About this episode
Dr. Rob does a solo episode to discuss some common questions that arise in his practice. Things like, how someone becomes a sex addict in the first place, why shame plays an integrated role in addiction, and how to re-learn to ask for your basic needs in adulthood. Recovery is hard, but it’s possible. Dr. Rob hopes this episode opens your eyes and shows you that you’re not a bad person. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] How does someone become a sex addict? [2:45] Treatment is about three things: 1. Learning how to not do this. 2. Learning about addiction. 3. Learning about yourself. [4:15] Shame prevents you from asking what you truly need for yourself. [6:15] Addicts often grew up learning that no one was going to meet your basic needs, so why even bother asking? [10:45] Young children don’t understand what’s going on in an adult world and often blame themselves for any wrong doings. [14:15] What actually happens in a healthy family? [19:10] Addicts walk around adulthood feeling empty looking for people to meet their needs, only to be disappointed. [23:00] Your feelings naturally get pushed in the way, way back. This is why you act out! [24:20] Your emotions are just information indicators that there’s something wrong. [29:35] We learned a long time ago that our needs hurt other people. Of course, as an adult, this is not true! [30:15] So many people in recovery don’t even realize what it is they need emotionally. This is a learned process and it takes time to learn. RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency QUOTES: “We’re not bad people, we’re broken people.” “Many of us grew up knowing that it didn’t matter what we needed because nobody was going to meet those needs.” “Shame is the felt experience of being defective that is brought about by early emotional disorders.” “Your emotions are just information that [you might be having a bad day].”