Why My Body Shuts Down: Understanding Sexual Trauma Responses After Years of Betrayal

This episode (#308) focuses on a partner whose body has completely shut down sexually after decades of betrayal, manipulation, and sexual violation—including being touched while unconscious. We explain how her body has not suddenly changed since disclosure; it has been adapting for years to a marriage that was unsafe long before she understood why. This long-term exposure to deception and boundary-breaking creates what we call “complex trauma shaping,” where the nervous system rewires itself to avoid sexual intimacy because it associates vulnerability with danger. We also dive deeply into the concept of Integrity Abuse Disorder and how the husband’s years of secrecy, gaslighting, and emotional inconsistency created an “intentionally manipulated reality” for his wife. Even though he may now be in recovery, his emotional reactions—his “sad tantrums”—trigger her old trauma and reinforce the message that he values sexual access more than her emotional safety. This dynamic retraumatizes her and deepens her shutdown, proving to her body that intimacy remains unsafe. Healing requires him to take responsibility for the full impact of his actions by engaging in what Dr. Minwalla calls “mountain work”—seeing the complete devastation the betrayal caused. Only then can he show up with true empathy, accountability, and emotional regulation. For her, healing means continuing to listen to her body, honoring its wisdom, and working with professionals to slowly rebuild safety. When both partners engage in this work, intimacy can eventually be rebuilt—not through pressure or obligation, but through genuine safety, trust, and connection. For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Why My Body Shuts Down: Understanding Sexual Trauma Responses After Years of Betrayal Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at— daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services