About this episode
Dr. Rob shares some insights on what goes on in the mind of a cheater. Men do not see cheating as big of a betrayal as women do because they have the ability to detach sex from the relationship, whereas a woman will see sex as deeply connected to the relationship and when that breaks, a whole foundation comes down which can take over a year to recover from. TAKEAWAYS: [2:15] What is considered cheating? Is porn cheating? How about webcamming? How about talking to your exes? [4:05] Cheating is the keeping of profound secrets in an intimate relationship. [5:40] Cheating doesn’t have to be sex, either. You can lie to your spouse about money and that is also considered to be cheating. [7:20] Men, for the most part, have the ability to detach sex from the relationship. [8:45] A man typically doesn’t know how to fully heal their infidelity without professional help. Men just don’t understand women. [11:35] It can take a year or more for a woman to overcome the betrayal and men want to repair the relationship way faster than that. [13:15] Partners are often last to know about their partner’s infidelity. [15:25] What goes on in the mind of a cheater? [19:40] Spouses get caught in a cycle of trying to discover the true infidelity of the cheater because cheaters will only reveal information in steps or based on what you have uncovered. [23:40] Are cheaters narcissists? [29:20] Cheaters cheat because it gives them some form of control. [31:15] Healthy people reach toward people for support and the addict reaches away. RESOURCES: The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency QUOTES: “I call cheating the keeping of profound secrets in an intimate relationship.” “If you love somebody, you’re deeply connected to them, you’re not looking for what they’re doing wrong, you’re looking for what they’re doing right.” “Secrets kill relationships. Secrets kill trust. Trust is the backbone of the relationship.” “I have been running away from home for years. When all we really want to do is go ‘home’.” “When you’re in an affair, it’s very controllable. Nobody’s going to hurt you or let you down.”