About this episode
A few months ago we posted a video clip from Kaitlyn’s birth taken by Danielle Wilstead at Wild Oak Birth Photography and it went viral! We have Kaitlyn and Danielle with us on the podcast today sharing the backstory behind her inspiring video. In the video, a nurse is asking questions incessantly and Kaitlyn is advocating for herself while literally pushing out her baby! Kaitlyn shares the power of trusting that your body will tell you what it needs and listening to it when it does so. Additional Links Kaitlyn’s Photography Website Danielle’s Photography Website Emma’s Birth Story How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents The VBAC Link Facebook Community Full Transcript under Episode Details Meagan: Hello, hello everybody. Guys, this is Meagan with The VBAC Link and we have such a fun episode for you today. It’s actually not a VBAC mom. I’m just going to put that flag right out there right now. She is a mama. I’m sure you will recall if you are following us on social media that went viral after her birth photographer posted a very incredible little snippet of a story of her birth. We posted it back in February and we will probably post it today. If you have not seen it, definitely go today to go watch this video. Her birth photographer, Danielle at Wild Oak, posted this video and it immediately gave me chills. Immediately. I want to say that she is not a VBAC mom but the episode today is going to be sharing her story and then also sharing more about how to really truly advocate for yourself and even make decisions that might be hard or sound weird to someone else. This mama has a history where she actually birthed out of the hospital and then with this baby, she birthed in the hospital. A lot of people would be like, “What? Why would you go back?” so we are going to talk a little bit about that. I want to welcome Kaitlyn and Danielle to the episode today. Ladies, thank you. Danielle: Thank you for having us. Kaitlyn: Mhmm, thank you. Emma and I are here together. Hello. Review of the Week Meagan: I love when babies are on the episode. I love it, love it, love it. Okay, so before we get into the story, I do want to turn the time over to Danielle because she is so gracious and going to read a Review of the Week. Danielle: Yes, okay. So this review came in from Apple Podcasts and this is from kim_md44 and they titled this, “When a Podcast Gives You a Transformative Experience.” The review says, “It’s hard for me to put into words how much this podcast has meant to me the last four months. I discovered this podcast during my second pregnancy when I was prepping for a TOLAC and wanted so desperately for a VBAC. Like many other listeners, my first birth was traumatic and ended in a C-section. One of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome was the mental gymnastics of getting over that trauma and truly believing my body was capable of birthing a baby vaginally. “This podcast did wonders in that journey. Hearing so many other women sharing experiences similar to mine not only helped me feel so validated, but it gave me so much hope for the future. This podcast gave me a community, my people. It gave me resources to help me advocate for myself and well, it paid off. I got my VBAC. On October 5, 2021, I had a beautiful, healing birth experience where I was able to birth my daughter vaginally. I did it. “So to the provider who told me that my pelvis was too small to birth my baby, who told me that this baby would have to be significantly smaller than my first to even think about attempting a VBAC, my second-born was a whopping pound heavier than my first and I pushed her out of my vagina. I did it.” So powerful. Meagan: That just gave me the chills. Danielle: Yes. All of the chills. All of the chills. Meagan: Yes. Such an empowering message and review. Thank you so much for that review. Just like she did, you can too. You can too. It’s hard to sometimes imagine it being possible, but it is possible. So thank you so much for that review. Kaitlyn’s Stories Meagan: Okay, beautiful ladies. I have been looking forward to this. I texted Danielle. Obviously, it was going viral within seconds but I actually saw it from someone else’s page. Of course, I recognize Wild Oak Birth so I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is from Danielle,” so I went over to your page and watched it 50 other times. I was trying to reshare this because this is such an empowering video. This is so amazing and then I had to text you. I texted you and I was like, “Holy cow,” and then I was just thinking about it and I was like, “Hey, this is such a great message that we can share with our listeners,” because as TOLAC mamas, as VBAC mamas, it can be really hard to be in a situation where you have people constantly saying, “Well, you could do this but you don’t want to,” or “You don’t want to do this,” very similar to Kaitlyn’s, “Well, you don’t want to birth like this.” Well, why don’t I want to birth like this? We’re being told how and what to do. It’s very hard, very hard in the medical system to advocate for ourselves and say, “No, actually I don’t really want to do this.” Anyway, so I want to turn the time over to Kaitlyn and Danielle if you have anything to say. But really, if you want to share this story because I know that we’ve only seen this tiny bit of this story so can you tell us a little bit about your journey and how it came about? I know that Danielle posted that you did choose to birth in the hospital after out of the hospital so maybe talk about the decision to do that because decisions in this VBAC world and in birth in general can really be hard to make but they can truly impact the way our birth has the outcome. So I would love to turn the time over to you. Kaitlyn: Thank you. Yeah, it was wild seeing that little two-minute snippet of a very precipitous birth– I will not lie. That was precipitous. Danielle: Very fast. Kaitlyn: Very intense, but just that last little bit go everywhere around the world honestly. I’ve had a lot of beautiful, beautiful messages from people reaching out just sharing that they were terrified about birth and now they feel a little bit of hope and a little bit of peace. That’s, I think, I hope that your listeners will be able to get out of listening and hearing this story and my experiences and my feelings because it’s that hope that everybody needs. Yes. You can make good decisions. Yes, they are hard and yes, things can be beautiful regardless of what happens. So yeah. It was a very big experience. This is my third. Emma is our third and my first was a hospital induction. Like many, it was more on the traumatic side. I had an OB who was not super supportive. They were like, “Why would you not have an epidural? That’s dumb.” So not a good fit. With my second, I had a birth center down the street from us in Colorado. That was a water birth and so healing. The midwives gave me over and over and over again the opportunity to decide for myself like, “Okay, here’s this option. What do you want to do? Here’s what we understand. What do you want to do? Do you want to do your GBS swab?” “Yes, I do. Thank you.” They were providing that kind of care which I loved and as a birth worker myself, I love. Families deserve that kind of shared decision-making all over the board. We moved again and got pregnant. This was the one that we weren’t expecting. We have three December babies now, three December girls so March is very fertile apparently. That was exciting but I wasn’t ready to be pregnant yet. The only person I knew I wanted to be on my birth team was Danielle. I was like, “Danielle, I’m pregnant. I’m due a few days before Christmas. Please come.” She was like, “Okay, I’ll think about it.” Danielle: I remember it being so close to Christmas. It is a hard decision but I’m like, “This is Kaitlyn. It’s Kaitlyn. I have to be there. I’m going to make it work.” Kaitlyn: I was so grateful for that because honestly, I don’t know who else would have come flying. But then it was like, “Okay, great. I have Danielle. Who else?” So yeah. For me, again that shared decision-making is really important to me but I felt really torn between my second and my third. I think I just got a little bit clearer on, these are the exact risks in the hospital and out of the hospital. They are pretty matched. Like, oh okay. There’s no set risk like, “This midwife will have this much risk.” I attended some births where some midwives out of the hospital didn’t transfer fast enough. That was partly the family’s preference as well, but just like, “Oh, this is what I’m comfortable with and it’s not quite this.” I interviewed a bunch of midwives and actually switched care temporarily and it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t sit right to be out of the hospital. I was like, “Okay, we’re going to have a home birth.” My oldest was stoked. It was like, “Great. We’re going to have the birth tub and I’ll be there for you.” It was super sweet but it didn’t feel right. I remember working with my therapist and writing a pros and cons list for both in and out of the hospital then being like, “Okay, how do I feel about this? How do I feel about this?” I was able to think through and process, “Okay. This is my bucket of fears and the pros in a hospital birth with this midwife, and here’s my bucket of fears and my bucket of pros in this home birth midwife group,” that I was looking at. I just felt, “Okay. Nope. I’m going to pick the hospital bucket.” That felt a little wild to me. I definitely got in my head a lot about, “Okay. I’m a birth worker and who’s going to judge me for doing this? Will people think that I’m making the right decision?” Meagan: Which can I just add that it makes my heart hurt a little bit that anybody let alone a birth worker has to– not doesn’t have to but it happens because I did the same thing when I was preparing for my VBAC after two Cesarean birth. It was like, “Oh, who’s going to think this? What are people going to say about my decision to do this?” to the point where I didn’t even feel like I could share it. I didn’t feel like I could tell anybody. I had just a select few people who knew my plan but I was scared to share it. It’s hard because the biggest thing that matters is that it felt right for you. That’s what matters. Kaitlyn: Yeah. That was interesting and good for me. I have a fantastic therapist so we talked about this at length like, “Okay. Why do you feel that this is important?” You are right. And just trying to pull that back and pull back that power of decision-making and coming back to myself. Meagan: Yeah. Good for you. Good for you. Kaitlyn: That was big and lots of work and lots of talking with my husband as well like, “This is how I feel. This group of people says that this is the right decision and this group of people says that that’s dumb and stupid and you should go with this decision. I can’t please both groups so I feel so torn.” But yeah. I think that it felt good and I knew that my hospital midwife was going to support me. I had literally brought– so the next thing I did was that I went through and my therapist was like, “Okay, let’s acknowledge all of the trauma points from your first birth in the hospital and why this feels so scary because we can work on this. We can make this feel less scary.” That was really helpful because I literally made a list that I sent to Danielle. I was like, “These are points that are trauma points. This is how I can address those per se.” I brought that list to my midwife and was like, “Okay, let me tell you that these were the moments from my first in-hospital birth that was traumatic for me that I don’t want to happen again. These are the points that I would appreciate and why these points in my birth plan are meaningful to me.” That was an awesome realization. I felt so much better like, “Okay. I know my provider is on my side. I’m not hiding anything from her. She’s not hiding anything from me. I trust her and I trust her to take care of me if whatever happens.” That was the foundation that I needed. I needed it to be there. Meagan: I’m sure it solidified, “Okay. Yep. Definitely right. This is definitely right.” Kaitlyn: Yeah. Meagan: Which is such a great feeling to have. Kaitlyn: Mhmm, it is. I remember at my 40-week appointment, me getting all nervous over here because my last 40-week appointment with an in-hospital person was like, “All right. Let’s schedule your induction.” She was like, “No, we’re not going to talk about it. We’ll talk about it when we need to. Everything is going to be just fine, Kaitlyn. Trust.” She told me about a client of hers that had birthed beautifully next to the bed. She was like, “That was such a beautiful birth.” It restored my hope in birth. Meagan: It’s like she was projecting your fate. Kaitlyn: Yeah, that was kind of funny. Yeah. I walked out of that appointment being like, “Okay. I trust. I trust. I trust. This is going to be okay. I trust myself. This is the right decision. Let’s move.” So the day after my due date, we went in. I just wanted some data. I was like, “Okay. Let’s check. Let’s see where we are at.” I was 3 centimeters. I was like, “Okay, that’s good. Whatever.” Danielle and my team were like, “Woo! 3 centimeters!” I was like, “Sure, thanks.” But then I decided to do a stretch and sweep. You just have to be where it’s like, “Okay, that’s right. This is mindfulness. That’s how I’m paying attention to sensations. This is what pushing feels like. It’s pressure on the vaginal wall.” Yeah. The rest of the day, I got some cramps and bloody show out of that. It was midnight. I think I texted everybody. I was like, “All right. These are solid contractions. They’re punchy. I don’t feel like I need support yet, but FYI, things are starting to move.” My husband woke up. I made myself some eggs. Great. It’s my birth tradition that I have eggs in my early labor mostly because in my first birth, I was like, “I want eggs,” and they were like, “Sorry. You can’t have them.” Meagan: Hey, listen. Eggs are good protein and fat. That’s power food right there but I love it. Kaitlyn: That’s what I was craving. Meagan: It’s all in spite of you telling me that I cannot have these. I will eat these with every baby. Kaitlyn: I will eat my eggs and I will enjoy them. Yes, and I do. So yeah. I woke up and I made myself eggs. I walked around the house. My husband woke up and was like, “Oh, are we moving? Okay. Let’s do this.” Then we were like, “Okay, this is early birth where you pack yourselves and finish wrapping presents.” And then all my birth team was like, “Yeah, these were consistent minute long, 3-5 minutes together contractions. We’re coming.” I was like, “Okay, that sounds good but I don’t feel like I need support yet so no rush.” Then Danielle started driving and then I texted her and was like, “Nope, never mind. They stopped.” So Danielle turned around and they just stopped so I went to bed at about 3:00 AM and yeah. I’m not sure why it stopped but it did so I got more sleep. I woke up the next morning and there was nothing happening. I was like, “Oh, okay. I still don’t feel l like I’m going to be pregnant much longer so let’s move.” I scheduled an induction massage with one of our fantastic people up here. He is awesome. I sent my girlies off to play with grandma and got some alone time with my husband, some cervix ripening. So yeah. I remember getting to my prenatal massage at 12:30 PM. I got there, walked up the stairs, and felt, “Ooh. That is a solid contraction wave. Maybe we’re not going to make it to sushi,” because that was our plan. We were going to get a massage and go to sushi. We never made it to sushi. Danielle: Nope. Kaitlyn: I remember walking in and Eva asking, “Okay, are you having any contractions?” I was like, “I think a few, yeah.” By the end of that massage, 80-90 minutes later, I remember I was in full-blown active labor at that point. I remember thinking and realizing, “Oh.” Eva’s a birth doula as well so she was like, “Do you want some counterpressure?” I remember her counterpressure feeling fantastic and that’s when I knew, “Oh, this is active labor.” I finished my massage. It took me forever to get dressed again. I texted the birth team super trembling. That’s another cue for me like, “Oh, my body is changing things kind of fast.” I was like, “Okay, it’s time. Come. I want support now.” That was at 2:00 when we left the massage. I got home at about 2:30. I remember on the way home being like, “Okay. We are going to go home. I’m going to get some calories. My birth team is going to get there. We’re going to stay home for a few hours and I’m going to know when I need to go. I’m going to trust myself. My body will tell me when it’s time. I know where to go. It’s going to take a little bit. We’re going to get settled at the hospital and we’re going to have a baby in a few hours. It’s going to be fine.” That’s not quite what happened. We got home. I gobbled a little tiny bit of food because at that point I don’t feel like eating very much. Danielle got there first then my doula, Carly. I just remember everybody being there and realizing everyone was there and just being like, “Okay, whew. I’m all good.” It felt bigger than the last time. “This is already hard.” That’s what I remember telling Carly. I was like, “This is already hard.” She was like, “It’s supposed to be.” “Yes, you’re right but it’s hard.” Meagan: But it’s hard. Kaitlyn: Yeah. Then I remember my oldest came in. My middle child was taking a nap. She pretty much napped throughout my whole birth but my oldest got to come in and be with us while we were home. That was so sweet and filled that bucket for me of, “I’m not having a home birth. I don’t get to be with her throughout my whole labor,” but she got to be there for at least a little bit which was a little sweet. Meagan: Special, yeah. Kaitlyn: Yeah, sweet moment. She was super, super sweet. Danielle: She was. Kaitlyn: “Come in, Mom. Hold out your hand and sit here.” Then she started offering me books because that is her favorite thing. Then she told us, “Mom, that was too loud. Don’t wake up Sophie.” Meagan: That’s hilarious. Kaitlyn: That was so funny. Then I felt it. My body told me, “Shift. It’s time to go. I don’t want to be in the car for any more of this. Let’s move.” It took me 10 minutes to get out the door, but I’m pretty sure Danielle followed us on our tail the whole way to the hospital. Danielle: I sure did. Kaitlyn: I put my AirPods in with my mindfulness track and I fell asleep between contractions in the car on the way to the hospital. Danielle: Yeah. Kaitlyn: I remember sitting there and waking up, “Wait a second. How in the heck did I fall asleep?” Danielle: Yeah, well behind you driving, all I could see is her head tilting back like this and I’m panicking inside. You know, that backward arch is very common when baby is coming out. You are going back. Baby starts coming. Kaitlyn: Danielle was freaking out thinking I had a baby. Danielle: Is she having a baby in that car?! Pull over! Then she stood up again. I’m like, “Okay. What was that?” Kaitlyn: It was me falling asleep. Meagan: Were you in the back seat? Danielle: No, I was in my car behind her. Meagan: No, her. Was Kaitlyn in the back seat? Danielle: Oh no, she was in the front seat. Kaitlyn: I was in the front seat. Meagan: So you could see this. Danielle: Yes. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Meagan: Oh my gosh. Kaitlyn: That was incredible. She was like, “That’s a sign that you were coping excellently.” I was like, “Oh, thank you. Thank you.” Which I never imagined because that car ride was the most dreaded part of my labor. I hated being in the car for that five minutes down the road to the birth center.” So I was like, “Okay.” I remember getting in the car being like, “Nope. I’m going to make this. It’s going to be totally fine. We’re going to be fine.” I remember my body slowing down a little bit. Contractions were not so close together in the car. There were probably four in that 20-minute car ride instead of six or seven which was really good. People will be like, “You almost had a car baby,” but I didn’t. My body knew where I was and I think that’s a pretty incredible part of births for me is that my body will slow down and pick up depending on what I need. Meagan: Obviously. Yeah. Kaitlyn: They will slow down. An hour and a half before Sophie was born, I slept for a half hour. Meagan: Oh my gosh. It was starting and then it was like your body needed a break and went to sleep for the night. Kaitlyn: Yep. Take a break. Kick back up. Meagan: We’ve got to trust our bodies. Kaitlyn: Yeah. That was really cool. I was mind-blown that it happened. But yeah. I got to the hospital, pulled in the parking lot, stepped out of the car, and things picked right back up. I was like, “Okay, we’re moving.” I booked it to the front door. Nobody was in the lobby. We sat there for a contraction and I was like, “Nope. Let’s go.” We went to the elevator and went upstairs to L&D. We didn’t see anybody until we busted into L&D. I let myself be loud. I was like, “All right. Things are intense. I’m going to be as loud as I want to because I do not want to go to triage right now. I want to go to a room and I want to be done.” Meagan: Yeah. I need a room! Kaitlyn: Yeah. I remember Danielle. I don’t think it was you. Maybe it was Carly. Maybe it was you. Danielle: Carly was behind me. Kaitlyn: We have a mom. Here. She’s in labor. They were like, “Oh yeah, come in.” I was like, “Thank you.” Danielle: Mhmm. Kaitlyn: Glide down the hallway. Glide down the hallway. They brought a wheelchair. I was like, “No. I’m not sitting down. That’s not happening.” Danielle: At this point, you were probably already 10 centimeters. Kaitlyn: Um, no. I was probably in transition. I was transitioning. Danielle: You think so? Kaitlyn: Mhmm, yeah because we got to our room and they were right on top of each other. That’s when I was like, “Okay. We’re at transition. Let’s get Heather here now, please,” but I couldn’t say that because I was answering all of the questions. I was amazed at how much mental capacity I felt like I had at that point. I’m not sure if that’s because things had just moved so fast or what, but I felt like I could answer all of their questions. “No, I don’t want a gown. Yes, I want this. No, I don’t want that. No, thank you. Yes, please.” I was like, “Nope, that’s going to be hard to get on the bed. Sorry.” Meagan: I remember you saying on the video, “Yeah, I know but it’s not going to happen.” Kaitlyn: Yes. I was on the other side of the bed first. I tossed off all of my clothes in those little tiny in-between moments between those on top of each other transition contractions. I tossed off my shoes. I tossed off my dress and then moved to the other side of the bed so that he could have a base reading of the heart rate. I remember my doula asking me– I remember seeing Danielle out of the corner of my eye setting up my tripod and being like, “Okay, Danielle’s good. I can have a baby now. I just need to document it.” Danielle: I’m good to go now. Kaitlyn: I remember hearing my doula start to fill up the tub because she knew that I liked water and water was helpful. I listened to that and was like, “Mmm, I don’t think I’m going to get there.” I remember her asking me, “Kaitlyn, do you feel pushy right now?” I was like, “No, not right now.” Then my water broke literally five seconds later all over my husband’s shoes. I was like, “Ha ha, now I feel pushy. Psyche!” Yeah. So then my nurse was like, “I really want to check you. I really want to check you.” I was like, “I’ll check myself.” Meagan: She was adamant. Kaitlyn: So I checked and I was like, “Yep. Her head is at a finger’s width from my perineum.” She looked at me and then moved to the other side, “What did you say?” I think she was just a little bit in disbelief of, “Wait, are you having a baby? Am I going to be okay?” I could feel her anxiety mount beside me but didn’t feel like there was any room for that. I was stoked. Meagan: I can’t imagine how you felt because I was feeling it watching it and I’m sure many other people were how she was like, “Well, I’d hate to have you just be 4 centimeters and have your midwife come.” She was feeling anxious. Kaitlyn: I clearly say, “That’s not happening too. No, I’m not 4 centimeters. That’s not happening.” I’m literally complete and going to push out a baby any minute here. Meagan: Yes. We could feel the angst and I’m sure you could feel it with her next to you, touching you, saying, “Get help in here!” Having those things being said, you were able to just really stay in this space even though all of these other things were happening. Kaitlyn: Mhmm, yeah. I think that was also interesting for me as a people pleaser. Meagan: Okay, so you’re a people pleaser person. How do you feel like you were able to disconnect that, “I normally would say to do whatever and follow your direction?” Kaitlyn: That’s an excellent question. Meagan: Yeah. I don’t want to make it sound like, “Go against your medical provider!” Kaitlyn: I mean, I didn’t anticipate that from myself. I did not expect myself to be able to hold boundaries for myself because that’s not something that I’m a super expert in. Meagan: Intuitively, it came out. Kaitlyn: It’s something I struggle with. My therapist was like, “Don’t expect too much of yourself in labor. You’re literally pushing out a baby. Rely on your team.” That’s why I had my team there was to back me up and talk for me when I didn’t feel like talking but somehow, there was just– I don’t know if it was because I had thought things through and knew, “I know where you’re coming from.” These nurses are there to manage risk and they are trained. Who knows how many things they hear all day long from an OB or some provider who ranted on a nurse for not checking their client before they got there? Meagan: Right, before they arrived so they’re feeling angst. Kaitlyn: How many stories have they heard? So I think I came in with that perspective. These nurses are trying to help. They’re trying to do their best. They have a very risk-averse perspective. That’s their job. It’s to manage all of that. Great. I don’t have to worry about it then. They’re going to be there doing whatever. So I could hear her fear and I feel like, I don’t know if it was my subconscious or what, but somehow it was like, “Okay, she’s scared. I’m not. I’m going to push out a baby. She’s coming. I’m stoked because I’m almost done and I know I can feel that she’s here. I’ve done this before.” It was really helpful because I had done that before. It felt really familiar. I was back in familiar territory. I had done work to know and trust myself a little better to say, “Okay. I know how to make good decisions. I can decide things and now understand what my body is saying about myself. I’m feeling scared. I’m feeling anxious,” and at that moment, it was, “I’m going to have a baby. She is coming and I am excited because she is almost here. It doesn’t matter what this person over here is feeling. That’s not my job to regulate her emotions. She can do that. She’s an adult. My job is to just be here and push out a baby.” That’s what I did. I had that pause, that conversation happened all in that pause between, “Okay, I’m complete and pushing,” which maybe happened for a minute. Danielle: Yeah. Kaitlyn: So yeah. It was like, “No, you’re not going to check me because I’m going to push out a baby right now. There’s no space.” My doula was like, “Okay, where do you want to push?” I was like, “I’m not moving. Right here apparently.” Yeah. It was big. That was the beautiful, beautiful part of this birth was feeling my instincts take over. It was like, “Hey, this is intense, but my body knows exactly what to do,” and feeling her head come down and push on my perineum, and my hands were right there. Then her head was out. I don’t even remember everybody being like, “Oh, there’s a head.” None of that had any space in my ears. And there were all the other sensations happening. I pushed her out. I remember looking down. I felt like I didn’t see anything until I looked down. I was like, “Oh, there’s a cord around her neck. I’m going to pull it around her neck and I’m going to pull her up.” I had walked through that step by step with my midwife more to get a feel of, “How are you going to support me because I want to catch my baby?” So my brain knew what was happening. And she was fine. All is well. We’re done. Then yeah. Then there was space for joy. I remember laughing. That was amazing. That joy and laughter and then the nurse was like, “Let’s sit you down.” I’m like, “Sure. We can sit down now. Now I can do this. I can’t move when I have a head at the top of my vaginal canal but I can move now.” We sat down and I just remember looking up at my team and we all just laughed at each other like, “What just happened?” I cried and I laughed and I cried and I laughed. That was amazing. Then I think as soon as all of the checks happened, I could feel my nurse beside me calm down. Her adrenaline spiked and made its course. I feel like she came back to herself and was like, “Well, that was crazy. Let me go get you checked in now.” It was so funny. So that was kind of cool too being like, “Okay, look. Everybody has big feels and if you’re not used to this then that’s fine.” Meagan: Yeah. You know, I love that you said that about your nurse. You could feel her anxiety. You could feel the tension but at the same time, you weren’t going to allow that tension to enter your space when it was so easily able to do. It’s so easy to let the tension that is happening in the room enter the body. We know how it can impact our birth and our modes of delivery. Kaitlyn: Absolutely. Meagan: I love that you said, “You’re the adult. I know you’re an adult. I know you’re here. I know your intentions. I know you’re here because you care and you want all things to be well, but I’m not letting you project that. I’m putting my wall here. You can be next to me but your space isn’t coming into my space. We can be in the same space with different emotions.” Kaitlyn: Your emotions are yours. Mine are mine. Meagan: That’s going to be a big takeaway, in my opinion, for this episode so listeners, it’s going to be hard. That’s a hard thing to do. It’s really hard. Kaitlyn: It doesn’t always happen and it’s okay if it comes in a little bit. Meagan: Exactly. Kaitlyn: That’s where your team comes in. That’s why I was depending on my doula or was going to depend on my doula but somehow didn’t need her to do that and build that wall for me but to be that reminder of, “Hey, where do you want to birth? Where do you feel like pushing? Are you pushing? Let’s stay present with yourself. What are you feeling right now?” and letting yourself feel those emotions because it doesn’t have to be joyful right away. That’s not a requirement for a good birth. That’s something that I also worked on. It was like, “Okay, what’s a beautiful birth? It does not have to be this painless, joyful thing,” even though Emma’s kind of was. It was intense but it was joyful. Meagan: It looked intense. Kaitlyn: And intense. It hurt and it was hard and felt manageable all at the same time. So yeah. Meagan: So incredible. Kaitlyn: That was amazing. And yeah. So happy. My midwife got there seven minutes after Emma was born to help with the placenta. The hospitalist walked in three minutes before that like, “Heather is right behind me on the road. I promise that she’s coming.” Meagan: You’re like, “It’s all right. I’m holding my baby. I’m good. I’m good.” Oh, man. Kaitlyn: She delivered the placenta and laughed with us. She was like, “Oh yep, she wasn’t waiting for anybody. That’s totally fine.” You didn’t miss out on me here. You did fine. I’m not worried. Yeah then everybody left us alone for the most part. That was amazing. Danielle: Yeah, I mean you did so many things postpartum that I don’t think many people ever do. You can share more about what you did but the staff really did give you so much space and that was really awesome on my end to see. It was almost like you were at home but at a hospital sort of just hanging out. Your girlies came in and even while your girlies were there, you and Carly were looking at the placenta. There was so much that I don’t typically see in a hospital setting and it was really, really cool to see. The energy was just so calm. Overall, so calm, just so happy. Everyone was elated like, “Wow.” Just kind of in complete shock but in the best way. Meagan: Yeah. I’m sure there was an overwhelming amount of joy and again, shock like, “What just happened? But whoa. Wasn’t that amazing?” I’m sure. One of the questions we get often actually was kind of what Danielle talked about. They say, “I want to have a VBAC and I really want the out-of-hospital experience, but I don’t feel like I can go out of the hospital. I don’t feel comfortable or my insurance, or whatnot. Do I really need to?” Kaitlyn: Generally for a VBAC, yeah. Meagan: Absolutely. So what tips would you give for that postpartum and how to create that good postpartum? You intuitively just were here. You were confident in your body’s ability which I think is one of the biggest things. You were confident. You’re a people pleaser you say, but because you were so confident, I think it made it easier. I don’t know you very well, but I think it could have made it easier to not please people because you knew. You knew things were going to be okay. You knew you were here. You were confident in your spot. Sometimes that’s hard and we don’t have confidence. That’s okay too and that’s again why we have our team. So we’ve got our team building confidence, education– these are my takeaways from this episode. Having those conversations with the providers before. You had some really good provider conversations that helped you know what to expect and know that she was truly on your team too. So yeah. Any other tips that you would suggest? Kaitlyn: Yeah. I mean, I went through all of those postpartum details with my midwife like, “Okay. I want to birth the placenta attached to my baby. I don’t want to cut the cord for a while. I want that to be calm and unrushed. I don’t want to worry about it right away. I’m in no rush for you cut that link quite yet.” Meagan: Which in the hospital doesn’t happen a ton. Usually, they cut the cord as soon as they deliver the baby. Kaitlyn: My provider had never done that before. My provider had never delivered the placenta attached to baby. Meagan: Oh, see? Yeah because that’s not very common. Kaitlyn: She was like, “I’ve never done that before. Can I clamp it first?” I was like, “No, let’s just let it be.” She was like, “Oh, okay. If that’s what you want then that’s fine.” She knew that was important to me and was one of the things on my backup plan if a Cesarean was ever going to be in the cards that if nothing is emergent, let’s keep the placenta attached. That would be really meaningful to me. She knew that and I knew that she would advocate for that for me. Meagan: And that is okay to not have it be attached. Kaitlyn: It ended up having the placenta attached for two hours. She left it in the bucket next to me. I was like, “Yeah, it can right here. It’s fine.” Then they were like, “Okay, call the nurse when you’re ready to cut the cord and do the newborn exam.” I was like, “Great. We’ll let you know. Thanks.” So we called them about two hours later like, “Okay. I’m ready. I’m ready for my placenta prints.” I also do a print with paper and blood and do a tree of life. It’s kind of hard to describe in the audio but my doula and I nerded out over my placenta and did that while my husband was with my girly doing all of the newborn exam stuff. That was so fun. Meagan: Awesome. Kaitlyn: Yeah. I had my mom bring my older girlies in and they were so, so cute. “We are so excited to be here with you.” They wanted to hold her so we got that family time together too. I had to really convince them to leave before bedtime. That was hard. Meagan: I’m sure. Kaitlyn: And then yeah, I took a bath postpartum before we moved to the postpartum rooms and that was awesome. Danielle and my doula and I just sat there in the bathroom processing what had happened. Meagan: Yeah. Kaitlyn: Okay, what just happened? Did that happen? Did this happen? When did this happen? Did that really happen? And just being together. I loved how unrushed that felt and that nobody was in a hurry. Everybody was chill. They’d check on things and make sure all was well, but they filled that role and then I had my emotional support team to be with me. So sorry, I don’t know if that was too much but that was all amazing. Yeah. It was that kind of experience that I loved from my out-of-hospital birth was the team filled up the tub for me and asked if I wanted to take a bath. I was like, “Yes. That would feel glorious.” So I stuck that in my birth plan. I would love to take a bath postpartum. Meagan: I’ll never forget the first shower after I had my baby. It really was so wonderful. It just makes you feel fresh and clean and new. You know? Kaitlyn: Mhmm. Meagan: It’s a lot. Your body just went through something pretty intense so I’m sure that felt lovely and probably helped the cramps. Kaitlyn: Yes. Postpartum cramps are more annoying than the labor ones in my opinion especially because they get more intense after each child. That was also my birth plan. And then postpartum, give me IBUprofen as fast as possible because those stink and I want to enjoy myself. Then it took them an hour and a half to get me admitted so that didn’t happen but that’s okay. Meagan: Darnit. Kaitlyn: It’s fine. Meagan: Well, thank you so much. So much. There are so many nuggets within this episode and listeners, I know it’s not a VBAC story but wow. Wow. How amazing can it be? It can be so amazing. We know that it isn’t always like this. We know that this is not every birth story out there and it is a little bit more rare but it doesn’t have to be either. It doesn’t have to be. We can create those teams. We can talk with our providers and have a solid plan. We can trust our body, believe in our body, and believe in our ability. We can advocate for ourselves. We can block out the stresses of others and not let them into our space. There are so many things here that we can do. A big takeaway too is that even if it doesn’t end in the actual result that you’re wanting, maybe the VBAC isn’t the result. But even if that isn’t, if you are an active participant of your birth and you are truly going through this and it’s not just letting people make you get on the bed, make you get a cervical exam when your baby’s pretty much coming out and doing all of these things, you will feel more empowered about the decision and hopefully will be more included in the decision made in the end. Kaitlyn: Mhmm, yeah. And if that’s something you value, being in control and in charge of your body and decision-making in your birth process, then yeah. That’s possible however it goes. Meagan: It’s possible. Yes. Also just remember there’s no wrong way to birth, guys. You don’t have to show up last minute and have a baby. You don’t have to. You can go in and be induced and you can have an epidural and you can still have these beautiful experiences. Truly, you really can but yeah. I feel like there are some golden nuggets within this episode and I just want to thank you guys both again for being here, taking the time, and sharing this remarkable video. It really inspired the world obviously. Obviously, it’s inspired the world and we’re excited to share this episode with our followers. Kaitlyn: Thank you. Meagan: Thank you. Danielle: Yes, thank you so much for having us. This has been amazing. Closing Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com . Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link. 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