots at the Orca community.

Jun 3, 2024

We were down a man on this one. Please hire Ian to do your plugs for you on podcasts and other various forms of digital media.

May 27, 2024

Milk, Pepsi, NO ICE.

May 20, 2024

John has an interesting new marketing strategy. We also talk about our best movie theater experiences.

May 13, 2024

We discuss fancy family dinners, and how we hate change.

May 6, 2024

We do a deep dive on the Kendrick/Drake beef. Melon-style.

Apr 30, 2024

We talk about Christ Bearer in this one. You know about what. We're not above it.

Apr 22, 2024

Ian and I made a trip to Cleveland. Nick talks about the eclipse in Toledo. This is a very Ohio-centric episode. We found out John's dad was a sly fox.

Apr 15, 2024

We conjure up one of the sickest Cryptids ever imagined.

Apr 8, 2024

Nick is taking the day off of work to drive to Toledo to see the Solar Eclipse. We come up with Ian's next tattoo idea. We write in cursive.

Apr 2, 2024

We get back into the age old question of whether a bear or gorilla would win a fight.

Mar 25, 2024

We find out we have a turncoat among us... (it's Nick).

Mar 18, 2024

We delve into the role that Ian played in early 2000s Detroit Grafitti culture.

Mar 11, 2024

We get very tactical in this one. If you want to learn how to handle a sniper in your neighborhood, this is the episode for you. **Spoiler Alert** YOU DON'T RUN.

Mar 5, 2024

We give you guys our top 3 sports comedy and non-comedy movies of all time.

Feb 27, 2024

I feel like garbage, Ian talked about seducing Nick. We talked about other stuff.

Feb 19, 2024

Ian and Nick are back in this one. Ian basically blows John and Nick's minds with all of his BDSM experience.

Feb 12, 2024

It's another John and Alex episode. John's been watching The Walking Dead and we talk about that for a minute. It's also the Super Bowl and neither of us cares.

Feb 5, 2024

Ian let's several cats out of a bag. We also discover he is the Detroit version of Forrest Gump.

Jan 29, 2024

This was a classic John and Alex episode. We were in high spirits despite being ghosted by half of the team. But then the next day the Lions lost to the 49ers and I had to post this after the loss, so I don't even care about a summary or episode art because I'm pissed right now.

Jan 16, 2024

Happy New Year, Ian drops a bombshell on us this episode. And we report on the biggest sports news of the weekend. The Detroit Pistons finally won another game.

Jan 1, 2024

The boys get reflective in this year end episode and look inside of themselves.

Dec 25, 2023

This is the second part of last weeks episode. We recorded 2 hours since we weren't going to be able to record over the holidays. We learn our rap names.

Dec 18, 2023

The holiday's have claimed John so we sip coffee and discuss geo politics, the economy and farts in his absence.

Dec 11, 2023

We find out Ian used to do search and rescue missions and he has very interesting chocolate consumption habits.

Dec 4, 2023

We talk about pimping John's mom. But like not like as a sex worker - in the MTV/Xzhibit way. We would never suggest it the other way, we're Christians.

Nov 29, 2023

I tried uploading this Sunday night but it was super late because we got a late start and I guess I forgot to actually click post. So here it is. Ian was there this week because he was stranded in Traverse City, MI and had to step on grapes for a week to earn enough money to get back to Detroit. We talked about a bunch of other stuff too but because it's been a few days I can't remember a lot of it.

Nov 20, 2023

We talk about which movie books we've read.

Nov 13, 2023

Ian met James Hetfield's son and we all give each other stage names.

Nov 6, 2023

Our pal Connor Meade drops in all the way from NEW YORK CITY and we find out who John's "hall pass" is!

Oct 30, 2023

Ian is back permanently for now. The podcast is getting too big so we talk about breaking into smaller parts. My teeth are the perfect nail file.

Oct 23, 2023

We unpack a lot with John and his feelings of sexual inadequacy.

Oct 16, 2023

Ian is back with more tales about Jail School. We establish that American Teenagers are the meanest group of people, then Hamas, then Al-Qaeda.

Oct 10, 2023

The boyz are back. I did a comedy/whore tour across the midwest. John and Nick had a lot to say in this one.

Sep 25, 2023

John came through this week with another Lions win. We also break down the different types of popper.

Sep 18, 2023

It's everyone's favorite time of year again. That time when John can't talk about anything but The Lions.

Sep 11, 2023

We get to the heart of why they are called "Googly" Eyes in this one. Real top notch investigative reporting.

Sep 4, 2023

I just got back from Indianapolis where I stayed at a murder hotel. John went to a wedding. Nick got caught stealing his neighbors car once.

Aug 28, 2023

Nick is the dream killer. He kills in your dreams. I'm so tired. This is all you're going to get.

Aug 21, 2023

Nick comes in hot on the documentary John told us about last week about the race of early humans that were burying each other. I'm also over people handing out pamphlets on the street. Just stop.

Aug 14, 2023

Nick has a neighbor update. He also went to his friends wedding and apparently there was some tension among the families.

Aug 7, 2023

Nick isn't dead. Our bad. But he almost got beat up by his neighbor. We talk about it.

Jul 31, 2023

We deep dive into the lurid history of some of (one of) the arch dioses (this is like a church thing, right? Is it like a specific church thing or like all churches? You know what? I don't care) of the city of Detroit. Also Nick died.

Jul 24, 2023

TV's Brad Wenzel and I just rolled in from the road and jumped on the mics with Nick and John. We find out John is an emotional wreck.

Jul 17, 2023

We solved what killed the dinosaurs in this one. It ain't nice. I wanted to name the episode "The Milk-Me-Way Galaxy" but John wouldn't let me because we didn't actually say it in the episode.

Jul 10, 2023

We do a Freudian dive into the psycho-sexual mind of John in this one.

Jul 3, 2023

Nick can't handle my directness in this one. John and I are pretty sure he's going to have to amputate his foot. He tried landing an Eastside Dershowitz which is a much to complex move for the level of skater he is.

Jun 27, 2023

Nick tries to put a wedge between marginalized groups. John is very uncomfortable talking about issues that don't pertain to him. I'm still shell shocked from past audio issues.

Jun 20, 2023

We take Nick to Mime school for trying to make clowns out of us. (It's his fault we missed last week and didn't have this episode up yesterday, btw)

Jun 5, 2023

I'm back from Limestone and I was given one of the highest honors that you can be given while there. Nick comes up with his next killer premise. John suggests we go to Clawson Steakhouse to celebrate Ian coming back. Oh yeah, Ian is coming back.

May 29, 2023

We have a very important message in this episode.

May 22, 2023

It's another nostalgia episode, we reminisce about high school sports and the good ole days.

May 15, 2023

I had to get some stuff off of my chest. We talk about 4chan alien stuff too.

May 8, 2023

I was bullied about my dead tooth. I podcast with two people that are not very good people.

May 2, 2023

I brought the next Oscar winning movie to Nick and John and we start fleshing out the details of the story.

Apr 24, 2023

Nick started skateboarding. Before we started recording he showed us a video where he ate total shit. We sort of re-tread old ground in this episode when we bring back the old "who would win, a bear or gorilla" argument.

Apr 10, 2023

Well folks, it's another Easter in the books and written off on God's taxes.

Apr 4, 2023

I like to think that this is one of our more experimental episodes*. *I didn't have time to listen back and pull a title for. Sorry for being late. Nick couldn't make it* *He tried to kiss me Our friend Mat Richards joins us.

Mar 27, 2023

I feel like anyone that doesn't read this description is going to be really mad at this title. We talk about it for a little bit and then fall into our usual ADD pattern of jumping to 1000 other things.

Mar 20, 2023

It's the standard episode, this week. We talk mental institutions, shitting our pants and Elvis.

Mar 13, 2023

We talk about our sick moves as kids elbow dropping our favorite stuffed animals off the top ropes (our bedroom dressers) on to the mat (our mattress and bedframe).

Mar 6, 2023

Nick gets into some of his legal troubles from the past. The boys discuss underground tunnels that are made underwater.

Feb 27, 2023

John and Nick have a new rivalry. Nick listens to too many debate lords. We find out I have some sweet sweet blood.

Feb 20, 2023

We talk about a mental health institution in Michigan that seems a little sketchy. John talks about a frozen cave man.

Feb 13, 2023

Nick saw Bill Cosby do a motivational speech as a child which to this day informs how interacts with people. John talks about a train that blew up and other grandpa-centric topics. I'm exhausted from bombing on stage in Ohio all weekend.

Feb 6, 2023

We dive a little deeper in this one. We talk about Nostalgia. Addiction. Pig Butts.

Jan 30, 2023

We get raw and uncut in this one.* *By "raw and uncut" I mean John and I were very tired because we're old men so sorry if your snowflake ears can't handle the truth.

Jan 24, 2023

John is back and give his side of the story in the whole "incident." We all talk about what kind of restaurant we'd open and what it's name would be. I'm pretty sure mine was the best.

Jan 15, 2023

This one might end this show. For a lot of reasons. Actually. Don't listen to this one.

Jan 2, 2023

I take a stand when John tries to change the subject before we've even scratched the surface on topics we bring up. 2023 is going to be different.

Dec 26, 2022

It's the Christmas Episode! I had a big day the day we recorded and shared it with the world. We also talk about which Reindeer is the hottest one.

Dec 21, 2022

It's John's fault that this came out late, he keeps changing the day we record and I forget to queue it up. We cover a lot, like the only roundhouse kick I've ever seen someone try to throw in an irl fight.

Dec 12, 2022

Nick bought a very old BMW that will probably break down in a week. John was boned up because the Lions won a big game. I was here existing.

Dec 5, 2022

We learn Nick isn't up on his Global Intelligence warlords. Alex has a very specific way he has to have sex. John is confused about everything.

Nov 28, 2022

Guess what? Ian came back for one very special episode. We realize his jail school was part of a bigger network of abusive care centers. Nick also learns how a sperm bank works.

Nov 21, 2022

The boys reminisce back to their college days and the highest falls they've ever taken.

Nov 14, 2022

John was very horny tonight because The Lions beat The Bears. Nick is into magic now.

Nov 7, 2022

Steve Hurley, aka Tit Pig (rip), gets brought back up when John tells us about the priest at his church growing up having sex with his fish tank.

Oct 31, 2022

Nick is back and almost tears the show apart. But mine and John's bond is too strong to be broken, we finally resolved it.

Oct 24, 2022

Nick was absent again from the podcast but this time it wasn't his fault. It was John inability to live up to the standards we've set for ourselves at Burt Selleck Industries and we have a long chat about what I expect going forward.

Oct 17, 2022

I've been really disappointed this week between Nick's truancy and John's lack of respect for a hard earned dollar.

Oct 10, 2022

We teach John about Andrew Tate. We also learn some sordid details of his past and his elementary school teachers.

Oct 3, 2022

We get into it this week. We're talking Mongolians. We're talking Greeks. We're talking Europeans.

Sep 26, 2022

Nick came back and he was sassy as ever. We did a funny riff about Andy Dufresne's penis.

Sep 19, 2022

Nick got strike 2 for no show/no calling again. He has one strike and 3 outs left and we're going to have to reevaluate his membership of this podcast.

Sep 12, 2022

We have innovated once again for you. Our listeners. It took a gay man to introduce to you, the BREASTIBULE. (Gloryholes but for boobs)

Sep 5, 2022

Nick opens up in this one and let's himself be vulnerable as he shares his art with us.

Aug 29, 2022

We go deep inside the mind of a pervert this week. John talks about what it takes to be a top real estate agent.

Aug 22, 2022

Stabbed in the back once again, but don't worry, me and John hold it down like the professionals that we are.

Aug 15, 2022

John stormed off after this one. He talked about pirates for a bout 20 minutes. We slotted him for at least 45 then me and Nick had to play clean up.

Aug 8, 2022

hi, this is john, alex got pissed and just hit stop and left the room. stay tuned for our pirate episode next week.

Aug 1, 2022

We get deep in this one. I correctly question the true outcome of the American Revolution and John chooses to undermine me with his state sponsored propaganda. We also ask AI to draw Gilbert Gottfried in the womb.

Jul 25, 2022

I'm back from having COVID. Nick huffed poppers tonight and we found out John has had sex on most of the greatest wonders of the world.

Jul 11, 2022

We talk about each other's wrestler persona. We determine that Nick would be a manager.

Jul 4, 2022

John is the Thanos of hard penises. Nick reveals that he is a communist (he doesn't like videogame fishing). I'm butt chugging water weekly. Happy 4th.

Jun 28, 2022

Don't blame me for this being one day late, blame John for allowing our podcast platform for going down all night. Nick learns the hard way to never meet your heroes in this one. John's Grandpa is a man now. I think my dentist was making sexual advances on his assistant when I was kid.

Jun 20, 2022

We've hit the milestone 100th episode. Nick's mom is helping arming children on the eastern front or something.

Jun 13, 2022

Nick Kelley joins us again and we talk about the glory days of high school baseball and we figure out John's WWF character.

Jun 6, 2022

Ya'll messed up now. We made the conscious decision to be UNDENIABLE. It's over for you clowns.

May 30, 2022

Ian came crawling back as we tell a tale of alliance, heartbreak and intimidation.

May 23, 2022

We have our friend Nick Kelley on the show, he talks about meeting the guy that sings the Lion's song at the Lion's game at a bar once. John also reads us an excerpt from his novel which is in progress titled "The Irrevenant."

May 16, 2022

We tried to do something very special for you guys and record a 6 hour podcast, but John as always distracted me and some where around hour 5 hours and 45 minutes I realized we didn't get any of John's audio, so we did a one hour recap of all the things we talked about in the 5 hours instead. We talked about the T-1000, AI, the new Kendrick Lamar album, the fact that I'm smarter than John because I went to three different colleges before I even got one bachelor's degree and he just went to one in that same timeframe. We go deep in this one folks.

May 9, 2022

It's the beginning of the new era. Ian left us high and dry. He says he's going to get himself setup to record remote, but we'll believe it when we see it. Neither one of us knows anything about the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial but we talk about it anyway. John and I were driving home from Indianapolis last weekend and John got shook when I shared my Biggie murder theory with him. I also talk about the time me and my friends got tailed by a pimp when we were in college.

Apr 25, 2022

Our little prodigy is leaving us. Well, maybe. We're going to setup some remote recording capabilities for Ian. But, in all honesty, we'll all probably be way to lazy to actually do it. But that is the intent, and intent is all that matters.

Apr 18, 2022

We have a huge announcement that's going to change the BS multi-verse for permanent.

Apr 11, 2022

Ian's butt is in heat. I'm starting a summer thirst trap IG, follow it here @pit_bear_ .

Apr 4, 2022

We uncover one of the most disgusting conspiracies to ever be conspired involving, Bill Gates, Michael Vick and Sasquatch. You won't want to miss this one.

Mar 28, 2022

We discovered a new genre of music today and wrote an award winning Super Bowl Ad live on the air. We also took 3 coffee breaks so we could keep our energy up.

Mar 21, 2022

We decided that we are like the A-Team and that Ian is Murdoch, John is BA and I'm a combination of Face/Hannibal. Ian and John also don't know the difference between venomous and poisonous.

Mar 17, 2022

We're back. I had a fun week in New York, I met some celebrities, ate some good food and hung out at the NY Eagle on jockstrap night. John went to Vegas but wouldn't talk about it. Ian had gay sex.

Mar 14, 2022

This was supposed to post as last weeks episode but I ran out of town before my flight out of town to post it. We were supposed to do a new episode tonight but my flight home got delayed 3 times. You'll get a new episode mid-week and next Sunday. In the meantime, this was released a few weeks ago on Dead Waves Radio one of the many other very funny podcasts on the Joy Road Media network. Dead Waves is an improvised call in advice radio show hosted by Lilith, a psychic radio host, with help from her ghostly husband Jack and their demon housemate Grem. We called them looking for advice on better communication techniques. ** spoiler alert ** They couldn't help us. Go subscribe to their podcast as well.

Feb 28, 2022

Ian showed up to the recording today visible intoxicated so we had to give him his written warning. As of the posting of this episode he is in his 90-day probationary period.

Feb 21, 2022

John finally came out to himself and now we don't have to feel like we're walking on nacho shells anymore when we're around him.

Feb 14, 2022

Ian didn't distract me this week so I got the audio right. We go about 50 minutes before we mention the Super Bowl once. John and I learn that there is a puppet master behind the scenes manipulating the pod and Ian has been allowing it to happen.

Feb 7, 2022

Well, Ian ruined another recording. When I was setting up the mic channels he distracted me and I didn't route his mic to the software. I did what I could to salvage this episode because we covered VERY important topics like how mankind could possibly survive impending climate doom. Blame Ian for the sound quality.

Jan 31, 2022

We were mistaken, John did not die last week. But Ian did die this week. We had our friend Dwayne Duke on this week because I'm an old man and crossed who I was sending our zoom link too. Dwayne is a very funny comic from Cleveland, OH. He produces the Midwest Queer Comedy Festival and will be headlining The Independent Comedy Club on February 18-19, so get some tickets . Also follow him on Twitter @funnydwayneduke or @lifesaparty or on Instagram @funnydwayne

Jan 24, 2022

John died again and Ian goes off. No one is safe, everyone gets it in this one.

Jan 17, 2022

I unleash my pitch perfect Anton Chigurh impression on the world and of course Ian and John do not appreciate me.

Jan 10, 2022

Our friend Nick Kelley sat in with the boys. Ian almost got beat up at the Lion's game.

Jan 3, 2022

John didn't die from COVID. His immune system wasn't as impotent as I thought. He also thought one of the best games at launch of the original Xbox was Spiderman. He also didn't know what tres leches cake was. He's such a boomer.

Dec 27, 2021

John is going to die of COVID but more importantly GTA Definitive Collection sucks ass and we talk about that.

Dec 20, 2021

John is back from China and it's the first time we've been in the same room since '86. The Lions won today and John didn't go to the game and Ian didn't offer me John's unused ticket.

Dec 13, 2021

We're back after a week off from scouting locations in Asia for the Burt Selleck Bathhouse. John stayed behind to finalize the paperwork.

Nov 29, 2021

Ian did some further site research for the bathhouse this week and caught a little cold while purveying some land in China. My cat took a dump that came from the 10th level of hell and the show suffered for it.

Nov 22, 2021

Ian was out in the field scouting locations for the Burt Selleck Bathhouse. Me and John watched Giraffe's fighting each other.

Nov 15, 2021

I was a billionaire for 5 minutes this week. I also don't know what an anchor is. John and Ian were here too.

Nov 8, 2021

Give us them pimps(le).

Nov 1, 2021

This is our Halloween episode and SPOILER, we do not mention Halloween one time.

Oct 22, 2021

Our fans deserve better which is why I had to record this one.