About this episode
Gabe Deem is a strong voice when it comes to the issue of porn addiction, and his passion and drive helps offer encouragement, advice and support to both men and women during the recovery process. Today, Gabe shares his work and drive behind Reboot Nation, a free online community with over 11,000 members that helps addicts and their partners overcome problems related to porn use. He and Rob also talk about the ways that he educates himself to stay current on the subject, his own story of porn use and the dysfunction it led to, and interest in the neurochemical processes behind addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [1:32] Gabe became dependent on porn and developed porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) at the age of 23. [2:42] Early on in Gabe’s recovery, he wanted to go straight to the source and educate himself on porn addiction. He thought there was no better way than to go to those leading the discussions, hence why he attends conferences to get in the conversation in order to share awareness and help future generations. [3:46] When it’s articulated in a simple way, young men and women can see just how large an effect a stimulus like porn can have upon our sexuality. [5:07] Reboot Nation does have a separate section for women, and Gabe seeks to provide a safe space for women to meet their needs. [7:23] Gabe considers himself recovered, rather than an addict. [9:44] In his work, Gabe finds that most men that developed youthful sexual dysfunctions were exposed to porn at a very early age. He was looking at porn since age 8, and that was a crucial factor in his conditioned response to arousal. [12:09] What really started to change things for Gabe was when he dove into the neuroscience behind porn addiction and sexual conditioning. [14:12] Rob’s “cheesecake theory” explains that if you eat cheesecake everyday and come to expect it, your brain is going to wire itself to really not want broccoli, plain toast, or anything but cheesecake. [15:58] Gabe considers himself pro-education, not anti porn. He considers his message empowering, and gives people hope with the message that it is possible to regain their sexuality and steer themselves towards a healthy sex life. [22:41] Gabe and Rob seek to bring the two different populations of porn addicts and sex addicts together, and realize that although they require different treatment, one can help the other. [24:05] Although Gabe didn’t feel personal shame for watching porn, his chronic use through adolescence led to opportunity addiction, where he rewired his brain to a point that led to sexual dysfunction. [26:19] VR is going to bring a whole new experience into the world of porn and addiction. [26:38] Gabe shares his own personal story on his experience with porn dependency and dysfunction. [28:32] The porn induced ED test is an important gauge to gain clarity on where the dysfunction is rooted in. [30:48] Gabe encourages everyone to seek professional help if they think they need it, or if they are having trouble going through the Reboot. [34:13] Reboot Nation has a section for partners of porn addicts as well, and hopefully coming soon a section for professionals to learn more. RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Reboot Nation @GabeDeem @Reboot_Nation Addicted to Internet Porn with Noah Church AASECT Your Brain On Porn Sexual Compulsives Anonymous Paula Hall Reboot Nation YouTube QUOTES: “I think people are responding to the practical information that we didn’t have growing up.” “When you bring people together that have a common problem, they are really motivated to support each other.” “The knowledge of the potential of rewiring your reward circuit at a young age is something I think everyone should know of.” “I found out that my pursuit of internet porn actually ended up taking the one thing I thought it would give me - sexual pleasure.” “The common misconception is that a porn addict is a 40 year old virgin in their mother’s basement. I was completely the opposite.”