An Anxiety Routine to Help You Get Through the Day | Ep. 383

If you need an anxiety routine to help you get through the day, you're in the right place. My name is Kimberley Quinlan. I am an anxiety specialist. I'm an OCD therapist . I specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy, and I'm here to help you create an anxiety routine that keeps you functioning, keeps your day effective, and improves the quality of your life. Because if you're someone who has anxiety, you know it can take those things away. Now, it's so important to understand that generalized anxiety disorder impacts 6.8 million American adults every single day. That's about 3.1% of the population. And if that is you, you're probably going to agree that anxiety can hijack your day. It can take away the things that you love to do, it can impact your ability to get things done. And so, one of the tools we use—I mean myself as a clinician—is what we call activity scheduling. This is where we create a routine or a schedule or a set of sequences that can help you get the most out of your day and make it so that anxiety doesn't take over. So if you're interested, let's go do that. Again, if you have anxiety, you know that anxiety has a way of messing up your day. You had a plan. You had goals. You had things you wanted to achieve. And then along comes anxiety, and it can sometimes decimate that plan. AN ANXIETY SCHEDULE And so the first thing I want you to be thinking about as we go through putting together this schedule is to plan for anxiety to show up. Those of you who show up in the morning and think, "How can I not have anxiety impact my day?" Those are the folks who usually have it impact them the most. So we want to start by reframing how we look at our lives instead of planning, like, "Oh gosh, I hope it's not here. I hope it doesn't come." Instead, we want to focus on planning for anxiety to show up because it will. And our goal is to have a great plan of attack when it does. MORNING ROUTINE FOR ANXIETY First of all, what we want to look at is our morning routine for anxiety . We want to have an anxiety routine specifically for the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the morning. There will be folks who have more anxiety in the evening. You can apply these skills to whatever is the most difficult for you. But for the morning routine, the first thing we need to do is the minute we wake up, we want to be prepared for negative thoughts. Thoughts like, "I can't handle this. I don't want to do this. The day will go bad." We want to be prepared for those and have a strategic plan of attack. COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING Now, what we want to do instead of going down the rabbit hole of negative thinking is use what we call cognitive restructuring or reframing. During the day, at a time where you've scheduled, I would encourage my patients to sit down and create a planned response for how we're going to respond to these thoughts. So if your brain says, "You can't handle the day," your response will be, "I'll take one step at a time." If your brain says, "Bad things are going to happen," you have already planned to say, "Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not tending to that right now." Let's say your brain is going to tell you that this is going to be so painful and, "What's the point? Don't do it," absolutely not. I'm going to show up however I can in my lifetime. I'm not going to let those thoughts dictate how I show up. I'm going to dictate how I show up. So we want to be prepared and have a plan of attack for that negative thinking. MINDFULNESS PRACTICE The second thing we want to do is have a solid mindfulness for anxiety practice . Again, you're going to start today, and you'll start to see the benefits of this over the weeks and months, but a mindfulness practice will be where you are able to have a healthier relationship with the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations, the urges, the images that come along with anxiety. A big piece of mindfulness is learning how to stay present. As you are brushing your teeth in the morning, you're noticing the taste of the toothpaste, the feeling of it on your gums, the smell of the fluoride, and the toothpaste that you have. A solid mindfulness practice will help you move through each part of the day's routine that we're creating in a way that reduces the judgment, reduces the suffering, reduces the self-punishment, reduces the reactions that you would typically have. Now, one of the most helpful mindfulness skills I use and I tell my patients to use—we actually have a whole episode on this. It's Episode 3. It's really early on, but it's talking about being aware of the five senses. Again, as you're brushing your teeth, what do you smell? What do you see? What do you taste? What do you hear? What does it feel like? And you're going through systematically these different senses so that you can be as present as you can. And this will help you with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or just general anxiety that you're feeling. If you're wanting to deep dive into mindfulness and have a mindful meditation practice, we have an entire vault of meditations that are guided by me that you can look into by going to CBTSchool.com, or I'll leave the link in the show notes. There is an entire vault specifically for people with anxiety of guided meditations to help you with different emotions, different sensations, different experiences, different struggles that you may be having. That's there for you. 4. GET SOME EXERCISE Now the next thing I want you to do in the morning is get some kind of movement activity going. Again, this doesn't have to be going for a run, but it could be a light walk, some stretching, some yoga. It could be going to the gym and lifting weights, but try to get your body moving. There is a lot of research to show that exercise can be as effective as medication. That's mind-blowing, and it's free. It's something you can do from home, and it's something that doesn't have huge side effects except for the fact that it's not as fun as we would like it to be. But create a routine. It doesn't have to be every day, either. You might put in your schedule that you just do it a couple of days a week, and that's a great start. But try to at least stretch, move your body, maybe move around the house, light dancing, whatever floats your boat, but get your body moving. 5. NOURISH YOUR BODY WITH FOOD The next morning routine activity that I really want to stress is to nourish your body with food. And I picked the word "nourish" very intentionally. I'm not just saying put breakfast in your mouth because I want you to be thinking of food as something that's fueling your body so that you can be at your best. Again, I believe strongly there is no right or wrong food or good or bad food, but I want you to think about, "How can I nourish my body? Do I need some water? Would it be nourishing to have too much coffee?" Again, coffee is not super helpful if you're someone with anxiety, and it's something you should limit as well. So, really be intentional about the food that you nourish in your body. 6. SET AN INTENTION FOR THE DAY And then the last piece of the morning routine for anxiety is to set an intention for a day of kindness. You are committing to kindness all day. If that doesn't feel good to you, flip it to "I am committing to no self-punishment, no self-judgment, no self-criticism." That can be a really effective goal. "Okay, if I'm going to do one thing today, I'm committing to no judging," because literally, there is no benefit to any of those things. Criticism, punishment, judgment, self-loathing, none of it. There's no benefit. It doesn't motivate you if you think that is true. It's actually been proven incorrect by science. These things are not the motivators. We want to work at reducing those. And there are tons of other episodes on the podcast talking about that. So, that's what we're going to focus on for the morning routine. STRUCTURING YOUR DAY FOR ANXIETY ROUTINE Now we're going to move on to structuring your day and creating an anxiety routine that is effective for you throughout the day. Now I want to first acknowledge that I don't know how much you have going on in the day. Some of you are working two jobs, some of you are a stay-at-home mom, some of you don't have a job at all, some of you are at school. Everybody's schedule is going to be different, but I want you all to be thinking about these ideas. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU DID NOT HAVE ANXIETY? The first one is plan and organize your day around what you would do if you didn't have anxiety. Sit down and really think about it. "If I didn't have anxiety today, what would I get done? How would I show up? What activities would I do?" And make sure you schedule those into your schedule because the main thing that you have to know about someone with anxiety is anxiety will interrupt your day and take you away from the things that you value. So please, please, please, think about this question: What would I do if I didn't have anxiety? And your job is to schedule and try and get as many of those things done as you could. We don't want anxiety to run the show here. PLAN YOUR DAY The next thing I want you to do is use a planner to activity schedule these things. There are apps to help track tasks and appointments. Do your best to plan and to have structure. People with anxiety and depression need structure. It helps us to be so overwhelmed and chaotic in our brain to have some structure. And believe me, some people will say, "No, it feels too controlled, and it takes away my creativity." No. In fact, people who have structure tend to report feeling more creative because their day isn't so overwhelming and they have a little bit of control over where they're doing, what they're doing, and where they're going. Now, if you struggle with this, we have an entire course for this as well. It's called The Optimum Time Management for Mental Health . I walk you through specifically how to manage time, specifically for those who have anxiety, depression, and OCD. I had to create this for myself. I had to read a whole ton of books and take courses. I found none of them really approached it from the perspective of those who had a mental health or a medical issue. And so I created that course specifically for those who struggle in that area. You again can go to CBTSchool.com to get information about that. SET REALISTIC GOALS Now, as you are structuring your day and planning your day, you have to be really intentional about setting realistic goals and prioritizing what's important. Sometimes when I look at the things I want to get done, there could be like 15, 20, 30 things to do. I know I'm not going to get all of those done, so I have to sit down and go, "Okay, which are the most urgent? Which are the things that must take priority?" and work at prioritizing those. Again, as you do those things, you're going to be using those mindfulness skills that we've already talked about. staying present. You're going to be using your willingness skills that we often talk about here on Your Anxiety Toolkit . Bringing compassion, radical acceptance, willingness to be uncomfortable—you're going to bring those with you throughout the day. Again, we are planning for anxiety to come with us every part of the day. SCHEDULE BREAKS IN YOUR DAY Now another important thing to do here is to schedule breaks. If you have anxiety, you know as much as anybody that anxiety is exhausting. Schedule breaks, but no breaks where you're scrolling on Instagram. That's not a true break. That doesn't actually give your brain a break. Go outside, sit in nature, listen to some music, read a book, do something that doesn't drain your battery, do something that increases your battery. It might be taking a walk or doing something active, but make sure you plan those breaks. SCHEDULE THERAPY HOMEWORK The next thing to do, and you have to do this every day, specifically if you have an anxiety disorder, is schedule your therapy homework. If you're not in therapy, still schedule time to be doing something that helps you to work on your mental health, even if it's correcting those thoughts that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. We want to make sure that with planning times to do exposure and response prevention, with planning time to do our mindfulness practice, with planning time to do our, again, cognitive restructuring, making sure that you've scheduled that helps you with your long-term recovery. Not just the recovery of today, not just getting through today, but when we schedule time to do our homework, it means that we push the needle forward in our recovery. EVENING ANXIETY ROUTINE Now we're going to move on to the evening anxiety routine. This is where we prioritize unwinding for the day. You've used all your energy, you've taken anxiety with you, you're exhausted. CELEBRATE YOUR WINS Number one, you have to celebrate. Celebrate what you did get done. Write down what you got done. Because so often, when we have anxiety, we go, "Oh, it's not a big deal. Everyone can do that. I shouldn't be celebrating." No, you've got to celebrate this stuff. You're working your butt off. And so we have to make sure that we're celebrating every win, even if it's just one teeny win for the day. WIND DOWN FOR SLEEP (SLEEP HYGIENE) The evening is where we must prioritize winding down for sleep. Sleep hygiene is maybe the most important part of your recovery in that it will set you up to do well tomorrow. If you're like me, not having a good night's sleep means your mental health hits the trash tomorrow. So we want to start the evening on how can we reduce the impact of being on technology. Do a digital detox if you can, at least an hour before bed. Do something relaxing. Do something pleasurable. Read, take a warm bath, take a walk, garden, talk to a friend, connect with them—anything you can do. Make a lovely meal, watch a funny TV show, whatever you can do to bring yourself down and rest and repair for the day so that you can be ready for bed and moving into the nighttime routine. CREATE A NIGHTTIME ROUTINE WITH A CONSISTENT WAKETIME You will need a nighttime routine. Have a time or an alarm. You could get an Apple Watch or set an alarm on your phone to prompt you to moving towards the bedroom routine where you brush your teeth or you wash your face or you light a candle or you brush your hair or you start reading, turn the sheets down. Whatever that is, set a timer so that you are prompted to go to bed on time. What we want to do with anxiety is have a very solid routine of waking up at the same time and falling asleep at the same time, as much as possible that you can achieve. That internal body clock of yours really benefits by having it be as balanced and as routine as we can. LIFESTYLE CONSIDERATIONS FOR YOUR ANXIETY ROUTINE Now, there are some lifestyle considerations you have to consider here if you have anxiety. Number one, you have to also make sure that you've had some time for connection. And some of you are like, "No problem. I've had connection during the day or my colleagues at work or my family or my partners or my friends." That's great. But if you're somebody who has anxiety and it's kept you home alone and it's kept you in avoidance, now that's going to be really important that you do some type of connection, have a support system, whether it be a support group that you attend or a therapist that you go to because that again is so important for your long-term recovery. MEDICATION AND THERAPY In terms of overall, we may want to incorporate some kind of medication or therapy into your day or into your week. You may need to set alarms to remind you to take your medication. That's okay, too. Please, please utilize as many alarms as you need to help this go as well as you can. Because again, I want to emphasize, anxiety can make all of this routine go out the window. Before you know it, you've spent four hours on TikTok, or you've gotten into bed and pulled the sheets up and hidden there, or it could be disrupting your day by having you go into avoidance behaviors. Absolutely, I understand that. Please be gentle with yourself. But if you're somebody who's really struggling, please do not hesitate to reach out to a cognitive behavioral therapist who treats anxiety. They will be able to help you set up more structure and create a plan specifically for you. FIND A STRATEGY THAT WORKS FOR YOU So, what do we need to remember here? Number one, your routine should have some strategy to it. You will have to sit down and plan for it. I spend about an hour a week planning my week. And while that might sometimes feel like a waste of time, having a plan, knowing what I need to do, making sure I've prioritized me makes me so much more effective, makes my anxiety management and my recovery so much better. So, sit down and make a plan. BE WILLING TO HAVE SOME HARD DAYS Remember, anxiety will come along the way. We actually want to invite it. Tell it, "Come on, anxiety, we're going to get groceries right now. Come on, anxiety, it's time to have a coffee. Come on, anxiety, let's go and do the hard thing or do my homework and my exposures." That is a positive thing. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF/ PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION The last thing I want to incorporate here is to be gentle with yourself. There will be days where this falls apart, and that's okay. Self-compassion for anxiety is so important. We're all learning here. So when it does fall apart, because it will, your job is to take a look and see what happened, what got in the way, how can I plan for that tomorrow so that that doesn't happen again. CONCLUSION So there you have it. There is the routine that I want you guys to consider. Some things will work for you, some will not. Just take what you need and leave the rest. But this is an anxiety routine that you can play around with, experiment with, and see what works for you. Before we end, let's do the "I did a hard thing" segment. I'm going to try my best to bring this back. This one is from Lindsay, and Lindsay said: "I've been going through a lapse, or what I like to call a flare-up, for the last month. There have been decent days, blah days, and downright crappy days." We can agree with you, Lindsay. "The hard thing I've done is to decide it's time for an ERP refresher, and I have started that this week. I will admit that I'm terrified to be venturing into ERP again. However, I refuse to let fear control me. To anyone who's going through a lapse or a flare-up, embrace where you are, love yourself, and fight for yourself because you are so worth it." And I agree with you, Lindsay. Again, if there's anything we can do to support you on your journey, go to CBTSchool.com. We have all kinds of courses there that can help you get back into the swing of things or get started. So go to CBTSchool.com, and thank you so much for being here with me today.