About this episode
Thank you for rating this podcast 5 stars and sharing it with your friends! Today, author Kay Eck joins us for a conversation on love, intimacy and relationships. We talk about conscious coupling, uncoupling and how marriage will change over the next 20 years. Kay is the author of Divorce a Love Story, which could really be called Life a Love Story -- her message is for everyone! Buy the book on Amazon and visit Kay on Instagram @kaysawake. Show notes at the very bottom! REIKI CERTIFICATION & ANGEL SCHOOL 2 Days Only - Saturday, April 13 & Sunday, April 14 ONLY 5 SPOTS LEFT! Register for the Course at: www.jancius.com CONTINUE THE CONVO ON INSTAGRAM! Follow Julie, then ask a question on social media and Julie may answer it on the podcast! Or she might just ask you to be on the show! Instagram: www.instagram.com/angelpodcast/ Facebook: www.facebook.com/angelpodcast/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLOL5Dgsssv7A4C7SLvyqWg?view_as=subscriber SHARE YOUR ANGEL STORY Have an Angels story that you'd like to share? Email us at: juliejancius@gmail.com PRAYER JAR - ADD YOUR NAME Add your name (or the name of a family member/friend) to Julie's prayer jar, and she will pray for you/them every morning. All you have to do is subscribe on Julie's website: www.jancius.com KEY WORDS: God, Universe, Source, Spirit, Guardian Angel, Angel, Angel Message, Angel Messages, Angel Reader, Angel Readers, Angel Whisper, Angels, Anxiety, Archangel, Archangels, Arch Angel, Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Michael, Archangel Raphael, Ask Angels, Attraction, Law of Attraction, The Secret, Oprah, Super Soul Sunday, Soul Sunday, Aura, Aura Field, Author, Awakening, Being, Bliss, Bible, Bible Verse, Bliss and Grit, Buddhism, Catholic, Chakra, Chalene, the Chalene Show, Realitv, Change Your Life, Chicago, Naperville, Wheaton, Chicagoland, Christian, Christianity, Church, Pastor, Preacher, Priest, Co Create, cocreate, Consciousness, Spirit Guide, counselor, therapist, Dax Shepard, Death, Depression, Died, Grief, Divine, Doctor, Dream, Angel Therapy, Gabrielle Bernstein, Ego, Empath, Energy, Energy Healing, Enlightened, Zen, Enlightenment, Enneagram, Fabulous, Faith Hunter, Family, Feelings, Goal Digger, Jenna Kutcher, Ancient wisdom, Brandon Beachum, girl boss, badass, life coach, sivana, good, gratitude, great, school of greatness, greatness, the school of greatness, lewis howes, the Charlene show, rise podcast, Rachel Hollis, Tony Robbins, the Tony Robbins Podcast, guardian angels, guides, happy, happier, happiness, Hay House, summit, hayhouse, healed, healing, health, heart, heart math, heaven, help, high vibration, higher self, highest self, holy, I AM, illness, inner peace, inspiration, intention, intuitive, jewish, joy, Julia Treat, Julie Jancius, learn, lesson, light worker, Louise Hay, Love, Marriage, Magical, Manifest, Manifesting, Marie Kondo, Master Class, Meditate, Meditation, Medium, Mediumship, the Long Island Medium, the Hollywood Medium, Message, Metaphysics, ACIM, A Course In Miracles, Method, Mindful, Mindfulness, Miracles, Mom, Motherhood, Naturopath, New Age, Passed Away, Past Lives, Peace, Positive, Power, Pray, Prayer, Prosperity, Psychic, Psychic Medium, Psychology, Purpose, Quantum Physics, Life Purpose, Ray of Light, Reiki, Relax, Religion, Robcast, Sadness, Depression, Sahara Rose, School, Science, Shaman Durek, Shift, Sleep, Soul, Source, Spirit, Spirit Team, Spiritual, Spiritual Awakening, Spiritual Gifts, Spirituality, Stress, Synchronicity, Tara Williams, Tarot, Teacher, Thinking, Thoughts, Transcended State, Transcendence, Universe, Vibration, Vortex, Wellness, Worry, Worship, Yoga, Zen, Afterlife. Sounds True, Circle, A Course in Miracles, Marianne Williamson, near-death experience, spirit guides, awaken your inner, elevator, wild mystic, transformation church, 111, 11, 11:11, metaphysics, sacred living, divine beings, the sivana podcast, sivana, philosophy, millennial, millennials, mantra, buddah, hindu, vedanta and yoga, monk, the astrology hub, buddha at the gas pump, the unusual buddha, living open, the cosmic calling, rewilding for women, empowering women, shamanism, the deconstructionist, faith, joe and charlie, alcoholics anonymous, 12 step recovery, alanon, atheist, friendly atheist, hippie, new age, what's your sign, intuitives, healers, dream freedom, law of attraction secrets, marriagetoday audio podcast, marriage today, Ancient Wisdom, shaman, love and marriage, love & marriage, the examen with Fr. James Martin, Sadhguru, Sadhguru's Podcast, yogi, mystic, spiritual master, So you think you're intuitive, podcast pray as you go, pray as you go, your daily prayer podcast, mindful living spiritual awakening, redefining wealth, the positive head, classic BYU speeches, homilies, Richard Rohr, animal, horoscope, the enneagram journey, highest self podcast, sahara rose, Deepak Chopra, 131 Method Mindset, realitv. SHOW NOTES *Show notes recorded by Sonix.AI. I know it's not the best transcription, but being a mom too, I don't have time to go in and edit it! If anyone wants to volunteer for this job, let me know! : ) [00:00:00] Hello beautiful souls before we begin I just want to share a few freebies with you first. If you subscribe on my Web site your name and contact info will be put in a jar that I pray on every morning. The Angels also have me pick a few people from that jar every week to text personalized Angel messages too that could be you. All you have to do is subscribe on my Web site. Also you can win a free session with me if you write a positive review of this podcast on iTunes after you post a glowing positive review on iTunes. Just e-mail me with your name contact info and review and you'll be entered into a monthly drawing to win a free session. For details on all of this visit my website www.jancius.com. You're listening to angels and awakening where we believe daily life can be lived from a constant state of love joy peace bliss ease and grace. Why are people always searching for a better way to live because there is one life doesn't have to be stress filled and anxiety ridden you can make lasting changes that lead to a life you love. My name's Julie Jancius I have the gift of connecting with angels and bringing through their healing positive messages to my clients every day. Join us on the angels and awakening podcast each week, as we explore big spiritual questions. Interview experts and bring through Angel messages. I am so excited you're here! [00:01:38] Hello beautiful souls. Welcome back to angels and awakening. [00:01:42] I am so so excited for our podcast today. We have an author Kay Eck. She is our local right here in Wheaton Illinois. [00:01:52] And she is the author of Divorce a love story the surprising tale of self-love to heal every last pain. Kay thank you so much for being on the show and welcome. [00:02:05] Thank you so much for having me Julie. I'm thrilled to be here. [00:02:10] What can you tell us a little bit more about yourself. [00:02:14] Oh well I'm a mother of four children. I raised them in Wheaton with my husband Fred and I have had careers in journalism and public relations and art and yoga and I always knew that it was within me to write a book. I always felt like that would happen. But of course this is a quite the book that I had envisioned writing but currently that's what I'm doing. I'm writing. [00:02:48] That's wonderful. [00:02:50] So tell us a little bit about your first book divorce the love story. [00:02:56] Well I started writing in the process of uncoupling from my husband because it was a way to help me process everything that I was going through. And that was a very therapeutic exercise for me and I committed to it as a daily practice. And probably a couple of months into it I realized that I was writing a book and I allowed myself the out of never letting it see the light of day. [00:03:32] But at a certain point I became very aware that it was a very healing message. It was it was healing to me and I knew that it could be a healing message for others as well so you know this is such a huge topic right. [00:03:48] And it's something that I think that anybody who is in a marriage or a long term relationship is going to come to at some point because you know anything that is alive it's growing towards its end from the beginning right. We're always kind of aging our relationships are aging our bodies everything and we have to work so hard to keep growing together and keep these relationships together but even still sometimes I don't see divorce as being a bad thing. On the other side you know I talk a lot about the other side and angels and they show me that divorce is not a bad thing. You know it's just that sometimes it doesn't work. [00:04:38] So can you kind of talk to us a little bit about you know you say that you're your spouse was a bad guy. You know there wasn't. Blake major major issues. It was just an uncoupling. And how did you how did you come to realize that for yourself. Well I I feel that there's a [00:05:05] That we're conditioned to believe that the value of a relationship is strictly in its longevity. And since I had this long relationship that we both felt had reached its fulfillment I couldn't reconcile that concept because everything that we had done together was incredibly beautiful and it was crushing to come to a point where we knew it had reached its fulfillment. And then to have all these messages that we had failed in some way and I was determined. And of course extremely hopeful that our family the family that we created could continue to be about love and not loss. And but what I found is that I had to undo all of my social and religious and societal conditioning and get to the core of what my beliefs were and who I was in order to rebuild our family in a new way. And our relationship in a new way because obviously we have. Relationship and a connection that will last throughout this lifetime and probably the others as well. [00:06:27] Yes. Yeah. So what is that like if you could gain a break down example for some of our listeners. What what does that look like to people. So we have these conditions from early childhood from religious upbringing from different points within our life where you know somebody might hear well you know divorce is frowned upon on the other side or you're bad if you get divorced. How would you tell our listeners that you can recondition re pattern those structures within the mind to those thoughts that we have. [00:07:05] All right. Well it kind of hails back to what you were saying earlier about the fluid nature of life right. We were never the same in any single instance. And it's it's not as though I'm against marriage because I think it's a beautiful thing. But what we've come to understand on this path of consciousness is that everything is in a fluid state. And so we can if we can allow ourselves to be in this fluid state when it comes to relationships will become better at judging when the relationship is serving its purpose and when it has reached its fulfillment. And we've learned how to get into relationships really well but we haven't learned how to get out of them very well. [00:08:00] That's so true. [00:08:02] So getting out of a relationship or bringing a relationship to its conclusion requires as much love as getting into them recognizing that your partner is a divine being and is on his or her perfect path is critical to that process. It's not easy. Conscious Uncoupling does that make anything easier. In fact sometimes it's harder because you have to look at yourself. You have to look at what core wounds you're bringing into the relationship and what's best for you. So it's it's not a necessarily as smooth and sparkly path but it is it's worth it. If your goal is to keep the love and continue your family. [00:08:51] Yeah. One of the things that I've been working on with my clients over the last couple of years and I really got in kind of deeper into in some meditation and prayer is how much we as women have kind of dammed our voice and we're so getting that back now. We're really learning how to use that more as a collective consciousness again. And on an individual level and you talk about the path to s love is the most important job we've ever had. You said it's one of the most important and hardest things we'll ever do. For somebody who's just coming back into their voice and really learning how to feel their feelings again and speak their needs. Where do they begin. [00:09:42] I think for me the beginning of that path was learning how to sit quietly and to become the observer of the thoughts and the feelings and to be patient and loving. With that process and to recognize how easy it is for us to distract ourselves from what's coming up from within it it's so easy and it's not necessarily the big obvious things like the addictions and all of that the distractions but there they're so subtle as well. It's so easy just to turn your focus from the sadness that you feel to the thought that you should be happy. And so my recommendation for everybody is that they spend a little time with themselves. Just getting to know themselves and and learning to be in that posture of accepting what comes up no judgment. [00:10:47] Yeah because that's what we do so often rightly plates place judgment on ourselves and others on our stories. [00:10:55] Yeah and I haven't met a single person for whom the path of self-love isn't the most difficult thing in the world. I don't know why it should be because we're we're really actually really good at loving especially as moms. We got that down but for some reason when it comes to us it's the hardest thing in the world. I've had the opportunity to speak with someone recently who is just coming off of a long prison sentence and had gone through an awakening through the process of being imprisoned and incarcerated at a young age and it occurred to me that the process of self-love is no more difficult for him than it is for me. And so it's really a very powerful core thing that we're learning how to do in this lifetime. [00:11:46] Yeah and I've heard you say before too that one of the ways that you share yourself love is when you need it. [00:11:55] You mother your sound. Can you tell us about that. [00:12:00] Yeah. I think there's a little bit of a notion that self-love is somehow related to physical comfort. And the idea of mothering myself included that physical comfort I would actually put my hands on my body in a comforting way but it also you know as a mother you have the responsibility of helping your children develop discipline and guiding them when they're running off and parent direction and this is the same thing that you need to do with yourself. It's like you have to pull yourself back to those feelings that are coming up. You have to have a discipline practice of putting yourself first on your list and that whatever that means to you and it's different for everybody whether it's finding quiet time to be by yourself or to allow yourself to spend money on yourself or pursue your passions or to speak your truth in your relationships whether that be with your partner or your parents or your children. The children aspect is could have possibly been a harder thing for me to do because I have been accustom to serving them in every way and putting them first on my list for a long time even when they're grown and they're not even in my household any longer. I was still making sure that their needs were met before I met my own. And I'm still in the process of untangling all that for sure. [00:13:48] Ok thank you for reminding us of this because it is so important for our listeners to understand that the only way that I found to really tap into your needs is to understand your feelings is to say OK well where am I at. What am I feeling. I found that the process really starts with feeling your feelings because so often we just shove them under the rug where are you. They're too busy to look at and that hurts too much to look at them. So we don't. And we learn to turn off our feelings. So step one is really feeling your feelings again taking that quiet time to be able to go inside and understand what you're thinking or feeling and then from there you can ask yourself well what do I need. And is that the process that you use to figure out what you need in your life. Because I know as a mom life does get so busy and so hectic sometimes and we are putting everybody else first. But for those who are so busy and are used to this work maybe what are some tools that they can use to really get to the root of what they need. [00:15:01] Oh this was such a big issue for me because one of the things that launched me on the writing of this book was the fact that even though Fred and I had been in our relationship in a really good way we were. There was no just no dysfunction there was no cheating there was no we treated each other kindly and well for many for all of the years that we were together. And yet [00:15:28] I felt so much shame at uncoupling that I couldn't even utter the word divorce. And for a very long time I didn't tell any of my friends or family what I was going through and I really just couldn't understand that. [00:15:44] And so that caused me to start looking at why I felt so much shame around this issue. [00:15:52] And of course that led me to some really deep feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy and being unlovable and I had to dredge up all that uncomfortable stuff in order to look at it and to understand the the untruth of it that that I was all of those things. So this isn't an easy thing for us to do and we don't necessarily have to take any action with these feelings because oftentimes they just want to see the light of day. Let's say that we've been burying them for so long they just want to come up and out of us and many times we feel like they're going to kill us. We it feels like annihilation. And I encourage people to summon the courage to sit with it so that they can find that the feelings that are coming up are not going to kill them they're going to free them. They just want to be released from the cells of your body. And once you discover how this process works you can begin to recognize immediately when some feelings come up and your initial reaction is to distract yourself from them. You now have the knowledge and the the ability to sit with it so that it moves through your field so much more quickly so you become a master at being human. [00:17:26] You know you're feeling the feelings you're recognizing them and then they're released leaving your field and it leaves so much more space for peace and contentment which in my own life if somebody had asked me what did I want out of life. It was top of the list peace of mind peace of mind. I just want peace. And that was obviously something that I I never felt. So I had all this stuff buried inside. And so that is what I learned about about this process is that those that peace is achievable. [00:18:02] I love that thank you that's so beautiful. [00:18:04] At one point I had a chance you know you talk about bringing consciousness into our relationships. [00:18:17] And I'm wondering for those who are working on creating a better relationship creating a stronger partnership where can we bring more consciousness into it. [00:18:32] Well I have to say that this is definitely something that I am still learning. And my first for some reason it was very hard for me to be conscious in my relationship and by conscious I mean being able to speak my truth and not concern myself so much with the reaction but to speak it because it needed to be spoken for me and my my fear was always how it was going to be received and won. So my practice in that was to start speaking the truth to myself like what is it that I'm really feeling here and and what what is my true. And as I became a little bit more comfortable with that. I could bring more of that into my relationships. And this is really for all relationships it's not just marriage partnerships marriage or partnerships and so it's also being willing to be quiet and not to react to what someone else is saying until you can really let it sink in. [00:19:52] Are oftentimes our first reaction is is to defend or to get triggered or to shut down and we have to recognize that that's that's us. That has nothing to do with what the partner or what your partner is saying it's what it's creating in you that needs to be explored. And so being able to sit and listen and hear and not defend from the ego place is critical to the process. [00:20:22] And I've heard you talk a little bit before about the shadow self. Does that kind of tie in there. [00:20:31] Absolutely because we this is a part of who we are. And I'm not going to pretend that I understand where it comes from because [00:20:42] I lived a pretty good life. You know I didn't really express my shadow side all that much. I mean I'm I'm just a normal human being. [00:20:52] But we. The shadow aspect we don't really understand where that's coming from it could be coming from past lives that were wanting to reconcile in this lifetime. But it's it's there and it's for me the shadow side represents or becomes seen in terms of all that shame that I feel and we have to get to the point where we recognize that we are lovable we are perfect we are divine. [00:21:28] And that's not an easy road you know. [00:21:31] Yeah. And I love that part about it too because you know at the beginning of this spiritual journey for me I was listening to all of these spiritual teachers and I was I guess I don't know if it was me or the way that I was hearing it but I would think to myself well it's all about living in this high vibration living in this high vibration 24/7. I teach my listeners how to open up their crown chakra get into more of a blessed out theta state. And that was the message that I was hearing from a lot of people live in this state 24/7 but as a mom as a entrepreneur as somebody who loves to create in her life you have to be human. You know you have to kind of be able to shift a think of it like shifting gears in a car between these different states of being. And I do see that as being our humanness of really loving all of these different aspects about ourselves loving the creation process loving being process. [00:22:40] Yeah I totally agree with that. I had the same experience. I think that we we need to recognize that for a very long time we were living in such density that it was necessary for us to understand that there were higher vibrations because before we didn't even know that. So all of the spiritual books and the teachers and all that I find was absolutely necessary on my path so that I could start poking up into those higher vibrations and feeling 100 percent right. And now I'm totally in agreement with you that where we are now as a collective is embodying the divinity here in the human experience and that means accepting all of what it means to be human from the feelings and the behaviors and the consequences of our actions and the clarity and do our city and all of those is the beautiful human history that's brought us to this point of record of bringing the divinity down onto this plane and seeing where it takes us. Sorry. It's a process also. It's never going to be starting it's never going to be one thing and not the other. [00:23:57] Yeah yeah we're always gonna have both parts to us. Another thing that I wonder if we could talk about a little bit is when I work with spirit and I've been praying and kind of meditating on this I see marriage as changing over the next 10 to 20 years. [00:24:15] And it's not about being anti marriage because I'm not anti marriage either in any way shape or form. I see how much love and how much fulfillment I have gotten and how much support and how much being in a marriage for myself has reflected back to me and helped me open and grow as a human being. [00:24:39] But you know marriage today and people going through and uncoupling process is very different than 20 years ago where it had to be this nasty thing it was always this nasty thing and it's not that way anymore. There are so many people who are uncoupling and doing it with friendship and with kindness. [00:25:06] Talk to me about that and talk to me about how you see maybe marriage as an institution changing over the next 20 years. [00:25:15] You know this is a big issue for me because I have four children and they're approaching the age where they're they're choosing you know partnerships for themselves. And one of the things that I realized after I wrote the book is that in a million years I couldn't advise them to stand together in front of a group of people and proclaim that they were going to be together forever no matter what. Because that's just a folly. A little bit and but what I I have come to recognize and what my message to them would be is [00:25:57] That marriage you come into a marriage every single moment of every day and you decide and every moment of every day whether you want to be present with somebody and whether you want to be in relationship and grow in that moment. [00:26:14] And so it's a it's a process of it's a daily practice like. Like anything and they get to decide how what shape and form that takes if they want to pledge their love to one another in front of their families and friends. I'm all for that but I do think that we need to talk about the fact that they're there can be a natural arc to a relationship where it has served our growth and and to recognize when it no longer is serving our growth and that doesn't mean that it's that it's going to be an easy process because you have a lot of shared history and love and friendship. [00:27:02] And if you can allow it to become something new then it will sir. It will continue to serve you. And so I feel that that is where we're headed with with marriage and a lot of young people obviously aren't taking the traditional route of institutional marriage. One of the things that was really kind of jarring and shocking to me in the process of uncoupling was how much control the state had in our relationship. For instance you know we had to petition the court to dissolve our marriage. And when we because we gave them the right to do that when we signed off on their paperwork and in the early stages of our own coupling our desire was to just try to dissolve our marriage without lawyers. And we were told that we couldn't do that. And then we tried to hire the same lawyer to represent us both because we had already written our agreement and we were told we couldn't do that. [00:28:17] Then we tried to get lawyers in the same firm. We couldn't even do that. So that's the whole system is set up in an antagonistic way so that the lawyers were trying to draw us draw the case out trying for each of us to get more leverage or property or whatever. And that's just such an. And that's not what we wanted. But it's very easy to be led down that path. Because you're feeling very vulnerable and it is a very raw time because it's challenging. And so it's very easy to be led in that direction and you have to be very conscious to to always be making the choices that you feel are going to bring you to the outcome that you desire. And I would suggest that that desired outcome is love that is what we want. And when we are feeling defensive and protective of ourselves our hearts are property it's representative of the fear that we're not lovable or we're not that love is going to be lost we're losing the great love of our lives so we may never be loved again. So recognizing that what's actually beneath some of those feelings that fear of being alone of being separate are the things that we need to look at because they can be the things that are driving us the most. [00:29:45] Oh absolutely. Always. Yeah. It's almost never the surface or the surface thing. [00:29:52] Yeah yeah. [00:29:53] We have to go deeper I'm wondering too if you can see you know 20 years down the road marriage changing in a way where the financial structure is different of maybe not us pooling all of our assets not but kind of remaining financially individuals with in a marriage relationship or a partnership so that if it does reach its arc the uncoupling process is just a more peaceful easier one for all the issue of Money slush. [00:30:34] Power is something that we really need to talk about because under money is an energy and we don't often talk about how that plays in to our relationships and it's typically never actually about the money it's usually about the power right. And this is especially critical for stay at home moms like I was because you can end up feeling powerless because you don't earn the money. And so I think this is something that that's an excellent point that we are really going to need to grapple with because at the outset you know this is a discussion that we need to have before we enter into long term relationships and have children together. How what's the exit strategy so to speak. [00:31:31] You know that if that becomes necessary and how the financial aspect is going to be Howard how are we going to equalize that if if both partners aren't earning the same amount of money. And if we could figure out how to do that in our relationships then we can take it out into the world and we can figure out how to do it there. [00:31:53] Yeah. I think you're right though you hit the nail on the head because as I've gone into this talking with spirit about this one of the biggest things that they bring up is motherhood and we need to have some concept of payment if we are going to have to remain financially independent and our relationships have some form of compensation while we're staying home because I know you know every month they're out there who has stayed home with their children and knows you're not sitting at home. [00:32:26] Obviously you are working more than you ever did in any job that you ever had. [00:32:32] Yeah I think that it's really important to understand that that is something that women have to take for themselves because we can no longer wait until that's given to us. And so that is the the big change that's occurring is that we're starting to recognize our value. What regardless of what choices we make about domesticity. So that is something that we are going to create. Nobody is going to create that for us. We're going to come into a relationship and we're going to say these are my needs. This is what I would like to do. I would like to stay home and raise my children and exchange for that. We're going to you know this is how it's kind of work. [00:33:20] However that's decided is of course such an individual thing but it can't go to a default any longer. We're gonna have to take responsibility for creating a new paradigm around that. [00:33:32] So you see this as starting with the individual that us women as in on an individual level we need to have these conversations take ownership of what we want and how we want it. The direction that we want to go in our lives. And if it's saying you know what ideal I want to be a mom I want to stay home with our kids because there is so much incredible beauty and value in that then we're splitting the paycheck half and half. [00:34:00] And that's how we're going to keep financially independent within our relationship. [00:34:05] I think there's a lot of value to I was just reading about this yesterday about the notion of every loose relationship having three separate Well bank accounts but approaches would be just as appropriate a term because there's your goals. There's the woman's goals. [00:34:28] There's the partners goals and then there's the goals that we have together. And each of those needs to be funded in an appropriate manner. And so each of us will have different priorities coming into the relationship. So I don't see how it can be anything but individual. And to allow it to be anything but individual is to place the power outside of your relationship and outside of yourself. So I think that yeah we're in the process of taking that all back. And if you think about the progress that we've made you know it's huge because back in whatever 19 10 you would never find the woman's name on the mortgage. You know it's wouldn't happen. [00:35:12] So of 19 and like I think it was actually nineteen ninety six. My parents got divorced and my mom had to have her dad sign for a credit card for her because she couldn't get a credit card. Everything had been in my dad's name. At nineteen ninety six that was. That's pretty incredible. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. So you're totally right. We've we've made huge headway but there is still more work to be done. [00:35:44] Mm hmm. And of course this that the times are such that we can have a rapid awakening here and we are in the process of a rapid awakening. So it's imperative that each of us stand in our power and observe the balance in our relationships and to re craft our relationships if that's what's called for and to have the courage to understand that other people don't have to like that they don't have to be on board with it but it still has to be done. [00:36:23] Yeah. K. Can you talk to us for a second about the kids and how you know for people who are going through this or are thinking about uncoupling. I'm wondering the biggest question that they have is the kids. [00:36:38] I mean they almost sometimes base the decision on the children and yet energetically the children are so much better off when they're in a loving environment with both mom and dad are happy and true to themselves. And so how do you explain this. What is the advice that you give the women that you work with. [00:37:03] Oh my gosh this is such a power packed point. There's so much to unpack when we talk about this issue. [00:37:13] For me it was definitely off the most heart wrenching and heartbreaking and difficult part of the whole process is because in my mind I had promised a some kind of forever to my children and it was very hard for me to break that promise when in fact what I had promised them was an illusion and an untruth and I was the only thing that kept me going in a process that I felt was best for me was and best for my partner as well was the fact that questioning whether I would ever encourage them to stay in a relationship that wasn't serving them. [00:38:08] And if I couldn't recommend that to them how could I record meant that to myself. And so for many years it was a back and forth because I was committed to that illusion and I know in some regards it was an ego related issue because I had been conditioned to believe that a long marriage was a good marriage. And so I understand that this is probably the most difficult thing for women because as moms you don't want to break the hearts of your children. That is the that's the worst case scenario. And but I also felt that I owed it to them to provide the example of what it means to be in your truth and to put yourself first. And if I couldn't show them that who was going to show them that. So you know the idea that this is better for kids. I I don't entertain that because I don't know and what I do know is that as souls they chose me and their father as parents and that their higher self knew exactly what they are getting into. [00:39:33] And I knew that this was the best way for them to learn and grow and expand as souls on earth. [00:39:40] And so I have to trust in the divine plan that everything that is presented to them in their lives is for their growth and their development and their highest good. So what. Yeah. Yeah. Because they don't like it. It's not easy for them. It does break their hearts. It shatters the illusion for them as well. But if we can get to a greater truth then it's all going to serve. It's going to serve us all in the end. Yeah. [00:40:11] Is there a way for this generation to present it to children today. You know because I've seen this in my own life. You know when somebody in the community or somebody at school is going through a divorce you know. And and my daughter come home and talk about it and will say well it's never gonna happen but you are creating that illusion. When you say that because I see us together you know and I see us together the long term but I think just in general and marriage we don't know what's going to happen 30 years down the road. [00:40:46] And of course in the message that you've just given your child is that staying together is more important than the individual truth. I mean you know that is what what you've just said. [00:41:00] But I think there is another way of saying it and that's what I wished I had been able to do when my children were young is two is when they come home with fears like that is to say in a relationship you get to choose every day whether you're going to be together or whether it's better for you to be apart and you always have to listen to what's best for you because that's that is your primary responsibility is to make sure that your needs are being met and your dreams are being fulfilled and your being the most important person in your life. So I think there's a way for them for you to model that this is how a relationship works it's it's an everyday decision it's an every moment decision. [00:41:52] Yeah I agree with that and of course our first instinct is to protect them and make sure that they're not feeling anything that they don't want to feel. [00:42:05] And so we're just training them to wear it down. [00:42:09] Feelings. Yeah. You're so right on. I love that so we can actually come to our kids and say this might be better for that person at this time in their life. And we always get to choose. I love that every day we get to choose if we're going to be together and yeah and two and two. [00:42:31] I mean it's a way of showing them that the power the power of their life resides within them that they don't perfect no one outside of them gets to say what happens and why they're the ones that get to decide. [00:42:49] Yes I want to talk about men for a second because there are so many men who are great guys that have huge hearts who really want to just do the best and be the best here. [00:43:07] But I have actually had 80 year old 70 year old 60 year old women come to me and say there is no passion left in my relationship and I don't know if I want to spend my last years living with no passion. [00:43:27] So I'm kind of breaking down two different things here. We have females who are feeling just the mundane ness and no passion there. And there are men who want to change. There are men who don't want to change but I really feel into the male energy. They're so confused right now about who they're supposed to be what they're supposed to be how do we help men that is in a way that we're not coming at them where they feel attacked. [00:43:58] How do we help them to support us more. This is a big question too of course because I have three sons and I whom I love and want to see you succeed in every way. However I don't think it is the responsibility of women to help men become men become human to become themselves. That is something that we've been doing for a long time and we have to step back from that role now. [00:44:32] We have to allow men too big to come into their full humanity. And I recognize that this is actually quite frightening for all of us. The hardest thing for us to do is to be ourselves and why that should be. I have no idea. But we have so much fear of being seen for who we are that it's crippling us. So that is something that I feel men are going to have to deal with. And it's not going to be an easy road for them just as it hasn't been an easy road for us. But the passion of a relationship in my opinion or at least for me would be to come together in a new moment in every moment because the truth of it is that we are different in every moment. And if we're being honest and true to who we are we are coming to the relationship in a new way in every moment. And so we're not riding on the past. We're not projecting into the future. We are in the present moment and the passion lies in being new to each other in that moment. [00:45:46] And so each of the partners is responsible for coming to that union for themselves. So we can't really do the work for the men. They're going to have to make their way that they're on their own. And women are awakening at such a rate that they're not willing to spend another moment in a life that isn't rich with with newness and presence. So when I first started on this path I started looking at the divorce statistics and the highest rate of divorce is still amongst quite young. From twenty three to twenty six or something like that. But the fastest growing rate of divorce is in the older age groups. And this is because we're starting to allow that a relationship that isn't serving us has come to completion and we are allowing ourselves to feel that there's there's it's harder and it's serves us less to be in a relationship that isn't present where there isn't presence than it is to just continue on the path that they had going because none of us knows how long we're going to live every moment becomes precious. [00:47:05] So well said K.. Thank you so much. So are you working on another book. So if you can't talk about it it's okay. [00:47:15] I just yeah I I have been. This is my heart's desire is definitely to to write and express and teach through through that process. And I I almost I think it's true of most writers that you prefer to the stuff that comes after which is promoting and marketing the book. So I've been kind of waiting and waiting and wondering what was going to be next and I have a project that has come into my life that I'm really excited about. It's just in the very early stages but it's got me feeling really excited about the incredible power of this particular story to set people free. [00:48:09] It's really exciting to me and I'm looking forward to kind of diving in. Indeed. [00:48:14] That is so exciting because that's where we're all at right now is this awakening and setting ourselves free. So what a gift. [00:48:22] Thank you. My pleasure. You know Kate I always ask everybody on the show Who Do You Think That I should interview next. Who do you know that I should interview. [00:48:33] That is such a hard question because I know so many incredible souls who are doing such incredible work. I mean my my network of teachers give me a couple. OK. OK so one of I have a friend. Her name is Alexis shell. She's a children's book author and she teaches yoga to children. [00:48:55] And she is deeply passionate about helping younger people who are challenged by the heaviness of the times. [00:49:13] And she is honestly she is like an angel on earth. She says the most loving presence and she's written a couple of children's books. And I think that in terms of Conscious parenting she is really somebody. [00:49:32] Oh I have to have her on. I've had at least four parents in over the last month who their children are so empathic that they are picking up the blockages of their parents and they're carrying them. And this is something that we're seeing a lot of right now because these young children who have come in over the last 15 years are so much more high vibrational than the rest of us and they're just so empathic. [00:50:07] It would be wonderful. Yes. And part of that that understanding is that as the children contain more light in their in their DNA and their genome and they come down into the three the 3D experience the the challenge of that is overwhelming. And so that's right at the point where Alexa is in helping the children develop the techniques and practices that can help them through that because it's critically important that we teach them how to inner resource because we can't necessarily give them everything that they're going to need. They have to develop the skills themselves and also she's able to help parents understand how to guide with love and compassion and understanding. And in this process we're going to change everything about how we raise our children. We're gonna be changing the educational system. We're gonna be changing. We're going to be changing the religious structures and society and all the stuff that's around the concept of family. [00:51:22] We're gonna be we're gonna be over on the precipice. Yeah we're on the precipice of all that. I know. I love it every time I see teachers bringing yoga into the classroom I'm like it's starting. Yeah yeah yeah. And meditation and yes. [00:51:40] Well one more question. Actually two more questions for you. Where can people find you if they want to find you online. [00:51:47] Ok so of course I'm on Facebook. I have both a personal page chaotic and I have a page for the book Divorce a love story which lists all my events which I have at about coming up in Wheaton on April 4th at 7 p.m. at Prairie path books in their new location in town square. Very excited about that. And so and then on Instagram I met is awake and yeah. Right now that's those are the best ways. [00:52:24] Beautiful. Final question. [00:52:27] This is a biggie but if you had long time in the future when you have done everything that you want to do here and if you had to leave your children with one final message one piece of advice what would you tell them. [00:52:46] I think for moms it's almost impossible to live your life without that thought. What would I be teaching my children if I did this if I did that. [00:52:58] And I think this is why we have children because it it drives us into a higher version of ourselves. And it's like a constant echo of our actions and behaviors. How is this going to be perceived by my children. It's such a gift it's a gift beyond words to have those little mirrors in your life. [00:53:25] And I want my children to see that throughout my life I have been working to become a truer version of myself and that that took a huge amount of courage and that their my love for them was that is the driving force behind behind that and my love for myself. [00:54:04] Yeah I think I would love to have them recognized that. But I also recognize that because they're individuals that might not be their experience of my life. They're going to have their own experience of my life. [00:54:21] And I have to be OK with that. [00:54:24] Well you've given ISIS so much to think about today so eat many yummy nuggets of just great information. And I thank you so so much for being on the show today. And just for your time. And for you bringing your energy. [00:54:41] Can I just also add a book is available on both Barnes and Noble and so on. [00:54:48] I'm so sorry I had that in my notes and then I just shut it out. Yes. Thank you so much. [00:54:53] And you should really purchase the book because it is an amazing read and I love Amazon you buy it on there and then it's at your house the next day which is fabulous. And I've even seen you you can read it once you buy it on Amazon you can start reading it right away I believe on the Kindle which is fantastic. [00:55:12] You know I it's not a very long book but it's packed and I I'm not saying this only for my own benefit but I really encourage people to get the hardcover because there is a trance a healing transmission in the book and as you read it I think you're going to find that you can come back to it again and again for that healing no matter what you're going through. And I I just want to add that the book is really not just for people who are going through a divorce because it also talks a lot about how to be in a conscious relationship and how to allow your greatest challenges to serve your greatest growth and how the process of self-love really looks and how it heals. And one of the surprises for me has been how younger people have told me that it has helped them heal from their parents divorce because you know we've been affected by divorce in on many different levels as friends relatives children and partners. So it has it has a healing for for all of us around the whole issue of relationships. [00:56:35] Yeah. So a perfect read for everybody in the family. Yeah I love that. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you caught that. Thank you Kay. [00:56:44] Thank you Julie. It's been a pleasure to be here with you. [00:56:47] Oh good. Good. Well I'm sure we'll have you on again soon. OK. Thank you everybody for listening. [00:57:07] My dear friends you don't know what an incredible huge huge huge blessing it is to this podcast when you write a glowing positive review for us. It truly helps us get the best experts on the show. I know this might sound a little complex but if you send me an email after you post a glowing positive review here I will put your name into a monthly drawing to win a free 30 minute Angel message session with me and it may just be broadcast on this show at a later date. Your name will be kept in the drawing every month until you win when you email me. Don't forget to include your name contact information and positive review. I hope you win [00:57:50] Tune in for a new episode next week where I'll share tools and guidance that can help you fall in love with your life and start living it from a place of peace bliss and ease. [00:58:00] Thank you so much for listening to the angels and awakening podcast. Until next time know in your heart just how deeply you're loved on the other side and open up your heart to all of the random unexpected blessings that your angels and your spirit team are trying to bring into your life right now. [00:58:24] Disclaimer this podcast provides general information and discussion about energy healing spiritual topics and related subjects the conversations and other content provided in this podcast and in any linked materials are not intended and should not be construed as medical psychological and or professional advice. If the listener or any other person has a medical concern he or she should consult with an appropriately licensed physician or other health care professional. Never make any medical or health related decision based in whole or even in part on anything contained in the angels in awakening podcast or in any of our linked materials. You should not rely on any information contained in this podcast and related materials and making medical health related or other decisions. You should consult a licensed physician or appropriately credentialed health care worker in your community in all matters relating to your health. If you think you may have a medical emergency call your doctor or nine one one immediately. Again Angel messages energy healing and the information you receive here does not constitute legal psychological medical business relationship or financial advice. Do not take any of the advice given and any angels in awakening podcasts or sessions in lieu of medical psychological legal financial or general professional advice. Please note angels in awakening is a podcast produced by Chicago energy healing a company with locations in Wheaton and Naperville Illinois. Copyright: Chicago Energy Healing