About this episode
Morgan’s story is full of so much joy! You will be smiling ear to ear when you finish listening to Morgan tell her VBAC story alongside her VBAC Link Doula, Jennie. She is a beautiful example of why The VBAC Link Podcast exists. We want these stories to inspire you to heal from past birth experiences so that you can view your future births with all the light and love you deserve. Morgan worked so hard to heal from her first birth and prepared for her second in every way. She created a team where she could feel 100% safe in her vulnerability. She knew that she could fully trust them through any wild twists and turns of birth. And they definitely happened! But even with the extreme intensity, Morgan walked away from her VBAC with absolute gratitude and joy. Additional Links Morgan’s Website Jennie’s Website How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents The VBAC Link Facebook Community Full Transcript under Episode Details Meagan: Hello, women of strength. We have an amazing episode for you today but first I want to talk to you just a little bit about postpartum depression. Studies show that 1 in 7 new mamas will develop postpartum depression. It’s scary and a topic that doesn’t really get discussed a lot. So before we jump into today’s episode, I wanted to share a little bit about our podcast sponsor and partner, Happiest Baby. As you guys know from listening to The VBAC Link, this podcast means so much to me. I love every single one of you. I know that’s hard to believe because I don’t personally know every single one of you, but it is true. I love this community so much and it means so much to me that Dr. Harvey Karp and his company Happiest Baby are such big supporters of VBAC and are supporting our mission. One of their biggest products that people may know or have heard of is called the Snoo. The Snoo is an amazing baby bed that can truly help many mams out there during their postpartum journey, especially if you were like me and have a husband or partner that has to go right back to work and is left with these amazing, cute, snuggly babies but also exhausted. Whether you had a C-section or a vaginal birth, for those few days and let’s be honest, probably months, you’re just exhausted. I was in pure survival mode. So many people refer to the Snoo as “the mama helper” who's there to help soothe your baby so you can just get a few more hours of sleep. They even have a rental program which I think is pretty awesome so you don’t actually have to buy the bassinet. As I started to learn more about Dr. Karp and his mission, I just loved learning that he is so passionate about reducing postpartum depression in parents. They even got FDA approval which I believe is the only bassinet or baby bed that has been FDA-approved. It’s also been known for reducing SIDS in babies as well. I asked our community for their reviews of Snoo and I was overwhelmed by the positive responses. I just wanted to say thank you to Dr. Karp for creating the Snoo and helping millions of mamas sleep for just a few more hours at night so we can continue bonding with our babies and having a better postpartum experience. Thank you, Happiest Baby. Hello, hello, and happy Wednesday. This is Meagan, your host, at The VBAC Link Podcast and we have a cohost today. We have Jennie so welcome, Jennie. Jennie: Thank you, hi. Meagan: Yes. She is one of our VBAC doulas and we actually have a fun episode that she is personally connected to because we have one of her doula clients which is always so fun. I think it’s really fun because when Julie and I would listen to stories, we didn’t have personal connections so we’re hearing it for the first time but it’s kind of fun to hear it from the storyteller as well as someone who experienced the birth. So again, thank you for being here with us today. Morgan from New York, so New Yorkers, listen up because this is a great VBAC story. She’s going to be here with us today. Review of the Week Meagan: But of course, we have a Review of the Week and our cute Jennie is going to read it for us. Jennie: Great. This is from laurateachesmusicstayathomemom and her subject is, “I did it.” She says, “I’ve been listening to you ladies for months and getting ready for my VBAC after two Cesareans. I had our baby yesterday with an unmedicated hospital birth. Still amazed and ecstatic. I said if this all works out, I’m going to share my VBAC story on the podcast. Hope to talk soon. Hearing the many stories assisted me in my positive outcome. Thank you for serving the world in this way.” Meagan: Oh, thank you so much and that was from Laura. That is such a great review. Thank you so much. I know that a lot of the listeners when we reach out on Instagram, we have a lot of people say, “I want more VBA2C, VBAC after two Cesarean, stories.” So Laura, if you are still listening, contact us. We would love to share your story because I know the world wants to hear it. Morgan’s Stories Meagan: Okay, cute Morgan. Welcome to the show. Morgan: Thank you so much. Meagan: Thank you so much for being here. I always love sharing these VBAC stories but I really do love it when the doula is with us. I’m going to turn the time over to you to share your VBAC story. Morgan: Awesome, thank you so much. Yeah. I’m really excited that Jennie will be with us as well. Of course, we have to start with the reason why I needed a VBAC. You can’t have a VBAC without the C. Meagan: How it all happened, right? Morgan: My daughter, Audrey, is four and she was an unplanned, unwanted, unneeded Cesarean after induction in 48 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing, and she was just still floating. I didn’t know all of the things that I know now. I didn’t have a doula. I thought I couldn’t afford one. I didn’t do all of the things. That birth was very traumatic and postpartum was really hard. I swore I would never have another baby because I thought it would be the same thing again. About a year later, I also became a doula and saw other people having subsequent births that weren’t traumatic, especially after the first one that was. I was like, “Oh, okay. It doesn’t have to be the same.” So I got pregnant again and unfortunately miscarried but then three months later, we got pregnant with my son, Will, who is one now. He is about 14 months. Even before I got pregnant, I had known Jennie and we had met through the Cesarean group that she runs, the Cesarean/VBAC group that she runs locally and I knew that I needed her as my doula. I made sure that she was going to be free that month when I was planning on getting pregnant and planning on having a baby. I did all of the prep work– having Jennie, chiropractic, acupuncture, craniosacral, pelvic floor PT, Spinning Babies Daily Essentials, therapy for me, and switching to midwifery care. My midwife even said to me, “Do you think you’re doing too much?” I said, “No. I think for my type of personality I need to do it all because then I know if I need another Cesarean, it wasn’t because of me.” Meagan: It wasn’t anything you didn’t do. Yeah. It leaves out the what if. That’s totally my personality too. I’m like, “I know it might sound extreme that I’m doing all of these crazy things.” And when I say crazy, it’s air-quote crazy but to people, it sounds really excessive. I needed to know that if it ended in a Cesarean, there was nothing that I didn’t do. It would have helped me be more content with the outcome I think. I totally get it. Morgan: Jennie says all of the time, “As soon as you accept that a Cesarean may be the way that it happens the second time, especially after a primary Cesarean is when you can really heal and achieve that VBAC.” I had been having prodromal labor for probably two weeks and every night before bed, I texted Jennie, “Don’t go to bed. It’s going to be tonight.” In the morning, I’d text her, “Sorry.” Jennie: It was fine. It was fine. I wanted to touch on one thing about the prep work with you, Morgan, because you did so much work in the four years that you came to the group. Morgan, the first time that she came in was like, “I’m never having another baby. I’m never doing that again.” You did so much emotional work over the course of years to get yourself to a point where not only were you prepared physically, but you were really prepared emotionally and that was so awesome to see. Meagan: Oh, yeah. I bet. Morgan: Thank you. Yeah, it was a lot. So then comes December 8th and I woke up with a bloody nose which I never ever get bloody noses. I texted Jennie and I said, “I have a bloody nose and the last time and one of the only times in my life that I’ve had one is the day I went into labor with Audrey.” Meagan: Really? Morgan: Yeah. Could this be a sign of labor? We’re like, “Yeah, maybe. Whatever.” Jennie: I’m like, “Get off Google.” Meagan: Yeah, right? Morgan: I asked Jennie to Google everything for me because I didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole. Meagan: That’s actually really healthy. That’s really healthy. Jennie: Yeah. I’m always happy to do it. Morgan: Yes. She always sent me evidence-based things and peer-reviewed so I wasn’t like, “Oh, I got a bloody nose. Now I have cancer.” You know? Meagan: Uh-huh. Yeah. Morgan: So just tried to keep myself busy. I took my daughter to the store with me to pick up a prescription and then she asked if we could go to my parents for lunch. I remember standing at my parents’ house and my dad was like, “Sit down. Have a cup of coffee.” I said, “No. I feel like the baby’s in a really good position. I just want to stand and let gravity do its thing,” because I feel like the prodromal labor was because he was in a funky position. I finally sat down and had a cup of coffee. Maybe five minutes later, I felt a little pop and a little tear, and then a big movie theater, a movie scene gush of water. I just said, “My water just broke.” My mom, my dad, and my daughter were all sitting there. My dad hopped up and he was like, “I’ll get you a towel.” He came back with a washcloth. I said, “Dad, you have five children. Do you not remember that there might be a lot of water?” Meagan: This is birth, not a spilled glass of water. Morgan: Yeah. It was a lot. I was borderline poly so I had a lot of fluid. Polyhydramnios. So at first, my parents are like, “Well, you’ve got to go. You’ve got to go.” I’m like, “No, no, no. The next 24-48 hours. I need to just relax, go home, and take a nap.” So that’s what I did. My husband, Billy, met me at the door. We finished packing Audrey’s bag. My parents live five minutes away. He brought her bag. She was going to be staying there while we were at the hospital. I laid down to take a nap after texting Jennie saying, “My water broke. I”m going to try to nap,” but I was really anxious and really excited. Meagan: Super normal. Morgan: Yeah. But I remember with my daughter, this took a long time. Early labor was at least 12 hours and then I went straight to the hospital and had an induction. I was like, “I just want to be calm. I need to be in my bed. I need to just zen out,” and I couldn’t. I had been taking baths and doing some prep work in that way so I’m like, “I’m going to take a bath and do my thing and try to calm down.” Contractions did start in the bathtub, but they weren’t painful. But at the peak of them, I was having little mini panic attacks. I don’t know if it was because I was by myself at home or just excited or what, but I called my husband and said, “Make sure our daughter is good, but I need you to come back home.” I also texted Jennie because as soon as I got out of the bathtub, things got pretty intense. I just texted her, “Okay, come,” because I knew she lived 30 minutes door to door from me. I knew things were really happening and I really needed at least emotional support at that point. Jennie: Yeah. We’re in Rochester so it’s snowing of course. Morgan never texts one-word texts. That is not in her nature so when she was just like, “Okay, come,” I was like, “Oh, boy. Drop everything.” Meagan: Coming! Jennie: Yep, time to go. Morgan: And of course, snow makes it a little bit longer, and traffic and whatever, so by the time my husband got home about five minutes later, I was moaning through contractions on the toilet and needing to stand and hold onto his shoulders during the contractions and then just sit and release during the breaks. By the time Jennie arrived, I was getting new pants on to head to the hospital. I think the first thing I said was, “I need to push. I need to go and I need to push.” Meagan: Ah! Jennie: Yep. Morgan: But I said, “I need to go to the bathroom one more time. There’s just so much fluid and it’s so intense. The toilet’s so comfortable.” I could not get off that toilet. With every contraction, I was pushing and moaning. Every break, I was like, “Why is no one going? Why are you not making me go?” Jennie finally said, “It’s going to continue to be intense. If you want to deliver at the hospital, we need to go right now.” I was like, “Okay.” I got into gear. I walked to the car. I contracted twice on the way to the car and then got in and I was like, “Can I kneel? Can I kneel on the seat?” Again, I’m a rule follower. I don’t drive without my seatbelt on, but I could not sit because his head was right there. Meagan: Oh my gosh. Morgan: I give my husband so much credit. I feel like he’s been working his whole life to be the driver that he was that day. He was like someone on Mario Kart. Meagan: I love that. Mario Kart. Morgan: I never got, “Are we there yet? What are you doing?” or whatever. We were at home and then we were at the hospital. I think I had about six contractions on the way to the hospital. Jennie probably could tell better because you said you could see. Jennie: I was behind them and I kept seeing her head come up and then her head would go down. I’m timing her head coming up and going down thinking, “Okay. She’s either starting or stopping.” I’m on the phone with my husband like, “I’m going to deliver a baby on the side of the road I’m pretty sure.” Meagan: Oh my gosh! Morgan: Yeah. I said to my husband, “Just pull into the valet even though they aren’t running it because of COVID. Just pull in there. I know you can just park there and that’s going to be the easiest way that we get up there.” Of course, the security guard is like, “No, no, no. You can’t park here.” We’re all yelling at her, “I’m pushing!” “She’s in labor!” “Baby coming!” Finally, my husband just parked the car. I got out and she offered me a wheelchair. I said, “Can I kneel?” She was like, “Oh no, no honey. You can’t kneel.” So I just took it from her and started pushing it like a walker and walked myself up to L&D. Jennie: It was my favorite thing. Meagan: Then I will sort of kneel leaning onto this and walking. Jennie: Yeah. She literally in one motion spun it around, gave this lady a look like, “Please move” and then started going. Morgan: Meanwhile, it’s the middle of the day at a strong hospital on a Wednesday at lunchtime. There were so many people to try to navigate around. Here I am moaning and pushing and obviously pregnant, obviously in labor and these two beautiful nurses came out of nowhere. I don’t think they were L&D nurses. They took the wheelchair and told me to kneel. One of them ran up and pushed the elevator button so that we could get up to the third floor quickly. Thank God I was in that deep of labor because my husband was like, “She’s not going to take the elevator. She’s way too afraid of taking the elevator. She’s going to make us walk. She’s going to deliver in the stairwell.” And I did. I took the elevator because I could not walk up three flights of stairs at that point. Meagan: No. Not with a baby coming. Morgan: Right? I kept saying to him, my eyes were closed, and I’m like, “Billy, are you still here? Billy, are you still here?” He’s like, “Yes, yes.” I said, “Is Jennie here?” He said, “She’s parking and she’ll be right up.” We skipped triage completely and we went straight to a room. Someone came in and offered to check on me and I said, “Are you from my practice? I don’t know anyone with that name.” At the same time, Jennie walked in and continued to advocate for me to have my personal midwifery check me. My midwife came in and she checked me and said I was fully dilated and +2. That was the moment. The moment we all dream about, it was happening. She’s like, “Morgan, keep going. Do what you’re doing.” So I was kneeling on the bed on all fours and I pushed for a short time that way, then she said, “Are you willing to move into a different position because I think if you go on your side, your pelvis shape might just shift enough that he’ll come right out.” So I was like, “Yeah, absolutely. I will do whatever you think is best.” I wanted to move during the pushing stage and try different things. So I pushed on my side for a short time and I definitely started feeling the ring of fire. But then the mood in the room shifted and the midwife called out. She said, “Shoulder. Call OB.” Everything happened very quickly. She had flipped me onto my back. My feet were by my head. A nurse was on top pushing. The midwife was telling me to push and then I just felt him come out and go right in my hands and on my chest. That was the best moment of my life by far. They asked my husband to cut the cord quickly since they did need to break my son’s shoulder to safely deliver him so they needed to get him over to the warmer to assess him. He wasn’t breathing well because he came so fast that his lungs weren’t squeezed and all of those things. He got suctioned. He was only there for a couple of minutes with the NICU team and then he was back with me for skin-to-skin for a couple minutes. But then the midwife was saying that they were noticing that I was having a little bit more bleeding than they’d like to see. They tried some shots of Pitocin, rectal miso, and a few other things but she had said that removing the placenta is going to help start the stopping of bleeding. She asked for my consent to manually remove it. She said, “It’s going to be really uncomfortable,” and since I didn’t have an IV yet, they wouldn’t be able to give me any pain medication. They tried to get an IV in nine different times during labor but every time– Meagan: You were probably having a contraction. Jennie: Yeah. You were like, “I don’t like that. I don’t like that.” It was so polite but very firm. “I don’t like that.” They would stop. They listened. Morgan: Yeah, I would have my arm out. I would be so ready for them and then a contraction would come and I’d just ruin the whole thing. But wherever they cleaned off or had a vein ready so I said, “If this is going to be that uncomfortable, I need my husband to take the baby because I’m probably going to scream in his ears.” My husband took him and did skin-to-skin with him while they figured out what was happening to me. They were able to manually remove my placenta, but my uterus kind of came with it and inverted. So when they were doing the fundal massage and trying to find the borders of the uterus, they couldn’t find them. They asked if they could go back in manually and kind of push it back into place which again, those two were the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life. By the way, I had just had a 10-pound, 12-ounce baby with no medication. The amount of pain was just really overwhelming. Meagan: That stuff is intense. Everything’s already tender and they’re going up and pushing things and scraping things. I mean, think about the fundal massage on the outside. It’s intense enough let alone it being on the inside. Morgan: Yeah, yeah. Jennie: I was impressed too with the provider because it was not the midwives at this point. It was the OB team and I don’t know if you remember this, Morgan, but you kept saying, “No OR. No OR,” because that was the big thing. We are not going to the OR for this birth even if it’s after the baby is out. That was a big sticking point. It was one of the residents, I believe, who was right by your head and she kept saying, “No OR. We’re not going to the OR. We’re going to do this here.” Morgan: Yeah. I really give credit to the URNC Midwifery group that I worked with because the midwife that was there that day delivered my son, I think she advocated a lot for that. Jennie: Yeah, for sure. Morgan: The OBs are comfortable in the OR, especially for a third-degree tear where they are stitching for 45 minutes and they’re afraid of blood loss and all of these things. They definitely probably would have been more comfortable in the OR but I didn’t want to be separated from my baby and I did not want to be in the OR. Anything that they could do safely in that room was fine with me. Finally, they were able to get an IV in and give me some pain meds. I also asked for some anxiety medication because I was very overwhelmed. Jennie: Understandably. Meagan: Yeah, a lot, and not even just those two things but a lot before. You just had a precipitous birth, a 10-pound baby, shoulder dystocia, all of these things. You’re hyper-stimulated at this point. Morgan: Yes, yes. I got Will back on skin-to-skin. They stitched for 45 minutes or so and it was just everything that I had hoped for. Jennie was right here. My husband was right here. My baby was right here. It was calm and I felt so positive about it. I was able to call my mom and I just said to her, “Well, he’s here.” She said, “What? You just left my house!” My water broke at 11:15 AM and he was born at 2:50 PM, so very, very, very fast. It was so positive. Looking back, I think that my Cesarean was very textbook, very typical, easy, whatever, but I had so much trauma associated with it and then if you look at my vaginal birth, it had a lot of complications but there’s no trauma associated with it because I felt so supported and so educated and informed. The midwifery group asked for my consent for everything even when it was an emergency. The birth and postpartum time was, I don’t even remember having the baby blues. I think I only cried because I was just so happy and so proud of myself and so grateful for the team that we had around us. It was incredible. Meagan: Oh my goodness. I love that you talked about the fact that you’re like, “I had this textbook C-section, but I associate it this way. Then I had this crazy thing with unknowns that you could definitely say were traumatic but you look at it differently.” It’s so interesting how we as individuals and human beings how in a position like that where you have an undesired, unplanned, unwanted as you described it, situation where you didn’t feel like you had a lot of real true say along the way, but then this one where you definitely had some things happen that were undesired and unplanned but you had a say along the way and it has impacted you so much in a positive way. It just goes to show how informed consent, education, and support around you make such a big impact, right? Morgan: Yeah, yeah. Meagan: I had some weird things with my VBAC and then I had textbook Cesareans that were not necessarily wanted, but I was alone with my first and had no one talking to me, and the same thing. I view that as not a pleasant experience and then even though I had some frustrations, I was still frustrated that things happened in certain ways with my VBAC, but I was still so happy and overall, I view it so differently. I would say if there are any providers out there or all of our doulas listening and Jennie, I’d love to know your two cents on this too, but I think it’s so important to remind your patients and to remind yourself that your patients are people. They are living this experience. They need that informed consent. They need that knowledge and that guidance. Even those moments of, “You’ve got this. We’re going to be okay,” or “Hey, I see this. Let’s try this.” Anything like that. Or, “I know this is going to be really intense but we’re going to be right here with you.” That can just make such a difference. I don’t know, Jennie, if you have anything that you would like to add. Jennie: At our support group, we say all the time that you can’t control your birth. We know this. You can do everything that you can to prepare, but one thing that Morgan has said often is that she totally trusted us. She picked us because she trusted us. She knew that whatever happened, we were going to have her back. I tell people all the time that a doula/client relationship, a provider/patient relationship is so intimate and vulnerable. There are so many of us out there that if I’m not the doula for you, if my provider isn’t the provider for you, that’s fine. Go find someone else who is. You need to be able to be completely trusting and vulnerable in the moment. Because Morgan did the work and found her team, she was able to take something that on paper might look traumatic and have it be so empowering and wonderful and the best day of her life. I’m so proud of you, Morgan, still even though it’s been a year. Morgan: Thank you. Jennie: The other really empowering thing that sticks out to me is that no one ever told you that they needed to take him away from you. He was on you during all of everything and the only time he was taken away from you aside from right at first to check everything was when you said, “Billy, can you please take him? I don’t feel comfortable.” I think for providers to hear how much that changed your experience knowing where he was, knowing he was on you or on his father, that was so important. As a doula and the photographer standing back and watching it happen and being a part of it, knowing that your baby was somewhere that you were comfortable with and where you could see him at all times was really, really cool. Meagan: Yeah. Morgan: Truly, truly the only reason that I felt comfortable and confident doing that was knowing that Jennie, you were right there by my side too because if Billy was over there with Will and I was by myself, I would have said, “Take him to the warmer or take him wherever. I’m not comfortable being in this emergency state with my support person not right by my side,” but because I had you and trusted you completely, I knew that I could have Billy go and take care of him and I would be okay. I’m so grateful because I definitely would like to be able to control my environment and with birth, you can’t control much. You try and you definitely have preferences advocated for, but being able to release that to the people that I trust the most in my life was really incredible. I’ve never felt so cared for and so confident about the care. Meagan: That is so beautiful. So beautiful. I’m so grateful for you sharing your story. Jennie, thank you so much for being here. We love when our VBAC doulas are on the podcast, especially with their clients. We really do because again, I know you guys maybe can’t see what I can see right now, but the joy on Jennie’s face as she’s listening to this, you can tell she is wholeheartedly proud and just so amazed by Morgan. She even said, “I’m still so proud of you even though it’s been a year.” You can really see it in her face. Morgan, you said that you are a doula now. You guys understand. As a doula, I’m just going to rave about doulas for a quick second. As a doula, it is an absolute honor to be invited into someone’s space. It’s a very intimate, beautiful space and to be invited into that space is absolutely an honor. And then to be able to witness this beautiful event, this beautiful birthday? It’s so incredible. So incredible. We hold on to them forever. I mean, I’ve been a doula for eight and a half years and I will never forget the first or the second of the third, right? It’s not that I remember every detail of every birth but there are things that stand out like grabbing a wheelchair and being like, “Yeah, move out of my way. I’m going upstairs,” or even just knowing that person so well as Jennie said. She has elaborate messages every time. She writes a lot so for her to say, “Yeah, come.” We get to know our clients so well and truly, I always tell people. You don’t have to be my best friend but I want you to know that I’m always going to be your friend and I’m always going to be there for you because really, it’s such an amazing experience to be with people and watch these incredible births just like yours, Morgan. Jennie: Absolutely. Closing Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com . Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands