Big Kids, Bigger Feelings: Navigating Defiance, Meltdowns, and Anxiety to Raise Confident, Connected Kids

Big kids mean big feelings and sometimes that shows up as defiance, meltdowns, or even anxiety. In this episode, I’m breaking down what’s really going on beneath the surface and why it’s not just “bad behavior.” We often think school-aged is cruising with emotions but big feelings are common. I’m joined by returning guest Alyssa Campbell, a child development expert, to provide the right tools for when emotions can feel overwhelming. We’ll talk about how age bias often shapes the way adults respond to older kids’ emotions, why yelling or punishment backfires, and how collaborative emotional processing can help kids feel understood while still respecting boundaries. You’ll learn: Why defiance is often a sign of unmet needs, not disrespect The role of age bias in how we label behavior in older vs. younger kids How collaborative emotional processing helps kids regulate big emotions Practical, evidence-based ways to respond to meltdowns, worry, and pushback using her “F.A.C.T.S.” method How to raise kids who feel both confident and connected To connect with Alyssa Campbel check out all her resources at https://www.seedandsew.org/about . Follow her on Instagram at @ seed.and.sew. Buy her new book “Big Kids, Bigger Feelings” here: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/big-kids-bigger-feelings-alyssa-blask-campbellrachel-stuart-lounder?variant=43408468377634 We’d like to know who is listening! Please fill out our Listener Survey to help us improve the show and learn about you! 00:00 – The “Easy Years” Myth 01:16 – Why 5–12 Isn’t Smooth Sailing 02:38 – Meet Alyssa Blas Campbell 03:11 – Parents Feel Blindsided 05:28 – Big Kid Development Shifts 07:25 – What Big Meltdowns Look Like 09:12 – Do We Expect Too Much? 11:04 – 9 Senses & Nervous System 15:23 – Different Kids, Different Needs 18:08 – Handling Defiance With Compassion 22:53 – Sibling Differences in Regulation 25:48 – The F.A.C.T.S. Acronym 31:29 – Amusement Park Example 34:53 – Why Age Bias Misleads Us 38:18 – The S.I.P. Method Explained 42:12 – Rethinking Respect & Defiance 44:40 – Parenting Is a Relationship 46:22 – Closing Thoughts & Resources Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠ . Get trusted pediatric advice, relatable parenting insights, and evidence-based tips delivered straight to your inbox—join thousands of parents who rely on the PDT newsletter to stay informed, supported, and confident. ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠ ! And don’t forget to follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠@pedsdoctalkpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ on Instagram—our new space just for parents looking for real talk and real support. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices