How Can He “Look Past” My Body & Be Aroused by Real Love?!

This PBSE episode (275), inspired by a listener’s vulnerable question, dives deep into the emotional complexity of intimacy in long-term relationships—particularly when one partner has struggled with pornography addiction. The woman asks how her husband can look “past” her aging body and be genuinely aroused by real love. Her question reveals the pain of feeling invisible or undesired and touches on the widespread cultural belief that sexual attraction is rigid and solely tied to youth or physical perfection. The article dismantles this myth, showing that arousal is not a static, uncontrollable instinct, but a moldable response shaped by years of influence, experience, and personal choices. Mark and Steve, speaking from their own journeys of recovery and their work with countless clients, explain how pornography warps the arousal template, training the brain to see only surface-level stimulation while disconnecting from emotional and spiritual depth. But through consistent personal work, emotional vulnerability, and intentional connection, that template can be rewritten. Real-life examples—like a therapist who found arousal in his wife’s post-mastectomy scars—illustrate that true desire comes not from ignoring reality, but from embracing it. The physical becomes more meaningful, not less, when it’s rooted in shared experience, loyalty, admiration, and love. Ultimately, the article reframes arousal not as something to “look past,” but as something to “look through”—to see the fullness of a partner, body and soul. It calls both partners to re-engage in intimacy with eyes wide open, choosing to cultivate love through emotional connection and shared meaning. The grand takeaway is that authentic, meaningful love is not only enough to spark desire—it’s the most powerful and lasting form of arousal there is. For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How Can He "Look Past" My Body & Be Aroused by Real Love?! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at— daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services