Do I have to wait for the “Formal Amends” process before my Addict Partner shows any real change?

Episode 276 addresses a question often asked by partners of addicts in recovery: “Do I have to wait for the formal amends process before I see real change?” The authors explain that real transformation in recovery should not be postponed until Steps 8 and 9 of the 12-step model. They draw a clear distinction between a simple apology and the deeper process of making amends, emphasizing that true recovery begins with personal accountability, transparency, and a willingness to face difficult truths—not with a formal ceremony or set timeline. Waiting for a specific step to begin meaningful repair in a relationship is not only unnecessary, but often counterproductive. The article also explores why addicts may avoid transparency, citing both nefarious and sincere motivations. Some use recovery language as a shield to delay vulnerability or to avoid accountability, a behavior referred to as “weaponizing recovery.” Others may believe they need to handle everything on their own, often stemming from unhealthy family systems or distorted beliefs about responsibility. These patterns, while sometimes well-intentioned, still prevent the growth and emotional openness necessary for healing. The authors stress that full transparency should begin early in recovery, as emotional honesty is foundational for any real connection or rebuilding of trust. For betrayed partners, the article offers a roadmap for reclaiming personal empowerment. It encourages them to build outside support systems, gain clarity about their own needs, and hold firm boundaries—not as a means of controlling their partner’s behavior, but to protect their own healing. The message is clear: real recovery is demonstrated through consistent honesty, presence, and vulnerability long before any formal amends are made. Partners do not have to—and should not—wait for a specific step before expecting accountability and meaningful change. For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Do I Have to Wait for "Formal Amends" Process Before My Addict Partner Shows Any Real Change? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at— daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services