Episode 260: Why Couples Have The Same Fight Over And Over

In long-term relationships, partners often find that they’re having the same fights over and over again. The fights are often triggered by something seemingly small, but then they have this way of escalating and turning into bigger conflicts that are wildly unproductive. This relationship pattern is known as a negative cycle. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into why negative cycles happen, how we create these patterns, and how you can start to recognize them. In the next episode, we’ll talk about how to break negative cycles. My guest is Julie Menanno , a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. She also provides insight and advice for couples at @TheSecureRelationship on Instagram, with over one million followers. She founded and runs the Bozeman Therapy & Counseling Clinic, and Secure Relationship Coaching . Her latest book is titled Secure Love . Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include: What is it that triggers negative cycles in relationships? What do negative cycles look like or feel like as they’re happening? Which attachment style pairings are most likely to lead to negative cycles? How can you tell the difference between negative cycles and abuse? Make sure to check out Julie’s website to learn more. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology *** Thank you to our sponsors! The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook , Twitter , or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram . Listen and stream all episodes on Apple , Spotify , Google , or Amazon . Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.