About this episode
Bee The Wellness founders Vanessa and Adam Lambert are here to talk about all things related to health and wellness today, with a focus on relationships. This power couple truly knows their stuff, as Bee The Wellness is a health and wellness consulting company that specializes primarily in retreats held around the world. People experience full-on lifestyle transformations during these programs and Vanessa and Adam’s warm energy and enthusiastic personalities bring a really special sense of camaraderie to the whole experience. Vanessa and Adam also host a “Bee The Wellness” podcast that allows them to further connect with their audience and also bring in some fun guests. You’re probably thinking now that that’s a lot of time for two people to spend together - collaborating daily for their company and their retreats, weekly for their podcast, and also just being in a committed partnership! Vanessa shares that, “One of the biggest things for us as we’ve grown in our relationship is actually to have permission to argue...to actually make space for that.” This was quite a discovery for Vanessa, as she grew up hearing her mother, who was divorced, press upon the importance of never arguing with your partner. However, Vanessa realized that if you’re always living in fear of not “getting along” with your spouse, that will do you both a great disservice. And as their relationship grew with time, she realized that she and Adam were able to communicate in a much healthier manner when they were getting stuff off their chests and expressing what was on their mind to each other. “You can’t just shove it away in a corner. It’s actually been awesome for us to learn how to fight!” Vanessa comments, laughing. Adam quickly clarifies that their fights are not “screaming and yelling sessions” but rather a way for them to simply have a rational conversation about information that just has to be let out into the open. And as they both explain, not taking things personally makes a huge difference, which is why they’re both so committed to letting the small stuff go. They understand that the other person might say something without thinking, or be running on little sleep, and something insensitive or unnecessary slips out...it happens, we’re all human. And not being nit-picky or overly sensitive to those very real, human moments, to simple mistakes, makes a huge difference in the dynamic of their relationship. Vanessa notes that often, a lot of people will “latch onto” one bad moment in their relationship and “become a victim of that moment,” but that kind of behavior will never help you move forward. Clearly, getting over yourself goes a long way, especially when you find yourself in a petty argument with your spouse and can’t even remember how you got there! Vanessa reminds us that no one will be perfect “every second of the day” and to just remember this when you find yourself in a challenging moment. “80/20 it!” Adam suggests. Yes, you can totally apply the 80/20 healthy eating rule to your behavior within your relationship - strive for your best most of the time, but don’t beat yourself up when a small mistake slips in. Recognize what happened, acknowledge the mistake and the part you played, learn from it, and move on. Next! More than anything, taking personal responsibility for the way you are in all areas of life is one of the major lessons people learn to integrate from Adam and Vanessa. They compare its importance to managing money to illustrate how much care people will pour into one area of their lives if they think it’s important. Well, if you don’t put the same kind of thought and responsibility into managing your emotions, then how can you be surprised when you realize you have no control over them? One big question Adam pushes people to ask themself is: “Where do I suffer more if I’m not the person I need to be?” Almost always, the answer to this question is work, as that’s where your income and reputation come from, not to mention how often it involves your ego. One of the best takeaways from this show is how deeply beneficial it is to work on your relationship because working on your relationships forces you to work deeply on yourself. This is because the simple act of being in a committed partnership will make anyone expand internally in a way that they wouldn’t have been prompted to, had that other person not been there for you to react to. As Vanessa notes, working through issues in a relationship is often the catalyst for you to say, “Wait, why do I react like that?” which allows you to really go deep and examine why you react to things in a specific way. Discovering where certain deep-rooted behavior comes from - “sifting through your files together” as Vanessa has coined it - is the “magic” that keeps them together - through doing the deep work. Adam and Vanessa have been together a long time (since they were “kids,” Adam notes) and fortunately, they’ve been able to grow together , and not grow away from each other. A huge part of that growth is thanks to their Bee The Wellness coaching program. One of the reasons why their retreats are so life changing is because Vanessa and Adam are constantly taking it to the next level and asking themselves the right (and sometimes hard) questions in order to deepen their emotional intelligence. One thing they point out is how everyone is always so focused on being healthy, but for what? “You’re not going to get a blue ribbon for being healthy….The real prize is in how you use it,” Vanessa says. She makes a great point - if simply being healthy, fit, and capable is the prize, then what do you really want to use it for? These retreats are often centered around physically challenging exercises, like hiking Machu Picchu and white water rafting in Costa Rica, but as Vanessa and Adam explain, the physical fitness aspect is merely a conduit that leads people to develop a deeper and clearer understanding of what they’d like to devote their time to, and how to best utilize their strengths, both physical and mental. And more than anything, the camaraderie that develops between the other retreat members is truly invaluable: “It makes these once in a lifetime experiences even more special because you’re sharing them with people who are your friends, but who feel like family.” That’s all for today, but stay tuned for an upcoming show where we’ll discuss plant medicine and the role ayahuasca plays in their life-changing retreats. TIMESTAMPS: Adam and Vanessa balance the yin and the yang on their podcasts. [06:32] Their solid marriage is based on the ability to converse in an adult manner and not take things personally. [12:02] Adam points out the difficult adjustment people in powerful jobs have to go through when they get home. [17:27] Surveys show a surprising difference in what women and men really want from a partner. [23:37] You have to take creativity and understand how to create structure around your life. [30:25] How does it work with Vanessa and Adam to spend every waking hour together? [36:15] When the couple spends a great deal of time apart, there tends to be a lack of intimacy. [41:24] If your partner doesn’t not want to hear about your day, you will withdraw from them. [44:39] Vanessa and Adam began in the primal paleo scene many years ago in Chico, CA. [47:13] The community aspect of their training fosters their wellness program. [50:56] It’s much easier to eat primally when you are out of the States. [55:58] The battle to be healthy here in the U.S. is not a joke. There is constant infiltration of crap. [58:37] You have to take a lot of personal responsibility to try psychedelics. One needs to be very cautious. [01:00:29] LINKS: Brad’s Shopping page BEE The Wellness Rythmia Center Ayahuasca Retreats MAPS QUOTES: "There has to be structure and commitment around the way you do your day." "Create your life in a way so you have things you’re committed to, that you follow through with." "It’s much easier to eat primally when you are out of the States." 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